Wednesday, February 21, 2007

What He Eats

This is what Ryan Reynald eats and it helped him gain 20 lbs of pure muscle for Blade Trinity. It looks simple and easy to follow. I am gonna eat like this religiously! Plus extra fattening stuff here and there lol.

  • Breakfast 2 eggs, some "good" fat like a spoon of almond butter or slice of avocado, and 1 cup of oatmeal with applesauce
  • Midmorning snack protein bar
  • Lunch albacore tuna wrap or chicken and salad
  • Midafternoon snack protein shake (whey and water), protein bar, or apple and almonds
  • Dinner broiled fish or chicken, brown rice, vegetables, and salad
  • Evening Snack protein shake

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Ex-gay Boston Legal

I don't know why I still haven't been following the show because I apparently love the show. Every single episode will bring a great current event, social subject, or philosophical discussion, that makes me think a lot. I saw this episode about two weeks ago and I absolutely LOVED it. After watching the following segment I was so inspired and excited that I could shout. Only if people in the government could see it this way.

Is he serious?!

I wonder if he did this for the photo shoot or he was really answering a phone call.
Man... Cute and Talented! Those legs are super hot. I love legs. yum~~~~

Monday, February 19, 2007

A good deed

Saturday morning was one of the most horrible days that I have experienced in a long time. I had a mid-term on Friday so as you can imagine, there wasn't much sleep since Thursday night. Then I had to wake up at 9:00 in the morning to pick up my friend Michele who just came back from her vacation. It's been 6 weeks and I really missed her. I was pretty dead already and I just felt worst as the day went on. It was like my energy was leaking. Michele's flight supposed to get here around 10:00am and it was delayed till 11:00. It took her another 40 mins or so to come out. Hester and I were a bit nervous because we got to the airport "late" according to the given time. When we found out the flight was delayed we were a little relieved. While we were waiting, we got coffee and talked about random stuff.

Around 11:40 Michele came out of the terminal looking happy and healthy. Her vacation obviously did a good job rejuvenating her. We were talking and laughing while we made our way to my car. Right before we were about to leave the airport we saw a luggage cart behind a car nearby. As usual I didn't pay much attention to small things at random places. But Michele noticed that there was a huge Chanel bag on top of it. She spotted it while I was pulling out of my spot. She proposed that we should get it before other people take it. So I parked right back in and we started investigating the bag. It was a nice bag for sure, probably around 1000-1500 maybe even more. There were the essential such as $200 dollars cash, credit cards, IDs, and a cellphone, and then there was also a folder containing business notes and some other random items. I guess the person who lost it must be royally pissed by now. The cellphone was dead but luckily when we tried to turn it on, it had enough battery to show us some of the contact numbers in it. We retrieved 2 numbers that the owner of the bag last called. Eventually I was able to talk to one of those two people right before the cellphone died for good. Apparently it was a group trip and they were from NY. They were all in LA by that time but weren't together. I asked her to contact her friends see which one lost a Chanel bag. Before she hanged up she asked me if this is some joke pulled on her. I was just laughing and told her no.

Finally the owner contacted us and we planned to meet at a Starbucks nearby. We had to take $2 dollars from the bag to pay our parking lol. We only had 5 bucks and the stupid parking was $7!! Eventually, we met at the Starbucks and returned the bag. She was easy to spot as she stood next to her limo at the drive way of the Starbucks looking anxiously at every single passing car. She dressed really nice and stylish. That bag would look good on her. Her husband was all smiles and her driver... well let's say by looking at his face, he is probably gonna get fired lol~~~ They asked us if we wanted coffee or anything. We thanked them and just drove off. I told them to have a nice stay in LA.

I am sure they will; I think it is a great start for them, haha. Now I give LA people some good reputation! lol...

Friday, February 16, 2007

Young vs Old

I am sure I am not alone on this one. But I still find it a bit unsettling in a way.

I am extremely attracted to older, muscular, masculine, and intelligent man who has a very nice job. It is not the money but the power that really draws me in. Let it be political power or knowledge power as long as they are superior in one of those old respected professions. For example, doctors, lawyers, businessman, CEOs omg these people are so hot. I like them to be old enough to be successful which mean 30-45. As long as they take a good care of themselves it is fair game for me. I have mentioned before that when I was interning in Disney this old guy who already had a full head of grayish black hair was rocking a fantastic body that you don't see often on a 20 year old. It was so hot. Even though his position wasn't that power inducing but he did work directly with the executives on the board. That is really hot for me!

I just think that at my age, shouldn't I be drooling over hot young guys? I think I should, but let's say if I see a hot guy at a night club or see a hot older guy who has the qualification I mentioned above at a black tie event, I will go home with the older one in a heartbeat. I don't know why is that. Do I need a father figure?? Maybe, but I try to avoid that direction since that would be kinda gross. Did I suppress my gayness by being straight-acting (Chris from about a boy and his briefs hates this statement, but Chris bear with me I am just trying to make a point) for too long that I am desperate to be a submissive guy in a relationship? It beats me I can't understand it.

The reason that I brought this up was that I met this doctor in my gym. He is very well groomed, good looking, and have biceps that make my legs weak. His entire body is very fit and well proportioned. He works in Pasadena as a doctor. He is at least well off because he goes to this gym which charges 110 dollars a month for basic membership. The brief interaction with him today made my minds wander around quite a bit. I suspect that he is gay. Because,

1. He is very well groomed. But then a lot of doctor is well groomed...
2. He is very muscular. But then doctors most likely know it better that they should keep their bodies fit.
3. He has no wedding ring. Well maybe he focused too much on his career or divorced or just took it off when he goes to the gym.
4. We made a short eye contact when I entered the locker. He looked at me, I smiled back, and his warm "Hi" started some conversations. We introduced each other and made small talks. But then maybe because he is very well educated he is just that etiquette or maybe because other people are just too rude all the time that I just received the wrong vibe.

