Shop till I drop lol

Well due to the current economic crisis, I felt the need to support our economy at this grassroot level, so I went shopping.  Well... it was more like impulse shopping that in turn supported our economy.  It is my biggest one day purchase so far and I am not regretting it!

I bought a pair of Rock and Republic jeans, perfect fit!

A John Varvato fit polo, it was also a perfect fit, unfortunately, I cannot find a picture to post =/.  But the polo is very thin, and it uses fine material.  It is a combination of wool and cotton and I had to be really careful when I tried it on because the make of the shirt was so thin that I felt I could break it anytime. 

A Mango v-neck Tee.  This one was the cheapest item.  It is a simple purple v-neck tee with a "HE HE" in a thought bubble near my chest area.  The "HE HE" print is pretty unique.  One of the HE stacks on top of another, so it could be read as "hehe" like a light laugh, or in my own dirty mind refers to that I AM FUCKING GAY WITH A PURPLE TEE on.  I think that is pretty hot. Especially they do not align perfectly vertically, so it is like two HE are having doggie sex.  Ok I think I am just a bit crazy on the sexual imagination part...

Shamefully, I don't even remember what my 4th item is.  I mean it is really not my fault because I don't even have the shirt with me yet.  I think it was a Juicy Coutour deep vneck T.  It is not just a plain V neck.  The V shaped opening is very narrow with visible buttons on the side so it is pretty stylish. It is thin, comfortable and fit.  And the best part is that I could pre-purchase this for a Bloomingdale 7 days "friends and family" sale for a 20% discount!  So I am gonna go pick it up this Saturday ha ha.

Finally, my joy and love and totally unplanned purchase (not like other 4 were planned but this one is way out of the ballpark), was a Burberry double breast pea coat.  I bled 1.5k for it XD. It is 43% wool and 57% cotton.  It is pure black and at size 38 it is like tailored just for me.  I tried it on several times and completely fell in love with it.  My decision of buying the coat made the sales lady having an sale orgasm.  She kept selling it to me while I was paying saying what a fantastic purchase it was etc etc. I mean I already paying for it, so the extra compliment just felt a bit forced.  But she was nice since the very beginning, no attitude, no prejudice so I just thought it was cute of her doing that.  She was definitely more responsive to all my other demands as well loool.  On the contrary, my friend and I had a horrible time in the Gucci store and sadly the only salesperson who gave us the cold shoulder was this fugly Asian lady.  God Asians against Asians, what is new?  As soon as my friend asked when there would be a sale, she turned her plastic smile into an even faker smile that I didn't think was achievable by human beings and then left us unattended almost immediately.  I mean bitch please, if I were a Dlist celebrity you would probably be on your knees right now.  The economy is bad and even the stars are scaling back.  You should be happy that you are still working there.  I should totally have complained to the manager.  I mean we did complain and realized we complained to the wrong audience - another salesperson can't do too much to another salesperson lol... but after complaining we lost our steam so we just left... ANYWAYS... wow talking about off topic...

I couldn't find the model of the coat on burberry.com either.  Not sure it is one of their older designs or just aren't sold online.  So I took a picture of myself wearing it in the bathroom XD... I am loving it, what do you think? 

It is going to be 95 degrees this weekend.  At this rate I can probably utilize it twice this winter yipppy....

----

It was such a long shopping day, we walked around for more than 4 hours.  I have to say though, it was really fun, not only because I bought some good stuff but also because my cousin, my friend and I had a good time just talking and relaxing at the South Coast Plaza.  They already have a Christmas tree up!  This picture is taken on the second floor, you see how tall that thing is?  Isn't it pretty!

Then my friend (above) and I later met up with some of her gay friends who came from New York at the Abbeys.  Then met up with one of her gay coworker who is pretty cute at Heat Lounge or something like that.  It got too crowded and hot so we left there and went to Here Bar and danced our ass off.  It was so much fun but we were way too spent.  I mean shopping then straight out and drinking and partying was a bit much for one day. 

Ah... I am tired now... need to go sleep now.  Study shows that sleeping helps with weight loss.  

Last day in New York

I can't sleep again. It is 1130pm and my flight back to LA is at 6:00am.

I couldn't recall the logic of choosing such bad traveling schedule and now I feel particularly bad since S and his dad have decided to drive me to the airport. I would actually prefer to take a cab since I personally would hate it if I had to wake up @ 4am in the morning to send someone to the airport, even though it is only 20 minutes away. I guess everything in life deserves a bit more consideration then it's be less likely you may regret down the road.

Alegria was fun but I got burned out. Like I said in my last post, I only slept 2 hours after 8 hours of all night partying, so that tiny bit amount energy saved up could only last so long.

We got ready around 11:30pm because S's friend B said he could take us to a hotel to meet up his friends from Chicago first then we could all head out to the party together. However, while we were outside waiting, S got a call from B and was told that B has passed the exit by 10 miles. S said B had a lot of things on his mind so he was probably distracted. Since we were all ready, you know, dressed up, hair done, etc... we couldn't just go back home and sit there till 2 am, so S decided to visit his friend in the city first then we three can go to the party together. We did some chest workout till the cab arrived.

10 mins later we arrived at his friend H's place. H is a Japanese American who does his own furniture design business. He lives in this tiny studio which is worth a 3000 sq. ft. condo in a decent LA neighborhood. H is very calm and easy to talk to. I felt at ease chilling at his place. He was overwhelmed by one of his projects but was determined to finish it. So we waited till 2am and then headed to the party altogether. Meanwhile, I watched Law and Order and S was texting.

At this point, I already felt that my energy started to slowly slip away. But I was really excited to check out this party so I didn't care.

The venue was smaller and a little bit less crowded. Overall the party was pretty much exactly the same as the night before, and I have even saw some of the exact same people from the night before as well. Age group also didn't really change much. Actually I think I saw more older men there than Salem party. I don't know if it is because I have seen too much muscle so that I have become less aware of them, I also felt there were less muscular guys tonight as well. I started to dance with S and friends and later walked around here and there.

I don't know... it was still a thrill and rush to be there but I felt less engaged and there was no substance around to consume so I felt more sober than ever. The blaring music and trembling bass weren't enough to keep me going for that long...

Around 6 o'clock I was dead. As a matter of fact, I was so tired that I think I fell asleep with my eyes open. I am sure everyone has experienced something similar. You know when your brain is still conscious of movement but your cognitive function is already in a slumber.

S's friend B is completely wasted on drugs with his Chicago friends for hours and one of the guys in B's group has semi- OD'ed on something.

I have never felt completely at ease around B. I don't think he liked me for some reason. There was no chemistry for interaction or conversation whatsoever. Our greeting has always been as brief as a hi and bye. I told S about it just for the curiosity of it. But S said B has a lot of on his mind lately and that is why he wasn't making any effort. But still as you all know from your own experience, when you are around someone that you just don't get the good vibe, you are just generally more tense and annoyed.

So basically, I just stood upstairs staring down at the crowd after 6am. It was more of a people watching experience then. I couldn't take my eyes off one of the super tall and muscular guys downstairs. Every inch of the muscle fiber on him was so vibrant and robust that they seemed to be separate entities attached to his body. He couldn't stop moving, I mean why would he, it took years to build that marvel, he's got to show it to the world. He was making all these poses, consciously or subconsciously but every pose was beautiful and he looked powerful and masculine from every angle. For me, this is a big part of what being gay is about. It is the attraction and submission to that masculine superiority of physical form and symbolism of power associated with it. I thought to myself, how come I didn't notice him downstairs. He moved and moved and suddenly he looked up and I saw his face. I of course have noticed him downstairs, I thought he was really aged. To be fair I think he is probably in his late 30s or early 40s, which is not really old by all accounts in today's society for a man. I think they are usually really sexy. But for some reason, it is either the light or the drugs or simply late night physical strain, some of them, people in their late 30s and early 40s just look so old. They look so alert, so energized and yet so tired. It is an odd facial expression. It has a bit of that deers in the headlight feeling to it.

I didn't see too many people that are smoking hot. There were about 3-4 that were really memorable and of course I didn't get to dance or talk to any of them. I feel that people who I found extremely attractive are usually out of my league and the rest I just ignore. That is my verdict to the crowd and I don't know what that says about me.

At that point I just wanted to sleep. I think the hardest hour was from 8am to 840am. That 40 minutes felt like forever. I felt bad to pressure S to leave because he wasn't too tired and wanted to keep dancing. i don't think B wanted to leave either. In retrospective, I should have just take a cab. But then I think that would be rude to S too. But eventually, we walked out the club @ 9 am and I felt like a zombie under sunlight. I brought my sunglasses this time because the sunlight was so blinding yesterday when I walked out Salem party. However, I think it rained before we walked out, so there was no sun and it was a bit wet and cold, quite a somber scene. I soon fell asleep in the car...

I heard S say " he didn't sleep and he is tired. " My mind raced back to reality. Who didn't sleep, who is tired, that sounds like me, then I woke up and the car has parked in front of S's house already.

Showered, changed, and passed out for 8 hours. Then woke to eat and watched some TV. It now feels like a complete vacation.

