Aging fast

It is 8:00am. I haven't slept yet. At this rate I would be a 23 year old raisin face in no time =/

Well I have to blame on Justin. We were chatting and gay.com came up. After his experience with it, I was a bit intrigued well mostly bored. I came back from the coffee run with M and thought about the gay.com thing. Video game friend wasn't online and it was only 1:00am. So I went to gay.com and checked it out. Went to the chatroom. I think I have been to chatroom 3 times in my life for any kind of reason not just the gay ones. I never liked it because ... it just feels strange. The first five minutes in didn't help. I was swarmed by private chats that promote personal webcam services. So I asked in the public channel if there were any sane people who just wanted to chat. A guy named Comet411 came up and we started chatting. This is what got REALLY CREEPY. It turned out that I do not only know this guy but also taking the same god damn class together this semester. A.W.K.W.A.R.D. I didn't like him in particular and people around me in that class didn't like him. I think he thought that he was pretty masculine however many people I knew mentioned that they kinda thought he was gay. lol... See, other's perception of you does differ from what you think about yourself.

So that was that. Weird, awkward, but kinda funny. He was pissed that he couldn't figure out who I was. He was so certain that he knew but when he asked me if I am Alex, I was laughing my ass off. oh well.

Then, I chatted with another guy, whatever. But the last one I chatted named J. J also goes to USC. Hm.. the world is indeed too small. J looked cute and I found him on facebook and yes he still looked cute there haha. He looked a bit pale in those pictures but still cute. We talked a bit. It was kinda forced conversation in the beginning by me eventually we exchanged aim and right about when I was ready to call it the night he started to be more active. So we proceeded to exchange picture. I gave him one of my pix that I took in my sad little bathroom. Looking all alert and shit. He said cute. I am like hmmm maybe in that picture lol... Anyways, we then exchanged number and made plan for Monday night. Dinner or Hookah I don't know exactly what yet. I texted him my # right after he gave me his and then about 10 mins later he actually called. I liked his voice too. Besides he is tall. 6'5''. It is pretty hard to find a person I am pretty attracted to and attainable and taller than I am...

This is really bizarre considering I have never had a date with a guy before. Fucked? yes, Date? no. Especially considering how I got it. It is so random. Maybe it is just harmless thing. But I still do consider it as a date. One reason being we talked about hooking up, and he said that he met people on gay.com to just chat then proceeded to have coffee and dinner and sometimes they did hook up. Pretty much that means hooking up with a standard. So this is no different. Second he kept asking me for more pictures and said we should definitely hang out and of course it'd be better if he could know how I looked more before we do. OH well. I am not having ANY expectations whatsoever. As far as I concern, the whole dinner thing could be extremely awkward. But I just think it is so interesting that how many things can happen just from one click away when I am bored. Yeap, life happens.

Marriage

Ah. I am gonna keep this short since I could easily get lost in this topic.

I just went to have coffee with M, who I haven't seen for a while. She took on three jobs to finance her trip back to the Philippine the second time in half year. I don't know it sounds pretty crazy, 3 jobs? Anyway, we met up to catch up but also she is giving me back the money she owe me from the Hawaii trip.

She met this girl back in the Philippine and they fell in love. She really wants to bring her to the States. But gays aren't allowed to marry so that there is no way that she can do this by herself. So she asked this gay guy she knew to marry her girl in the Philippine so that he could bring her back here and get a citizenship. It'd be fake but it wasn't really her choice since she couldn't do it legally because of the retarded law. She asked the guy about 7 months ago and told him what kind of work would involved and explained to him the full extend of his liability. He told her yes and yes over and over again over the course of 7 months. She was convinced that he would do it so she told her girlfriend in Philippine that he would do it. They were all very so excited. Now as her departure date approached, he seemed to be backing out. She tried to contact him for two weeks and he didn't pick up the phone. She ran into him a couple days ago at work and he only said that he was really really busy. Given the magnitude she was very upset and frustrated.
I think it is kinda messed up. I can understand and respect if one doesn't want to get involved in a situation like this because of its uncertainty. However, I wouldn't understand why would anyone lead someone to believe that things like this would work in the beginning then back out at the last moment. Also, always be a man, either you like it or not, say it, don't be flaky about it. I am still flaky here and there but whenever I want to be flaky I always try to push myself to be more direct. I think practice will make perfect in this case. They have known each other for a long time, well like three years, and now that he is bailing out without grace and decency. Even though it would probably damage the friendship regardless how he responds her at this moment, I still think she would probably appreciate it more if he just comes clean with it. Don't leave people hanging.