I don't know. I saw him again today. He just finished and was eager to leave. But we still made small talks. He was changing while we were talking and I saw those veins popping out on his sweet biceps. God...

Oh well at least I know that he goes in at lunch to do cardio then goes back to work and he comes here early on Fridays. Hopefully I can catch him more and see what happens.

DudeTube Disappeared

I don't read that blog much anymore but I still check it out sometimes. When I clicked on it today, it wasn't the dudetube anymore. It seems like that blogger has deleted the blog due to its content. If this is true, that will be really sad. But again I guess we can't always blame the censorship on these websites. After all they are owned by bigger corporations which have a lot more political battles they have to fight everyday.

This is kind of random but it somehow just makes me think again that how hard it is to make a change in the U.S.. I remember that I have read this news article from and it says that a school district has to ban videos of global warming because two wacko parents think that it is a lie since global warming is God's way to bring the judgment day. It only took two crazy people to stop publications of scientific studies regarding one of the most immediate crisis we human as a whole faces today. How absurd @_@...

LOL~~~~ This is so fun

I was dying here reading tax laws. Now I am just not digesting any more information. Before heading to bed I stumbled upon this thing haha. This is me, in a perfect worlf of course!

I am gonna so regret this tomorrow at my midterm lol~~~

My super hero lover is a girl?! Last time I checked I was gay!

Workout process

I have been with my trainer for two weeks now. This week is my third week. We had a session on Tuesday and next session is going to be on Tuesday next week. So far I have lost 6lbs of fat. I dropped down to 176lbs from 182lbs. I am doing lots cardio on my own and repeating the whole body workout sequences designed by my trainer throughout the week. It feels great.

However, the down side is that I am kinda addicted to it now. I feel fat if I don't work out a day and I crave for sweets but then when I look at them I think they are gross. It is such a weird feeling. But nothing can stop me now, I am determined to get a rock hard body this summer. The body I wanted for years and never got it. Wish people were less vain so people like me could suffer less lol~~~~.....


AP has politely refused to be my friend with benefit request. Ok sad... Then I was talking to another guy last night. We talked for 1 hour and half, and we exchanged number. Actually I asked him if he wanted to exchange number or if he thought it was still too soon. He gave me his number without hesitation. Then I texted him saying that it was great talking to him and hopefully I we could hang out soon and here was my number. He texted back right away saying good night! Everything seemed to be pretty good. The conversation never stopped and the subject was interesting. Well I was talking to several people at the same time maybe it didn't go as well as I thought I don't know.

Anyways, I texted him saying happy hump day on V-day. No reply. Called him today, no one picked up. And I never got a response. Sigh... flakes. So annoying

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Another pic

Picture Deleted.

Friend sent me another one. Same place and I think I looked really tall because the dwarf size stools and chairs haha. I am not short though! I am a bit over 6' hee hee. Northern Chinese rule. Before I came to America I've heard that people are tall and strong here, which is kinda true. But two things caught me off-guard:

1. How a lot of people are extremely overweight, and

2. How short some guys are

These two caught me offguard hahaha. Don't take this offensively I am not criticizing people who are overweight. But overweight is a huge problem in the States (what other countries have more than 50% people who are overweight, this is obsurd, and politicians are discussing if gays are good or not for the society omg) and NO! please! being over weight should not be a way to express one's confidence. People like comedian Monique is really not a good example. And on being short, I guess people have stereotypes on everything lol.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

A letter to my professor

This is actually my first time I felt something that is strong enough to motivate me to write a letter like this to a professor. Brief information,

The class - Strategic Management
The Prof - Sandy Green Jr. Phd/Master from Harvard Business School
The point - I feel refreshed and inspired by the teacher's knowledge, charisma, and style.

I came from a traditional education background and my teacher who impacted me profoundly when I was little already taught us the importances of self-discipline and money! Supposely I should do a lot more and a lot better at USC. But I am not. I got too tired of all these asshat superfacial shit and eventually I am just like, fuck it. Now I think that is a mistake because that shut down some doors for me when graduation is only a couple months away. Regret? A little bit. Sad? A little bit. Desperate? No. I still believe in my own legacy and I will see how this pans out. I think my dreams got a bit more realistic everytime I go to his class. And I feel that Universities, especially places like USC that charges so much money for education and claims to be elite school should really review their hiring policy. I am sure those Russian rocket/chemical scientists are very smart and good at what they do. But I just don't think they should be professors in business school even for undergraduates. People and their minds are the most important assets in the world. I don't need some slides readers to tell me how to do discounted cash flows. Young people need inspiration and critical thinking the most and I think this is what USC is lacking tremendously in their business school right now. There are some brilliant minds but not enough to really make our money worth while.

I wrote following passage to the teacher. I think at this point of my life I can truly say what is on my mind and not to worry if I sound like an ass or crazy. Hopefully he will see what I am truly talking about instead of skimming it through because that would be kinda disappointing.

Hi Prof. Green,

This is DL from your 4-6pm class. I participate in the class but you have never addressed me by my name, so I am not sure if you remember who I am. Anyway, this is not why I email you. I don't know how to put this, but I think I should write this to you when I still feel strongly enough about it to write to you. I am sure you get this a lot. But I really like your class a lot. The only other class that has inspired me was a philosophy class by Dr. Willard. The class made me really think about the professionals, especially professionals like us, how these individuals are privileged and have the duty to help the society. We as a professional group has a social responsibility. I was truly inspired and actually really got into it. Then I went to Marshall School of Business and Leventhal Accounting School. Most of the professors are more technical and less social. Of course, as you know, a lot of them are slide readers. I am not writing this to vent about how I disliked some of the professors since I know for a fact that they are highly intelligent individual and much wiser than I am. However, I want to point out that due to whatever reasons, I feel a bit stirred every time I go to your class.

