I can't read any blogspot blogs anymore. It is weird considering the first two days I could still read most of them. But it's been two days that I can't load any blogspot blogs anymore. However, I can still log on blogger and post!!! Talking about being frustrated. Also, I can't read any comments either.
The trip has been quiet. I mean, it is interesting to see how people's mind works when you are in a different environment. Here with the family, the goodiegoodie kinda strict family, all I see is the traditional family, the a good kind of Chinese middle class family should be. In this environment, I am very calm and I "gasp" read "gasp" during the day. I am on my second novel by Chuck right now.
The weather is so nice out today. Big fancy clouds are resting in the sky. I don't know. I think fat lazy clouds make people lazy too. It's been raining for the past three days so today is the first day that I see blue sky. I really want to have a jog in a park or a hike on the mountain nearby. But since my cousin is busy with her studying and I don't really know the direction well. I am gonna just keep myself busy at home I guess.
Yeap, as you can see, all I can talk about is the fat clouds and sky, it is how uneventful each day has been. It is just kinda nice, quiet, and calm here. I was talking about drinking and partying with my cousin and it is funny how distant those things seem to be right now in this kind of chill environment. So far so good. It is chill I like it, but if it never changes, I will go fucking nuts.
This is no shocker in China but it is just almost unbelievable for me. I personally do not think I have the capability of doing this but I guess once a person is locked up in this academic prison, he/she can do a lot more than what seems to be impossible.
I am talking about a local boarding school. The school is located in a somewhat remote area near the city. It is about 40 mins drive from my uncle's home. The school is literally built at a corner of the city since it is surrounded by a very big mountain from 3 directions. The one open direction faces a newly built road. We went there last night to pick up some review material for my cousin. The school, which was still under construction in the front gate looked like a black gaping hole that would devour everything and store its prey in its mountain belly. It looked almost like mythical creatures and the mountain eerily stood behind the school and watching over the little human beings passing by. The whole thing was just creepy and the place just felt chilling despite the fact that the air was warm and humid.
I got bit like 3 times by mosquitoes. The bugs here were skilled and persistent. They wouldn't back off or give up just because you strutted your arms like a chicken and hope that they would leave you alone. No. That is not going to happen. They would learn your strutting pattern and find a place that you apparently neglected and bite the shit out of you. Now they are itchy. I am scratching, hard. ARggggg...
Anyways, this is how the school works.
It is a high school. High school means a three years grueling journey toward college. In addition, high school also means National College Entrance Exam. There is a committee setup every year and the members of this committee are usually locked up for several months to design the problems in this exam. The exam covers 5 main subjects, literature, English, chemistry, physics, and combination. Combination is a mix of geography, history, political science, common chemistry and physics. Tests are spread over 3 days period and lasts about 2 hours each day.
Unlike the American system, your future here solely depends on the entrance exam. So, you have to know the questions, answer them fast, and you can't be nervous. Otherwise you can just kiss your future and your dignity goodbye.
Given the crazy condition, special measures have to be taken in the preparation of this exam. For this reason, local boarding schools come into existence. The students are literally locked up in the school 5-6 days a week and only be allowed to go home on weekends or just Sundays. 99% of the time school sends its students back to their homes using their school buses so that the students would not be able to go to any other places. For safety measures of course but also it helps to discipline weak parents who would tempt the students with delicious food or extra home time etc. School provides four bedroom suite, 3 meals, and a snack store on campus for its students. Even though it is co-ed, girls and boys are separated in their dorms. All students are required to wear uniform as long as they are on school premise.
Here is the schedule for the students at least for the Seniors since they are going to take the big test soon theirs is a little bit tougher than others:
6:30am wake up 7:00-7:30am morning exercise 7:30-8:00am breakfast 8:00-8:30am arrive classroom and study on their own 8:30-9:30am 1st period & 10 mins break (always 10 mins between each class) 9:30-10:30am 2nd period & break 10:30-11:30am 3rd period & break 11:30-1:00pm lunch and free time 1:00-2:00pm 4th period & break 2:00-3:00pm 5th period & break 3:00-4:00pm 6th period & break 4:00-5:00pm 7th period & break 5:00-6:30pm dinner and free time 6:30-7:00pm TV time, according to my cousin they watch political news. 7:00-8:00pm 8th period & break 8:00-9:00pm 9th period & break 9:00-10:30pm 10 period and study 10:30-11:30pm back to dorm 11:30pm lights out
You can petition for 12:00am lights out if you need to study more but you have to submit your petition beforehand.
This is how these people study and they have done second year college materials already. Because lots people's parents needed to work while they were young, their parents would fake their birth certificate dates in order to let them go to elementary school one or two years earlier. So a good % of these super kids are only 16 years old.
The school is literally out of no where, surrounded by mountains and the community has nothing but poor people who have no education or good jobs, is imprisoning these people according to their will. The prisoners are determined. Some of them are happy and driven to be here some of them are apparently forced to be here. Either way their emotions do not stand in the way. It is their revolution. Imprisoned, yes, brainwashed, maybe. But it is their choice. It is what it takes to be on top I guess.
It is overwhelming. I don't know if it is sad since I can't criticize it based on my environment. That won't be fair. But I am speechless nevertheless. I really do not know what to think.
It's been raining outside like crazy for a while already. The southern heat in China is pretty sneaky. The moist and heated air always consistently creeps into every room whenever there is an opportunity, a opened window or a loosely closed balcony door. Of course if we don't turn on the AC, the warm and humid air will just gradually materialize. It is disgusting. I don't mind the heat at all; I just hate the humidity.
It's good to see my uncle's family, especially my cousin. I think I haven't seen her for roughly 13 years. That is pretty long by any measure. She has become a young lady who doesn't resemble the little screamer that I used to know. She is young, energetic, beautiful and very smart. Apparently she's done sophomore university level of chemistry, physics, and math at age of 18. According to her, this is not so much of an accomplishment since her friends have done the same at age of 16.
I have battling the jet lag ever since I arrived. But everything has been worked out just fine. We've done some shopping and lots of talking. We've caught up and reconnected. It feels great.
There were many things that I wanted to talk about when I had those conversations with my uncle's family, my mom's friend etc. But I decided not to because a lot of them are very culture and political dependent subjects and I think it is rather dull to talk about and not to mention how long the post would be and now hard would it be for me to type it up and proof read. Yeah I am a lazy ass lol...
There is nothing too interesting so far. Mostly the family warm fuzzy things.
I already miss LA. I want to reconnect with my friends back there and also I want to keep networking with my new friends that I made this semester. These friends are really worthwhile to keep in touch since they are so smart and driven and they have unlimited potentials.
Yeap I guess I had another episode. I was on facebook and started to go through friend's profile and pictures, and then friend's friend's pictures and profiles then strangers... Online social network is a fascinating thing haha what can I say. I thought to myself, omg now people all parted their ways I really need to jump back right at the scene and stay afloat. Compared to this, my current trip rather useless. It is chilling but it is not something I want atm.
Man this post is not going anywhere. I guess it is the rain, or whatever, I just don't feel all that happy right now. Maybe I am tired. I gotta stop the rant
After 12 hours in the air. I am now in Incheon International Airport in Seoul. The trip wasn't nearly as horrible as I thought it’d be so far. See, I usually cannot fall asleep on an airplane. But today, I pretty much slept through the whole trip. I ate twice, no poop, and read 50 pages of Haunted and the rest was just dreamless sleep. There were two little kids who couldn't shut the fuck up. They cried through the trip. Screaming, kicking, and making a scene. The parents were utterly useless and incompetent. I am glad that I slept through the trip otherwise I would seriously lose my temper.