Now it is 1230am and I will have to get up in 3 and half hours. Maybe I will just pull another all nighter then hehe.

Back to LA soon.

new york circuit party

I am at a friend's house in NY right now. It is 5:30pm and I have slept for about 2 and half hours since I came back here from my first circuit party @ 1pm. It was sponsored by Saint at Large and the name of the party was Salem. My friend S told me that this party tailors to a somewhat older crowd so I should expect to see some older guys and some muscle bears etc. It turned out to be exactly that but it wasn't overwhelming, many many hot guys to spare, though there were people who I thought were too old to be in a party like this. However, I guess that is the beauty of it, it is ageless, non-judgemental, and anything goes kinda fun times. Right now I am not really feeling tired. But my body knows better... I think I really should sleep more but I just can't.



I didn't know what to expect in a circuit party. Party as such has a lot of crazy rep. Not necessarily bad, though that also depends on how you define what is good and bad. I don't listen to House music and I am not keen on drugs, so I don't know if the this combination is fused as always in circuit parties or if I could just somehow enjoy the experience without taking substance.

Well, it just somehow worked out. I loved the music and I also took Ecstasy. Neither was overwhelming. It was probably louder than all the clubs I have been to, but very manageable and everyone was just dancing so it forged such a strong and welcoming environment that it was almost impossible that you don't enjoy it.

My friend and the host of my trip, S is someone who sincerely loves the music. He lives through the scene, engaged but not consumed. So the whole night he was dancing and checking out the guys but didn't really engage in any hook up activities. I wasn't sure if it was because the guys weren't his type, or because of my presence that he didn't feel like to leave me alone. His friend B started rolling on substances soon after we got there, and later I found out that he met a lot of his guys from the past in the party and it was a game of dodging and engaging for him the whole night. And then there was this really energetic Peruvian guy named A and he was a friend of S. He was really friendly. I danced with him quite a bit. Sometimes all over the places and sometimes quite up close body to body. It was all good fun, nothing too sexual. I like tall guys, and if he were 6'1" and above I wouldn't mind hooking up with him, but I think he is around 5'7", quite a difference. I enjoyed his company nevertheless. There was also this twinky white guy who I talked to in the bathroom. He wasn't a muscle god like half of the people there, but he was toned and lean and his buzzed army style haircut on top of that twink built was pretty attractive. We talked for a little bit and his hands were really friendly. He also tried to get in the stall while I was peeing. I am pretty sure it wasn't for hardcore sex haha. But it would be hot and I wouldn't mind. I later ran into him several times, and he would always grab me and say hi. I was pretty into the whole scene, partially because of the environment, partially because of the nakedness, and partially because of the Ecstasy I took 2 hours prior. I was really engaged and kinda horny. I really wanted to do something with him, but whenever he approaches, I really wouldn't know how to let that out lol.. I don't know, I didn't want to sound desperate or anything. When he grabbed my lower waist and gently massaged it and said he was looking for entertainment, I really didn't know if he wanted a warm body or more Ecstasy. I saw him one last time around 10 am'ish. The ecstasy helped but I barely felt it, maybe I should increase the dosage tonight lol. Dropping the pills wasn't as dramatic as one might imagine it to be. It was quite casual and pretty just that, recreational. Since I am on a trip, I would want to try it all.

This party gave me a sense of urgency to work out more lol... Let me just say that the whole place felt like a meat market the whole time. Lots lots prime ribs with definitions that would take years to forge. It is so fucking hot to see a muscle god dances his mind off. However, on the other hand, I also saw this very skinny and saggy old man who is probably in his late 50s or early 60s with a nothing on but a mask and a jock strap on. He just walked around and around aimlessly. S and I both noticed him when we were resting on a bench. S just shrugged off. But I just couldn't stop thinking what he was looking for? Trying to get really lucky or just a stubborn old scene queen that has already died inside and left this walking outer shell in this place to reflect upon his formal glorious self? I couldn't help but feeling sorry for him. But what do I know, maybe he is a happy man and he just wants to have fun god damn it. I guess no matter what it is, the drug, the hot hookups, the music, people just want to have fun. I like this, and I like it a lot. I can feel the pulse of a city strong and alive. The city was a living being at that moment. I think I can get used to this in the future, and hopefully I will be able to come back here for more fun in the near future.

It felt a bit surreal when I came out of the club, the sun was bright in the sky and people were already well on their ways to live their weekends. You see families taking their kids to brunch, people running to Sunday school, and people who are just running around in the city. I suddenly felt as if reality dissolved and time has stopped and gone to another dimension for the past 8 hours and now I just came back again. S said that he can always hear the music in his head after partying. I can't physically hear that inner sound but my mind kept repeating that beat and I love it.

Back to the house, after an extremely satisfying hot shower, I was in bed ready to sleep. S and his sister were in the room for a bit chitchat. S said tomorrow would my last day of gay events and I should really hook up.

I don't know. I really want to have a crazy sexual experience like an orgy or something, but then I don't want to hook up. Because if I go to a party with the presumption of getting laid, then that would be the only thing on my mind, and if I don't get what I want, it is always a let down. I would rather to let it happen naturally. I lack of some self confidence and at the same time have a lot of pride, so I wouldn't want to approach someone so boldly because I am afraid to get rejected in the face. I know it is silly since I would never see any of these people again, but still I wouldn't want to apply that pressure on myself. Like this older gay who told me that flirting is a sport and you have to practice to get good at it. I guess I need to learn to how deal with pain first... maybe the best way is to get hurt ha.

Anyways, I am going to another circuit party called "Alegria" tonight. It means happiness in Spanish according to S. I am really excited and I think it would be another night of fun times. Oh yeah supposedly that this party is tailored to a younger crowd. We will find out then!

Ciao for now.

The Heat

These past two days have been hot. Yes, my wish has been granted. I hated the chilly weather for the first 3 days in this week and I was grumpy. I was mad at god or whatever that is controlling the weather. I whined and whined about the weather as if I was promised to have a good weather for my birth. But alas, I didn't ask for heat waves like this. It is just mid-April folks and it has reached a freaking 100 degrees here in LA already...

Anyways let me talk about my little weekend. It was eventful yet uneventful and overall a bit depressing at the end because of my weird logic.

Friday

Kee invited me to go to this Yacht party last week and I was pretty excited about it. I even planned to shop for some shirts to attend. Turns out I didn't get time to shop, also there was no Yacht and party was hosted at a steakhouse near the beach area. Too far of a drive and didn't sound all that fun. So I passed on the opportunity. I hung out with Kee quite a bit for the past 2 weeks and it got QUITE boring again. Kee is all around fun gal to hang out with, just not more than two weeks. There is nothing in her head except for sex, guys, shopping, and her boyfriend. She doesn't read news, doesn't care about current event, has no hobby, and just overall not an interesting person once you peel off her pretty facade. I on the other hand has been a little bitch too. I refused to drive to anywhere that she invited me to go so when she wasn't driving I just kinda ditch. So we did our own thing this week and it was feeling kinda good to not to see her and listen to her broken record stories about his bf B. 

So I thought about going to hookah and no one wanted to go. I felt exhausted toward the end of my work day and I thought, what the hell, I am going home first and take a nap and maybe later I would get a call to do something with someone.

Sleep-drove home, hit the sack, and passed out till 10pm. Woke up with a headache and deer in the head light demeanor I wandered downstairs and whined like a little boy for food. By the time I regained my consciousness, and fully fed as well, it was 11pm. No CALLS either. Just freaking fantastic. A bit depressed and annoyed, I logged online and started to talk to these two guys that I have been emailing back and forth. One was this Mexican waiter working in a very small restaurant in downtown area, low profile, career wise is anything but an aphrodisiac. But he talked in this cute fashion and I liked his responsiveness. The other was my prize money! He was this 23 year old guy from UCLA and total frat boy type. Tall (6'3"), built and lean (with picture and current weight 180lb). Did I mention I like big muscular and masculine guys? Yes I really do. So hot and our conversation went extremely well. I exchanged number with both and planned Saturday to meet the waiter and Sunday to meet the hunk.

Saturday

I went to Waiter's den. He was dog sitting for his friend who was in England at the time. Dog was cute, the waiter was ok. He was lean, not too dark, about 2-3 inches shorter than I was. But alas, I drove 20 mins to see this dude, I could compromise. Turned out he wasn't willing. We chatted here and there for like 1 hour and when I wanted to do something he said he was going to leave. Well I couldn't blame him for that because we planned to meet between 430 to 630 since he had a bday party to attend at 630. I got there pass 500, so when I wanted to do something it was already 600. Still I was kinda pissed. Considering in my mind I just compromised for the situation. But if he really wanted to, he would have done something already. He said don't worry we would probably meet again. I was thinking, yeah right, maybe in a mirror universe. Do you know how much the gas is in LA right now, 4 dollars a gallon plus the opportunity cost for 20 mins of driving! Also later I had a car scare... I almost got creamed by this giant bus. All this trouble, I would definitely not see him again. Deleted his number right away, went home, change and attended the ATTACK OF THE GAYS event.