I like your charisma and I like your point of view. Maybe that is why I am willing to defer my opinions to your professional knowledge and experiences. But what I like about your class the most is how you talk about what we can do and why we have a responsibility. You do this without being overly preaching. Some of the points you talk about in the class resonate with me completely and it is still good to know that what we are doing is still important. Sad to say that after being in USC for 3 years, I actually got a bit discouraged and more apathetic about a lot of stuff happening around me. I just think that the general education environment is just that, a bit discouraging and apathetic. Again, I am sure a lot of the teachers are great at what they are teaching but I think it is not the University's responsibility to only pass along the knowledge. I am sure most of the people in the class can learn a lot of material on their own just fine. This is why I get discouraged and apathetic. I imagined to be highly inspired and motivated by the teachers before I came here. I haven't seen that much at all. I haven't seen many socially wise minds. Maybe because they don't teach strategy or maybe they don't really care, I don't know. I am sure I probably sound like a brat but a lot of people around me feel the same way. Especially in accounting school, what eventually comes down to is how and when we can land that auditing/tax job that pays over 45k - 50k starting.

My friend and I are planning to have our own business and every time I go to your class, the urge gets stronger. I think that is a good thing. Just like you discussed in class before, my ultimate goal in life is also to leave my name behind somewhere and make some sort of changes to the people around me in a positive way. Of course I also love how you get down to the business and emphasize the importance of money. I just feel that my goal is somewhat validated and sounding less naive or typical when I am in your class.

I am writing a lot and feeling that my points are getting blurred. I am NOT writing this to praise your class per se. I think what I am trying to say is that I feel some validation and I really appreciate your effort. I think there are only several, probably less than 4 teachers made me feel that they actually cared just that little bit more in my entire stay in USC. This may sound really bad, but I think if we had more teachers like you, especially in the business school where the mind is the most important asset, I would have done much better academically. Many occasions when I am in your class, I feel like I have wasted so much time and money over the years because I don't know a lot of stuff. I definitely have to take most of the responsibilities of this outcome but I truly feel that the general environment is to make us capable of going somewhere and become the best 9-5 livestock out there. If we had more teachers like you, I would probably be more willing to read the Wall Street Journals or Barons since I know someone out there is also reading it and willing to discuss. There were times when I read a lot and ended up sharing the information and discussions with a wall. Ok, I didn't actually talk to a wall, but my thoughts weren't appreciated and felt wasted. Students concern more about parties, tests, and recruitings at the end and teachers care more about beating the class schedules (surprisingly half of them couldn't even do just that). It is great that in my last semester here at USC, my mind is being refreshed again.

I hope I didn't come off as confusing or ass-kissing since that is truly not my intention. I just felt strongly that I need to express these points and I hope our school can seriously tighten up their recruiting on the students and the teachers. Again thank you very much for the classes. Also, I would like it a lot more if you can actually call on me more when I am trying to answer a question with my hand up in the air for 3 mins. I seriously think that you are avoiding my hands now. There are many times that my answer matched your answer exactly and I feel that my precious bonus points are robbed. Again, my name is David Li and I usually sit in the front and you probably think I am high in the class sometimes since my rare muscle disease renders my eye half paralyzed most of the time.



P.S. god the stupid javascript messed up. After sending it, I realized that my long paragraphs have been cut off at a random word in the middle of no where. It made look like a retard! Then I have to write another email explaining this so I wouldn't sound like a retard. AWKWARD, I am sure he is thinking that I am a retard now. beh... damn it

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Mixed message

Today it was the usual U-rap Monday. The gays in the LGBT get together to discuss a topic. But today we had a different event; we went to El Cholo restaurant in LA to have dinner. A lot of people showed up, well, for U-rap meetings it was a lot. There were about 15 people went.

There is one guy whom I have seen three times in the U-rap meeting already. Let's call him AP. He is from Istanbul, kinda cute. He could be hotter if he changes his hair haha. I didn't really talk to him all that much in the beginning because he was kinda quiet. But then today we sat together and started talking throughout the entire dinner. It was pretty fun. It was easy talking to him. After dinner, I proposed to go to Westwood for Hookah a bit and he came along. Just two of us. We sat down and ordered a hookah and some tea and started talking again. The usual stuff you know, how you like it here, what kind of guys do you like, how was his clubbing last weekend, the family issues, coming out etc. It turned out that he just came out very recently and he was pretty excited to just explore. He said he went to Tiger Heat and got extremely drunk and made out with lots guys and groped someone's penis. Sounds like alot of fun hehe. The more I talked to him, the more I liked him. He had girlfriends before, 5 of them actually and he had sex with them too. Even though he said he was 100% gay he was still able to have sex with them. I call that skill haha.

But anyways, toward the end, I decided to ask him out for dates. This was my first time doing this ever in my life. I have asked people for sex before but not for dates. I thought I would be really nervous and probably get rejected on the spot. It didn't matter regardless. I was too tired to have encounters and have sex with people whom I don't like or just not having sex at all. I wanted a boyfriend or a companionship you know people who have sex on occasions but are good friends too. So I really made up my mind. What is the worst could happen right? A big fucking "no". I won't die. Also since I just met him and if I ask him out now it wouldn't be weird at all. If he said no then we could just become friends no big deal.

So I dropped him off at his house near USC. Before he left, I made my move and surprisingly I wasn't nervous at all.

"Hey AP, it was great talking to you, I had a good time."

"Me too, it was great talking to you, too."

"Hey, I want to ask you something, hmm I feel a bit awkward but yeah."

"Yeah, you can ask me, sure."

"Would like to go out with me sometimes?"

"uh Sure, that would be nice."

"You know what I mean right? like a date."

"haha yeah I know."

"So yeah?"