I don't know. It is a hard situation to be in for anyone. M appreciates the effort but I really don't think she understands how big of a deal it is for others. Even though it sounds easy enough -- she pays him for the trip and gets back with his wife and pretends to be married for two years, the uncertainty involved is great. I would have said no first hand and I told M that as well. God forbids, what if their relationship does not work out? I mean hell it is a relationship, there is a great chance that it won't work out. M's girlfriend is very young, I think 20 years old and M is a bit older so I think mentally they could be at a different place. Los Angeles is a place of temptation, and once she comes here from the Philippine would she still be M's sweet little girl? If things are not working out, what happens to the "husband"? You see, for the marriage to work, they have to rent places together on the paper, share same bank account and the account has to have activities. There are bunch of other random things that they need to do together on paper. Even though they can settle the financial stuff backstage there is still a certain level of risk. I am not saying that because of this risk that a person should do what her friend did to her, but I think it is just a great deal to ask someone to do this and she thinks that "he doesn't have to do anything".

I just hope everything works out. None of this would have happened if she is allowed to marry her. Now she is very upset, not just about this situation but also the stupid law. It is really sad if you think about it. It genetic and why can't they just give us some rights. It is pathetic enough that we even have to ask.

Damien Rice 9

This is my current obsession, the sophomore record of the genuine artist Damien Rice. The record name is 9. The songs in the record are acoustic and incorporated a lot of classic instruments such as piano and violin. His voice is so cool and pure that you can hear his sincerity through the lyrics and tunes. I love him!!!! I hope everyone can go out and buy his record. I highly recommend track 1, 2, and 4. It is just refreshing after listening to pimps and hos in hip hop and electronic beats on the radio for ages.

God Damn It!!

arggggg. My cellphone didn't survive the fountain shower after all. Now I can't recharge the battery. Man this is a Razor. Now a Razor and a Krazr both went to the world of eternity by dipping in water. It's been only 3 months and I destroyed both of them. My heart is bleeding. I really do not have an extra cent for a new cellphone right now!!!! God damn it. This is so cruel. Maybe I should go to the hospital and donate some blood or a kidney. Or maybe I can sell cum-stained underwears.... I heard it is good business on craigslist and whatnot. My poor cellphone. I should dig a grave for it for good luck. May the doomed ones bless the future candidates.

Fountain Run!!!

oh god, it is 1:00pm and I just woke up. I don't have a hangover but my hands are numb. I know it is weird but it is like my own body secret code. Whenever I am exhausted my hands will go numb in the morning.

Last night it was the Senior Fountain Run at USC. All seniors will came out, got piss drunk and ran from one fountain to another as celebration. There were about 30 some fountain all around the campus, so in order to complete the entire route, it was going to be quite a task. I invited Hester to come along with me because she didn't get to do it when she graduated. I knew it was gonna be super fun. Lucy said there was going to be a BBQ next to the parking structure PSX. Yeah it is weird because next to the parking structure there is a big on campus dorm for freshmen and in front of the parking structure there is a giant piece of green grass with BBQ equipment setup on it. I don't know why the school choose that place but whatever. It was convenient for us since it was so close to where we were going to start our run. Lucy originally said there was going to be just a couple of her friends. When I got there there was literally a small crowd. When we got closer, I realized that almost all the active speakers from my strategy class were there. D also showed up later on wearing crok shoes. Ok I thought it was fugly but I just wouldn't mind whatever that he chose to wear, still cute lol. Eric, the person who I mentioned before in one of my very early posts was the chef for the night. We said hi, and we both immediately recognized each other and I felt so embarrassed all of sudden again. He then proceeded to tell the story. Basically it was for a home coming game and I got shit faced so I pinched him down on the ground and almost kissed him. I wouldn't let him go for a long time and I almost got arrested for public intoxication. hmmm good times. I got to talk to a lot of the people who were in the class that I normally wouldn't. Everyone was so nice. Especially when we started to take Katel One shots without chaser, things got really interesting. It was a great place and great time to be there. Everyone was so happy but I could feel that it was a bitter sweet moment for everyone. People made lots toasts during the shots, and a lot of them dedicated to the professor which I think it was great. I also made one saying that 10 years from now, we would all become billionaires lol... Great toast isn't it.

Anyway, about 10:00pm people got restless. The "official" time for fountain run was 10:30pm. But apparently, a lot of people started their little group around 9:00pm. By 10, we didn't want to hold back anymore either. Hester, her friends, and I went to the 1.5 foot deep pool in front of our Leavy Library. Pool is decent size and usually water would be running and pouring out from certain openings around the pool to create a couple water curtains. It just looked very refreshing in the summer. But tonight, the water was off and everyone jumped in. You can see people swimming in it and pushing water on others. It was pretty cold actually. The night chill and wind didn't help at all. One minute into the pool I got 100% soaked because I pinched Hester's friend down the water and some other douche bag just flipped me upside down. I was wasted but I still had the consciousness to pull out my cellphone and shut it down immediately. I really thought I lost another phone but luckily when I tried it this morning it still worked. Anyways, we ran from one to the other and I remembered that the alcohol kicked in later on and I pissed in one of the warm pools. lol. I know gross especially considering bunch people were sitting next to me splashing water while I was at it hahahhaha.