The book Haunted by Chuck Palachiun was entertaining. The part of how Gut-free, a guy who lost his large intestine to a swimming pool filter while he was masturbating underwater was utterly genius. I couldn't help but feel sorry for this fictional character. The entire process of how the meat whacking went incredibly well just like always, and all of sudden he realized that he couldn't swim up because his butt was stuck in the 400lb suction of the pool filter. He was about to drown. He was kicking and fighting. Eventually he kicked one leg up and started to swim upward. However he felt he was still pulled by the filter. He looked back and saw his large intestine swimming like a big sea snake and the corns, peanuts, and vitamin pills were still visible inside this moving organ. At the last second, he bent over and bit the intestine loose and survived the ordeal. However, he never gained a pound of weight since then. He was 13 when the whole fiasco went down.
At that moment, I was hooked on the book. I wanted to read more but I guess because of the late flight and the warm temperature inside, I just couldn't keep my eyes open.
It is cloudy and cold here in Seoul. Pretty much like LA early morning. But they kept the airport warm and cozy. Nothing too exciting really.
Now I am just sitting here, staring at the grey sky waiting for my next flight to southern China. It is about another 3 hours. Oh the dreary. At least, things start to gain some natural color outside. The morning grey that devours everything in its way is making its exit.
OMFG another kid who wouldn't stfu at the airport. I mean for god's sake I don't remember the parents were this incompetent before. They should just slap them cross the face and totally shock these little suckers and make them realize that it is not ok to be a little crying dwarves and behaving like an animal in public place. Ok I am just kidding about the slapping part but parents nowadays just seem to be so clueless about controlling their kids. They need to figure this shit out before they leave their house.
Then my plane will take off around 1:30am. I am going back to China for a month. For both pleasure and business. I hope I don't have to go to the business stuff with my mom all the way because that would make me constantly moving from cities to cities for about 10 days. But then I feel kinda guilty if I don't go along with her because that is kinda selfish. But I really want to spend some time at one place where my family is at. Oh well we will see what happens.
As for today... The weather was really shitty. The shitiness finally subsided when the sun set. Now it is the common evening grey enveloped LosAngeles. It is as depressing as it gets. I am getting nervous and a bit excited. Nervous because I don't like to fly that much anymore. I don't know exactly why but I just hate the idea that every time you fly you are taking a small chance of peace out. Excited because I am about to fly to a place that is far far away. Even though I have been back once already but still it is something different and there is a certain level of mystery to it and that is exciting.
I hang out with Dodo today again. We ate a shit load of food then got an hour long pedicure. It was really good. I liked it. We bid our farewell and now I am back home again preparing my departure.
I would love to blog all the time overseas but internet connection might become inaccessible at places. Maybe I should just sit there and do lots thinking. Maybe I will have a freaking epiphany or something. I highly doubt that will happen but it is a thought. We will see what happens. This time, there are plenty objectives and lots uncertainties. It might be a good trip. I definitely hope it will turn out to be good. But I don't know.
As you can see I am rambling again. That is because I am nervous and excited. Well... I am gonna go keep packing now and hopefully I can keep the blogging up. Unfortunately, I already know that there won't be any exciting events per se. Mostly it'd be boring family stuff and most likely depressing since lots family members have serious health problems as I mentioned a couple posts before. But again we will see what happens. There won't be any clubbing or drunken nights. I hope the blog itself, would be at least interesting.
Since I am leaving, and it is summer I did a little bit shopping. I mean who doesn't want to go shopping. I know, gays and shopping, who typical. Whatever, because I really don't think it has to do anything with being gay. I know plenty guys who loving shopping. Ok I should stop explaining now. I just sound gayer and gayer by the second.
Anyways, I didn't buy too much stuff since I am in financial crisis lately. I bought four items in Hollister at the mall for about 120 bucks. Now bad deal at all.
Hollister is a way superior brand compared to AnF now. AnF used to be good, well as good as it could be, like Hollister. Casual, all American, good graphic designs, less bold boring logos, and competitive price. The whole combination worked. Now AnF is just a very over priced and under-designed brand. It lost its appeal and edge per se. The business model is going after those of Gucci, Dior and Marc Jacobs. But guess what, AnF is not Gucci, Dior and Marc Jacobs. Their inventory system is very lagging and cost management is horrible.
Oh well, I digress.
So Hollister is whatever that AnF isn't doing and whatever Hollister is doing fits the business model, and most importantly their targeted consumer very well. Cheap, casual design and nice material.
I bought the following items:
I like American brands like this because despite I got a 6'1'' frame, I am still perfectly fitted in Medium sizes. Also, I really am glad now that I own those plaid shorts. I always wanted those shorts but once upon a time, I tried a pair on and it destroyed my confidence completely. I had to get sizes that are 34 and above and I could BARELY BARELY squeeze myself in a pair of 34 waist back then. Even when I squeezed myself in those sizes, I still looked very out of proportion. But now HARHARHAR, I still have some space when I am wearing a pair of 32 comfortably. I actually look skinny in them LOL~~~~~ Ok enough self indulging it is so disgusting I know. lol~~~~ Working out!!! YEAY.
Also I bought all white Ts because I have a lot of other colors. The only color that I really don't have is white. So white here it comes!!!!!
Update:
I just bought two albums on iTune. I was bored and I thought that it'd be nice to listen to some new cds on the airplane. I already got Snow Patrol and Modest Mouse for my trip to explore. Now I added these two albums.
Also, I bought a single, the BittersweetSymphony. I love that song, it is so bitter and sweet.
I wanted to name this thread something like FUCK THIS, SCREW YOU BITCH etc. That is like how I feel right now. But I figured that we can all be civil sometimes. Once in a while.
Our company's DSL line should have gone through on the 18th and we are still calling them today because the modem is not picking up any DSL signal. I called Yahoo SBC 4 times in two days now and each time I am "updated" with a different story and it just keeps getting worse.
First call, they told me that they haven't opened my line yet so there was no signal going through. Ok Fine. I thought to myself, I can deal with your stupid tardiness sometimes. I mean we are all late sometimes right. It is ok, we are all human, we can make mistakes, I am not a monster, I won't bite your head off if you just make this one tiny mistake.
Second call, they told me that they did more testing and realized that the external lines may be faulted in previous installation and they already dispatched technicians to check them out. Alrighty then, at least they are taking the initiatives. That is something I should applaud to right? See I am understanding.
Third call, they told me that the technician was scheduled in the afternoon, so I should be patient. In translation, just don't call us during the day since we don't know where our technicians are. I asked him if problems were going to be fixed today. He practically promised on the phone that it was going to be fine. The problem was that the new line was tangled with another cable so they needed to separate them physically. Okie then, at least he is nice I thought. See, patience is a virtue. I am doing just fine.
Then I called my mom right after the 3rd call, and my mom told me that the technician already came and left. I was like WTF. What happened to the schedule in the afternoon and shit. She said that the technician told us that the new line is also used by our alarm system so the DSL signal couldn't go through. We needed to talk to alarm company to switch the line to another phone line of ours.