"hahaha hmm, you know I just came out two weeks ago and I never had a relationship with a guy. I really don't know how this works."

"Me too, I never had a boyfriend or anything. But I would like start dating now instead of random hookups you know."

"Yeah I know, haha totally. I would like to go out with you, being friends, or something more than friends haha. But I sometimes hurt people like my girlfriends, not intentionally of course, hehe but I am kinda rough."

"I understand. This is the first time we actually hang out and since we both don't have much experience about the dating thing, I don't want to ask you when we become friends that would be awkward. So I just want to ask you now haha, if you don't want to, it is fine, we can be friends. But I just want to put it out there now you know. I think you are really cute."

"You are too. I just don't know if boyfriend is the right thing for me right now. hmmm hehe(awkward laugh), but yeah I would love to go out with you sometimes. I don't know, let me think about it, is that ok?"

"Sure yeah. I just really enjoyed talking to you."

"Me too, it was so easy talking to you I would really like to see you again."

The conversation went on a bit longer, mostly me being stupid lol. I kinda just wanted to ask him if he feels anything for me so I won't waste my time thinking about the impossibilities. But that would sound weird and desperate. So I didn't say that. Instead I just kept saying it is cool, don't worry about it and I feel so embarrassed etc. I can understand how he feels though, he is on the spot. He just came out and he probably wants to play around a lot for a while since he never had sex with a guy before. I think he was trying to be nice and not like asshole to shut me down. But then he mentioned about being more than friends and would like to go out too.

Beh, this is so awkward, but I guess everything has a first time. I came out about half year now. I should start doing this kind of stuff already. I am sure other people get rejected too! sigh. lol feel kinda liberated but sad at the same time. I know I named this post mixed message, but deep down I know it is a rejection. Oh well, he would be a good friend.

Monday, February 12, 2007


Ok, this is actually a bit disgusting. But I know for a fact that I am not alone on this one. My hands peel during spring and fall. They get really dry and every morning after a hot shower, the skins are coming off by little pieces. The processes naturally stops in about 2 months or so into the season and then I will have perfect smooth skin again. I have very good skin. lol yes sound conceited, but it is true. It is soft and silky. I have never had any major skin problem like breakouts etc. Throughout my teenager years, I would get a pimple here and there but that is about it. Overall my skin is really healthy. But I don't know what is the deal with my hands. It just have this thing going on twice a year. I feel like a snake! Anyway, kinda random haha.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

This is me at a Hookah lounge

Picture Deleted.
Now that I am working, I have to keep my secret identity.

It was on Friday night. Usually this place is packed but that day it was deserted. I guess they had a busy night and then people left altogether. The place has three parts, outdoor area, small cafe, and a indoor restaurant. Inside the restaurant, there are leather sofas and normal dining tables. The sofas usually have $70 minimum spending budget. But since it was deserted, my friend and I took it up for free. It was a bit surreal because usually it is not only packed but super noisy. Music would blast against your eardrums. It was exceptionally chill and quiet. I liked it. This is me before leaving the place. I am thinking about getting contact lens... I really can't see well at night and wearing a pair of glasses is really not cute at all =/

Thursday, February 08, 2007

What level of hell huh?

I just read this from A Procrastinating Wolverine. I thought it would be interesting to take one and share with all of you. I really thought I was a saint in the beginning because I don't do a lot of the bad stuff. But the result is pretty disappointing...

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Low
Level 2 (Lustful)Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Very High
Level 7 (Violent)Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)High

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

I really don't think I am violent at all though. I never even had a big fight in my life EVER!! I Think the test is rigged.

Omg, today I ran into my ex-fling at my gym and it was AWKWARD. It was relieving in a way because I wanted to have a closure. But it was so sudden, it is like on TV. I finished working out and went to the locker and I turned around saw him turned the other way and hid in the bathroom >_<.... but eventually I came out and talked to him. More on that later. I gtg now.

Woah, Anna Nicole Smith is dead

It is kinda shocking. She is only 39 years old. Her bizarre behavior and life experiences have been played out and ridiculed in the public eyes. Despite her shameless endeavors for money in the past, I really think she is just a very unfortunate person who does not know where she was in her life. She was most likely used by others for their gain as well. Now she is dead. Maybe it is drug overdose, maybe it is foul play. Nevertheless, it is pretty sad. For more information, you can read the news article by Associate Press here.

Our language

First of all, thanks Tim from Italy for talking to me. Talking to Tim is always smooth. I feel like I can say anything. I don't know. Tim is older than I am, so I guess it is the wisdom comes with experiences and age? I am not sure. But every time we always have a good conversation. I just wish that we could talk longer. One of us always has to go at some point ha ha.

This morning we casually talked, and a very interesting topic was brought up.

The conversation started with I describing how people communicate differently based on their age. I just met someone in school. He is a straight-acting gay and he is much younger than I am. He is a Freshman at USC, which means he is 18 years old. I am 23 and he is 18. In my mind, I still think 18, 20, 23 whatever, no biggie. But when I REALLY think about it. OMG, I am 5 years older than he is and that is 50% of 10 years and 25% of 20 years. That is very scary. He is much more energetic. His energy is very original. You know the difference between the "I wake up high, great day dude, damn I am awesome" and the "Today is Thursday, just 1 more day I can go to a bar finally, I hope people don't fuck it up somewhere so I have to work extra hours, I wonder how many floating vacation days I have left...but Friday is almost here yeay!"... I tested him, and he would text me super long texts with endings of "woooopppyyy" with all that extra Os, Ps, and Ys. I don't know, I really feel old. So I complained about this to Tim. He said that well, that is interesting because how our language evolved.

Tim believes that language is a medium of communication and as our society becomes more fast-paced each day, our language is forced to adapt. A lot of conventional use of words and sentences will become a dominant trend and eventually become our language norm.

