There is a doctor who I have been talking to on and off lately. He looks good in pictures and he is very physically active. He does lots out door sports such as surfing, snowboarding, climbing and tennis etc, which is very attractive to me. He works out a lot and has a nice body. He is a cardiac anesthetist or something... does a lot of surgeries what not. So it is kinda cool. So I called him today and talked to him. I liked how he sounded confident and a bit cocky and I guess he liked my energy and jokes. So anyways, we decided to meet up really quick before I go to dinner tonight.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Friday was exhausting. We had a quarterly outing hosted by our department. It was full of the corporate event's gimmicks, you know, the little games, the pathetic prizes, and the "socializing". I had fun though I had to say. I played a couple rounds of pool and won the dart competition. I was teamed up with this old tall Brazilian manager. He was a surfer when he was younger, so I bet he was pretty hot when he was in his 20s. Now, he is just a standard grandpa or papa.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
I called in sick today coz my throat hurts. So after I woke up at 11:30am, I proceeded my day with hot guy drooling on connexion.org and shared pictures of hot guys that I was drooling over with my Vice President on AIM.
Ok Connexion.org is such a crazy place. I wonder if they screen their members and delete all the ugly people's profile when they don't pay attention. I wonder how long my profile will be up there till it is kicked off by the beauty police. It is so scary how MOST of these people look. Yet even more surprising is that these people are supposedly living nearby. I was put into a very weird place. Most of them seem to be out of my league. I mean look at their pictures! They are jet setting to France and Italy spending their summers with a gaggle of model looking friends. When they aren't, they would produce head shot pictures that are than a lot of people's professional pictures, with you guessed it, just a cellphone! All i can see was lots lots 6 packs and giant chests. I mean what is this, did America finally become fit? Or we are just having an extreme case of fat polarization? So we get these mammoth 300+ people walking around then we have these 5% body fat gay painting the town red. I was just roaming and roaming. Sigh... My mom should have not married my dad because imho my dad looks pretty ugly. Anyways, these are some local guys. omfg....
Yes my throat was hurting and I ate some medicine and felt a bit dehydrated. But after seeing these, what choice do I have except to go to the gym?
So I went to the gym. Run run run... run run run, ok about to die, now lift lift lift. However, I have to say I was welcomed with a little surprise. A brand spanking new trainer named Joe. He is this 6'2" blond super athletic built frat bro type of guy who seemed to be very good in bed. So after doing some inclined bench press I racked up the weight a bit and trying to look all tough. He offered spotting services. How can I say no.
"you are a new trainer here!"
"oh yeah my name is Joe. Nice to meet you. So you have been here a while huh is that how you know the new people in and out"
"Yeah I have been here for a year and I train with N"
"oh N. great trainer."
"oh yeah N is great, very down to earth very knowledgeable, and most importantly very gay friendly. There are a lot of gays here in this gym, myself included, so that is very important. If you treat everyone equally you are gonna make good money."
"oh yeah? so there are people who aren't cool with gays?"
"oh i am sure there are some. but anyways, thanks for the help."
So we parted our ways briefly and he came back later to help me with another set of bench. We talked a bit more. He was actually an athlete trainer who specializes in power lifting and acceleration etc. So his training increases the capability of one's body to handle more physical challenges and build muscle mass in short period of time. He of course himself is an athlete who plays football, soccer, rugby, baseball, and basketball. When he said rugby, I repeated "oh rugby." And I had an instant imagine of Ben Cohen the super hunky rugby player from England. I filtered myself so I didn't mum out something like "oh Ben Cohen, famous rugby player, super hot."
After gym, I met up with friend K and had some deep conversation and Sea Urchin Spaghetti topped with soft scrambled eggs. It was DELICIOUS!!
Anyways, today it s pretty superficial. I tried to be more cultured by watching Sally Kern's dialogue regarding why gays are cancers to our society, only to find out that the only thing I wanted to do at that moment was to maul her face off and make it a cum rug. It can't be good for my sleep. So I am keeping today superficial as it is I guess.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Sitting on her bed surfing through various websites. In the background, Charter TV has been vomiting trashy contents at me since I turned it on. I guess I can appreciate good shows but overall I think TV is such waste of time...
"come on bring me to dinner tonight. I haven't hung out with you for the whole week."
"ah... it is the gay night. I got gay bloggers coming from out of town, they don't even know you. I don't even know them! It could be very weird."
"so? then it is perfect, all strangers, if they are down, we can have a good time no matter what."
"I guess it is true."
"ok I am going then."
She turned around going through her dresses.
I took out my cellphone and texting the guest gays regarding this intrusion.
She took off her bra. I have seen her kinda naked but not actually this naked. This is first pair of female boobs I have seen that don't belong to
2. wasted college chick
She stood there with her giant boobs and big nipples all bare and looking back.
"what, don't tell me you haven't seen boobs before. I know you are gay but you should have at least SEEN these."
"hmmm I have, and touched too but from a stripper."
"why do straight guys like those? they are just two giant fat mellon hanging. They actually kinda look scary. They could cause injuries, like black eyes or suffocation I think."
"shut up just because you don't like it doesn't mean they are bad."
"so B (her bf) loves them."
"oh yeah you should listen to him moan."
"like a nice bottom boy."
I waved. She walked over. I squeezed.
"firm very nice. "
"should I wear this dress."
"no too flowy, don't wear it at night."
"wear that blue one, and I want super high heels on you. ok I think u look good now."
Sidenote, she refers me as Cousin in front of everyone who doesn't know me.