Around 12:00amish -- I could only guess at this moment now...we seriously lost track of time--Hester, her friend and I ended up in a frat house and we sat in the guy's room. I apparently got so drunk that I kept complimenting on his abs and in the shower I kept saying he was straight nothing was gonna happen. Lol. he heard them all. He didn't react to it and he was cool with it. Later on Hester told me that he wanted to kiss her and she wouldn't and he got really pissed. HE even told her he was still a virgin. RIGHT, a senior, in a frat, get drunk very often, and a virgin? please..... Even 5 year olds can lie better than that. I then puked all over their hallway. He got pissed but I couldn't help. The burger mixed with Katel One, Grey Goose and Bud Light all came out on the floor. He had to clean it up lol. I guess that was our queue to leave. By the time I got to my car it was fucking 2:30am in the morning. I turned the heat on to 90 degrees since I have been shivering uncontrollably for half of the night. I passed out and woke up at 4:30am and I got home and passed out again.

Looking back it was such a crazy night. People were so happy and the spirit was so high. Everyone had this bitter sweet feeling and everyone chose to let the happiness sing. It was great to be there.

Oh yeah I think Cooper said that it was spring and people became hornier. I agree. Yesterday at the gym after my training I just really wanted some dick. So I sat there in the sona and just chilling. A Latin guy came in with big muscles and all. He looked young. I just stared at him. He looked up a bit and looked away. But then he gave a sign, he lifted his towel and revealed his massive dick. So I just quickly sat down and started playing with it. Less than a minute, I was on it. I guess it was the angel and all I could literally swallow the whole thing and the thing was closer to be 8 inch. He obviously liked to show off too. I asked him if he wanted to go to the stall that had curtain on he said that they check that stall during the day and I asked him if he wanted to go somewhere else he said nah. So when someone else walked in we all got back to where we sat and 2 mins later I just left. I guess people just like to mess around in the gym but not actually hooking up. I don't know I feel like gym is better in a way because everyone is naked and it gets down to business faster. Gay clubs on the other hand would have all the pretentious games and nice clothes and bad attitude in the way even though the ultimate goal was still to get down to someone's pants. arrrrg.

Some thoughts on some random things

It is 10:30pm, after a good dinner, a nice caffeine drink and a nice poo, I am feeling good. Minus the final that I got tomorrow at noon, everything is good.

I got a mahogany diploma frame and a USC/Marshall School license plate. It was 25% off at bookstore so people went nuts. One of my friends wanted to buy a ring, which was fucking whooping 1000 dollars. I am like... I love my school and all, but no thanks.

Anyways, I got home and opened my May issue of Detail Magazine. Orlando Bloom is on the cover. Hot, but he looked too home buddy style in the pic that doesn't do much for me. So I flipped through the editor's edition of reader's thoughts section and saw some comments made by the readers. I think it is important that the editors had the wisdom to pick these comments out from millions that they receive. They seemed to be simple and yet have a deep resonance of our current philosophical status of our society. Here are some of my thoughts on them.

Comment 1:
"Becks Appeal"
The reader writes "Americas are so naive ['Will America Buy David Beckham?' by Michael Hirschorn, March]. They're in love with the image of David Beckham. But Becks isn't going to come to the L.A. Galaxy and score 20 goals in one season, or even 3. He's not a Ronaldo, or a Zinedine Zidane -- he's just an image machine. But they, more power to him--he's getting paid."

My thoughts:
The reader fails to realize that Americans aren't naive. If anything, Americans would never be naive. This is a country where capitalism runs at its finest. Naive is an insult to Americans. Entertainment business, which includes all media that covers anything we watch is a fine tuned sophisticated business machine. Literally anything is in the entertainment business is running on this piece of machine. Even though the content or subject matter is not entertaining at all, the business model that we use to transfer those information is still the entertainment business model. Let it be war, sports, movies, and games, you name it, everything is running on this machine. Lots industries, even when they are not in the entertainment business still adopt its strategy which is to create perceived value such as Spirit drinks, Beauty products, Fashion etc. David Beckham is a very smart business man. He is certainly a huge star in the UK and since soccer is very popular everywhere else in the world except for the U.S. his stardom is way bigger than it could be in the States. Let the talent factor slide--he does have talent, may not be THE best but was one of the bests out there--he is extremely good looking and create a celebrity aura that no other soccer stars did before. This is all perceived value running at its finest. He seized this golden opportunity to propel and elongate his star years by coming to the U.S. because he knows that people don't give a shit about his scores and all they want to see is how he shops in Bhills and how he dines at the Ivy. I think once people get out of the thinking pattern in terms of creating tangible values for others in order to be successful, then they can see that a lot profit can be made at any given time.