I personally do not agree. I think language is more than mere communication. Each language is unique and each language possesses its own literature and history. I believe that current technology is a deterioration to our language and literature. We all use it. For example, thx, 2night, str8, <3,>. For those of you who have Detail magazine, you probably have read the artcile regarding this issue. The vast use of blackberry literature is poisoning people's senses. Little by little I really think people will not be able to tell which one is formal writing anymore.

Tim brought up an argument saying that Shakespeare's language was their blackberry literature and it was widely celebrated. However, it is still hard to read for people today because language progresses based on human's needs for efficiency. What works faster prevails. I agree to a certain degree. The biggest problem of his argument is that Shakespeare's language was English and we still use English, though differently, by its literature rules. Words such as thx 2morow violate the English rule. Unless we change the fundamental rules of certain language, usage of these words or similar sentences should never be used in formal writings and it should never become our norm. Shakespeare did not misspell English for the common folks to hear his plays. His style was informal, not his language or literature.

I don't know. I think it is kind of interesting so I posted this open for discussion! haha.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

God damn it I soooo had this first

Digital photo frames. Now it is mass produced by a lot of tech company such as Philip.

I had this idea like 7 years ago and had different models and functions in my mind! This is so bull. I should be a millionaire by now! booo...

People who mattered - One

Yeah I am gonna write about people who have come and changed my life. They work in the most mysterious ways. As I wrote earlier, I would write them out one by one. A lot of memories are already escaping me. I feel time has picked them up and taken them to a happier place. But I like them to be with me, they really meant something to me. My memory won't be here to serve me forever, so I might just as well write them out.

Before I start, I got get some rant off my heart first. Three days ago, which was on Saturday, I went out a bit and came home bored and didn't want to sleep. I actually stayed up till 6:00 in morning. Ok, I know online shit doesn't work for a FACT. But I guess my judgment went on vacation for a bit, so I did this thing. Did a little profile etc and started to wink people randomly. Then I forgot about it till today. I received an email from A white dude who I winked replied. The reply read as following: xxx has received your wink and is not interested. Even internet nowadays can have attitude! This bugs me because it shouldn't bug me since I didn't expect anything anyway and then when I get rejected it bugged me. Being bugged by this actually bugged me!!! I actually felt a bit down. But whatever, that is that. Off my chest. haha. Let's write something that is useful!

The first person I want to mention is truly a friend and nothing but a friend. Let me name him Mason (his name would be in Chinese, but I think I will call him Mason, randomly named but I like it).We met each other in 1st grade. That was when we were both 6 years old. When we were that young, friendship was pure. We didn't become friends because we could network the shit out of each other or it was a cool thing to be his friend or to be my friends. He was a very nice and tolerate guy. I was spoiled but we worked out our relationship just great. He was a true pal. He looked like a minority ethnicity group in China because his feature was a bit different. He had natural curly hair and big brown eyes. His smile was wide and full of sunshine. He was pretty cute for his age and would definitely be hot now. People would definitely think he was mixed with some other western race. We were both the tallest in the class. If he was still alive today, he would be probably just the same height as I am now, just a bit over 6 foot. His Chinese first name associated with ocean and in its ancient context, it also incorporated "deep and perpetual" and similar meanings to the word.

We were both good writers. We would compete with each other and earn 1st and 2nd spots in state sponsored writing contests. We have always competed in the literature area and English area. Despite the effort that Chinese people exerted to their education system to teach young kids English, the methodology and teaching style were just fucked up and kids would never learn anything beyond "what is your name, how old are you, and what time is it". We were also running student bodies though he didn't really get involved in it because toward 5-6th grade, he became this anti-hero character in the class. We needed people like that to say NO to teachers who order students to eat chalks because they wouldn't shut up in the class. Ok, I know it sounds very horrible! But it really wasn't that bad! God I guess I am not helping with the Communism stereotypes by writing these lol~~~ Also, we would setup class debates on philosophy topics such as the ancient Chinese theory regarding human nature. The most well spread theories were "Humans were born to be evil", "Humans were born to be nice", and the all famous “Humans were born to be blank slates; it is the education and society that forms who we are". Every side had a prominent philosopher who also happened to be the giant educators back then. So yeah, we were debating these when we were like 10. He and I were the advocates for things like this. We actually started a new trend that eventually led the whole school to do this. It was pretty formal actually. Each team consisted of 6 people, one handled opening, one handled closing, two handled forward attacking and one focused on rebuttal. I was always the guy who handled either opening or closing since these two were the most important roles. He would always handle the rebuttal role and also attacking role. I know it must sound very stupid and boring to a lot of you who is reading this. But back then, for a while, it was all we were going school for. It was so liberating. The crushing blows you landed on the other team eventually made them cry just made me and Mason very happy. Of course this came along all the attentions, dramas, and fears generated toward us.

Haha again it sounded very political and very impure. But really the friendship was very sincere. We were friends because we enjoyed things that we did. We both loved video games and we would sneak out to play arcade sometimes. Well that eventually led to a beating for me but it was grand times. His family and my family were kinda well off back there. But my grandmother believed that kids should not have any financial power so that they would not be spoiled with material distractions. Mason didn't live with his grandparents, so in a sense, he was a bit more spoiled financially. He always gave me money for lunch and arcades! I loved him!! Ok that came out wrong but really he was truly my buddy. I always paid him back but back then no other kids were like that tight. When your friendship at that age involved green and still stayed tight, I think it just made it that much cooler lol. Omg we were silly kids.

