Thursday, August 31, 2006

Painful distractions are better?

When I was little, I always thought that friendship is the most wonderful thing in the world. It is pure, simple, and extremely comforting in all circumstances. Back in elementary school, every fall semester was like a rebirth, and my old friends were there to ease me in this new old environment, and reduce some of the birth shocks. lol. ah... good times.

But things are much more complicated when people grow up which doesn't make sense. People are so busy as it is: work, social life, professional life outside of work, relationships, and family, etc. These are the inevitables. Friendship should be like a haven where people can finally be a bit silly, careless, and true to everyone. The last thing I would imagine is to have drama and complications in friendships. But I guess people need a different kind of pain, or complication rather, to subside other complications. It is funny because this reminds me of how doctor gave me shots on my ass when I was little. They would slap one buttcheek while they firmly insert the needle into the other one. Because of the initiate shock of being slapped on the ass, and the pain distracted me from feeling the searing pain of the needle. And when I finally calmed down, the needle pain was no longer so bad to begin with.

It works, and I guess this technique is not from an experienced doctor's medical trick book, but rather, a human nature. When everything is throwing at a person, stuff like work, social life, professional life, and family etc, we need something stronger to distract us. Drama, pain, and complication is probably the best. Despite I am really an optimistic person, comedy is not a good distraction for real problems. You see, people laugh, the harder they laugh, the harder it hits them when the laughter is gone...

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Are sex and relationship complete two different entities nowadays?

It was an interesting Saturday night. Kiki called me and wanted to go out. Tonight's theme, according to her is fancy and chill. She wanted to go out a lounge, or a bar type of place and dress up like she is gonig to a club but instead to just "chill".

Kiki is some character. IMO, her deprivation of parental guidance and love in her teenage year fused her uncontrollable lust for attention and affection, regardless it is genuine or superfacial. Apple for apple, i guess... her friends are just the same in that department. Supposely, there is one girl who is a friend of hers, have slept with 90 guys at age of 22... That is the besides the point. The point is that Kiki is in denial. She doesn't think that she is thirsty for affection and it got so bad that she is pretty much just whoring around. That is her lifestyle, and I never tell her to do anything different because she enjoys it. But, every now and then, I am just amazed how crazy she gets, and how messed up her friends are.

Kiki just got dumped by a 30 year old white guy named David who supposely was very serious with her, and of course kiki treated him like another boy toy. But this time the only difference is that unlike her previous flings, this guy was nice and serious and dumped her when she din't play the game with right rules. She was deepenly sadden... of course, that is according to her as well, she told us that she was deeply saddened.... But tonight, she is happy. She found a temporary replacement named Richie or Ricky.. this guy has a weird tongue that pronouces his own name differently everytime I ask about his name.

Kiki called me around 9:30 and asked me where we should go. My hair stylist's client owns a lounge/bar called "Bodega wine bar" which just opened up its second venue in Santa Monica. So I was thinking, why not that place. So I contact kiki and her friends and told them where to go and how to get there. By 10:30, I arrived at Paseo Plaza. Kiki is late as always. In fact, she was still driving to Bodega around that time. So I started to get to know her friend Sharon and Sergio. Sharon, who I have already known from a day at the beach and a nightout in a club, so it was easy to start talking and joking around again. Her friend Sergio is a bit Mexican and Italian. Kinda cute, but not my type, he is a bit too creamy and model wannable. He had this crazy hair on his big head, like the feathers on a cock. We started talking and drinking, and then we decided that this place sucks. Personally, I am pretty chill when it comes to places to drink or whatever, but that night Bodega even bored me a bit because the crowd was so old. So we went to Yard House which is about 50 feet away and drank there.

Kiki eventually made it around 12:30 and as soon as she arrived we decided to go back to her place for a house party again. I really hoped that I can see Tanner again, or the white chick I kinda dig. But none of those two shoed up, so we were dancing to bunch oldschool rock music in their apt. I was having fun regardless. A llot of the guys in that room seem to be gay, but nowdays, you can never tell, there are too many gentle-man out there.

I really was tired and wanted to leave, but kiki insited me on staying longer. I wish I didn't... Because around 3:00am , the drunken Sharon felt horny and decided to bone her co-worker Sergio and asked Kiki for her room. KiKi of course is in heaven for hooking people up and bone in front her. Seriously, I sometimes see life source sparkles in her eyes when she is trying to make someone fuck others. For her it is a master plan in the making. I forgot to mentino Sharon is married at age 21 for 3.5 years. Her husband named Eddy is about 26 now and they looked very happy together. They all go to separated parties here and there, and Sharon is always crazy in the club and grinding on other people in front of Eddyw cho doesn't seem to mind at all. I really admired them in the beginning because I think it is har dto hold a relationship as it is and they can forge this strong bond and have this much trust and faith in each other is so awesome. I thought Kiki would learn some from this. But I was all wrong. Sharon and Eddie either fuck their own respective sex-buddies or Sharon is just cheating on him. What kinda disgusted me was that Sharon didn't even try to hide it from anywhere.