So I made the fourth phone call to ATT Yahoo, and they said that the technician's feedback was simply no fault found in the external lines. WTF, he told us that we needed to call the alarm company!!! So I told the receptionist and she said that she could send a DSL internal line technician to help us out. The dispatching fee was $65 for the first half hour $20 extra each additional 30 mins. Possible 35 dollars extra charge if equipment is used.
ARE YOU FUCkING SHITTING ME. Yeah, they might just as well plant their crack on my face and squeeze their content within all over my mouth. They probably laugh at the mess they make too.
It ain't rape, but that is the first thing comes to my mind.
So now we are negotiating with the alarm company and they wanted to charge us $70 for line switch. Can we just get this shit over with already. I am fucking leaving on Tuesday god.... This is stressful. The weather today is horrible, reflecting my mood perfectly, it is cloudy, dark, and a bit chilling.
I promise you, this post is about animals. If you keep reading, you would think it is about philosophy but if you keep reading you will realize that you are wrong because my mind wanders around and if you continue the reading you would agree, it is about animals. Or maybe not, I don't know.
I will have to start it with a story about my sandals. Well, I bought a new pair of sandals! Rainbow brand. $45. They are kinda hard and at least for now they don't feel like they are worth 45 dollars. The girl at the counter swears that these are the best pair once I break in after a week or two. My friend also promises me that these would be the best pair of sandals I could get. We will see about that. This pair isn't horrible, it is just that the edge and sole are still kinda rigid. But the sole remains very dry. They don't make me sweat like my last pair did.
Well talking about my last pair of sandals... they've been with me for about 5 years. I could recall a lot of my past just by looking at them. I could recall the friends that I had, the friends I gave up on. I could still remember how the beach felt like years ago. I could still "gasp" conjure up the smell "gasp" of them. Don't tell me you never smell your own shoes.
As a matter of fact, I think despite the fact that human being has evolved so much, we still can't lose our animal traits. You know, like the casual sexual encounters, the competitiveness, and cruelty. What make us human, not just mere a breed of animals, is our sense of ethic and law. Our constant pursuit of justice which doesn't happen to other animals. I guess that is why people would use the word barbaric to describe something that is so inhumane.
Anyways, I am not writing this to discuss philosophy. Oh no. I don't think I am all that pretentious.
What I want to tell you is some of my observation and one gross story.
Let me start the story first. It is about my own sandals.
Once upon a time, I was a dedicated yogaer. Is yogaer a word? well I did yoga regularly for 3 months. I really liked it and it cured my lower back pain. Also I think yoga is kinda sexual. You know, people are in skimpy little shorts, sweating through them, guys' packages would be dangling inside those skimpy sweaty shorts. I bet half of the yoga guys were gay at Westwood near UCLA. There was one guy who had long dirty blond hair and an entire tree with red flowers tattooed on his back. It was very exotic, plus the glimmering sweat. hm....
Ok where was I going with this lol...
Well the smell. I think the smell was very raw. Especially when your previous yoga class finished their session. I would often walk in and have a head-on clash with the raw human wet sweaty smell. It is healthy in a sick way. It was great.
Also, I forgot to mention that I am a bit of a scandalmaniac. I think guys with sandals are hot and I think it is very exotic in a way. Well everyone wore sandals to their yoga work and bare feet in the yoga room. So the whole experience had always been some kind of exotic twilight zone kick to it. Exotic because of my special "taste" for sandals and feet. It is not "fetish" but it is the first thing that comes to mind. Twilight zone is because every time I did yoga, I felt like fainting. It was pretty fucking hard!....
Anyways, the special smell was like a drug to me. Even back then I thought to myself, human does retain a lot of raw animal like behaviors such as smelling things, getting aroused, attracted or disgusted by smelling. For example, straight guys find woman juice incredibly hot and enticing where when I am at it I think the smell and taste of cum are the best thing on earth but as soon as I get off I think they are gross. That is very animal like I think. I talked about this with a friend who lives in NY and he exclaimed "OMG I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY WEIRD ONE."
Anyways, what I am trying to say, is hat there is no shame of smelling things! We are after all animals. Animals who happen to learn faster than other animals. So one day, after my yoga class I came out feeling like from outer space, walked to the shoe shelves and picked up my sandals. As soon as I put my feet in, I knew it wasn't mine. It was a pair that was exactly like mine, same brand, same color, and same kinda worn out. The difference was the foot print that permanently imprinted in the soles of the sandals. To confirm my suspicion, I picked them up and smelled the sandals. Yeap, it wasn't mine for sure! However, I didn't get grossed out or anything. I put them on and wore them for another 2 years and half. In the beginning it was weird. It was also kinda exotic. Because these pair of sandals which were so close to someone who apparently worn them all the time, now belonged to me. It was like some weird cosmo destiny that were meant to be. I felt as if I could have some affect on his life experiences or positive energy. Yeah, I know it sounds kinda crazy now but it was only natural to think about it like that back then.
I wonder how my original sandals finished its destiny. That dude probably didn't wear mine as long as I wore his. It is like two shellfish who accidentally switched shell and kept on moving with part of the other shellfish's identity. I hope I am not the only one thinking about this incident like this. Otherwise I would seek out psychiatrist... maybe lol~~
So lately, I realized that I wasn't the only one who fully utilized the ability of our nose. My friend DODO smells EVERYTHING. Especially when it comes to food. She would determine if they are still good to eat, if they are still fresh, if they may taste good. She would also smell her in door trash can to see if they need to go. Dishes, utensils, makeup... I mean she wouldn't smell them as if it is her obsession. Usually, it is just a quick sniff, but I think that is so like animal like. And I love it!
Anyways, I could derive some "deep" philosophic shit out of this but that would be utterly superficial and pretentious. But I say this much, I love animals, they are the best, people are tiring sometimes.
Here I present you my new obsession, Modest Mouse. This single is Dashboard! I fucking LOVE IT! The best way to enjoy this song is to drive your car on the highway at a least 85 mph speed and blast the song! yes it is quite good.
Hmm... I was reading "Choke" by Chuck Palaniuk. I don't know exactly what time I went to bed. See, I watched Shrek the Third, then came back home, read some blogs, and then I just decided to read like 200 pages. I was sleepy. I could feel it both physically and mentally. So after 200 pages, I really lost track of time. It had to be late I think. This morning... I woke up with a dream about tailgating with some USC friends and some random freshmen frat boys... It wasn't a nightmare or anything but I guess when the dream carried on for a while, your brain became more active and the sleep wasn't as deep. So even my phone was a silence, the vibration was enough to wake me regardless.
It was L. She just came back from San Francisco. She said she wanted to hang out. Well I would love to but it was 10am and I didn't know exactly why I woke up. So I told her I couldn't and I needed to climb back into my bed. But then, despite the fact that I really want to have a fulfilling sleep, I couldn't fall back to my dream lala land.
Logging on the wonderful world of internet and this time my randomness directed me to facebook.
L just posted 5 pictures of the night that we went to BLVD 3 club for graduation. Nice pictures because everyone looked so drunk...
Now my first instinct was to share. But then I felt reluctant because... well not that many bloggers out there are sharing their pictures for some reason. I guess anonymity of the blogsphere is still one of the main characteristics that bloggers commonly want to preserve. I mean I started this blog thinking that I could write everything without worrying about that my friends finding out that I am gay. Now most of my friends kinda know already so it wouldn't be a big deal. So what is left here for me to be reluctant? I don't know but my instinct is telling me not to. I mean we all have heard the horror stories that some blogger rant about his/her boss then later was discovered by the boss who subsequently fired his/her ass. I mean who knows...