Also, Chinese schools were very political. God (I don’t believe in god, but this is a conventional way to put it if you know what I mean) sent us a BRILLIANT teacher who taught us how to stay real. I will write about her later for sure. She has changed my life and other kids’ lives in that class. (Btw, in China, grades 1-6 are taught by the same teacher who handles both math and literature. At grade 5 there will be a second teacher who teaches English). But overall it was very prematurely political. Student bodies were up and running at a tender age of 9 years old and the leader candidates which were chosen by teacher's favors and students own abilities. These leadership positions were incredibly important since it ultimately could directly lead a person to an unlimited political career path. But they were chosen so early on that it segregated the student body by political class already. People were just 8 years old -_-... Sigh. I am sure a lot of people do not see it this way but if you get rid of the decorations they put around the actual elections etc, it is exactly what it is. It is a premature political arena. Personally, I think it is AWESOME. But I am sure it is probably not the best way to grow up lol.

The reason I am introducing this environment is that back then we both had different agendas. We were both kinda antihero characters. The difference between us was that he just really didn't give a shit but I actually cared for a great deal. Everyone was everyone's friend in a sense in the class since the 60 people practically grew up together from 1st to 6th grade. But most people weren't friends because of that kind of environment. A lot of students including me felt the absolute superiority over others, not only because we had all these activities going on and we were successful at it but also we killed it academically. I wasn't a math wiz but I could write. Others were studying calculus at grade 5. You know stuff like that just really put students apart. We truly thought people who had bad grades were second citizens and they were retarded. Oh good o'times, we were such silly kids haha. But despite all these, Mason and I would go out everyday after school, play arcade, go out and eat, watching TV, going to tutor sessions, and some other random stuff.

Although we weren't the best students in the class, we were on top of our games. I was highly feared and respected in the class and I had a lot of enemies and he was just really causing trouble to the teachers all the time. We were an odd couple and every knew who we were. Everything changed. I got sick (I will write this later). Not going into too much detail now, but briefly, it was an auto-immune system disease that caused my muscle to lose its strength. I was left with a lot of almost paralyze muscles on my body. Worst part is that it started on my weakest muscle in my body, the eyes. It was devastating and it shattered my self-image. I used the past 12 years to cope with it. The only person who stood by me was Mason. He was just as good friends as we used to be. Nothing changed. I really thought I looked like a monster because I literally could not open my eyes, but it never bothered him. It was so touching. I actually expected it. I knew he was gonna be there and we would always be pals. I think at that time I really felt secure. I felt that no matter what I would have Mason by my side. It gave me strength. Most important it gave me comfort despite I was terrified and desperate. I don't think any 11 year old kid can impact another 11 year old kid all that much. But I think back then just that tiny comfort every time I thought about him when I was thinking about my own death, it was just tremendous.

I started to battle my own fate when I was 11. Mason told me he would always be there. He would help me through it. I thanked him. When I was 12 years old, which was my last year in elementary school, toward the end of the last semester, Mason fell. He was ice-skating and he fell. He broke his leg by falling. We were laughing at it because he was a tall guy and looked strong. Who knew he would be so fragile? He had clutches for a long time. Usually broken legs would heal in 3 months but his leg got more swollen everyday. He told me it hurt like nothing else.Then we graduated from elementary school. It was that summer that my disease got even worse. So I went away and sought after other treatments. Mason and I separated for while. Then after a long medical journey, my family found Children Hospital of Los Angeles which had extensive experience on the disease. We were going to give it a try. By that time, I was already taking Chinese herbal medicine as the last resort in China and miraculously it worked. We weren't going to give up on something that actually worked just because another western hospital told us that they might have a chance at it. But we decided to come to the States anyway. That is when we found out that Mason's leg was broken not because he fell but because the tissues and bones were already fragile from cancer. His leg wasn't going to heal. They might have to amputate the leg. As my last visit before leaving China, we went to Beijing to see him. He was fat, fragile and bold. His silky curly hair was completely gone. He was one of those horrible cancer patients. I didn't now what to say. I felt sad deeply in my heart. It was so deep that I knew I wouldn't feel anything on the surface there but it was definitely gonna hit me years to come. I knew it well back then. But I didn't feel it. We were chatting and talking. I saw him taking shots on his leg. His parents looked exhausted. Their eyes told me they still have hope but that hope was being put out by reality and doubt. Mason was in a good spirit. We chatted and played some computer game. Before I knew it, it was my time to go. We were very traditional back in China. Hugging was NOT part of any custom. I was compelled to hug him though. But eventually tradition overcame my desire. I didn't hug him. In my head, a voice was telling me, "David, you are going to so regret this if you don't." But I didn't. I walked out the room and I saw him the last time and he smiled at me. And that was it.

Haha, I can't believe it I am actually crying now. I thought I was over this already haha.

Anyway I came to the States. We wrote each other letters a couple more times then we never communicated again. It was about back in year 2000. I had a dream, Manson and I were walking next to the big dirty river that was in our city. It was closer to my grandma's house. It was a very beautiful day. I remembered that in the dream the air was fresh and we were very young again. I was very lonely in the States for a while for obvious reasons. But in that dream, I felt calm. I was talking to him and we were laughing so hard. Suddenly, a tornado started in a far distance. We said oh shit let's hide. So we ran into the apartment complex. In China, we only had high rise apartment complex. There were no individual houses back then. In every complex, the only way of going up was to climb the stairs. On every half level, there was always a small window. It was for air circulation and natural light. So in my dream, we were running upstairs. When we reached one of the half levels, the wind ripped the window out and dragged Mason out. I was unaffected by the seemingly mighty wind at all. Mason held on to the edge of the window and looked at me straight in the eyes and said, "David, save me please! Please!! I don't want to die. You are my best friend, you need to save me." Just like in the movies, I grabbed his hand and panicked. I said, " I am trying, I am really trying, don't no, not now, don't go" He shouted out one last time please save me, and he was gone. The dark wind grabbed him away and all of sudden the sky went blue again. It was the beautiful weather again. Then I woke up.In the morning I told my mom about the story and just looked her in the eyes. I knew it couldn’t be good news. But then we weren't used to be superstitious. It might be just a sign. So I told my mom to pull her connections in China and find out what exactly was going on with Mason. About one week later, my mom told me that Mason has died about 6 months ago. I said, "Oh." I was surprised by how calm I was. I felt guilty because I was supposed to break down and cry. I didn't. So I thought I guess distance does pull people apart. What I failed to understand was, when a very tragic event happens in one's life, it takes time to digest the information and the news usually sinks much later. That was exactly what happened later that night. I have never cried so hard. I cried and cried and all I thought was, “this is how it feels like when a person dies. He is not coming back EVER. I will NEVER be able to see him or talk to him EVER again. Our childhood plans were never gonna be fulfilled." I cried till I had no tears and I fell asleep. I have never cried about him since then. I think that is a good thing. I let him go. I give him and myself peace. I moved on but I will forever remember him. Every time I think about him, it is this positive and comforting image that he has always given me. The second time I cried about him is today.

