In another music related event, I impulse shopped E=MC2 , the new Mariah Carey's album on itune. I have to say I am not all THAT impressed from the first round of listening. Maybe it would grow on me. I still like Bye Bye and Touch My Body the most. The gossip sites are reporting that this crazy bitch left fans who waited 8 hours in the cold. I saw her interview on Oprah from Redlasso too. She looks really nice but sometimes, you just want to ask, hmmm honey seriously?
Anywho~~~~ listen to some more kylie. I bought this song fro iTune too. lol~
Ok I am such a sucker for things like this. arggg, but isn't he amazing. Angelic voice le sigh.
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Today I got UCLA hunk's aim, and we basically chatted up the whole day. From no expectation to extremely high expectation. We had so much fun talking and flirting and he sounded like the exact kind of guy I want in my life as a boyfriend. Also, he was part of the air force reserve back in college, so he did the training and the whole shebang, so freaking HOT!!! You see how stupid I am? I haven't seen him, just saw a couple pictures then talked to him on aim and now i am already thinking about being his boyfriend. Sigh... never learn!.... But we both enjoyed the conversation throughout the entire day and we planned to meet up on Thursday for dinner. See if I don't know him then I can be completely confident. But now after talking, I have expectations and I want him have his expectation from me fulfilled and suddenly I am not as confident. The doubts flooded in. What if he doesn't find me attractive, what if our conversation becomes dull, what if ... I know it is so stupid. We should find out the answers for all that soon. Well in three days.
I also got a chance to talk to my Black guy friend. He messaged me last night and then logged off because according to him I wasn't very talkative at the moment. So this morning, we started talking and he suddenly lashed out at Asians. Actually, he soon started to lash out against dudes in general, saying how he got hurt by games all the time and people are just generally fake. I somehow wasn't phased by his tantrum by the slightest. I was calm and I proceeded to show him why his accusations of Asians were unfound. Well his accusations definitely hold true to a lot of Asian people but I believe most of them are still generally good people and I really felt the responsibility to build the racial connection and defend my own people in this microscopic way. Finally good reasoning won out and he admitted that he was just frustrated. But after this incident, I can guarantee that I will not fool around with him ever again. That is for sure.
On the other hand, work related thing, I am forced to work TWO hours overtime everyday for the next three weeks. Also, I might be forced to come in ON SATURDAYS. Ok Fuck this shit really. For the amount of money I make I really shouldn't be required to come in on SATURDAY. The work is stressful in the first couple weeks but we are all adults here and if the work is not done I think we will do overtime as needed so that we can finish. Enforcing overtime is one of the most irresponsible thing a manage team can do. If the worker is incompetent the overtime will just still be wasted anyway. Let the employee work overtime based on their schedule as long as the work is done and done well right?
I really believe this is one big problem with corporate America. If the top management is anal, micro management and recruiting all the mindless peons instead of seeking out talents, then yes, the corporate culture would suffer. Because that management style would trigger down from top all the way to the bottom. Also, the corporate America is still ruled by the baby boomers who learned management styles from their past experiences. A lot of them use micro management and iron fist rule to feel secure and maintain dignity. But that does not bode well with our generation, period.
In my business major back in USC, we took at least 2 semester classes mainly focused on business communications and learn the difference of professional communication and personal communication. But alas, who gives a shit about the difference. Some of the psycho managers often throw their tantrum at their employees and employ their personal humor or style at will with no regard how the other party would feel about that whatsoever. What they don't know is that their personal humor/style comes off either arrogant, thoughtless or simply buttplug style bitchy. We should always remember that being in a supervision position simply means that you have a better knowledge and have the ability to lead. We didn't elect you as a manager/supervisor with a popularity contest. So I don't know what made them feel like their personality is the shining star that comes out every fucking 10 mins to blind others.