But really though, what is the risk, and why don't most of the blogs that I read do not post pictures? The ones that do are only a handful. Let me see... Jules, Jeff Bruised, Cooper, Chris Boy Brief, SSD, Dash (but personally I wouldn't be able to recognize you from those pictures), West Village Kid, hmmm who else, well you get the idea.
I went lazy a bit and only updated a lame video but then I felt like I had more to say, so I am gonna just say things in different categories.
Update 1: Retards.
This is just sad. I mean, the Christian Fundamentalists should kill these people secretly since they make the evil empire look dumb. I like the second guy who couldn't put an entire sentence together. I am sure Falwell is so pissed that he is rolling in his grave now.
How do people become so blind? how could they allow themselves to be so brainwashed. Man DO I APPRECIATE university education. At least I could do some critical thinking on my own.
These people are so stupid that I think it is funny. I am also relieved. With people like this in our path, this war would end soon. Equality for all is not that far away now.
Update 2 Long conversation
Well the long conversation happened because everyone was depressed and tired. I know, it was strange. Well this morning I was awaken by my dad's endless rant about how the new modem for our company's internet has arrived that I should go there and set it up immediately. It was 9:30am and I worked on the stupid windows vista problem till 3 the night before. So after a brief screaming contest, he left and I woke up. Grumpy but wide awake for sure. So I contacted dell support and the problem wasn't resolved. I had to leave around 11:30am to catch a lunch with a formal Disney coworker. It was a great lunch. Saw some old Disney people and made chit chat. My friend and I apparently aggressively tried to recruit her away from Disney hahaha... Then I went to Hookah and at the same time worked on the windows vista issue with my friend. I called dell support and entered another long conversation which started out with one dissatisfied customer and ended with a screaming enraged customer who threw profanity left and right. Yes I was an asshole, and trust me they deserved it, too. Ok I guess Dell multi billion loss/effort on customer service just went to the toilet and yes their CEO was useless and that strategy SUCKED. So then after all this, I rushed back home to see Spiderman 3 with another friend. Rushed was a bit exaggerated since I-5 had three accidents and it wasn't moving. A trip that would normally take me 30 mins took me about 2.5 hours to complete. I finally arrived at the theater at 6:30pm.
Spiderman 3 was ok. I felt that many scenes were trying a bit too hard. I mean it has never been good if the audiences laugh at scenes that are supposed to be serious and sad. However, I guess that was just for some people. My friend cried at the same scene where others were laughing. God girls... Sorry for the slight bit of sexism but oh girls...
Then I went home tired... But I was determined to fix the windows vista problem. After a system restore it actually worked... Then I was happy. But then I realized that I lost my windows vista backup CDKEY. I must have left that cd envelope at the Hookah place. FUCK ME...
The day has just been really long till now. Then I went into my parents room saw my dad talking on the phone. That was when it got heavy. One of my aunt was hospitalized for heart attack. She was released later but she told us that her heart rate was like 20beats/min at one point. Jesus FUCK MAN, that is pretty insane. More bad new continued. The husband of my second aunt had prostate cancer and it had spread all over his body and penetrated his bone marrow. So basically he is a big cancer organ now. They don't think that he can survive much longer and he decided to go back to his hometown and bid farewell to his older family members. Tragic... Then my youngest aunt collapsed at home from exhaustion. See, my grandma had a stroke a couple years ago and half of her body paralyzed since then. My youngest aunt is one of those very traditional Chinese who would be so caring for her parents that she would put their healthy before hers at any given time.
The entire tragic fiasco came out of no where and just hit me like that. I wasn't so shocked by the diseases that they caught per se. I mean seriously everyone including the victims expected these outcomes somewhat either consciously or subconsciously. I mean the years of bad habits and life style, on top of that, how they struggled and prioritized materialistic problems in their lives finally caught up with their health. I remember when I visited home two years ago, I could already see that some of them were already half way through the death's door. It was simply a given.
What hit me hard was that, my generation has finally reached this point where my older generation starts to peace out. It is a long, painful, and inevitable process. So my mom was tearing up. More so for their fate and how helpless that each generation feels when the older ones are dying in front of their eyes. Then she didn't think she was a good daughter etc. I said lots stuff and many points were scattered around. To make long story short, I made a list of stuff I said to both of my parents:
Live your own life. If you have to focus, focus on the later generation because you can only do so much for the old. I said this because my mom didn't think she was a good daughter. Well I want to tell her that she can only do so much before the old people just get so old that it is really in god's hand at certain point. (I use the term god loosely, mainly to the extent of fate, in a spiritual way) There is no point on dwelling what you haven't done because there will be a million things that you always think that you could have done but didn't. We cant live in regrets. Just do the best we can at this time within our ability. I mean seriously, we can only do so much when there is a giant ocean separating the families.
Please take care of your own bodies because if any of you dies it'd be a very hard thing to deal with for all of us. An ordeal and no less, a good 5-8 years at least. See my parents are pretty progressive and I always say that we should think things through beforehand. Including death. My mom has been having some problem with her liver and my dad has been struggling with high blood pressure. Also my grandpa died from colon cancer and my dad is approaching my grandpa's age when he died. It was all very scary to think about and quite depressing to talk about at the same time. But I think it was important to talk about it. Once I touched the subject and leaving it in the open, my parent would tend to have more courage to think about it and actually do something about it. I told my dad if mom dies he would just collapse physically and mentally. I told him that despite that he might be denying this but the truth was that he has no mental or physical capacity or capability to handle any kind of pressure nowadays. He has just never been good at it anymore once he got older. He didn't even deny it. It was good to talk about actually. For the first time, I didn't see my dad being ignorant. He wasn't in denial in some of the important issues and that was very important.
They should be happy about what they have and stop stressing over their business. After all health and happiness are really the things they would relish not just on deathbed but throughout their lives. They agreed and they thought that I shouldn't get into a field where it would become too competitive. I compared their lives with my dad's sibling's lives. I mean the three aunt's lives I mentioned above. After the comparison it wasn't that hard to see that we still had a lot even though we might be stressed out sometimes here and there. I think once we had this talk, they really felt a bit relieved and for that I am relieved as well.
Those were the main points that I thought it was the key. We also mentioned about career things but those were just kind of old talks that we have been having since the beginning of time.
The conversation seriously lasted about 3 hours and I was really glad we did it. My dad and I aren't what you would call "buddies". So this is really once on a blue moon kinda event. It was actually really really good. A bit surprising and I think most importantly we touched some great issues that hopefully raised more concern regarding THEIR well-beings. They need to stop worrying about me now. They told me that all they want for me is that I have a good education, a stable job, a decent living and most importantly, doing all these to achieve the ultimate goal, to just be happy. That is all they want. I sincerely believe what they say even though they may give me lots unwanted pressure. However, I really wish that they could still say the same thing when one day I tell them that I am gay.
Update 3 Trip.
Another reason that we are all kinda stressed out lately is because my mom and I are going to China for both business and pleasure for a month. We are leaving next Tuesday. Yes, that is exactly why I have been a bitch screaming at Dell people since I would never imagine a crappy computer made from a crappy manufacturer can't even last long enough for a business trip.