I will forever remember him. He helped me through a very fast-paced and difficult childhood. I wouldn't be who I am today without him. After his death, I learned to treat people a bit nicer. Life doesn't come easily and no one should take it as granted. I already have this experienced first hand but instead of me dying first which was believed to happen, he died instead. He still lives in me and through him; I learn to live my life better and happier each day.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

short update from school -- awesome lol~~

A couple of videos I saw on It is hilarious. Check it out.

First one, office beating. I sometimes want to beat people like that too lol~~~ no I am a nice person and not violent at all!!
Click here to watch this video.

Second one, extreme skeet shooting. This guy is just too cool. Make sure you watch the whole thing.

See ya!

I just wrote a response to Snicker Candy

The topic came up at our U-rap (one of the gay organizations on USC campus) meeting. About 9 people showed up. It was great. I got to see bunch new people and made friends with them. I was happy. Anyways, the topic of stereotype came up and I used the Snicker commercial to make my point. Half people haven't seen it yet so I explained what it is. If you haven't, check the shiteous commercial out on youtube.

Basically I think Sneaker has gone the wrong direction on this one. It is supposed to one of those fucked up traditions -- the lame gay humor. But this one offended FOUR types of audiences across the country.

1st offense: The obvious target here--gay community. Two guys kissed and according to Sneaker, it is gross and unmanly. So they guys had to immediately do something manly to prove their masculinity. There are just too many things wrong here I am sure any of you can bust out a good argument to blast Snicker's misstep here.

2nd offense: The community that they are favoring -- straight community. They are trying to say that you can do something that is gay for your interest and love, in this case, a dumb sneaker bar, but as long as you keep it straight it is all good. The theory itself is just so stupid. If you do something gay and you aren't gay, you would just brush it off. If masculinity is what they are trying to portray and advertise, then they really hit a sour note. Isn't being self-confident and assured the biggest part of being masculine? Real guys should have NO DOUBTS about themselves. That is what we are taught when we are young and that is the basis for their stupid commercial! If that is the case, then you don't have to fucking prove you ain't gay. In addition to this irony, the guys in the commercial proved to be real dudes by pulling chunks of chest hair off their chest and the screamed at each others like monkeys. OK this is just beyond any logic! So they are saying that being a brute and stupid is the only way to be masculine! How brilliant. If I were a straight guy I would not fucking laugh at this shit at all. So either I am a queer or a dumb ass according Snicker. What were they thinking!!!

3rd offense: kids. A lot of kids watched super bowl. If they are straight, they will of course do something like ew gross due to the norm. If they express that it is OK to kiss and still be manly, their parents would probably butt in. If the kids are gay, just imagine what this stupid fucked up ad would do to their self-image??? And the parents, how should the parents react to it? Do they laugh or not. Do they condemn this behavior or tell their kids that Sneaker is a bunch of asses? I think it makes it very difficult for the parents to confront the homosexual subject with an appropriate way. Have Snicker boards got no brains? How could they approve this thing is beyond me.

4th offense: the professionals. I mean professionals as people who have referral powers. Others would defer their opinions to the people who have authority and power. Since professionals, let it be businessmen, doctors, writers, lawyers, and engineers etc, have such profound effects in our society, they need to be responsible for what they do! As my reply to a post from About a boy and his briefs states, people who have power need to be held accountable. People who have power need to have devil's advocates so that they don't fall into group sink. People who have power have social duties! There are consequences after each action from people who lead others. It is a great shame that these professionals tossed out their integrity and social duties for some cheap laugh. Sure they wanted some cheap humors and hopefully we can get their drift. NO!!! it is not 200 years ago. We don't find lynch funny anymore and we don't find any attacks to any community disguised as humor funny anymore. It is so outrageous that an international company can be so god damn stupid.

anyway.... rant off beh

Monday, February 05, 2007

A Drastic Change

Today, Los Angeles is Los Angeles again. It took off its best New York impression and put on some much needed sunshine. Yes, the weather is gorgous today. It is absolutely refreshing. We have been suffering with the sad grey sky and annoying little drizzles for too long. It is 80 degree out there. Jumped from 60ish from yesterday!

I am so happy now. lol. sigh so easy to be pleased, now that if I can have a gorgous bf lol~~~

People come in your life for a reason. Agreed!

Just read this from Maximus Leo. I say blog posts come in your life for a reason too. I have reflected on this for a very long time. Even today, my friends and I are still surprised how some of the most random and interesting people come into your lives, mark their territory in your heart, and then change your life in ways you cannot predict. Some last and some don't. They change your life permenantly regardless. It is kinda scary because in a sense, there is no free will. People become other people's friends really for a reason. There is no coincidence here. It is carefully calculated event by some supreme power. I am not religious but then I have to put some of my faith in fate. Fate is tricky and fate is pre-determined. People cannot change fate in essence. You may be able to alter certain event but the grand theme will not change. It is like death and tax. Yes, it is that certain. This is my belief anyway.