Micro management is the past and I think human resource should be more strategic. Asking your employee to log in activities on Outlook EVERY FUCKING HOUR is not how you guarantee that they have something to do. IF your employee started slacking, then it is either you as a manager didn't plan the workload for them well so that they are overwhelmed in the beginning and now they just don't have stuff to do, OR they are not qualified employees. I mean if they can't work under supervision, then you should get a new person on your team. Doing stupid micro managing shenanigans is only a waste of time for everyone and has nothing to boost morale which is so vital for the turn over. Let me tell you our turn over is ugly. Work content is one thing but management is a huge factor as well. Just because the company is huge doesn't mean that they can literally afford to lose anyone. Especially considering the entertainment industry is on the verge of being revolutionized with new media, I don't know how the old method seems to be a good idea to continue. Talent is everything on all levels. God I can go on and on with this.
Luckily I have had a good manager for three quarters who didn't micro manage. However I have witnessed enough to worry. My manager is changing position in this up coming quarter. I hope my new manager isn't going to be a talentless drone.
Well, stupid ESPN is taking all versions of this video off youtube. Watch it while you still can. It happened at xgame. This kid named Jake Brown fall from the super vertical for about 50 feet. HE slammed on the floor and his shoe exploded from the impact. He remained still for about 2 mins or so, then walked away from the stadium. People went nuts for his amazing physical ability. However, unfortunately that you can't see in this video, he looked dazed and confused while he was walking. He probably knew what has doing and that people were cheering at him but he probably didn't know what exactly was going on. I mean when you fall 50 ft and then walk away, it is hard to collect your thought I would assume. But the more important question is how the fuck did he walk away. eh... nuts
I was talking to VJ and this conversation reminded me of one strange guy that I met back then. It was just too strange.
Before I graduated I started to participate in this group called Urap. The group meets every Monday to discuss something social and gay. It was my only means to meet some gays. So toward the end, we had a celebration dinner and a lot of gays came out. There was this one freshmen gay dude who had curly hair and pitching voice. His skin was smooth and pale, like marble and he was petite and fragile. He were plaid pants paired with colorful sneakers. From afar, I couldn't tell if the person was a dude or a girl. I thought I would make better judgement when he was closer. But no luck there either since I still was confused by his whole package. I only found out that that was a dude till someone introduced his name.
Anyway it is not that strange. I mean there are transgenders, transexuals and all that in between. People can be the way they feel comfortable. It is not my business.
However, he later made the trip very uncomfortable in the car.
He was sitting next to me and we started to talk about music. He mentioned several 80s and 70s bands plus how the fashion style from those ages cycled back to today society. Whatever he was talking about I had absolutely no idea. Then he asked me what I listened to. I told him my preference then he asked "have you heard of xxxx band"? I am like no.... He said oh they were famous and they had some famous songs on the radio. I said oh really, maybe, I probably just don't know their names but have heard of their songs then. He said, yeah probably. Ok how about this, have you heard of this song? So he started to sing. His voice was as fragile as he looked and he was desperately controlling his pitch as it went higher and higher. After 5-6 versus, to which point i felt my hands started to sweat, I said, er... that was nice but no I haven't heard of it. He said oh... what about this one. He sang another song! His cracky voice sounded the same as the last only this one kinda reflected some sort of punky aggression which was lost in his translation. I got a bit nervous because apparently it was my initiative to talk to him started this freak show in the car and there were 3 other people who just remained silent. You could hear a pin drop if it were for the singing from this strange guy. He continued to sing another song. Luckily he was dropped off soon after that. I thought I was sure he was a dude, but once he started to sing it just confused me even more!
It was one of the most awkward trip in a car in my life and I felt quite like this owl!
Call me a cynic, a bastard, or normal, opportunistic, I don't care. But I think people may actually see different things in this touching clip.
For me, it is touching and has received much care and attention from the editors is because supposedly he is a person who is a bit of deformed, looking kinda retarded, having a not so glamorous life and yet can sing kinda well. "Gasp" yeah, how shitty do I sound, how LA am I? But really isn't this why the video got so much editing? I mean if you look at American Idol, the Monkey boy only got a mocking monkey comment that was it. Not much editing. Things that are valuable will sell for good ratings and this is an classic Hunch Back of the Notre Dame story for pop TV.