I was invited by this older friend S, whom I met in my gym. He is one of the executive producer (logistic producer, not content) for one of the most popular TV Gossip Magazine Shows on one of the major networks. NOT TMZ, because that would be Harvey Levin, and that would be hot, he has these very cute minions running around in his studios.. ok off topic... Anyways, the event is called the Guerrilla Bars event, or the invasion of the gays. Gay guys would dress in a black shirt/tshirt and all go to one of the popular straight club/bars. The bar and club would not be notified in advance. Sounded pretty fun so I agreed to go. We first met up at his house for drinks. I walked in and I got a big surprise which definitely got me shy right away. There were already about 15-20 guys there. All were old enough to be my dad. I mean my friend S is in his mid 40s so technically he could have had me at 20 and it is totally legit. Naturally, all his friends were around his age. I felt a bit fish out of water not just because the age difference but also because I didn't know anyone! As I walked in, all heads turned and looked at me and I think i just died right there. Like a deer in the headlight again. These gays are all hmmm quality gays I would say? Middle class, well educated, focused, driven, and successful. But unfortunately, very seasoned. They lived through the 70s and 80s and I am just a gay deer newly out in the head light. 

After a brief talking with some of them, I got to know C, working for a giant health care company now. Used to work in the entertainment industry and in my company particularly on the corporate side before he left for health care. Also I talked to this guy R, who is currently working for one of the world largest international media/technology conglomerate. He is the head of the TV marketing. Funny part is that one of his current project's quarterly result would come to my company and fall in my lap and I would further process his work to produce the end-user product for the public. Small world ay?

The bar we went to was called Vive Lounge and it was a really nice place. What was absolutely hilarious was that there was a bridal dinner/party event. So we saw three giant tables of clueless straight people eating and drinking and ready to get their dance on soon at the dance floor. All of sudden, volla, 300 gays showed up dressed in black and start fucking voguing in their face. Finally my deer position was replaced by these poor souls. I didn't feel too bad because the bride... looked like the fucking bride of Chucky, as big as a sumo wrestler, started to poking her giant asses everywhere. It was a sight to behold. 

I was a bit disappointed. There were almost no guys in my age. Not like I would have hooked up with anyone, but I would like to have some fun and checking out hot guys. This time, I had to stay with my group because I am not into daddies. I didn't call them daddies just because I knew they were older, rather, some of them really looked like they were old enough to be my dad and beyond too and not in the hot way either. Ok I think I just sounded like someone who has something against old people. That is absolutely not true. I believe in aging gracefully and naturally. I think a guy who takes care of himself and ages with dignity is extremely sexy, especially the domesticated and family oriented type. In fact I wrote several entries regarding my big big crushes on older guys who already have some grey hair on their head. But when I go to a bar, I can't get blamed when I don't feel too excited to be surrounded by people are all just older. I really felt the disconnected when Like a Virgin was on. The older gays went nuts and voguing again. I found out that Like a Virgin came out one year after I was born sigh...

Ok I am sure there were some 30 year olds but I couldn't tell. 

I was determined to have a good time though. So I danced non-stop for 2 hours and had two drinks and felt dizzy. My friend S was nice enough to take me back to his place early. 

He said I could sleep there if I wanted to. At that moment, I knew what he wanted. He tried once  before... 

The first time I met S was through a french guy at the gym. S just broke up with his 4 year long boyfriend at that time and was ready to drink his sorrow away so we all went out to party. He at that time, also made the same offer to me that night and I politely refused. 

This time I was pretty dizzy from the drinks. Though I could definitely drive home, I felt bad for just leaving like this. 

For the record, I really don't find S attractive at all. He is too short and too chubby for my taste. Plus the age difference - I think he probably 45. He is however known to be genuine and sweet. His last boyfriend was this middle eastern guy who looked like he just walked out from a hardcore gay porn. He was oozing was sexual energy and his body was EXTREMELY sexy. His face was masculine and his gaze was deep and commanding. He had tattoos on his arm and he just looked so freaking hot. I definitely had a crush on this guy. But soon after he broke up with S, he stopped going to the gym in Pasadena and started to go to the one in Weho. 

Anyways, weighting in the pros and cons of staying and thinking I could say no anytime I want if he did something, there was really nothing bad if I stayed just a bit. 

But honestly, I really don't know what made me to make that decision. Here are the possibilities, 

1. Sympathy. He is mid-40. Broke up with someone who he probably thought would spend the rest of his life with. Working hard, and not dating. Lots of the gays who went to party tonight were couples and he wasn't with anyone. If I were him, is it really that much to ask for a young guy like me to just take a nap and cuddle? I really have nothing to lose and I am in control in this situation. A bit generosity would probably make the night perfect for him. 

2. Resonance. Similarly to possibility #1, I could imagine how he feels if I were him. I am afraid of being alone and I want a family very badly at age of 24 already. NO ONE wants to die alone. Being gay isn't our choice but how we live out our lives is really up to us. No one said that gays are bound to be childless and lonely. He is probably having or has already had those panic attacks many times throughout his life. Now on this bed, after a night of drinking in his mid-40s, having someone to sleep over and cuddle is probably just the thing he needed to feel positive even just for a little bit. 

3. Bitterness. I was bitter that stupid waiter didn't jump on me. Yes like I wrote before, when you get rejected you suddenly become interested. How pathetic. I was the one who quickly went through thoughts and judgements based on height, appearance, demeanor, education, career, train of thoughts, responsiveness, and personality in the first 5 mins we met AND MADE COMPROMISE thinking ok he was good enough to have some fun with and then got indirectly turned down. Now I am bitter. omg.... I need to get a grip.

4. Curiosity. I wanted to see how he would do it. Approach me, touch me, talk to me etc. How does he even begin to subtly seduce or ask shall we say for something sexual from someone who is not interested or too young or w/e....

So at the end I was in his bed. He cuddled me and we both actually fell asleep for about half hour. He then suddenly without saying much started to touch my crotch. Soon he was between my legs and blowing me. He was pretty good I have to say. He did everything oral, balls licking, rimming, flickering my thighs with his tongue. It was quite fun to be honest. It is true, once in the dark, everything is the same. Remember that scene from Sex and the City? where Samantha was fucking this 60 some guy for money and she said "he touched like a 40 year old, kissed like a 40 year old, felt like a 40 year old, but omg he has a 60 year old ass", she ran out after seeing that ass. Imagine if there weren't any ass sighting triggers she would have stayed with him longer. For me there was no scene on par with the ass-sighting. I could feel his chubby belly and chest. But overall, it was oral sex at its best. It was nothing but oral. Pure form of this sexual activity. I returned the favor for a little bit. I gave him head. His dick was actually pretty amazing. Long but not too long, thickness was just right and he was extremely hard. Also, he had these GIGANTIC balls. 

We didn't really have sex but after we both came we laid next to each other and talked for a while. About life and relationship what have you. I talked about those 4 potential possibility of why I stayed there in my own words and my own perspectives. He responded to them. I could tell he does want a family but given the background, I don't think he believes in gay family and he is in a way coping with this traumatizing realization as well.

Ok, maybe this is another prime example of me over analyzing. He probably fucked another 20 guys who are 18-22 in the past couple weeks or had crazy monkey sex with some middle eastern porn stars as far as I know. He probably is having a BALL and I am the one who thought he was all still kinda depressed by his situation. omfg, stupid me -_-.....

Before I left, he said oh you are a young charming sweet heart. Gay life can change people, don't change, just be the sweetheart you are. I know what he meant but I still dont know what to make of it... oh right before I left, I said I knew what you wanted the moment I walked in haha. He was jokingly said oh you bitch. But I wasn't sure if he was genuinely surprised or acted surprised...

On the way home, I texted UCLA hunk and asked him if he wanted to hang out on Sunday. 

Sunday

Today is shopping day. My friend Dodo, her friend Kevin and I went to Melrose. We were completely petrified by the heat as if it was our first day visiting a place this hot. Kevin bought a French bulldog at that petstore on melrose. Don't remember the name but it was supposed to be a bit celebrity studded place. The dog was 3,000 dollars, cute as a button and expense as hell. 

Meanwhile, I got UCLA hunk's text saying that he forgot that he had his nephew's bday party and apologized twice for not hanging out. I found that cute. We didn't really confirm the sunday fool around schedule yet he took it a bit serious. I liked that and I hope I could see him soon and have uninhibited monkey sex lol~~~ Also, I got a text from S asking me if I got home ok last night. 

Anyways, back to the shopping. AS broke AS I am, I bought a G-star short sleeve button up shirt, white, with two big pockets around the chest area. I would never touch those shirts on my own but dodo told me to try it on. It actually looked quite good. The cut was perfect around my shoulder and the back was fit. It was quite a nice surprise considering the other 4 items I picked out were all flops. It was also quite surprising at the cashier. It was 129 dollars! omg............ Too much ego to say no and too vain to reject a cute shirt, I happily took out my AmEx card... After that I bought another Marc by Marc cheap grey T, this one says "hardcore" in this very very light print cross the chest area. I guess this one would be off limit at work. I already made that mistake once... I wore this grey FCUK tshirt at work and I failed to notice that there was this slogan printed in purple saying "Cool as FCUK". I mean it was already bad enough and then it was interpreted by another coworker as a parody of Queer as Folks. JEEBUS PEOPLE...