I am going to write about a series of people who come into my life in mysterious ways. Some of them are still in my life, some of them are no longer my friends, and some of them passed away. I think this is definitely worth recording. Regardless how I feel about these characters now, their impact on my life is permenant and I need a place to remind me these people when I am getting too old. hehe.

Friday, February 02, 2007

This is just too sweet

There is a really good friend of mine in NY who just WROTE me a letter. Yeah how romantic. It reminds me of the movie "Cruel Intention" in which Ryan Phillipe played the main guy. He has said something that I never forget after I have seen that movie. "Write a girl a letter, that is romantic". I think it is beyond romantic, it is very old fashioned gentleman like. Unlike email, you have to know what you are writing about and spell correctly! A letter says a lot about a person. Again, compared to modern techs, a letter does not allow mistakes. My friend, Simon, composed the letter on blank sheets of blue letter paper. There is no lines on it and yet he wrote everything in perfectly straight lines. Also, he has this traditional eloquent handwriting script. At last he wax sealed the envelope! It is so sexy.

Let me talk about Simon just a bit. Simon is my type, yes, he is a bit fem here and there, but overall he is such a nice guy and I find that very attractive. Unfortunately, I don't think I am his type :<....I still remember the first time I met him. That was last year in December. I was still in the closet and acting all homophobic. First time I saw him, I didn't know what to think. He spoke French and that was intimidating because I thought that was just too cool. We talked about how he stumbled out of the closet by accident and his dad almost killed him. The story touched me and I think it impacted me profoundly. It really helped me come out. Simon was the first person to whom I came out. My logic was that he lived far away and he had no direct contact with my friends or family so there would be no damage to my life. It turned out to be one of the best decision I made. Consequently, I became more confident and came out to my other close friends too. Since then Simon and I have been talking very often on msn. He is a sex addict and I think that is totally hot. I am not nearly as horny haha. He always listens to me and helps me out on certain issues. He is just too nice and now he writes this sexy letter and I know he fucks a lot I think I am having a crush on him now. This may make things complicated =/... I already invited him to come to LA to stay with me and he also invited me to go to NY. I don't know if I can hold myself and not to ask him to fuck around with me lol. Oh sigh, the unreachable is always the most desirable. It is almost like fucking a straight guy or something.

I tried to upload a picture of his beautifully written letter but my cellphone's program fucked up. Oh well. He opened his letter with a poem by William Blake. It is called "I heard an Angel",

I heard an Angel singing
When the day was springing,
"Mercy, Pity, Peace
Is the world's release."

Thus he sung all day
Over the new mown hay,
Till the sun went down
And haycocks looked brown.
I heard a Devil curse
Over the heath and the furze,
"Mercy could be no more,
If there was nobody poor,

And pity no more could be,
If all were as happy as we."
At his curse the sun went down,
And the heavens gave a frown.

Down pour'd the heavy rain
Over the new reap'd grain ...
And Miseries' increase
Is Mercy, Pity, Peace.
His letter is on the second page and it talks a lot about NY dating scene and his thoughts on it. It sounds that he is not content and he is also looking for that special someone even though he can get laid whenever he wants to (damn him! :<). Also, it sounds like he is not coming to LA because of his busy schedule and his shortage on money. Sigh, so sad... He again invited me to NY. I am actually kinda scared of the NY club goers. If LA is over the top then I don't know where NY should be at. Besides, I am still not that confident to just talk to people in a gay club yet. Especially when everyone there has a perfect body and dance well naked! I don't know how I can roll with that. But last trip was fun and I am sure if I go again, I will have fun with Simon no matter what.
I am definitely gonna write him back and now I have to buy good paper. Damn, he is gonna laugh at my shitty hand writings! =/

Bush seeks another 250 Billion dollars for war effort.

yeah... 300 billion and plus this 250 billion of which 100 billion is 07 budget and 150 billion is for 2008. Whoever wins the president in 08 will have a lot of mess to clean up. Can we file for national bankruptcy? For details, please read this article by Andrew Taylor from Associated Press.

Click here to read.

A nice day... with bad events

It is really just a series of unfortunate events.

Last night I finished my biggest recruiting event on campus. All the resume and application deadline was due by midnight. I got two hours after the event so I rushed to library and started to write cover letters, resumes, and emails. By 12, I finished all that and really thought I was done. But then I realized that I still had to fill out online profiles which are always very long for each firm. So I decided to do them in the early morning. I went to Hookah again with Hester, and she was doing that thing quite like a pro considering it was her first time doing it. Then I got home around 2:00am and read bunch blogs and started my online application around 3:30am. By the time I finished, it was already 5:30 in the morning!! And I was scheduled for training at 10 in the morning which means that I have to get up at 9 and sleep for 4 hours.

I did it! I woke up on time and had a grueling training for 1 hour. Came out of the gym feeling refreshed and nice. The sun actually came out today in LA. A bit warm, very soothing. I drove down from the small streets in Pasadena.

They are really nice roads to have a good drive sometimes. They are winding roads that have decent turns and nice width. In some cases, they can be a tiny bit downhill. This can make your drive very smooth and kinda easy to go over the speed limit.

I did, and along with other two unfortunate drivers, we were pulled over by three motorcycle polices. This is my very first speeding ticket EVER! beh.... I was in a good mood, and I was still in a good mood in the car when the police was writing the ticket. But I could feel that something was pooping in my heart. Dam has opened and my spirit was definitely flooding out by the seconds.

After I got home with that poop event, I opened my email and the first thing I saw was Ernst & Youngs rejection email.

This has been a horrible day and I was tired!! So I just watched some porn took care a bit business and now heading to bed for a nap. beh....

Btw I recommend this little post from Completely Naked. The post is about his first time S&M experience. I have never done it but I think I would probably try it sometimes. Sounds pretty hot.