It is beautiful, it is tragic, and it is good TV. If it were Jason Lewis who sang like that, Simon would probably have just said pretty good and move on. The whole story telling, the stereo button starting, and the audiences' detailed expression capturing, all seem to be just too much for what it is. The only reason it is gaining so much attention from the editors and the audiences for is because this is an actual tragedy. It makes us emotional. We wonder how wonderful it COULD have been if he were good looking, how much better his life would have become, and at the same time it makes us feel good too. We invoke our own sympathy that has been deeply buried by our fast paced life style and progressive selfishness. We can only feel humanity while we watch something tragic happens despite how we mocked or ignore the issue. Quick example, Princess Diana or 9/11. We are happy that we still have a heart; we aren't as barbaric as we suspected to be. At the peak of this glorious moment of self righteousness, we also feel the beauty of this happy moment, this double sugar coated pill can't be any better.
I am genuinely happy for this man, for his voice and his exposure. Yet I feel bad because the money that the producer, editors, and directors are making off his personal tragedy is so little compared to the loss of integrity. In another word, he's been sold cheap in a freak show by some cold hearted bastards and the audience bought it. And GUESS WHAT, this is probably the best he can ever get professionally speaking.
The reason that I am ranting about this now at this god forsaken hour is because I just read this post at Nothing Golden Stays. JR's friend said that JR is not emotional. But I think it might be because that he tends to let logic go first and leave emotions a step behind so that he actually sees what is behind this?
The first time I have seen this video I truly felt like crying too. But today when I watched it again totally out of randomness, I suddenly found it so repugnant since my logic was alert and my emotion has been already paralyzed by all the expected twists and turns in the video.
I wonder what other people see in this video? Just a good singing? or a guy who has a boring job, tough life is singing great? or like what I see, a socially handicapped person has been used like a fish lure?
Now, I wonder what other people have seen in this video.
I promise you, this post is about animals. If you keep reading, you would think it is about philosophy but if you keep reading you will realize that you are wrong because my mind wanders around and if you continue the reading you would agree, it is about animals. Or maybe not, I don't know.
I will have to start it with a story about my sandals. Well, I bought a new pair of sandals! Rainbow brand. $45. They are kinda hard and at least for now they don't feel like they are worth 45 dollars. The girl at the counter swears that these are the best pair once I break in after a week or two. My friend also promises me that these would be the best pair of sandals I could get. We will see about that. This pair isn't horrible, it is just that the edge and sole are still kinda rigid. But the sole remains very dry. They don't make me sweat like my last pair did.
Well talking about my last pair of sandals... they've been with me for about 5 years. I could recall a lot of my past just by looking at them. I could recall the friends that I had, the friends I gave up on. I could still remember how the beach felt like years ago. I could still "gasp" conjure up the smell "gasp" of them. Don't tell me you never smell your own shoes.
As a matter of fact, I think despite the fact that human being has evolved so much, we still can't lose our animal traits. You know, like the casual sexual encounters, the competitiveness, and cruelty. What make us human, not just mere a breed of animals, is our sense of ethic and law. Our constant pursuit of justice which doesn't happen to other animals. I guess that is why people would use the word barbaric to describe something that is so inhumane.
Anyways, I am not writing this to discuss philosophy. Oh no. I don't think I am all that pretentious.
What I want to tell you is some of my observation and one gross story.
Let me start the story first. It is about my own sandals.
Once upon a time, I was a dedicated yogaer. Is yogaer a word? well I did yoga regularly for 3 months. I really liked it and it cured my lower back pain. Also I think yoga is kinda sexual. You know, people are in skimpy little shorts, sweating through them, guys' packages would be dangling inside those skimpy sweaty shorts. I bet half of the yoga guys were gay at Westwood near UCLA. There was one guy who had long dirty blond hair and an entire tree with red flowers tattooed on his back. It was very exotic, plus the glimmering sweat. hm....
Ok where was I going with this lol...
Well the smell. I think the smell was very raw. Especially when your previous yoga class finished their session. I would often walk in and have a head-on clash with the raw human wet sweaty smell. It is healthy in a sick way. It was great.
Also, I forgot to mention that I am a bit of a scandalmaniac. I think guys with sandals are hot and I think it is very exotic in a way. Well everyone wore sandals to their yoga work and bare feet in the yoga room. So the whole experience had always been some kind of exotic twilight zone kick to it. Exotic because of my special "taste" for sandals and feet. It is not "fetish" but it is the first thing that comes to mind. Twilight zone is because every time I did yoga, I felt like fainting. It was pretty fucking hard!....