This is my first month of having this new Dell Laptop and it already started to give me software problems. Within the first week, the DVD rom driver corrupted. Well, Dell provided pretty good customer services, so within an hour, the problem was fixed.
Now, out of no where, my Adobe Photoshop went bananas. It won't start and says that my personal information went missing and it can't start the program. So I decided to uninstall the entire problem and reinstall. Hmm. sweet jesus Windows Vista showed me what is the definition of frustration. After I opened the new fancy looking control panel, and spent two minutes finding the right icon to click, I suddenly realized that the "Uninstall" window seemed to be corrupted as well. Now I have used this feature before and it definitely worked back then. For some reason, the uninstall option just won't pop up. Not just for Photoshop, but also for any other program. So now I can't uninstall anything!!! This is so frustrating.
So I went online looking for Dell support. Well they are sleeping now too. I thought they outsourced the god damn customer services already, what is this sleeping thing. They aren't allowed to sleep! So I went to Microsoft's website. You would think that with 40 some BILLIONs in CASH, they would be able to support a full line of 247 customer service. OH NO!!! They don't even provide online chat for Windows Vista Home Basic users. GREAT JOB, Microsoft!! ALSO, they have "operation hours". When are the American corporations allowed to sleep? This is an outrage!!
If I were using an apple, even though it is like disabled without that one giant button instead of two, I would still have none of this stupid non-sense problem. WHAT IS THIS!!!!
It is not a cheesy porn that involves a doctor. My ass got probed. Yes... I am a very suspicious guy when it comes to little bumps and lumps on my body. My first instinct is always "OMFG I got cancer". For that reason I got my balls checked a long time ago too. I vividly remember that horrifying day. My inspector was a 40s old lady who skillfully wielded a ultra sound scanning device massaged my balls. I remember that she wasn't interested. As a matter of fact, she was very indifferent, as if I was not even a human being. All I can recall now is that I stared at the ceiling in the dark room with this uninterested old lady who had her hands on my balls, and the lube felt cold... Talk about embarrassing...
The nightmare returned today. At least this time it was an old man. He was very talkative. His perpetual smile made it easier. However, I wonder why he was smiling. Maybe he saw too many horrific anus, cancers and lumps that he permanently fixed a smile on his face so that everything becomes easier for him too.... I don't know. I told him that I felt a lump in my hole and I think I got cancer. He immediately said that I don't. But anyways, we proceeded the anal probe. It turned out to be nothing. However he said the lumps were enlarged blood vessels and I should stop drinking so that it wouldn't become out of control hemorrhoids. OMFG!!!!! I didn't know what to say, I just sat there with my jaw on the floor and stared at him like dumb duck. He gave me some cream said that I should take care of my body when I am young.
That is just great, I felt so dirty... Of course I thought it'd be the best if I don't ask how that would affect my ability to embrace a cock in my ass. I just thought that would be kinda too weird as if it wasn't embarrassing and weird enough.
I just realized that this is my 100th post. Unlike a lot of bloggers, I guess I will celebrate it with my anal probe. God, when did I become an open book like this...
On a brighter note, my body fat dropped to 12%. My trainer said if I can keep this up for another month or two i should see my 6-packs soon. Well.... that beats enlarged vessels in my ass I guess T_T~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
His name is Jonathan Jesensky. He is what he describes as an aspiring model. I think that is an understatement. He has tons of published work and some run-way shows. Anyways, he is cute, handsome and clearly tons of fun. I like guys who can goof. I think I lack the goofing ability. I need to work on my goof. But he doesn't.
"this is my song for y'all ... gangsta style." lol sure with a gangsta 9-5 he is only cute haha. Oh well enjoy.
I went to MSTP Bound's blog and read his post about his favorite professor and how his professor made a profound impact on him. I was gonna casually leave a comment and it turned out to be quite long. Long enough to be my own update haha. So here you have it. I think it is important that teachers know exactly what they are doing and why they are doing it. And I thank the teachers who made important impact on me. For that I am better and stronger. For that I should be a person who does good things the right way, my way, the uncompromising way. For people who read my blogs before, I have written about this teacher of mine several times around, and MSTPBound's post just touched that special area in my heart and it really resonated. So here is my response.
This is really one of the best posts i have read in bunch blogs around for a while. It is sincere and I think it is very very important to let people know that the world's future is really on our generation's shoulder. Yes it sounds cheesy and stupid and so self obsessed. But if you really think about it, the world has never faced so many chaos before. The epidemic of AIDS, new forms of cancer, the possibility of human engineering, nuclear proliferation, global terrorists, and the most deadly one, the Global Warming issue that could peace all us out.
I am listing all this not because that I think we can fix them all in our generation. But I think our generation is the first generation to receive this kind of challenge. We cannot keep doing what our generation has been doing -- being apathetic about everything and anything. In order to make the change, I think it is the responsibility of the educators of our generation. I wrote about this professor that I had this semester. He was a Harvard graduate and also Phd. [In] The last class, the [professor] didn't teach. He told us three things that he wanted us to do when we walk out the classroom.
1. Life isn't fair; it could get really hard, but just HANG ON there, opportunity will manifest itself. remember to just HANG ON. He didn't want his students to be quitters. FYI, he was a high school dropout and black if that says anything about HANGING ON.
2. Do everything with excellency. For our own sake, do not waste resources and time. Do the best you can do at everything, even you do not succeed, at least you will not have regrets.
3. Remember to GIVE BACK. He said that he definitely could make much more than he could at USC. (I will give it a wild guess, I am thinking about quarter million a year salary wise, since it was our 1 million/professor campaign). He said that he really didn't think money was the solution. He was given an opportunity to change his entire life that he should do the same. He just wanted us to be good people, and when we conquer the world, remember the less fortunate and privileged and GIVE BACK. The society really needs that and it can only get better when the rich and [the] power[ful] have ethics and are willing to take the social responsibilities.
I can say that people who had ambition and had a good heart were all sincerely touched and ready to take actions. At graduation, we all toasted to the professor and we genuinely thank[ed] him for awaking the better part of us within.
Also, thanks for the comment, it was my first time reading your blog last night, and I spent lots time here. Rare to see Asian bloggers. I am also Asian, 6'1'', 170 lbs. Now I feel like i am on Craigslisthehe. Wrote this just very fast, and I don't want to go back and prove read it, so please excuse all the grammar and typos. :p
UPDATE: I just found this blog, Copyranter, it is absolutely hilarious! I love it, check it out.
My friend just sent me this video. He sounds just too good. Apparently this show was an impromptu thing; it wasn't rehearsed. Don't you kinda miss the old days when you needed talent to be a singer and you need talent and class to be on TV? I mean at least a little bit right.
We celebrated with my Aunt's family by having a big dinner together. The food was great and everyone was happy. My cousin is due in 4 weeks so she would be a mother soon too.
I didn't get my mom gifts till this morning haha. I called up my friend and went to the mall. I am always a fast shopper. I will just buy whatever catches my eyes. So we went to Northstrom and I bought her a Marc Jacob's gift bag. It was a big bottle of lotion, perfume, body butter and a small container of pure perfume. It was pretty good deal since the pure perfume and body butter were literally free. Then we went to buy roses. We picked out 4 dozen of roses. They were pink, white, yellow and red. We wrapped them into two vases for my mom and my friend's mom. It looked really good. I mean there is always a special connection between woman and flowers. Roses were a good deal actually but still in my humble opinion I think they are utterly useless and such waste of money. I paid 65 dollars for 28 of them. So a bit over two dollars each. Oh well whatever makes my mom happy.