Now I am home feeling like I had a heat stroke.... I want another medium sized Pink Berry like the one I had 3 hours ago.... Arrgggg So freaking hot. I think we would just all melt in August... weeee..

Another weekend that started high ended kinda low

Friday was exhausting. We had a quarterly outing hosted by our department. It was full of the corporate event's gimmicks, you know, the little games, the pathetic prizes, and the "socializing". I had fun though I had to say. I played a couple rounds of pool and won the dart competition. I was teamed up with this old tall Brazilian manager. He was a surfer when he was younger, so I bet he was pretty hot when he was in his 20s. Now, he is just a standard grandpa or papa. 

The reason I was so tired wasn't because of this. I got kinda sick on Tuesday and ever since then, the symptoms have been lingering. So I guess my body was trying to constantly fending off the virus or bacteria or whatever, it really took more energy everyday. I didn't stop working out or start sleeping earlier. So by Friday I am really god damn tired. On the way home @ 4pm bathing under the warm LA sun, I was falling asleep. My head went side ways and I constantly struggled to clarify what was on the road and what was out of my dream. It was a strange moment. Suddenly, my cellphone rang and Kee "cousin" called, and I think she saved my life. 

"hey, remember Ad?"

"hmm the rich guy who likes you? from laguna beach?"

"yeah! he asked me out tonight, not a date just hanging out with his friends, I told him that my cousin is coming, so you'd better come ok! It is a upscale sushi restaurant/lounge, So i guess there is dancing later too. The dinner is @ 8:30ish"

"ok, I will. I am bored out of my ass I need to go out."

So I went home and ready to take a quick nap so I get some energy for some party.

So, cut through the random and useless stuff, Kee and I left her house around 9. Took us 1 hour on the freeway to get to laguna beach. Right off the bat, I see this sizzling hot guy leaning down kissing this chick. I was like omg I am on. Ok not kissing the chick part, but I would definitely blow that guy.

The restaurant is indeed pretty nice. The waiter/waitress are all hot, like the ones you would see in West Hollywood, like in Ketchup. The crowd was extremely attractive as well. As I stood there waiting, the nearby tables looked up and watching our 10 people party trying to squeeze in this 6 people table. The chick next to me looked up and smiled at me. Yes I had to say I looked pretty good Friday night. My outfit wasn't even expensive! I wore a Club Monaco V-neck T, with G-star jeans, pair of olive colored converse, and topped with a Zara's jacket. 

Once we sat down, I looked around the table. Two young pairs, and two older guys, one single blond, me and my cousin and Ad. Ad is this chubby guy who didn't really look all that cute either. However, he was charismatic, kind, and very fun. I am telling you, inner beauty matters people! The old guy sitting next to me was from Germany, doing medical equipment business. He travels to LA 4-5 times a year for business. Apparently, he hangs out with Ad every time he is here. I think Ad is like his dad's PR person. Ad's dad does laser eye surgical equipment business so Ad would take this old guy old every time he is in town as a good token. Maybe... just my guess. 

We started doing Sake bombing. Ok I wasn't planning to drink at all but I ended up taking.

3 Sake bombs (mind you it was a good half cups of beer too!)

1 Sake shot

2 cups of beer (maybe half of a beer)

2 Jagger shots

the Jagger shots was big and they totally did it for me. By the end of the dinner, I was in a really happy place. 

Oh the sushi was phenomenal!! It was definitely one of the best I have ever had. The one item that REALLY impressed me was something quite common, it was Salmon sashimi. The salmon was flawless and the texture was tight and smooth. When you start chewing, the fish seems to just melt in your mouth instead of being disintegrated by your teeth. All the sushi was much more authentic as well. How you can tell? you can't pick up one with your chopsticks unless you are really careful. Because sushi wasn't supposed to be tight like a cinderblock. The structure should be really soft and loose so you really should eat with your hands. That was what I ended up doing. We order a lot of fatty tuna, salmon, and urchins. omg it was such a good experience. 

For those of you want to have a good time eating sushi. please check this place. It is called Mosun Sushi in laguna beach on S. Coast Hwy. The number is 680. You know how I remember? because we tried a full 30 mins in a stupid gas station trying to figure out the recognizable address for Kee's stupid navigation. This process involved calling 3 people checking this place online. 

Once dinner was finished, we went to the lounge upstairs. We were given a vip pass so we just went up directly. It was actually a fantastic club!!!! Also one of the best I went to. The lighting was just perfect and the DJ was kinda well known. DJ Reflex was in da house. I was totally in Rihanna's don't stop the music mode. I just wanted to move my body and shake the stress away. With the help of alcohol and the crew now was somewhat familiar, I was totally rocking it. Yes it was a straight club, so I couldn't really jump to a guy and feel him up. Nor did I have to worry about who is looking who is not. I didn't have to impress or approach anyone. So I just really had a good time. Dancing with the group. The blond was a great dancer, and definitely very whorish on the dance floor. I love whores on the dance floor because they are the most fun people to dance with. I was dancing with everyone, including the guys since the chicks were in between. The music was also very well mixed. I think most of the time, whether a club is good or not really depends on the music. I mean the drinks can only vary so much, you get weak and strong, basically how the bartender mix the proportion determines a good or bad drink. The club design could matter but most of the time it is just that, a design, a decoration. When it is dark, steamy and people are drunk, your design could mean nothing. The lighting is definitely important because when you party basically the visual and audio stimulation is everything. Of course the body contacts as well. So this party pretty much covered it all.

Soon enough, I was grinding and going down with 4 chicks including some two other random chicks in the middle of the dance floor. We def grabbed a bit attention from the crowd. Ad asked my "cousin". Are you sure he is gay, he doesn't look too gay to me right now. I have to say all the girls could dance pretty well except for this one. Her name was Marie. Also a blond. But she couldn't DANCE if her life depended on it. All she did was sticking her arms in the air in such a clumsy way that it looked like she had a stroke and the arms were permanently sticking out. She had this big smily face on the whole time, plus her WHOLE body moves in one direction and one motion at a time, plus those giant lobster arms sticking up the air, she just looked like she was having a seizure in the middle of the dance floor. Plain and simple.  I didn't care, I would still rock out with her and she seemed to have a good time. That was all it mattered! But yeah, she just couldn't dance! Kee pointed out that that was why her boyfriend was nowhere near her now. I was L-O-Ling~~~ lol...

Oh one quick thing, I slipped in the middle of the dinner. I got a bit tipsy, so I was like Kee give me a kiss. and Ad looked at us in awe. So we both had to eat a shit load of shit trying to back track. It was pretty bad...

Anyways, I was buzzing crazy and got home around 230.

Woke up at 800 feeling like a zombie, headed to my god forsaken in person traffic school. It was a fucking dread 8 hours ordeal and I came out of that place at 530pm feeling numb. I was exhausted, my eyes were hurting. I spent the evening watching TV and blowing nose. Yes I got sick again. 

sigh....

Is gossip gay nature or human nature

One unrelated news...

I listen to cnn.com live news everyday and I am in love with the two anchors, Nicole Lapin and Reggie Aqui. They are both young and pretty and I choose to believe that Reggie is gay.  Anyways, I was listening to McCain's speech regarding foreign policy and wrote a comment regarding his speech on the "your voice" box right below the streaming video player. About 30 mins. later, Nicole was covering the speech and read three comments from the viewers and the third one was MINE. It was so awesome. 

"and David wrote......... thank you for your comments and please submit your thoughts and comments in our sound off section. You can get the latest news on TV, on your computer or your cellphone, thank you for watching." 

Awww how sweet. I know I know. It is not like I wrote an article and got published. And my four sentence comment has been edited down to two. But still kinda like a little treat of the day.

Now to the post....

I was about to blog this experience anyway, but didn't expect the little unpleasant twist at the end. Let's get the good stuff first. 

Well there were five gays who went out partying last Thursday and Friday. It was really fun, no hookups, but at least eventful. Tigerheat was sweaty, full of hot boys, and I got to dance with some interesting people. 

There was this one guy,

my height, skinny, white and had wavy long hair. He had a very structured face and narrow face span. His long curly hair styled to fall sideways to cover part of his eyes. It was a sexy look. He was sweaty and yet smelled good. I saw him and he saw me. We started dancing together. Slowly we got closer, hands roamed. He had a hard body. Not worked out type. I think the reason he felt hard and fit is solely because he has low body fat %. We squeezed each other, felt each other, and breathed into each other. About 30 mins later. I leaned in to give him a kiss. He kissed but no tongue. We danced two more songs and I realized he had a female friend nearby. Good dance, kiss with no tongue. It was time to finish it. We gave each other a hug I said "you are cute". 

"you are really cute too."

I moved back and forth, in and out of my 5 gays group. Danced the night away. I was exhausted. 