Anyways, the special smell was like a drug to me. Even back then I thought to myself, human does retain a lot of raw animal like behaviors such as smelling things, getting aroused, attracted or disgusted by smelling. For example, straight guys find woman juice incredibly hot and enticing where when I am at it I think the smell and taste of cum are the best thing on earth but as soon as I get off I think they are gross. That is very animal like I think. I talked about this with a friend who lives in NY and he exclaimed "OMG I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY WEIRD ONE."
Anyways, what I am trying to say, is hat there is no shame of smelling things! We are after all animals. Animals who happen to learn faster than other animals. So one day, after my yoga class I came out feeling like from outer space, walked to the shoe shelves and picked up my sandals. As soon as I put my feet in, I knew it wasn't mine. It was a pair that was exactly like mine, same brand, same color, and same kinda worn out. The difference was the foot print that permanently imprinted in the soles of the sandals. To confirm my suspicion, I picked them up and smelled the sandals. Yeap, it wasn't mine for sure! However, I didn't get grossed out or anything. I put them on and wore them for another 2 years and half. In the beginning it was weird. It was also kinda exotic. Because these pair of sandals which were so close to someone who apparently worn them all the time, now belonged to me. It was like some weird cosmo destiny that were meant to be. I felt as if I could have some affect on his life experiences or positive energy. Yeah, I know it sounds kinda crazy now but it was only natural to think about it like that back then.
I wonder how my original sandals finished its destiny. That dude probably didn't wear mine as long as I wore his. It is like two shellfish who accidentally switched shell and kept on moving with part of the other shellfish's identity. I hope I am not the only one thinking about this incident like this. Otherwise I would seek out psychiatrist... maybe lol~~
So lately, I realized that I wasn't the only one who fully utilized the ability of our nose. My friend DODO smells EVERYTHING. Especially when it comes to food. She would determine if they are still good to eat, if they are still fresh, if they may taste good. She would also smell her in door trash can to see if they need to go. Dishes, utensils, makeup... I mean she wouldn't smell them as if it is her obsession. Usually, it is just a quick sniff, but I think that is so like animal like. And I love it!
Anyways, I could derive some "deep" philosophic shit out of this but that would be utterly superficial and pretentious. But I say this much, I love animals, they are the best, people are tiring sometimes.
Here I present you my new obsession, Modest Mouse. This single is Dashboard! I fucking LOVE IT! The best way to enjoy this song is to drive your car on the highway at a least 85 mph speed and blast the song! yes it is quite good.
His name is Jonathan Jesensky. He is what he describes as an aspiring model. I think that is an understatement. He has tons of published work and some run-way shows. Anyways, he is cute, handsome and clearly tons of fun. I like guys who can goof. I think I lack the goofing ability. I need to work on my goof. But he doesn't.
"this is my song for y'all ... gangsta style." lol sure with a gangsta 9-5 he is only cute haha. Oh well enjoy.
My friend just sent me this video. He sounds just too good. Apparently this show was an impromptu thing; it wasn't rehearsed. Don't you kinda miss the old days when you needed talent to be a singer and you need talent and class to be on TV? I mean at least a little bit right.
Well a while ago I said my current obsession is Damien Rice. Now I am going to post this awesome song/video off his new record "9". The song is called "9 crimes". Enjoy!!
I don't know. Compared to others, I am not happy at all. I don't know what is there to celebrate. I mean literally you have to be retarded to not be able to graduate once you get in an university and I don't care which university. So finishing a degree or two is really not much of an accomplishment in my opinion. It is not like I served in the military and went to war and came back in one piece. That would be some accomplishment worth celebrating.