Happy she was. She was so touched when she saw the roses. I was a bit confused because apparently the Marc Jacobs stuff supposed to be more of an attention getter. But then I remembered that she hasn't been updated with all these labels. I had to actually explain who Marc Jacob was. But overall she loved them all. Well especially the roses.
Ah my mom is really nice. I really appreciate everything she does for me and she has done a lot. I just wish that she could be cool with gays then everything would be perfect. But oh well she is perfect enough haha.
Well a while ago I said my current obsession is Damien Rice. Now I am going to post this awesome song/video off his new record "9". The song is called "9 crimes". Enjoy!!
After my haircut, I decided to go to the gym. Btw, the haircut was much needed. I looked like a shaggy dog.
So here is how my gym structured. It is the building on the border of Paseo Plaza area. It is located on the second floor and connected to the parking structure cross the street by a long bridge. I wish the bridge was made of marbles, that would be fancy. But too bad it is just regular stones. But it is still kinda refreshing to look at. The view to the east side is kinda good since you can see other taller buildings.
The weather was pretty nice today and I had my new haircut which made me feeling fresh, you like the freshness exuberate from a dog after it takes a shower. I felt like that. I felt like jump around a bit. But I didn't hehe. I was walking slowly from the parking lot to my gym. Took my sweet time to enjoy the sun and warmth. Then I noticed this guy who dressed up in a nice professional suit. He was moderate height, kinda skinny and his race was kinda of a blur. I thought he was white but then kinda Asian looking. I know these two races don't necessarily resemble the same features but I really got confused between these two on this guy. Anyways, what was also interesting was that he wore dark glasses. Not those clown size euro trash style ones. It was kinda weird but looked ok. He looked very serious facing the west side of the bridge and stood there for a couple seconds. I kept walking and thought to myself, wtf is this douchebag doing. Then he moved which kinda surprised me a little. For some reason I assumed he would be there looking like that for a while lol... I guess the lack of sleep made me think irrationally. The strange dude walked slowly to the stone fence of the bridge and picked up something. By the time he finished the sequence of actions I was about 4 feet away from him and I saw the thing that he picked up was a camera. He apparently noticed that I saw what he was doing. I could tell that he was trying to be cool and calm. I mean it was kinda embarrassing in a way that a person takes picture of himself in a suit with weird sunglasses and looking all rapgangsta while he was at it.
Well, I am an asshole I guess. I didn't spare him the time. Instead I broke the precious awkward silence and I didn't let it go so easily. I said, dude, you need help with that. I actually slowed down. Now his composure just crumbled. He started to laugh awkwardly and said, no no it is ok I am just.. taking pictures... of myself. I am like NO SHIT. Well I didn't say that but my smile would probably said everything. Then I just walked away to my gym.
Now I wonder wtf is he taking that picture for? Maybe for facebook? friendster, or myspace. I mean... that attire is not "cool". It might in certain circumstances but it just wasn't too thrilling when I saw it happen. Also the scenery wasn't kicking ass..... Pasadena is nice and all but that bridge is too small to capture the beauty of the city.
It is 7:00am. I got home around 5:00am, and an online friend from Missouri wanted to play some games so we went on battle.net and played a couple. Now I am not even sleepy, not even with my new magic pillow. You know those pillows with special shapes that is supposed to keep your spine straight and increase your sleeping quality etc. I swear it helps and I love it! Anyways, let's get back to what I was going to write about lol...
I am in a chatty mood right now, so the post may be a bit rambling and a bit of laundry list but whatever haha. I write as I wish.
So as usual, a bit drama before sunset even arrived. Kiki, the girl who once was a close friend later turned into an utter bitch and distanced herself from everyone in our group graduated today. Last year, she didn't even show up at our graduation and the whole night, she didn't say one "congratulations". Yes everyone in our old group was super pissed. But we had fun at the club so we let it go. However, after the little gang fell through, and now it was her turn, everyone decided to ditch her graduation as well. I know, how bitchy of everyone hahaha. Oh well she had it coming. But this time it was a bit different. Her parents were here and they wanted to treat us dinner and then she wanted to go clubbing. The thing is that she is out of my life completely and the other two friends of hers really do not like her but somehow still hang around. Every time they get mad at her which is about at least once a week they would ramble about shits that she had done to me. It became an old story on a broken record. Long story short, everyone started to argue why we should/shouldn't show up. At the end, I ditched the whole thing since she never directly asked me at all and I was so indifferent about her now that I may say something that is really offensive at the dinner table and that would be just inappropriate. The other two friends went anyway.
So..... I called my other friends and they sure had a party at a club tonight.
The club's name is BLVD 3. Kinda swanky. But I believe this place passed its prime. Clubs in LA are just like fleas on a homeless dog. They are everywhere and come and go. Same location, different names. Old games. At least in NY, some notorious clubs would stand a long time. But in LA they kinda have to change it to make it attractive enough to be successful.
Anyways, the club itself was very nice. There was a huge outside area in which a lot of bungalow like tables scattered around. Inside, there were bunch tables outside of the dance floor and some more tables inside the dance floor. The tables outside of the dance floors were a bit higher than the dance floor, so whoever got the table would be able to have a semi birds eye view of the whole club. It was a decent area but I think the birds eye view kinda ruined it in my opinion. There was no mystery anymore and you can literally see everyone doing his/her thing. It separates you from the environment and crowd. I mean who would want to be an outsider or an observer in a club.
But yeah so we got there around 11:40pm which was too late for guest list. Since we had 10 people in total we just bought a table. It was 2 bottles table for 1000 dollars. So we got two bottles of Grey Goose. Personally I think Vodka is just gross... But everyone else seemed to love it. Compared this to LA gay clubs, I think the entertainment value that these straight clubs bring out is really not worth it for how much money you pay. Gay clubs, even the famous ones like the Abbey doesn't have this fancy shumancy shits, and the club is just as good.
However, the highlight of the night wasn't the club. It was a GUY, a very pretty guy lol. My friend L organised this party and her ex-boyfriend had become her friend now. His brother Chris from Singapore came over for his graduation. He was SOO freaking HAWT. Big brown eyes, high nose and a huge smile. His body was ripped and had tattoo on his right arm. Apparently, he didn't waste that good looks of his. Two weeks ago he just won the "Singapore most eligible bachelor" title. From our conversation, it seemed that his family is pretty wealthy and he is now manufacturing wall-paint in Singapore. I was talking to him the whole night and kept touching his lower back. Ok it may sound very offensive and slutty but actually it was much needed. The music was blasting so in order to make any kind of verbal communication we had to be 1 inch from each other. So the lower back hug was just a natural physical progression lol. It was nice..... He also told me that on his spare time he does print-ad modeling and TV commercials for LG phones etc. Yum... I am sure he does hahaha. I just couldn't take my eyes off him.
We actually finished the two bottles fairly quickly. Yeah I know, my friends were kinda like alcoholics lol. We danced some. I mean none of these people were good dancers. Well not like I am awesome at it but I can always appreciate great dancers.