--

Second night, we went to the Abbeys then Eleven cross the street. I met one of the bloggers' friend at the bar. He had this cute brazilian female friend.  Yes, she wasn't as skinny as a super model. But she was curvy and sexy. Most importantly, bitch knows how to have a good time. We kinda hit off instantly. If she didn't have this annoying 5'5" coworker jumping around it would have been even better. We danced, we talked and we laughed throughout the night. Her face was marble white with a healthy pinkish glow. Makeup was done just right. Her two big eyes were definitely inviting. Naturally all the hot gays would stop and talk to her. I got her number and we sure will go out together again in West Hollywood pretty soon. When we danced all of our energy away we parted ways and we gays went to have pizza. 

That was it.

Now the bad stuff. 

Today however, I just heard that, apparently that night, I "was making out with a fat chick the whole night."

Not only it wasn't true but how offensive that sounded. I didn't know any of the gays well at all before Thursday. Met one twice, two once, and two for the very first time. I had high regard for one of them just because he had so much accomplishment in the field that I am interested in. Not necessarily that I wanted to go that path but I know how hard it is to make it at that young age and how smart he is. That was the background of this group. Basically five strangers, occasional online chat buddies...  

Gossip, the guilty pleasure of life. But I guess there are two kinds. One is to spread information without one's consent, the other is to spread false information without consent. I think most people would do or at least have done the first type. How many of you have done the second? I personally haven't done so because that doesn't seem to fit in my philosophy. MAYBE because I haven't met someone I just really don't like THAT much or I am not old enough to be indifferent about people and things. I am very compassionate and considerate one's feelings regardless how much I dislike that person. There is a history behind this odd behavior and I think I may blog about it soon... 

Anyways, this little gossip piece is not gonna make a dent on my evening or on me in any way. However, it is like being pooped on by bird. It is still an unpleasant event that is only kinda funny when it doesn't really happen to you.

A kinda dysfunctional friendship

One----

Sitting on her bed surfing through various websites. In the background, Charter TV has been vomiting trashy contents at me since I turned it on. I guess I can appreciate good shows but overall I think TV is such waste of time...

"come on bring me to dinner tonight. I haven't hung out with you for the whole week."

"ah... it is the gay night. I got gay bloggers coming from out of town, they don't even know you. I don't even know them! It could be very weird."

"so? then it is perfect, all strangers, if they are down, we can have a good time no matter what."

"I guess it is true."

"ok I am going then."

She turned around going through her dresses.

I took out my cellphone and texting the guest gays regarding this intrusion.

She took off her bra. I have seen her kinda naked but not actually this naked. This is first pair of female boobs I have seen that don't belong to
1. stripper
2. wasted college chick

She stood there with her giant boobs and big nipples all bare and looking back.

"what, don't tell me you haven't seen boobs before. I know you are gay but you should have at least SEEN these."

"hmmm I have, and touched too but from a stripper."
"why do straight guys like those? they are just two giant fat mellon hanging. They actually kinda look scary. They could cause injuries, like black eyes or suffocation I think."

"shut up just because you don't like it doesn't mean they are bad."

"so B (her bf) loves them."

"oh yeah you should listen to him moan."

"like a nice bottom boy."

"exactly."

"hot."

I waved. She walked over. I squeezed.

"firm very nice. "

"of course."
"should I wear this dress."

"no too flowy, don't wear it at night."
"wear that blue one, and I want super high heels on you. ok I think u look good now."


Sidenote, she refers me as Cousin in front of everyone who doesn't know me.
---

Two---

After dinner we realized that we had to stop by a straight club for her friend's bday. I started moaning saying that I really wouldn't want to go. She said she would waste her dress's appearance if she doesn't. So the straight club it is.

"who is the bday guy anyway? did he go to USC too?"

"yeah! BR, you don't know him? I think you should, he works at Big Four right now."

"what is his last name?"

"xxx"

"omg I do know him and no one liked him! Coz he was an ex marine and anal about everything!"

"oh fuck that is just great. "

"so he knows I am coming?"

"yeah! I told him that you are my cousin already"

"hmmm make sure we don't start grinding in the club then. I so do not want to grind my cousin in front of him."

"god i hate this."

A weekend that felt like a week

I called my friend Dodo earlier that week and told her that I wanted to go shopping and have brunch on Saturday. She agreed, which is good because she has incredible sense of style and we always have fun together. I thought that was the plan for the whole weekend. Was I wrong.

Friday night, Kee called up and asked me to go have dinner with her... AFTER I pick her up from the airport. I was tired and driving to LAX in rush hours just didn't sound appealing at all. But she's been driving me around and treating me dinner etc, besides I am really counting on her to buy me an Iphone II as my bday or Christmas gift whenever that thing comes out.  So I told her I would be there. Oh of course, the friendship was a deciding factor too. I am serious!. 

The drive wasn't bad at all but I got even more tired once I arrived. Luckily her flight arrived early - I know how impossible that sounded - and we left the airport in no time. She just came back from Ohio so she was rocking this amazing coat from Kenneth Cole. I was impressed. In the car, she told me how there were so many cute corn fed white guys walking around etc.  Yeah, we have identical tastes in guys. Not just type of guys, but the exact same criteria as well.  We picked up her car from her boyfriend's place and we went for some dinner. As food lovers, we had a blast eating this really spicy Chinese noodles. Then we went back to her place and I curled up in her bed watching TV as if it was in the winter time. She was busy unpacking.  I think women do look beautiful when their mother  nature just naturally come out. Even though she was unpacking for herself, I could see that tender moment when she is cleaning up her baby's shit filled diapers etc. It was truly sweet. We talked and watched some more TV and went out to eat yet again.  I then accidentally left my key at the restaurant and made the owner to wait for me for 20 mins at 12:00am in a small plaza till I picked the keys up lol. He was SO nice. But he was pissed...

--

Saturday was my shopping day. My friend dodo ended up bringing 2 friends of hers. I didn't mind but the shopping then didn't go as I planned. I wanted to modify my style a bit. I really wanted to try some different kind of layering and with those two there I just didn't want to waste too much time and trying on clothes like a diva. So we just swiftly shopped around. 

I guess because we had a small group the hop shopping was really fun in West Hollywood/Melrose. We would go to one store and hop in the car drive to the next spot several blocks down the street and repeat. I know we were pretty lazy but we were able to find parking whenever we wanted so it was almost as if we owned the place. I picked out a Paul Frank long sweater for another friend of mine who was going to have her bday celebration the same night.  Now, after shopping for so long I felt that I really needed to get something for myself as well and since I was on a very tight budget due to my recent purchase of my kick ass Mac Book Pro, I went to Marc by Marc, the Marc Cheap. I bought a Chicago Marc grey Tshirt and two condoms. The condom was for my bday girl friend as a joke. On the way out we saw the cutest mascot - a skunk standing in the display window. How can we resist free photo op with a spring skunk? So we did our dramatic takes with the skunk and left the place happy and goofy.  Later on, I found out that I left my condoms and tshirt at the skunk's den and when I called in the girl was like "well you can come back and check." Yeah... that sounds like a plan. 

It rained on the way home. Sunny and pouring. The palms trees, weird buildings, unique window displays, crazy people, and the sunny rain made the afternoon a very memorable one. I thoroughly loved it.

Fast forward to 9 pm. I arrived at bday girl's apt and gifted her. We then headed out to the singing bar called Brass Monkey in Hollywood. It was a very wonderful and simple joint. People were genuinely having fun - even though 70% of the singers were practically screaming at the microphone. About 20 people showed up to the party and one guy definitely stood out. He was the boyfriend of a ex friend and oh my was he beautiful. He was half korean half white with a 10k millioin watt smile that shocked me every time he smiled. We ended up chatting for a while. He was still going to UCLA for MBA and he was originally from Maine how cute right? I was pretty much on camera duty along with two other guys. The girls went nuts, grinding, dancing, kissing each other getting wasted the usual. Even though I didn't sing along with the girls when they did their screaming rendition of "Hit Me Baby One More Time" and I didn't drink a drop of alcohol I still had a lot of fun. 

I left at 1:00am and called up Kee. She was just leaving the club Sugar in Hollywood too. She asked me if I wanted to eat. I think this is why I like her, we have the same taste in pretty much everything, guys, food, entertainment  and we are both Chinese so it is like connected by cultural soul already. I got home kept texting back and forth with her while I spent quality time with my Mac Book Pro. We ended up calling the night at 2:30am and decided not to eat at this weird hour. I mean the only place that opened was IHop and we are both kinda weight conscious, kinda...

--

Sunday

Kee, her boyfriend, her boyfriend's roommate, and I went for brunch at The Boiling Crabs. According to them, it is the pioneer in this new trend in this "relatively white washed area" within this Asian vicinity. I mean the only real white area left in LA is probably Hollywood Hills and when I say that I mean the Asian % is still considerably low compared to other places. I am not sure which target audience this restaurant is trying to impress. The Asians? So we can feel white washed enough? I mean I supposed that is a social step up according to the restaurant? or, the white people so they know they weren't the only white meat among the mysterious race called Asians? I wasn't sure but apparently the boyfriend, white mixed with the entire Europe a Chicago native, and his roommate a white guy from New Orleans were intrigued by the white washed callings and we decided to check this place out.