After dinner we realized that we had to stop by a straight club for her friend's bday. I started moaning saying that I really wouldn't want to go. She said she would waste her dress's appearance if she doesn't. So the straight club it is.
"who is the bday guy anyway? did he go to USC too?"
"yeah! BR, you don't know him? I think you should, he works at Big Four right now."
"what is his last name?"
"omg I do know him and no one liked him! Coz he was an ex marine and anal about everything!"
"oh fuck that is just great. "
"so he knows I am coming?"
"yeah! I told him that you are my cousin already"
"hmmm make sure we don't start grinding in the club then. I so do not want to grind my cousin in front of him."
"god i hate this."
Not just that I don't feel that I belong but also the people are fucking assholes. My friend got yelled by a fucking 5'3" bitch and then I got shout at by the douchebag bartender. Yes I made a mistake but when I was about to correct it and give him what he asked for, all he wanted was to tell me to fuck myself. Alright, you get nothing then bitch, I mean I am sorry that you are born to be a mistake and become a fucking bartender. Fuck I am so pissed. God my friend owes me a big one! arrrrgggg
Friday, March 21, 2008
I just stumbled upon Tim's blog once again. He did his last post last December and the reason for that is that he came out and life suddenly changed and the original purpose of his blog pretty much evaporated.
I just want to write this to reflect this resonating phenomenon. I started this blog to vent all the things that happened in my life. It was a bit dark because I wasn't happy and I couldn't come out. I wanted a anonymous outlet for me to be as negative as I can. I think everyone has his/her dark side and as "dudes" we were taught not to cry and not to complain. With being in the closet and all, not to cry and not to complain wasn't even a dude thing anymore. It was just not an option to express that side of me. So after a while that baggage took a huge tow on everything else in my life. Everything wasn't as exciting as it was supposed to be and in many ways I was depressed. I think by reading back, I could see a lot of frustration and depression hinting here and there in my posts. However, that was extremely healthy the time being because I can be as a nervous wreck I wanted to be on my blog just so that all that frustration can be let out a little bit. I think in a lot of ways, blogging really helped me dealing certain things better. Coming out was definitely because of this blog. It is like working out and weight loss. You have a much better chance of achieving it if you keep a journal of what you do and eat. Coming out was the same deal. I got to see how frustrated and pathetic I was if I continued to force myself in the closet. The more I wrote about how great if I could come out, the more comfortable I got with that idea. So every time I wanted to come out, the idea of doing it seemed to be less scary. Then, I came out with the first friend and the ball started rolling.
Despite the fact that I came out to all my close friends, I kept on blogging. Probably still sounded a bit wrecked here and there. I didn't know the reason after I solved the mystery. Basically I was still frustrated that my folks didn't know. I went back to China after graduation and talked to several closer family members and on several occasions I almost came out but ended up not to. Now in retrospect, I am very happy that I didn't because coming out to my mom first was the proper way of dealing this. It would be just so wrong if she had to find out about it via some gossip within the family and then she probably would have had a harder time dealing with the initial shock.
So finally came out to my mom by the end of the summer. Everything changed. I felt like my life is normal now. All I had to do was just living it. There was no more need to linger around the blogsphere to seek the possibilities of freedom per se. I stopped reading blogs, writing blogs, and talking to bloggers. I was ready to quit blog like how I quit the stupid game WoW in my Junior year in USC. It became a bit cold turkey.
After a long hiatus and some half assed updates. I really wanted to continue to blog for a different reason. I felt that only when I decided to move on, this blog would never move on and it would be gone. So I guess the blogging material has changed a bit. I think that it is important for me to blog. I want to keep track of my life. I want to keep some sort of record with the people and things that shaped me and affected me. It is sort of a prove that I have been in this world. Something written like a contract. I am living my life, and on top of that I want it to be written in my own term as well. I think once I changed the reason for blogging, this blog actually survived its drought.
All in all, I think blogging is fantastic. God knows how it helped so many people dealing with messy issues that people just didn't know where to start. right?
Here is a picture for half naked thursdays haha. I am gonna start doing it.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
I generally like CNN. But I don't like how it is covering the news in Tibet. But I can't blame them. Compared to their report on the Chinese hackers, this one at least appeared to be somewhat impartial. Again that is after the hard facts of how the riot really happened, they couldn't do anything but report the impartial truth. I like how they say that in Iraq, trust and truth are all relative. What they do not realize is that it applies everywhere.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
I called my friend Dodo earlier that week and told her that I wanted to go shopping and have brunch on Saturday. She agreed, which is good because she has incredible sense of style and we always have fun together. I thought that was the plan for the whole weekend. Was I wrong.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Well my first porno moment was when I was 19 years old. It was a 4 way circle jerking in my school's shower. I really didn't think I would have another porno moment.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Now I am proud to be a Mac user mu hahaha. I just bought a Mac Book Pro. The 15" one to be exact. I feel that the 17" could be a bit too much for a laptop. After all I will be carrying it around.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Yeap you bet your ass it will be.
The bigot Rep. Sally Kern from Oklahoma said the following,
Yes, it is shocking and disgusting. It is just so frustrating when all we want is to be treated equally with respect and then we have people like this holding public offices still spread such animosity to the public. I just don't understand how people could be so twisted...
So, for once, I feel good about what Perez Hilton has to say. He suggested that we should all call in her office and leave our opinions. I called Sally Kern's office and ready to leave her a message. The mail box is full and I can't leave a message. I hope this youtube video catches more fires and really let the public see what kinda bigot they elected in their state.