Since we got there so late, by the time the club closed, everyone wasn't having enough of fun. So we decided to go to one of the guy's home in downtown LA. He and his gf bought a loft in downtown right around 9th and broadway. It was not that big, a typical loft. Basically it was a huge room and everything was in this one big room. Bedroom and living room were separated by a semi wall and you can get to the kitchen from the bedroom by walking forward a couple feet hehe. However, it felt great to be there. It was like a little love nest and it was plenty room for two people. They told us that this loft, basically a big room, cost them 650k. Even though I expected it to be somewhere around that range, I still felt kinda surprised. The real estate had gone just insane in the past years in California and I think it got even harder for people to just fulfill the basic American dreams nowadays. I mean 650k for a normal family that is like almost life long mortgage. No wonder people are so unhappy nowadays haha. But again, the inside was so nice and it really brought out a modem and yet traditional family warmth in the loft.
After being silly in the room for a while, everyone went to the rooftop. The loft building had a rooftop for parties. So they got a gym, a big pool, a jacuzzi and a big open area with sofa and fireplaces on the freaking roof top!! It was so nice. The 4:00am air was really refreshing. Everyone sobered up and sat around the sofas and chatted the night away. The entire downtown LA was under us and we could pretty much see everything that this city center had to offer. It was beautiful. Well at least as beautiful as a modern heavily polluted city could be. One of the guys got really excited and jumped in the pool in his underwear lol. Hilarious. Especially he wasn't even all that fit, so he did live up to his nickname---the hippo lol~~~.
Everyone was laughing and drinking (yes, they were still fucking drinking, a bottle of red wine). It was great. We made another round of toast to the proud USC class 07. Yes, the class 07 of USC, the best class ever is now ready to conquer the world.
I don't know. Compared to others, I am not happy at all. I don't know what is there to celebrate. I mean literally you have to be retarded to not be able to graduate once you get in an university and I don't care which university. So finishing a degree or two is really not much of an accomplishment in my opinion. It is not like I served in the military and went to war and came back in one piece. That would be some accomplishment worth celebrating.
Instead, I am just socially reborn. The birth is so sudden just like my biological birth. But worse since now I am fully conscious and have the capacity to gasp on what is ahead of me. Talking about what is ahead of me. I have no fucking clue, maybe that is why it is so bloody painful. The unknowns like death. It is like I am born to see death. How great is that. I mean is that worth celebrating. It is probably worth getting plastered. Maybe that is what everyone else is doing but they call it celebrating? A celebration of new rebirth of death, that is just fucking pleasant. People say they are over school. Like, "omg I am soo fucking over this shit". I am just confused. WTF are you fucking over with?? School is like a perfect place to do challenge stuff and yet allow you to complete fuck up. Maybe minus the "not getting paid part", everything else is so awesomely great. Well getting paid is pretty important, so I guess they do have a point lol... But then it is almost like, at least for most of the people, it is a paid life sentence. You get paid this measly tiny portion of the money to pay your bills and your only joy comes from early days, vacations, bonuses, and retirement. Please tell me that life is not about this. However, from what I see, most of the people in the world do live for that. It is truly sad.
Anyways, this week is going to be the party week. I already missed a big party last night. I really wanted to go but at the same time I just felt kinda down because of the reasons I mentioned above. But also I was somehow feeling exhausted. Maybe my body is taking a big relief despite the fact that mentally I refuse to move on. Anyways, I got a headache around 7:00pm and then I got just really tired around 8:30pm. So after calling people confirming the party, I took a nap and woke up around 10:00pm. The nap did not make me feel any better and I woke up because I had a creepy nightmare. To think of it now, I finally realized maybe it is how I felt about the future because in the dream, there was this dark shadowy creature trying to open my door and enter my house and no matter how hard I tried, it eventually made its way in. Creepy.... Anyways, I am sure there are going to be at least two more parties over this weekend. I will try to go as many as possible.
Today I finally made to my gym again. Trainer wasn't happy that I worked out once a week in the past two weeks and I wasn't eating right. But then I am going to do much better from now on since I have nothing else to do. He TOTALLY kicked my ass. It was probably the hardest work out I had so far. We did one group of exercises. It was five different kinds of exercises compressed together and each set involved doing all of the 5 types together then I would get a pathetic 45 seconds break before I do them all over again. The five types of exercise were:
Inclined bench press with 30 lbs dumbbells (this is after another 3 exercises chest workout routine!!!)
deadlock pull ups with a barbell, I think it was 100lbs
medicine ball push ups - one hand on a medicine ball the other one on the floor, 5 on each hand
leg push ups on a machine
5. biceps curls on a machine.
These were second half of our workout routine. Before this I already had 30 mins of squad and chest workouts. Two different sets of chest workouts and each one involved more than 1 type exercise. Then we finished our entire workout with abs stuff. I was so tired I could barely move. After workout, he helped me stretch. My hamstrings were extremely tight so I started to moan. He then said jesus you sound like you are having sex. That was when he was pushing his body weigh on my foot. It was just like he was fucking me with one of my legs up in the air on his chest. I started to laugh but then my dirty mind started its engine. Then he went even further saying oh yeah you like that huh you feeling good? I was laughing so hard and at the same time felt so hot. Imagine he knew I was gay I am 100% sure that he wouldn't mess around like this with me anymore lol~~~. Once I got in the shower, I was in a very bad place. I wanted to throw up really bad but held in. I think I drank way too much water and way too fast. But after the shower I felt better immediately and it was also comforting once I looked in the mirror. I am definitely making progress!
Anyways, I think I need to find a job soon. Also I need to get a lot of shits done before I leave to China for my 1 month vacation. Ah..... So much shit!!
To finish this post, I added this great song/music video by Peter Bjorn and John, I am sure most of you have already heard this, it is called Young Folks. I love it!
Well, finally thanks to Dan The Man that I can post this video now hahaha. There is nothing between me and my sexy eye candy hunks!!! Not even the almighty youtube!
I particularly love this show because I like: 1. D&G's sex appeal, 2. Summer wear, and 3. the music choice. It is a remix of Madonna's song. I am not a big fan of Madonna "gasp" I know. But I am just not. However, I think this song after remix works perfectly for this summer wear show. Anyway, Chad White opened it, so yummy.... lol. enjoy. It is raining man!
This is my last hard finals out of the four I have this semester. The last final is a take-home final which means bunch people will "do" it together and turn them in lol... Talking about that, I need to call my friends and see who has the answers already.
Today's final was for Financial Derivatives. Basically it is the introduction course in the field but concentration course offered in USC for this major. We "learned" to value options, forward contracts, and variations of similar financial instruments in hope of hedge risks in making investment decisions. The final was... I guess it was kinda easy. There, I just jinxed myself lol... But with the help of a 2 sheets of official cheat sheets allowed for finals, I didn't leave anything blank. After the final was over, I compared my answers with my friend and it seems like I should be ok. At least I should be able to hit the curve. However, I did discover a problem that I think I got wrong. It was the stupid interest swaptions and I think I used the paying arm - the receiving arm so the value was positive whereas my friend's answer was negative. bah.... too late to think about this shit now.
I want to say that I regret that I didn't look at that part more but honestly all I can say is that I am so glad it is over.
The bitter sweetness is even more evident as the last days of my entire college years approaching. I want to cheer but I really want to cry at the same time. I am no longer a teen. Well that one was long gone lol.. Ok I am no longer a young adult. I am entering my adulthood that just sounds so god damn old. I don't want to be old and become a part of this stupid rat race. This is frightening.