Well let's be clear we were here for their crawfish. So we got about 12 lbs of crawfishes and shrimps. Oh btw, I have to say that this place was white washed. According to the encyclopedia of stereotypes, this place got Mardi Gras beads hanging everywhere, with authentic crude wood chairs and tables, topped with 5 flat huge plasma focused on the ball games. Yeah I say it was very white washed. I mean the two white dudes seemed to be comfortable.  Actually we were making fun at this stupid ad the whole time. The crawfish was really spicy and for me kee and her bf it was very decent but it kinda pissed off our New Orlean dude because he didn't think it was authentic enough. I mean how dare they put the seasoning ON TOP A CRAWFISH. I dont know he kinda gasped so loud and long it was like the first time he was insulted.  Anyways, it was extremely messy and tiring brunch. I mean this meal totally killed the relaxing and trendy and gay aspects of the term brunch. oh did I feel macho afterward.  But I have to admit it was a LOAD of fun. We were laughing all the time hehehe. 

We then went shopping again. I was able to retrieve my Marc Jacobs t shirt and the condom which was given to Kee since she probably would dispense it right away.  I purchased the following, a G-star Vneck T. A energy vneck thin sweater (super cute!), and 7 Diamond shirt. I think I will wear the shirt on Thursday when I see Troy and K hahaha...  the Gstar Vneck was a bit of a push. it was a pretty low Vneck at least for my standard so I kinda felt naked while trying it on. But as I was saying I really want to break away from the beach boy style, so I had to start somewhere. A naked Vneck would do it!

That was about it, I felt like that I never stopped moving the entire weekend. LA has blessed us with some beautiful weather, yes including that rain on Saturday, so it almost felt like a vacation by Sunday, a vacation seemed to end when it just started. 

It would have ended perfectly if the crawfish didn't fuck me up at 4:00am in the morning. I was awake, found myself moaning loudly from the stomachache. Yes, a quick yet violent bathroom run ended the pain but my sleep that night was thoroughly fucked....

Peace

Is it too late to make a resolution? lol

Well my first one will be "blogging more". haha..... i know right.

I don't know what is with the laziness lately. I think I can safely blame this on work. I get off work around 6 and get to the gym around 7 then head home around 830. Once home I eat and play some video games etc it'd be around 10:30 to 11;00 and it is about time to sleep. On the weekends I usually go out or snowboard.

Talking about snowboarding! I have gone twice this season and the second time I made a great improvement. Now I can switch from heel to toe position... well 5 times in total in 3.5 hours last time I went lol... It is STILL progress! As long as I make improvements I am happy. I have my whole life ahead of me to constantly make improvements in everything that I do right? Now I wish SoCal could be colder and rain more in the winter so that we could have much more snow to play with. Slushy and icy slopes are just kinda painful to look at and to fall on. Also I wish that I had a place up there so we don't have to rush to the mountain early in the day and come back around 11pm at night. Though the view is so beautiful at night. Looking down from the mountain slopes, you can see millions of lights clustered together in the Los Angeles general area. It looks awfully peaceful. It is quite soothing for a long day of snowboarding. Well but we all know it is probably anything but peaceful, I am sure shit loads of people are fucking their brains out while I am mesmerized by their household lights.

My friendship with my director has gone on really well. Actually I heard he is the VP now. That I will have to confirm with him. We went out to dinner last Friday again. I had veal piccata and it was really good plus it was free lol~~~. I kinda treat him like my gay dad and we talk about everything from dating, sex, and cleansing.. lol~~~~~~~~~ yeah it was a very hilarious conversation and I liked how he kept drinking more Scotch every time i ask another question. He bought a really nice place in West Hollywood and his guest parking has been very useful. Now I can always park for free when I am in the gay central! It is such a relief considering I already got 3 tickets in this stupid city -o-.....

As you can tell my post has been random and tame. It is really how I feel about my life right now. Days just kinda go on and it never feels more like life. Kinda routine, kinda comforting and yet kinda scary. I really don't want to turn into a cow..

---

I have officially established a fuck buddy relationship with this Hispanic guy. I guess as we fuck more I really have to express more about what I WANT during sex. He is always kinda in a hurry kinda guy which is never too good for the bottom boy =/.

Oh I also hooked up with a friend's friend to whom I am not attracted to all that much in terms of establishing a relationship. But fucking wise? I think he is pretty good, he actually knows what he is doing and usually can finish the job with some good twists...

Yet again and again, as I mentioned many times before, they don't seem to bring on the thrill. I think I am still very fond of the idea of a hot boyfriend who can cook. Don't ask me about the cooking part I just think getting taken care of is very important lol. But I can't complain too much. It never hurts to have more gay friends I guess. This friend of a friend is very friendly and knows a lot of people in the gay clubs. Of course he also knows where the parties are so I guess it is beneficial.

Talking about going out...

I went to Abbey's on Saturday night. Well I tried to go to Abbey. The line was more than a block long and people were still pouring in. It didn't look like there was a special event or anything. I felt kinda bad because the friend of a friend was there with his friend around 930 and I got to the line at 11pm. So I called them and they actually came out and decided to go somewhere else. I think I have mentioned his friend before. He was this half Asian half black guy who looked pretty hot. He came in town for some LA party tonight. Last time we were flirting back and forth like crazy and this time I just wanted to fuck. According to others he was interested. Stupid me that I actually thought it'd be a done deal. So we went to this club called Factory and started dancing over there. We were touching and dancing. Talking dirty a bit. But then as the night went out, I realized that he was just being very friendly instead of sexual. So when I asked him when he wanted to leave he said he wanted to stay and there were lots guys, I kinda got the hint. Dang dang dang, rejections. sigh.... so sad. So I immediately left him alone. He then went around as usual... without his tank top... dancing with his gigantic chest... Well fuck it, you know what he DOES wear sunglasses in a night club so maybe it is really not that big of a loss...

So I went around the club and determined to have a good time. On the other hand, friend of a friend was very horny and begged to fuck the whole night. I think I was clearly not interested ESPECIALLY after I got rejected. So whenever he leaned in for a kiss or something I kinda just stood there. Walking around I saw this guy who had nice chest and wearing a baseball cap. I thought he was pretty hot and went for a conversation. Of course I am half legally blind and I refuse to wear a pair of glasses in a club! So when I got up to him I realized he had gray beard.... But I was there already, so I think I will just be friendly and leave. I asked him if he wanted to dance and he said no thank you. I was like omfg screw you grandpa. You know it is the worst when you are just being nice and then they have that Hotter than Thou attitude. You can't have tha attitude when you have salt and pepper beard. God I felt so cheap. So I just decided to dance the night away with friends. It was a better choice actually... Since I had so much sexual tension AND frustration built up I was very energetic. The gays kept offering me drugs. I dont know... Can't people rock out sober? Well apparently not, I think 70% of the crowd was on something.... OH yeah , there was this suppppeeerrrr hot guy who danced like a pop star, absolutely stunning. He had a bunch gay friends dancing along with him. I was around and talking to the hot guy's friend and saying how good he danced. Then his friend handed me a card, which reads "explicit strippers"... Well that explains his professional skills... He was also on a cocktail. Apparently the Gatorade that he was drinking was a mixture of Gatorade, alcohol, Ecstasy, and some other flavorful candy.

I danced and danced, shirt off without knowing how and when. When I checked time again, it was 5:00am... So I bid farewell to my friends and drove home. Tired as fuck and couldn't sleep. So I hooked up with my hands and play some video game and eventually passed out around 7 AM...

Story of my life sigh -_-....

Well This has been forever

Well maybe not as long as my vacation but the difference is that I am here and able to post anytime I just somehow chose not to.

Life's been pretty chill lately. Made some new friends, hit on a straight guy, and went to party with bunch gays that was fun.

I was pretty down a while back because I had a major fall out with one of my closest friends and we weren't talking. We are still not talking and I am kinda over it. However, I think that somehow made me open my eyes and look at other individuals. So I guess that is a good thing overall.

There is this one guy at my gym whom everyone seems to know. He is French and somewhat flamboyant. I thought to myself, "hmmm he is either gay or just European". It turns out that he is both!

I talked to him about two weeks ago and I told him where I worked etc. He said
"oooo you should meet my friend, who happens to be in the same company with you, such a sweet person."
I said, "oh cool, a guy or a girl?"
"oh a guy, haha I am not trying to setup a date for you haha", "I mean I don't know if you like guys or girls, so I am just saying, "so what do you like".

That was when I was still in the gym so I just laughed. About five seconds later we were out of the gym and he asked me again why am I laughing. I said,

"What about you, are you gay?"
"He said yes, I have always been, haha. I have a partner who was engaged to a woman though, but me, yes always gay", "so are you gay?"
"I just came out not long ago."

As I was speaking, there are more people coming out of the gym and I could see this one woman took a bit extra attention to our conversation when I said I just came out. It felt kinda liberating lol.