Instead, I am just socially reborn. The birth is so sudden just like my biological birth. But worse since now I am fully conscious and have the capacity to gasp on what is ahead of me. Talking about what is ahead of me. I have no fucking clue, maybe that is why it is so bloody painful. The unknowns like death. It is like I am born to see death. How great is that. I mean is that worth celebrating. It is probably worth getting plastered. Maybe that is what everyone else is doing but they call it celebrating? A celebration of new rebirth of death, that is just fucking pleasant. People say they are over school. Like, "omg I am soo fucking over this shit". I am just confused. WTF are you fucking over with?? School is like a perfect place to do challenge stuff and yet allow you to complete fuck up. Maybe minus the "not getting paid part", everything else is so awesomely great. Well getting paid is pretty important, so I guess they do have a point lol... But then it is almost like, at least for most of the people, it is a paid life sentence. You get paid this measly tiny portion of the money to pay your bills and your only joy comes from early days, vacations, bonuses, and retirement. Please tell me that life is not about this. However, from what I see, most of the people in the world do live for that. It is truly sad.
Anyways, this week is going to be the party week. I already missed a big party last night. I really wanted to go but at the same time I just felt kinda down because of the reasons I mentioned above. But also I was somehow feeling exhausted. Maybe my body is taking a big relief despite the fact that mentally I refuse to move on. Anyways, I got a headache around 7:00pm and then I got just really tired around 8:30pm. So after calling people confirming the party, I took a nap and woke up around 10:00pm. The nap did not make me feel any better and I woke up because I had a creepy nightmare. To think of it now, I finally realized maybe it is how I felt about the future because in the dream, there was this dark shadowy creature trying to open my door and enter my house and no matter how hard I tried, it eventually made its way in. Creepy.... Anyways, I am sure there are going to be at least two more parties over this weekend. I will try to go as many as possible.
Today I finally made to my gym again. Trainer wasn't happy that I worked out once a week in the past two weeks and I wasn't eating right. But then I am going to do much better from now on since I have nothing else to do. He TOTALLY kicked my ass. It was probably the hardest work out I had so far. We did one group of exercises. It was five different kinds of exercises compressed together and each set involved doing all of the 5 types together then I would get a pathetic 45 seconds break before I do them all over again. The five types of exercise were:
Inclined bench press with 30 lbs dumbbells (this is after another 3 exercises chest workout routine!!!)
deadlock pull ups with a barbell, I think it was 100lbs
medicine ball push ups - one hand on a medicine ball the other one on the floor, 5 on each hand
leg push ups on a machine
5. biceps curls on a machine.
These were second half of our workout routine. Before this I already had 30 mins of squad and chest workouts. Two different sets of chest workouts and each one involved more than 1 type exercise. Then we finished our entire workout with abs stuff. I was so tired I could barely move. After workout, he helped me stretch. My hamstrings were extremely tight so I started to moan. He then said jesus you sound like you are having sex. That was when he was pushing his body weigh on my foot. It was just like he was fucking me with one of my legs up in the air on his chest. I started to laugh but then my dirty mind started its engine. Then he went even further saying oh yeah you like that huh you feeling good? I was laughing so hard and at the same time felt so hot. Imagine he knew I was gay I am 100% sure that he wouldn't mess around like this with me anymore lol~~~. Once I got in the shower, I was in a very bad place. I wanted to throw up really bad but held in. I think I drank way too much water and way too fast. But after the shower I felt better immediately and it was also comforting once I looked in the mirror. I am definitely making progress!
Anyways, I think I need to find a job soon. Also I need to get a lot of shits done before I leave to China for my 1 month vacation. Ah..... So much shit!!
To finish this post, I added this great song/music video by Peter Bjorn and John, I am sure most of you have already heard this, it is called Young Folks. I love it!
Well, finally thanks to Dan The Man that I can post this video now hahaha. There is nothing between me and my sexy eye candy hunks!!! Not even the almighty youtube!
I particularly love this show because I like: 1. D&G's sex appeal, 2. Summer wear, and 3. the music choice. It is a remix of Madonna's song. I am not a big fan of Madonna "gasp" I know. But I am just not. However, I think this song after remix works perfectly for this summer wear show. Anyway, Chad White opened it, so yummy.... lol. enjoy. It is raining man!
A couple of videos I saw on Ebaumsworld.com. It is hilarious. Check it out.
First one, office beating. I sometimes want to beat people like that too lol~~~ no I am a nice person and not violent at all!! Click here to watch this video.
Second one, extreme skeet shooting. This guy is just too cool. Make sure you watch the whole thing.