Comment 2:
"Your article about Khaled el-Masri ['The German Prisoner' by Neil Forsyth, March] reeks of a bleeding, ignorant heart. While I do not support a war over oil, I do support removing any safe haven for violent freaks like the extreme Islamists, who believe that God sanctions the killing of any man, woman, or child who does not believe in the same God they do. this profile pities those undeserving of pity."

My thoughts:
This person summons up a good fundamental belief that Americans have. I think it is extremely interesting. I used to think about things in terms of right or wrong. Now I tend to think about things in why they are different. I am from a completely different background yet I grew up in America, so I do believe in a lot of the values shared by Americans. Believing in the American dream but deep inside I have my very own thoughts on a lot of things that fundamental Americans do. I think myself as the true hybrid. I talked about this with my colleagues and I think it is truly touching that a lot of Americans really support what they believe in what they think it is right. Yet it is extremely sad that a lot of Americans do not see things or do not want to look at things at least from a different perspective. While this person arguing that those who eradicate others because of religious differences do not deserve pity, yet he is doing the exact same thing. Americans run things on agendas. They even gave us gays a "homosexual agendas". It is ice cold yet extremely powerful political tool. Once there is an agenda, people become faceless, they become mindless slaves of believes and faiths. It is easier to decimate a "wrong" or even "evil" agenda than killing people. So while you are erasing the devil from this planet because they hold the "wrong" or "evil" ideas, those who follow those ideas become simply casualties. I am not saying that the fundamental Islams are good people but if you look at the war aren't we just the same. While 9/11 is extremely tragic and had a personal effect on me, it was still not the reason why we went to the war. Even justify the magnitude of the war, it still doesn't justify country and we aren't killing the right people. A lot of people believe that we went into the war for oil. That could be one of the reasons but it can't be the major reason. There are a lot of other methods we could have used to paint a better picture, suffer less loss, and gain more than going to a war. I actually wished that we really went to the war for oil because at least we are different from the fundamental Islams. What scares me is that when G.W. Bush was asked if God was behind the Americans in this war, he hesitated and thought about it. If we went to the war in the wrong country killing the wrong people to eradicate a dictator, and we believe God is behind us for doing what are are doing, aren't we just as dangerous as the fundamental Islams? What is even scarier is that Only Americans believe that no matter what the real reason behind the war, we are at least doing something good. The rest of the World doesn't think so and it is our fundamental belief of democracy makes us think that it is alright to step in a country and destroy their current regime just because we deem their leader as the axis of evil. It is horrifying that we are the one who again enthusiastically promote tolerance and freedom and at the same time playing the God of the world. We decide what is right and what is wrong for other people, other country, other culture, and other religion. We Americans certainly did not create terrorists for the world but what we are doing, eye for eye, lives for lives, are absolutely not the solution. It fundamentally opposes to our belief of bringing in freedom to other people. Yet we are still doing it because ourselves become mindless slaves of our fundamental believes. When we are still marking the axis of evil all over the world, the entire world is painting us as the next Hitler, it is truly disturbing and sad for the Americans. I remember this story. A man who wants to change the world and make it a better place has tried everything he could do in his life time. On his deathbed, he reflects and realizes something important. When your aim is high, such as changing the world, you have to start low. Changing yourself is easier and the most effective way to change the world.

Comment 3:
With its fashion, pop culture, sophistication, and pretty-boy models, Details has always been friendly to gay men, but every issue lately seems to get even gayer, what with all the articles on gay culture and the recurring "Gay Or" feature. Hey, I have no problem with gay people. I just want to know -- as a straight man -- is Details still for me, too?

My thoughts:
What this half evolved man reflects a lot of the clean straight dude's concern. Can I still live in a white/black place where I just don't have to see the gays? The answer is NO. Gay culture is culture and it is part of American culture. "I don't have problem with the gays but I just have a problem what they do". Problem is, as horrifying as it sounds, gays aren't that different. We play sports, we work out, and we have normal love lives. I still do not quite understand what gay culture exactly entails. If you look at my labels in my blog, I got this label "gay culture", and it only has a very limited amount of posts in there. The reason is that I really do not know what to put under there. Everything that I do even when I am in the gay place, I still feel that I am not doing anything different. Can people tell me what the gays do different other than our bedroom business? Is fashion gay? Is personal care gay? I just don't get it. People need to realize that today's society you have to deal with people now. You can't deal with things and people with the religious goggles on anymore. Everyone is a person, not a thing or an phenomenon. Culture is culture. Gay or Straight, it is part of lives. Once they realize that we are just people, I don't think they would whine like a little bitch about why the magazine runs an article about gay stuff once every two months.