So after this exchange, we got each other's numbers and proceeded to text each other for the next week or so. Grabbed drink on Monday with him and his TV producing friend. They were pretty nice and so easy to talk to. But I guess that is because they are more mature both mentally and physically and they have less that I am the center of the universe flare. That flare really kinda scares me hehe.

---

About hitting on the straight guy it was pretty funny. I saw this swimmer build guy at the gym working out. He is very fit but apparently his upper body isn't strong. He looked VERY young and I just couldn't stop looking. I think he saw me looking too since I wasn't subtle at all. LOL sigh, I don't do subtle often not because I don't want to. It is just that I am so clumsy when it comes to subtle I can never pretend lol. So we finished working out together and he was in the locker changing and I just stared. When we both walked out the gym, I followed him to his car. He seemed to look in my way too but he didn't initiate a conversation so eventually I just went up to him and introduced myself. He was really nice and talkative. When I felt the conversation was a bit too superficial, I just cut straight to the chase. I asked him if he liked guys and hopefully he was since I couldn't stop looking that swimmer body. He started laughing saying that he was flattered but he wasn't. He said his brother is bi and his aunt is gay and his 3 uncles are all gay but after experimenting with his brothers' friends, he didn't find it as appealing as woman. It was nice exchange.

Afterward, JR said that is his way of rejecting me. I guess it is also a possibility. But it is a nice experience nevertheless. At least I am doing something and actively trying to get what I want right?

---

This Friday, the gay went out. French guy lives in Silver Lake with his partner and I went to his house. Another 3 gays showed up. They are all in the TV/Movie industry. They seem to be doing quite well for themselves. Lovely people, very easy to talk to. So we chatted and drank for about 2 hours and headed to this place called MJ's. My first time tipping the strippers and it was pretty fun haha, we drank more and danced the night off. The club wasn't as crazy as West Hollywood's and probably less eye candy as well but it was good enough. Great company really counts. Then it started to rain. Felt pretty refreshing even though I normally hate the rain. I came home around 3 am and played some video games and spent Saturday resting.

There you have it!

Have fun.

Hamilton

Party Party, actually it was kinda interesting this time

It is 7:00am. I got home around 5:00am, and an online friend from Missouri wanted to play some games so we went on battle.net and played a couple. Now I am not even sleepy, not even with my new magic pillow. You know those pillows with special shapes that is supposed to keep your spine straight and increase your sleeping quality etc. I swear it helps and I love it! Anyways, let's get back to what I was going to write about lol...

I am in a chatty mood right now, so the post may be a bit rambling and a bit of laundry list but whatever haha. I write as I wish.

So as usual, a bit drama before sunset even arrived. Kiki, the girl who once was a close friend later turned into an utter bitch and distanced herself from everyone in our group graduated today. Last year, she didn't even show up at our graduation and the whole night, she didn't say one "congratulations". Yes everyone in our old group was super pissed. But we had fun at the club so we let it go. However, after the little gang fell through, and now it was her turn, everyone decided to ditch her graduation as well. I know, how bitchy of everyone hahaha. Oh well she had it coming. But this time it was a bit different. Her parents were here and they wanted to treat us dinner and then she wanted to go clubbing. The thing is that she is out of my life completely and the other two friends of hers really do not like her but somehow still hang around. Every time they get mad at her which is about at least once a week they would ramble about shits that she had done to me. It became an old story on a broken record. Long story short, everyone started to argue why we should/shouldn't show up. At the end, I ditched the whole thing since she never directly asked me at all and I was so indifferent about her now that I may say something that is really offensive at the dinner table and that would be just inappropriate. The other two friends went anyway.

So..... I called my other friends and they sure had a party at a club tonight.


The club's name is BLVD 3. Kinda swanky. But I believe this place passed its prime. Clubs in LA are just like fleas on a homeless dog. They are everywhere and come and go. Same location, different names. Old games. At least in NY, some notorious clubs would stand a long time. But in LA they kinda have to change it to make it attractive enough to be successful.

Anyways, the club itself was very nice. There was a huge outside area in which a lot of bungalow like tables scattered around. Inside, there were bunch tables outside of the dance floor and some more tables inside the dance floor. The tables outside of the dance floors were a bit higher than the dance floor, so whoever got the table would be able to have a semi birds eye view of the whole club. It was a decent area but I think the birds eye view kinda ruined it in my opinion. There was no mystery anymore and you can literally see everyone doing his/her thing. It separates you from the environment and crowd. I mean who would want to be an outsider or an observer in a club.

But yeah so we got there around 11:40pm which was too late for guest list. Since we had 10 people in total we just bought a table. It was 2 bottles table for 1000 dollars. So we got two bottles of Grey Goose. Personally I think Vodka is just gross... But everyone else seemed to love it. Compared this to LA gay clubs, I think the entertainment value that these straight clubs bring out is really not worth it for how much money you pay. Gay clubs, even the famous ones like the Abbey doesn't have this fancy shumancy shits, and the club is just as good.

However, the highlight of the night wasn't the club. It was a GUY, a very pretty guy lol. My friend L organised this party and her ex-boyfriend had become her friend now. His brother Chris from Singapore came over for his graduation. He was SOO freaking HAWT. Big brown eyes, high nose and a huge smile. His body was ripped and had tattoo on his right arm. Apparently, he didn't waste that good looks of his. Two weeks ago he just won the "Singapore most eligible bachelor" title. From our conversation, it seemed that his family is pretty wealthy and he is now manufacturing wall-paint in Singapore. I was talking to him the whole night and kept touching his lower back. Ok it may sound very offensive and slutty but actually it was much needed. The music was blasting so in order to make any kind of verbal communication we had to be 1 inch from each other. So the lower back hug was just a natural physical progression lol. It was nice..... He also told me that on his spare time he does print-ad modeling and TV commercials for LG phones etc. Yum... I am sure he does hahaha. I just couldn't take my eyes off him.

We actually finished the two bottles fairly quickly. Yeah I know, my friends were kinda like alcoholics lol. We danced some. I mean none of these people were good dancers. Well not like I am awesome at it but I can always appreciate great dancers.

Since we got there so late, by the time the club closed, everyone wasn't having enough of fun. So we decided to go to one of the guy's home in downtown LA. He and his gf bought a loft in downtown right around 9th and broadway. It was not that big, a typical loft. Basically it was a huge room and everything was in this one big room. Bedroom and living room were separated by a semi wall and you can get to the kitchen from the bedroom by walking forward a couple feet hehe. However, it felt great to be there. It was like a little love nest and it was plenty room for two people. They told us that this loft, basically a big room, cost them 650k. Even though I expected it to be somewhere around that range, I still felt kinda surprised. The real estate had gone just insane in the past years in California and I think it got even harder for people to just fulfill the basic American dreams nowadays. I mean 650k for a normal family that is like almost life long mortgage. No wonder people are so unhappy nowadays haha. But again, the inside was so nice and it really brought out a modem and yet traditional family warmth in the loft.

After being silly in the room for a while, everyone went to the rooftop. The loft building had a rooftop for parties. So they got a gym, a big pool, a jacuzzi and a big open area with sofa and fireplaces on the freaking roof top!! It was so nice. The 4:00am air was really refreshing. Everyone sobered up and sat around the sofas and chatted the night away. The entire downtown LA was under us and we could pretty much see everything that this city center had to offer. It was beautiful. Well at least as beautiful as a modern heavily polluted city could be. One of the guys got really excited and jumped in the pool in his underwear lol. Hilarious. Especially he wasn't even all that fit, so he did live up to his nickname---the hippo lol~~~.

Everyone was laughing and drinking (yes, they were still fucking drinking, a bottle of red wine). It was great. We made another round of toast to the proud USC class 07. Yes, the class 07 of USC, the best class ever is now ready to conquer the world.

Haha.

Fountain Run!!!

oh god, it is 1:00pm and I just woke up. I don't have a hangover but my hands are numb. I know it is weird but it is like my own body secret code. Whenever I am exhausted my hands will go numb in the morning.

Last night it was the Senior Fountain Run at USC. All seniors will came out, got piss drunk and ran from one fountain to another as celebration. There were about 30 some fountain all around the campus, so in order to complete the entire route, it was going to be quite a task. I invited Hester to come along with me because she didn't get to do it when she graduated. I knew it was gonna be super fun. Lucy said there was going to be a BBQ next to the parking structure PSX. Yeah it is weird because next to the parking structure there is a big on campus dorm for freshmen and in front of the parking structure there is a giant piece of green grass with BBQ equipment setup on it. I don't know why the school choose that place but whatever. It was convenient for us since it was so close to where we were going to start our run. Lucy originally said there was going to be just a couple of her friends. When I got there there was literally a small crowd. When we got closer, I realized that almost all the active speakers from my strategy class were there. D also showed up later on wearing crok shoes. Ok I thought it was fugly but I just wouldn't mind whatever that he chose to wear, still cute lol. Eric, the person who I mentioned before in one of my very early posts was the chef for the night. We said hi, and we both immediately recognized each other and I felt so embarrassed all of sudden again. He then proceeded to tell the story. Basically it was for a home coming game and I got shit faced so I pinched him down on the ground and almost kissed him. I wouldn't let him go for a long time and I almost got arrested for public intoxication. hmmm good times. I got to talk to a lot of the people who were in the class that I normally wouldn't. Everyone was so nice. Especially when we started to take Katel One shots without chaser, things got really interesting. It was a great place and great time to be there. Everyone was so happy but I could feel that it was a bitter sweet moment for everyone. People made lots toasts during the shots, and a lot of them dedicated to the professor which I think it was great. I also made one saying that 10 years from now, we would all become billionaires lol... Great toast isn't it.