Oh well, I think I need to relax a bit now. haha.
Update I forgot to mention that today it is almost 100 degrees in LA. It was barely 80 yesterday. So it is definitely a huge jump in temperature. I love it. I can already see myself at the beach hahahaha. But it is only May and it is already 100 I wonder if this year the temperature would break 115-120 mark. Global warming is coming!!!!!!! poor polar bears
Just busy with finals lately. Hmm.. actually I am busy wasting time then busy procrastinating lol... I have finished two finals so far. I think they went just ok.
In my strategy class, there were 130 multiple choices and we had 1 hour and 50 mins to do them. So that is like 36 seconds to complete each question. It was pretty intense. I remembered that I was pretty fast in the beginning and then toward the last 30 I just felt that I was brain dead. I couldn't register whatever that I was reading.
On Friday after one night of grueling study, grueling because I was procrastinating lol, I think I did alright on the final. Even though I guessed bunch of them but it seems like others were guessing too. Oh well we will see what happens.
Tomorrow I got another final. I haven't start studying yet lol talk about procrastinating. I wanted to do it yesterday, however, I had training in the afternoon. Man, working out has never been harder since I stopped working out for almost 2 weeks since final study hit my schedule. We did lots upper body practices and I wanted to puke in the shower. But then I felt really good afterward now I can't go back in again. So after that I went to get a pedicure which was my first time ever. I kinda liked it. I would really love it if they combine this with foot massage session. So I can just sit there talking and enjoy an hour of relaxation. But too bad it was just a pedicure. I did see an very very twinky boy walked in with his female friend. It was quite an eye candy for it. He was gay for sure... Didn't expect to see a boy like that at that kinda place haha. After that my friend and I went to eat then I played God of War II on her PlayStation 2 for like a long time. When I got home I developed this huge headache. That didn't stop me from linger around though. lol, I chatted with my mom for 1 hour about random things, such as how I hated my chin which is apparently the courtesy of my dad and how people change over time etc. It was a great conversation and we both laughed really hard. When I got back to my room I proceeded to play video games with friends online lol~~~~~ omg. Today I am so going to regret all those activities!!
Anyway, just a run down, nothing too much worth mentioning. Ah, I am going to study now. Hopefully I can really start my studying haha.
I really hope he is gay. He is so dreamy. God yum..... Here is the link to the Brady Quinn and His Allegedly Slutty GF Post. Thanks Justin for posting those pix and enticed me enough to read this hilarious post. In order to entice others, I am gonna post some pix!!
Wooooot!!
Awww. so cute
To enjoy the article you can simple click on those links which direct you to Kissing Suzy Kolber Blog. It is so good and freaking hilarious.
Source: Kissing Suzy Klber Blog, all images are taken off from that site. I do not own any rights to these images.
I talked to JP Mac briefly today about how sometimes people just disappear in your life.
I had this reader who was about 40 some years old reading my blog everyday. We then started to talk to each other on AIM. He originally lived in LA and eventually moved to Italy. He read my blog often and would then talk to me about it the second day. It was fun and I really enjoyed talking to him. He was older and wiser. It made blogging kinda fun. Then he said he would get really busy for a while and eventually disappeared. I mean really just gone with the freaking wind. He didn't read my blog anymore either since I could see him on sitemeters if he did.
Anyway that was a short story. I was just wondering this small random fact.
Then I was reading Procrastinating Wolverine and he wrote this entry about how his 25 years friendship couldn't last beyond college years. This got me thinking about my own drifting apart stories. I was going to simply tell him the story but then when I started typing a comment became a post so I am just gonna post it.
I came to America when I was 14, so high school was horrible. I was caught in a cultural and racial conflicts in the high school and my linguistic skill was very poor. I made one close friend even though it started extremely awkward. He then went to another high school and we didn't talk to each other for a year. Then we started talking again in community college and again started off extremely awkward and uncomfortable but eventually we found our common ground.
It was necessary for me because again the cultural and racial problem still persisted and my mediocre language skills didn't help me either. I had about 3 people that I could call friends who I hang out with back then. I needed someone to be there so I guess I tolerated a lot of his weird habits and manners. We grew very tight regardless. I eventually met his sister who literally grew up her teenager year with me and now we are like brother and sister.
However, even back then I always had a different agenda compared to him. He got complacent easily and had too much pride to try anything that might put him in awkward positions. I came from an awkward position so I didn't mind to be awkward in order to grow. So I tried hard to meet new people, improve my English, and ultimately I transferred to USC. He on the other hand stayed the same and really somehow just had me as his only close friend. USC was also a huge transition. My English was just good enough for the community college level and people went there were extremely diversified. It was a melting pot of people who came from different background, race, financial capability and age. USC, on the other hand was the just the opposite. It was dominated by White and Asian which together made up 85% of the USC population. Many people were extremely well off and they were all around the same age. Basically, USC and life together happened. I had to adjust and fight the social battle that I then faced. He on the other hand was one year younger than I was and stayed back in PCC.
He always wanted to go to USC all his life and often praised USC as his only dream school outside of Ivy League selections. When I made to USC, he wasn’t so stoked about it. I knew him too well. He was happy for be but extremely jealous at the same time. He then freaked out about me not hanging out with him anymore. When he transferred to Pepperdine and got his first girlfriend he cut all ties with me for two years. I remembered that the only phone call he made to me within several months was to ask me for the money I owed during my final week ($100). I was royally pissed and we called each other less and less. I thought it was stupid because after all he was a friend of eight years which was the life that I knew of in America. I thought that I really should try to save this friendship. So I made some attempts. After 5 calls everyday in a week asking him to hang out and subsequently getting rejected with lame excuses like he was tired, I gave up.
He still had only just a small group to hang out with whereas my friend group grew larger and larger. I had too much fun to care at that moment.
One day his sister told me that his girlfriend of two years cheated on him and he was down and depressed. So I made attempt to help him. After a botched birthday party that I invited him to attend, he turned into this ugly selfish brat again. I finally decided to cut all ties from him. Now he hates me. I for one do not hate him. I just pity this whole situation. Eight years of friendship down the drain for no apparent reason. He is now paranoid about the fact that I am still around. He can’t deal with the fact that his sister is the best friend of my best friends. Whenever he sees me around he would make very dirty comments about me behind my back. It is shocking actually. I thought we at least had the decency to end a friendship gracefully. There is no option for me other than admitting that it was an extremely good run while it lasted. He would agree but I just don’t get why he still doesn’t have the maturity to accept that, for whatever reason, when people drift apart, life still goes on. Move along with it! There is no need to resent. If he is still emotionally lingering over this now dead friendship, and really wants to talk to me, he can easily do that. We can have a proper closure if he wanted to.
But he chose to end it this way. Today I just hang out with his sister again. Caught up and had a grand time. She however didn't want me to come over after we were done around 10:30pm since he was home. She wouldn't mind if he lived on campus like he normally did during the school year. However, he was moving back in with her and now he wouldn't leave her along about me being around if he saw me often in the house. It was too much trouble to deal with. I thought that was just messed up.
I don't know. We will see what happens. It shouldn't be a big deal but if it really gets in the way I may have to sit him down and talk to him or punch him in the face very hard so we can have the closure that we never had back then.
