Monday, December 17, 2007

Good things and paranoia

I hooked up with this Mexican guy last Tuesday. He is 28 and 6'1''. He had very nice chest and had a leaner waistline than mine. We met online but he actually was only a mere 4 miles away from my home. We talked to each other on and off for about 1 month and last week we finally met. He lives with 3 other house mates so we had to keep things kinda quiet. He had his own room, pretty decent size but not big in any measure. It was a typical guy's room, messy. But it was smelly or anything, and the whole room wasn't chaotic per se. He actually never turned on the light which was kinda interesting. It wasn't like I would totally not see him just because of the light was off but I didn't mind anyway it was very exciting to be in the dark. I laid down on his bed and told him to come over. We started to make out for about 5 mins. He said I was a good kisser. I would have said the same thing. His lips were luscious and gentle. His kiss was flirtatious and firm. Our tongue danced together. It was definitely a passionate start.

Then then started to suck my cock. It was actually my best blow job I ever had. It was firm and fast with good rhythm. Most important for me was that he was wrapping his whole mouth around my dick the whole time so it wasn't one of those air leaking blow jobs that you only wish you could use a hoover instead of that mouth in front you. He then started to rim my ass. It was absolutely AMAZING. His tongue was so talent. It was flickering around my ass and then would move in and then move out, sucking the hole, licking it more then sucking more. I was loving every single minute of it. I did the same to him. I guess he was really into me because he think started to suck on my foot as well. It was surprising and definitely hot.

The fuck session started off rocky because I was super tight and it took him a while to get it. Then he did a lot of positions but I still like the doggie the best. I just love it when his thrust his pelvis firmed against my bubble ass. It feel so intimate and also I could feel more penetration.

Then the bad part. I let him cum on my mouth, at the heat of the moment I licked off his cum. It was hot for sure, he cum like a water hose so did I. But then the following conversation happened,

"omg that was so hot."
"yeap it was pretty good."
"you clean right?" (yeap making sure I am not a STD robot AFTER the sex)
"yeah I am." (actually i am not sure, I have been believing that I must have been exposed to HIV virus based on no good reason except for my mental instability. but again having sex with strangers and let them cum in your mouth is definitely some risky behavior, even if it is just once...)
"I was surprised you let me do that."
"do what?"
"cum on your mouth and this is our first time with me."
"well, it is low risk." (already feeling like I am lying to myself)
"nah, it is pretty risky, if I am infected you would be infected by now."
"well relatively speaking, it is pretty unlikely unless you are raging with HIV level in your system and I have some big cuts in my mouth. both cases are unlike at this moment now"
"well I am just saying don't worry about it, i am clean."
"so when was the last time you got tested?"
"hmm about 5-6 months ago. and it was clean."
"I see, same here. I think I should get tested again just to make sure."(i am actually scared, what if the result is positive, that is like all hope is lost)

We walked out talked more about each other here and there. Finally before we parted,
"man it was really hot, let's keep in touch and maybe get together again sometimes."
"why are you so surprised by that?"
"by what"
"by I let you cum on my mouth, now you are making me feel a bit anxious. you are clean right?"
"I am, I was just saying and usually people don't do that the first time. Do you do it a lot?"
"do what a lot? let others cum on my mouth?"
"no man, I don't' hook up everywhere. probably 2-3 times, you included"
"oh.. yeah don't worry i am clean."

At this point it sounded as if we were both equally paranoid. Well I already knew what would happen after this -- Endless HIV thoughts and agonizing doubts and paranoia. I was absolutely right. I actually have let this affect my mood. I just felt like I must have caught it if not from him probably from that dude that I blew 2 months ago on the Pasadena camp ground. I must have because it was such a coincidence that I bit myself TWICE really hard the day before I blew that guy off and let him cum in my mouth. Those two bite wounds were fresh and open. Omg how stupid. IF not that guy, then it is probably from the plumper who I allow him to cum on my mouth. He even commented on it too. After sex, he said" wow dude, you would let me cum in your mouth but not fuck you bareback?" WHAT is wrong with people, bareback risk is WAY WAY WAY greater than oral contact.. But I KNOW THEY DO HAVE A POINT. Why am i such a cum slut. I hope my luck is still winning out. I do not know what I would do if I catch HIV. the thought itself is almost too heavy to just think about...