100 things about me

It is 3:33am, and it is me time.

Thanks Jules for sending this. I think this kind of stuff is very bloggish. I would imagine to see something on a blog. Not on myspace, because that would be too tacky. Btw there are 160 million myspace users around the world. If myspace were declare independent as a nation it would stand as the 6th largest nation in the world. Talk about information generation explosion. I think it is a revolution but definitely a social decay in some way. One day we will all turn into that gigantic pink brain in Ninja Turtle. Like in minority report, if a machine can give you the best sex that you can't even imagine and make you feel that you are fucking/getting fucked by the hottest guy u can image, then what is the need for real people. Also by the speed of advances of technology, in 9 years, human can build computer that can compute so fast that can make judgement as adequate as human brain. Creepy.... Anyways, enough about the world! let's talk about MEMEMEMEME. Thanks Jule, I like how you wrote the email title as MEME. It is a ice cold capitalist world, nothing is more important than ME. lol just kidding. My shadow is equally important, kidding too lol. okie....

1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? David Li. yeah i know, uncreative, stereotypical Asian American name, even I am bored with it.

2. NICKNAMES ? HangLow. My Chinese name is pronounced as Hang, and during my internship at Disney, I kept humming the song Chain Hang Low by Jibbs, and my coworker came me this name. I kinda like it lol.

3. WHERE DO YOU LIVE? Los Angeles, California, USA.

4. WHAT COLOUR UNDERWEAR ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW? No Underwear

5. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU DID? Reading blogs

6. WHAT IS RIGHT NEXT TO YOU? A bowl of strawberry butts. I ate the big juicy strawberry already.

7. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU ATE OUT WITH? Lucy, Candice, and Daniel.

8. IF U WERE A TOY, WHAT WOULD YOU BE? Surfboard

9. WHERE WOULD YOU WANT TO GO ON YOUR HONEYMOON? Milan

10. WHO WOULD YOU WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH? I don't know yet.

11. HOW MANY BUDDIES DO YOU HAVE ON YOUR MSN LIST? 9 online.

12. HOWS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW? Chilly

13. LAST PERSON YOU SPOKE TO ON THE PHONE? Kc

14. LAST PERSON WHO TEXTED YOU? Lucy

15. LAST PERSON YOU TEXTED? Nador

16. WHATS YOUR RING TONE? T-mobile classic, the ding ding dang dang beep shit

17. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? yes

18. WHAT DO YOU THINK A TOBLERONE IS: Sounds like something that could clean your colon.

19. AGE? 23

20. HAIR? black, strong, silky and gotten too long coz i missed my last appointment!

21. WOT R U WEARING RIGHT NOW? brown tshirt and a dark red patterned pj.

22. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Glasses

23. WHAT COLLEGE DO/DID YOU ATTEND? University of Southern California, attending its Marshall Business School and Leventhal School of Accounting.

24. WHO DO CONSIDER YOUR CLOSEST/BESTEST FRIENDS? Dodonna

25. WHAT WAS THE BEST ADVICE EVER GIVEN TO YOU? Relax

26. DO U OWN A VEHICLE? I do, a dark green Honda Accord.

27. HAVE YOU EVER WON A SPECIAL AWARD? Golden Apple State award in Economy and Geometry back in high school.

28. WHAT ARE YOUR FUTURE PLANS? To earn billions. ok, that is too unrealistic lol, to earn millions. make my friends and family proud, help them to have a good life. Leave my name behind in some way, have a bit impact in the society that I live in or at least communities that I belong to, so that I won't walk away this world as human wastes.

29. FAVOURITE FOOD: recently, korean bbq, god the tongjiang is so freaking good.

30. FAVOURITE FILM : there is a lot.

31. LAST FILM YOU SAW AT CINEMA? Casino Royal

32. FAVE DAY OF THE YEAR? December 31th

33. DO YOU LIKE TO DANCE? With friends yes haha.

34. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK ANYONE OUT? Yes, i could be shy. But I think when it is down to sex, I am not too shy but I am not too lucky either -_-.