Anyway, about 10:00pm people got restless. The "official" time for fountain run was 10:30pm. But apparently, a lot of people started their little group around 9:00pm. By 10, we didn't want to hold back anymore either. Hester, her friends, and I went to the 1.5 foot deep pool in front of our Leavy Library. Pool is decent size and usually water would be running and pouring out from certain openings around the pool to create a couple water curtains. It just looked very refreshing in the summer. But tonight, the water was off and everyone jumped in. You can see people swimming in it and pushing water on others. It was pretty cold actually. The night chill and wind didn't help at all. One minute into the pool I got 100% soaked because I pinched Hester's friend down the water and some other douche bag just flipped me upside down. I was wasted but I still had the consciousness to pull out my cellphone and shut it down immediately. I really thought I lost another phone but luckily when I tried it this morning it still worked. Anyways, we ran from one to the other and I remembered that the alcohol kicked in later on and I pissed in one of the warm pools. lol. I know gross especially considering bunch people were sitting next to me splashing water while I was at it hahahhaha.

Around 12:00amish -- I could only guess at this moment now...we seriously lost track of time--Hester, her friend and I ended up in a frat house and we sat in the guy's room. I apparently got so drunk that I kept complimenting on his abs and in the shower I kept saying he was straight nothing was gonna happen. Lol. he heard them all. He didn't react to it and he was cool with it. Later on Hester told me that he wanted to kiss her and she wouldn't and he got really pissed. HE even told her he was still a virgin. RIGHT, a senior, in a frat, get drunk very often, and a virgin? please..... Even 5 year olds can lie better than that. I then puked all over their hallway. He got pissed but I couldn't help. The burger mixed with Katel One, Grey Goose and Bud Light all came out on the floor. He had to clean it up lol. I guess that was our queue to leave. By the time I got to my car it was fucking 2:30am in the morning. I turned the heat on to 90 degrees since I have been shivering uncontrollably for half of the night. I passed out and woke up at 4:30am and I got home and passed out again.

Looking back it was such a crazy night. People were so happy and the spirit was so high. Everyone had this bitter sweet feeling and everyone chose to let the happiness sing. It was great to be there.

Oh yeah I think Cooper said that it was spring and people became hornier. I agree. Yesterday at the gym after my training I just really wanted some dick. So I sat there in the sona and just chilling. A Latin guy came in with big muscles and all. He looked young. I just stared at him. He looked up a bit and looked away. But then he gave a sign, he lifted his towel and revealed his massive dick. So I just quickly sat down and started playing with it. Less than a minute, I was on it. I guess it was the angel and all I could literally swallow the whole thing and the thing was closer to be 8 inch. He obviously liked to show off too. I asked him if he wanted to go to the stall that had curtain on he said that they check that stall during the day and I asked him if he wanted to go somewhere else he said nah. So when someone else walked in we all got back to where we sat and 2 mins later I just left. I guess people just like to mess around in the gym but not actually hooking up. I don't know I feel like gym is better in a way because everyone is naked and it gets down to business faster. Gay clubs on the other hand would have all the pretentious games and nice clothes and bad attitude in the way even though the ultimate goal was still to get down to someone's pants. arrrrg.

The GLAAD media award

As I mentioned in the previous post, I ended up going to the retreat. It wasn't bad at all.

Our group was about 40 people large and most of them are pretty gay. There was one guy who can pass as metrosexual/eurotrash and he was really really hot. But we never talked beh. The whole event was organized by the LGBT and most of the attendees already knew each other either from the LGBT organization or the rainbow floor on campus. The rainbow floor is... i guess a residential building that is predominately occupied by gays. I felt a bit like an outsider. They always canoodling with each other with the scandalous details from their past parties/events. But overall I didn't mind and it was a pretty good trip.

Early Saturday morning, we met on campus. Freaking USC Trojan Marching Band was practicing. It was so annoying. The entire area was shaking with random beats. It was loud. The sun was bright and the sound was deafening. I just felt a bit nauseated by all these physical stimulation's. The contrast was clear. Hundreds of band members were playing instruments in their uniform and in front of them, 40 colorful gays and lesbians and a couple transgender. yum..... It felt.. interesting. A bit exposed but I guess that was the whole idea. We divided into groups and drove separately to Renaissance Hotel in Hollywood.

It was a very swanky hotel. I didn't know how they got the budget but whatever, that was no reason for complains haha. We got there around 9:30am and started the activities right away. It was basically a whole day of interaction with education agendas. We talked about power issues, gender issues, transgender/transsexual, leadership, and supports. Lots fun activities but some lame ones too. Overall I think it was good enough to call it a success and I sincerely support this kind of events. It was really eye opening and I no longer felt so alone. I never knew that there were that many categories of ... people out there. Gays, Lesbians, Transgender, these are all the common ones. But they always talked about definitions of queers, gender queer and generation queer. It was unheard of for me and I was glad to receive these knowledge. Honestly I did have more tolerance now. With more understanding I am less freaked about drag queens and people who look gender ambiguous.

We then changed into our business attire around 5:30pm and headed to the GLAAD media award around 7:00pm. Lots hot guys around and so many people it was a bit overwhelming. We sat on the balcony which was a pretty decent distance from stage. But my overall impression of the venue -- Kodak theater-- was small. There were two big flat screen monitors hanging around so that we could see the presenters on the stage. A lot of inspiration and a lot of exciting segments. It was my first ever award show in my life and it was a gay one. I would say it was pretty meaningful for me. Some surprise guests that made the crowd go nuts. The first presenter was TR. Knight from Grey's Anatomy. I didn't understand why he was so frightened by the crowd. Nervous, that would be an understatement. He was so close to choke the whole thing. You could literally hear the cracks in his voices. Man, the crowd loved him but I guess he was overwhelmed. But he is an actor for god's sake, shouldn't public speaking be a piece of cake for him? That didn't make sense for me. The second big guess that really surprised people was Ben Aflect. Then Lance Bass's dedication to the Martina Navratilova brought down the house. Lance Bass couldn't speak for literally two minutes. The boy looked good, way better than any of his tabloid photo snaps. He looked lean, tanned, and happy. I could only imagine what kind of physical treatment he received in Palm Springs at the White Party just a week ago. Then there was Jake Gyllenhal. Ok yeah that beat Lance Bass. Guys, girls and everything in between was creaming their pants. It was insane. But you can't blame them, have you seen Jake Gyllenhal? Jakey dedicated Vanguard award to Jennifer Aniston. She was a bit controversial. The queens in our group loved her. They imagined to be her best friend so they could talk about guys during brunch. Yes, typical queer's crazy imagination, fancy but unrealistic, just like their expectation of people's body fat %. The more rational ones didn't like her receiving this award because apparently she wasn't fighting for the cause. But I think it was just great that all these high profile celebrities come out and support the group and effort. They seriously do not need to do anything in particular. All they have to do is to attend these shows and look pretty and donate a couple thousand dollars it'd be enough. By contrast, the real fighter, who was also awarded in this show was the Tennis player presented by Lance Bass, Martina Navratilova. She was really inspirational and I really felt supported and touched. It is really good to know that there are people out there not only care but fight for you and for generations to come. We gays do not ask anything more but equality. I like how she said that we do not need tolerance. We tolerate bad weather, and we tolerate diseases, but we do not tolerate people. People need equality and we deserve it. How true.

After the media award. We went back for a bit more activities and ate Panda Express. The food was kinda bad. Not the quality but the quantity. Everyone was starving the whole day and the Panda Express came in a bit too little and too late. Two people from our group snuck in the VIP dinner and one of them got shitfaced. He was already really annoying with his over the top flamboyant attitude, now with alcohol he started to complain about how he didn't give shit about the event he just wanted the party. Yeah... way to screw yourself and shove a bit stinky foot down your throat. With idiots like this, how can I feel completely accepted by my "peers". I am really not like that. It was a bit disappointing. Maybe that is why I still don't feel completely comfortable sometimes because all these stereotypes on TV showing that gays are all superficial and heartless. Some of them are kinda like that. In addition, I still do not know the physical boundaries yet... You know it is different when I am with a girl. The girl wouldn't mind a bit more physical contacts with me because I am gay. But with guys since we could potentially hook up, what would be considered legal to casually do? These gays already knew each other, so you see them on top of each other all the time. But I just didn't feel comfortable enough to do it... Man the constant struggle of isolation. This is getting old.

Bah. good weekend nevertheless. Met some cool people and adding them to facebook. I still can't add too many gay friends because seriously I don't want to come out on the lame facebook.