It makes me wonder, what is going on with people nowadays, do sex even mean anything. I guess everyone has their wild side. Sure I would probably try to fuck around if timing is right, but wouldn't it make a difference if the people involved are MARRIED?

Kiki just called, and she told me not to tell anyone and they didn't do anything. Yeah right...."trust" is a myth, it was never meant to be in people's real life.

Friday, August 25, 2006

A quiet Friday

It is Friday again. I ended up staying home this Friday. It feels kinda strange. I dont like being home, because it gives me a feeling of settling down. I like my life to be busy and spinning with excitement at all times. Comparing this Friday to last weekend, it is almost as if I lived in two lives. Last weekend was my Bday celebration. Because another frined of mine had her bday 2 days prior to mine, so we decided to celebrate the bday together at San Clemente beach. The plan was to have a bonfire... That was the plan till we found out that the bonfire pits at San Clemete beach were all occupied. These people who lived in the neighborhood went out that day around 5~6am to secure those pits. So my friends and I ended up at the beach without a pit and settled in the dark toward the end. It was a nightmare. Different groups of friends didn't get along, and people were pissed off left and right. My closest friend DoDo was espectially pissed because she planned the whole thing and home-made a cake for me. She was disappointed and so was I. But I couldn't leave because it was my party. At last, I ended up at friend's house and had a crazy party. 12 tequila patron shots later, I found a very happy place.

Yesterday, which was my actual bday, I went to DoDo's home to eat the cake, and she was still pissed by then, and accused me for the whole mess. I was shocked and disappointed because I did everything in my power to please everyone. I even wished that it wasn't my bday party so that I could just leave this whole mess. To make the situation worse, her brother who used to be my best friend, just got dumped by his gfriend right before his bday. So I invited him to the party and proposed that we should all celebrate together so that he could feel better. I did all this basically based on DoDo's request to treat her brother nice since it was his down time. And this guy, as spoiled as he's always been, gave me attitude for not preparing the whole thing better and he didn't have fun. I could care less, because he still thinks that I am this closest friend to him whereas I am already at a very different place.

While I was having my cake, she said that I should just gone home and not having fun that night. Some best friend I thought. In my heart I knew she didn't mean it like that, but it just sounded so horrible. Her reason to be still pissed is that her brother didn't have fun either. Why should I give a shit, considering I was the brother for her when her real brother was never there. So I left immediately right after the cake and felt shitty and upset the whole day today. I tried to ask her out to talk about it, but she was busy...

She just called and told me she was busy. So I dont know, I will probably just forget about it. But for her brother, I can't believe I have taken so much crap from this self-obssessed idiot over all these years.

Today is Friday, friends are scattered all over the places hanging out, I am home though...feeling a bit down.

Now, all I can think about is this a guy named Tanner who I met at the party last week. He studies at the Fashion Instution in downtown LA, which is not too far from my school. He has this super smooth white skin and very nice smile. Goofy and nice dancer.. ah... one of my female friends had a crush on him too I believe.. lol because this afternoon while we were having coffee at Starbucks, she talked about him multiple times. He also has this artistic styled hair. He was so cute and sweet, very nice built too. We were on a shot-taking binge, and I kept hugging him lol....we were having a great time, and I had a good touch of his whole body. YUM!! but I don't think he is gay and even he is I am still in the closet, I don't think it'd be possible. There were two other gay guys at the party too, John and Eric I think... they were grinding and kissing. since everyone esle was their friends they didn't care. It was actually very sweet because I felt so accepted somehow... Man... I was gonna come out to Dodo on that day, but I guess it is just not meant to be. Why being gay is so hard, I deserve that some special one too... When is that day going to come. I 'd be content if either 1. I have a gf so that at least I can have a picture-perfect life in front of my friends and family or 2. have a secret bf so that I will be really happy.

Boring Friday, slow night....moving along, let's see what happens tomorrow.

Thursday, August 24, 2006


I have been reading some of the blogs out there. I used to read them and then make fun of those who blog. I laugh, not because other people's life stories are funny, but because IMO blogging is such an ironic product. People walk away from those who love and care about them, and turn to Internet and share their life stories with strangers who don't really give a crap. At least that is how I used to think about blogging. But recently, I think blogging is very necessary, it is such a healthy outlet. I can rant, confide, and even confess at this anonymous space where no one sees, listens, or cares about whatever that I am gonna write about. I should have turned to blogging a long time ago. After all, people disappoint, an empty space does not.