35. DO YOU SLEEP NAKED? Yes, most of the time I do.

36. WHAT IS THE MOST STUPID THING YOU HAVE EVER DONE? Stress

37. DO YOU LIKE SCARY OR HAPPY MOVIES? Happy movies

38. CHRISTMAS OR EASTER? Christmas

39. LUST OR LOVE? Love. Lust is something you do but do not desire, love is another story.

40. KISSES OR HUGS? HUGS

41. IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING, WHAT COULD IT BE? My health

42. COLOUR ARE YOUR PYJAMAS? I have this dark red with patterns and another light blue with patterns.

43. WHAT COLOUR'S YOUR TOOTHBRUSH?: White

44. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS SURVEY? I normally don't do surveys but I think it is blogish and entry worthy.

45. DO U WANT UR FRIENDS TO WRITE BACK? I am indifferent.

46. WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Not going to send invites.

47. WHO IS THE LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Not going to send invites.

48. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD? Alone

49. WORST SOUND? Something broken.

50. WHATS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP? Another day, I wonder how it will end.

51. ROLLER COASTER, SCARY OR EXCITING? Scary.

52. HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU LET THE PHONE RING BEFORE YOU ANSWER IT? Whenever I hear it and I can reach it.

53. IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON, DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE? Mao

54. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB IN THE WORLD WHAT WOULD IT BE? World best investor.

55. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING RIGHT NOW? I should probably go to bed.

56. IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? Half full.

57. WHATS YOUR FAVE NUMBER? 8

58. SOMETHING NICE ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? She is hyper.

59. WOT DO YOU PREFER DARK OR FAIR? Dark.

60. DOES SIZE MATTER? Yes.

61. MOST IMPORTANT PHYSICAL FEATURE: Body

62. CHOCOLATE, WHITE OR MILK? Milk.

63. ROOT BEER OR DOCTOR PEPPER? Root Beer

64. MUD OR JELLY WRESTLING? MUD

65. SKIING OR BOARDING? Boarding

66. DAY OR NIGHT? Night

68. CAKE OR PIE? Cake

69. SILVER OR GOLD? Gold

70. DIAMONDS OR PEARLS? Diamonds

71. SUNRISE OR SUNSET? Sunset

72. HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN A BONE? No

73. DO YOU HATE ANYONE? I dislike not hate.

74. WHAT DO YOU DREAM ABOUT? I have the most variety of dreams and lots of them are extremely disturbing. Don't worry it doesn't involve me shooting people or killing anything. Most of them are just very creepy and involves lots supernatural, spiritual or religious scenarios. Some of them are just scary and bloody. Or lots sex dreams, like two nights ago all I remembered is how good I was at deep throat. I woke up I swear I could still feel it... strange.

75. DO YOU HAVE A HUGE CRUSH ON SOMEONE RIGHT NOW? No

76. WHO DO YOU TURN TO FOR ADVICE? Friends and mom.

77. IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SKILL IN LIFE, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Swim like a fish.

78. YOUR FAVOURITE PLACE TO SHOP? Boutique stores.

79. WHAT ARE YOU SCARED OF? Ghost! I am really scared of them and I do believe they exist.

80. WOT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Damien Rice.

81. DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED? I do.

82. FAVOURITE COLOUR? Blue

83. FAVOURITE SUBJECT AT SCHOOL? Strategy.

84. FAVOURITE MUSIC ALBUM? Right now Damien Rice's 9

85. FAVOURITE ANIMAL? Dog.

86. HAVE YOU EVER GIVEN SOMEONE A BATH? No

87. BUNJEE JUMPED? No

88. HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN THE LAW? Yes

89. GONE SKINNY DIPPING? No

90. FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND WHEN YOU HEAR THE WORD GRASS? Sun.

91. FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND WHEN YOU HEAR THE WORD ZEBRA? Africa

92. FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND WHEN YOU HEAR THE WORD SOCKS? Smells

93. FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND WHEN YOU HEAR THE WORD DUMB? People

94. FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND WHEN YOU HEAR THE WORD SILLY? Silly?

95. FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND WHEN YOU HEAR THE WORD RED? disgusting color

96. FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND WHEN YOU HEAR THE WORD BOB? worst name

97. FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND WHEN YOU HEAR THE WORD FISH? good for your body

98. FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND WHEN YOU HEAR THE WORD SPACE? somewhere I want to go and visit since I was a kid!

99. FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND WHEN YOU HEAR THE WORD HOME? mine

100. WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Jules

Jeebus, missed two classes

It is 3:00pm, lol~~~~~~~~

I just couldn't wake up. I was in a coma like deep sleep. My headache is finally gone but I still feel weary. I missed the first two finance classes. Beh I guess it is not too bad since they are just pushing through the last couple concepts and it is not like I listened carefully before anyway. I will just have to study with my classmates really hard to understand the shit. Hopefully it works out. I got 8 days till my finals. The time is kinda tight... hm... But I have to go to my 3rd class of the day which is at 4:00pm. The almighty strategy class, participation is 20% of my grade and the 30 fucking pages research paper was for this class. I want to at least see how the bindings went -_-.

I am hungry, tired, and a bit depressed. I guess I should be happy that I am not doing investment banking. I probably won't love the subject matter and get depressed all the time. ah...

It is fucking 2:30am

Yeap, it is 2:30am.

I am still at school. The paper, which I thought would take a measly 3 hours to complete with a group of people took 10 hours and still hasn't ended yet.

I spent 3.5 hours designing three exhibits from scratch and then spent another 3 hours correcting shit. Now it is the final editing stage and I am just chilling. I am too tired to read through all these shit and especially after doing graphic then editing my brain is too exhausted to do pure word editing. In addition, I don't think the group trusts me to do the final editing work on the paper. Two guys are going through the paper word by word and making sure all grammar and spellings are correct and I don't think they think that I am capable of doing it. They are probably right when it comes down to English perfection. Sure I can get As in my writing paper. But I am certain that I won't be so detail oriented when perfection is required. I don't mind that at all. But why the hell do I need to stay here if my service is no longer needed. Our group has 6 people only 3 of us are working this long hour today and only me and the other guy worked the longest. What sucks even more is that I just saw bunch fun pictures that my friend took from her last minute Las Vegas party trip. Lots people I know from class were over there in Tao and partied it up. Even though I had fun with my friend on Saturday, but now I just feel that my weekend SUCKS.

I have a throbbing headache and I still do not know why I am here. beh.... Why don't I just excuse myself? I don't know. The competitive nature? Saving face so that I won't be marked as the weaker one? Or Both? I don't know why I am still here. FUCK~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Update:
It is almost 6:00am and I am still up. I read bunch blogs, including this guy named Dash and his blog Training Wheel. It is pretty nice. Also a blog named Famous Like Me, it is funny. Anyway, I got home around 4:15am. All I felt was this headache on top of my head. Yes it had a very particular spot, it wasn't the back of my head, or front, it was on the top left corner. Tomorrow is gonna be so much fun ha ha ha ha ... huh...... Anyways I better go sleep now before I start to see things.

1 word challenge huh?

Kinda fun, copied from Jules.

One-Word-Answers

You can only type one word answers. Sometimes not as easy as you might think. Suit up, people! Challenge is ON!!

1. Where is your cell phone? Table

2. Your boy/girlfriend or husband/wife? nonexistence

3. Your hair? Flat

4. Your mother? Awesome

5. Your father? Entity

6. Your favorite thing? Friends

7. Your dream last night? Weird

8. Your favorite drink? Coke

9. Your dream car? Bentley

10. The room you're in? Cozy

11. Your ex? Messy

12. Your fears? Death

13. Where do you want to be in 10 years? Bliss

14. Who did you hang out with yesterday? Classmate

15. What you're not? Evil

16. Muffins? No

17. One of your wish list items? Surgery

18. Where you grew up? China

19. The last thing you did? Shower

20. What are you wearing? Towel

21. Your TV? Off

22. Your pet? Dead

23. Your computer? Slow

24. Your life? Complicated

25. Your mood? Mellow

26. Missing? Sex

28. Your car? Accord

29. Your work? Student

30. Your summer? Adventurous

31. Like someone? Doctor

32. Your favorite color? Blue

33. When is the last time you laughed? Today

34. Last time you cried? Forgot

35. School? Stressful

It was a breeze hahaha.

Ok now I am heading off to the bar. laters.

Another Saturday Rolled by

Saturday night again.

I was doing my financial project. The subject matter is well known--netflix. Yes we are doing Netflix. The topic was to choose from 100 companies that have revenue over 1 billion dollars a year and we chose Netflix. As many of you know that Netflix has been pretty successful but they are in the shit hole now. Anyway I was trying to figure out how many DVDs does Netflix purchase a year, and I really couldn't find it. Not even in their 10k. I am like... hm what happened to the information age.

Anyway. I am going to a bar in downtown. The original plan was going to a club in Beverly Hills called V2O (ok I got the name from the person who was planning it and got the location from another friend, whether or not it is in BHills I am quite sure). But my friend cancelled at 6:00pm. I didn't mind at all actually. I was in one of those rotting mode on a typical Saturday. You know, woke up late, ate craps, and just felt like whatever. So now instead, I am going to a bar that I have been to many times in downtown. It was another friend's idea. She wanted to go to this bar in Hollywood but then it seemed to be too fancy and we were both too lazy to dress up lol.... So this bar in downtown is super tiny. The benefit of this cocktail bar is that they do not have a big front and usually people have no idea it is a bar. It is owned by an old Japanese lady who already dressed quite nice. The bar doesn't close till 4:00am which is illegal in California. The bar doesn't check ID which is illegal in the United States. LOL~~~~ but I like it. It is small but it has good decoration for its size. The bar is at the lower left corner and occupies 1/3 of the entire room, and 50% of the room is a sofa place where you can sit on the sofa or on the floor with pillows etc... Very cozy place. Lights are very dim and lots of candles inside. There is also a Piano at the upper right corner, and very often that someone would go up there and play and sing at the same time. Even though this singing isn't all that great sometimes but it definitely brings in an unique flavor. Very unhollywood unLA in a way.

So yeah, we are going there. I am not sure if my friend likes it. First, she loves hip hop and second she doesn't like classic music, and finally she likes young crowd. So lol... she will probably hate it but it is her idea.

I was very glad that I finally got a chance to talk to Guy from Chicago. We always miss each other on the AIM. We talked for a while today. It is good to find out that someone out there is just same as you. I don't mean the gay part. I mean we should have figure that one out already lol. I mean how we dealt with it and how we felt about the whole thing resembled a lot of similarities. But I have to say that Guy is much more advanced than I am. He seems to check out gay bars quite a bit whereas I still haven't broke my 5th time record. And I am still making plenty plans going to straight club/bars.

I often think why it is like that. I guess I am scared. There are just too many reasons for that. I could be shy at times, I mean who isn't. But I am definitely not anti-social but it seems to be a bit hard talking to gays I kinda feel like that...

On a side note, I highly recommend the ShickQuadro razor blade. The MarchIII was ok. The Quadro is godly. I don't have a lot of facial hair and that actually makes it harder for me to shave. Because my face is super smooth and spotless that a bit facial hair especially the left overs of a speedy shave job looks alarmingly clear on my face. It looks like ashes from a cig, it is dirty and unhealthy. Every time I used March III to get a close shave I end up irritating my skin a lot or simply cut myself. But the Quadro, wow, I can apply pressure, going up and down side to side, it is like skating on my face. I often amazed how a guy can be so pleased by the simplest things hahaha, like, yes, a razor.

A horrible Friday morning

It is bad enough that my least favorite group decided to meet and do an ACL project. The people in that group are just utterly unpleasant. Well, what can I expect, these are hardcore accountants. Especially there is a guy named Jason, he must think he is very cool, rocking with two gigantic diamond stud earring. But I think those are fugly and does not work well on his stick thin frame.

On top of this, the weather is fucked up. It is almost fucking May, and this is LA, and IT IS RAINING right now. It is hard enough to wake up at this god forsaken hour on a Friday, but when it is raining I just really want to curl up in a ball in my bed. >_<~~~~~

Oh yeah, did I mention I am starving....

Update
Got school, the rain became hysteric. Of course, given California's almost non-existing sewer system, campus was flooded. My feet, which were in a pair of sandals, soon became numb to the cold air and my jeans became wet up to my calves.

Went in the library saw my group, said hi, the fucking Jason guy made some smart ass comment for me being late and I returned something that was lame with equally unpleasant attitude. Then we started the dread project. It wasn't too hard, finished kinda fast. Then I was just glad to leave those people.

My friend and I walked to the car and I got my workout shit and headed to the gym on campus. This is my first time using the school gym, so I was kinda excited to check it out. It went a bit sunny and I was happy. Then all of sudden, it started to drizzle out of no where. Within 2 mins, it started to pour. I was like you've got to be kidding me. So there I was walking from one side of the campus to the other corner of the campus in the pouring rain. My little sweater soon started to soak. Anyway I made to the gym alive and started to work out. Lots cute guys with nice muscles lol. But I was already kinda in a bad mood and tired and I planned to work out a lot, so I didn't pay too much attention to the people.

The treadmills are facing the window at the side of the gym so when I was running, all I could see was the passenger passing by. Kinda interesting because I felt like a fish, you know, in a bowl. Well maybe a hamster, running on a treadmill and looking at people who were passing by unnoticed. I warmed up with 6.5 mph speed for 3 mins, then started to run from 7.0 ~ 8.5 mph speed for 26 minutes. Cooled down from 6.5mph to 5.5 mph in 4 mins and walked for 5 more mins. Did about 450 calories in 35 mins. It felt pretty good. I was drenching. Then I headed to the stretching area to calm down a bit, got some water, and then headed to the elliptical machines. I did 20 mins on that with resistance of 8. I kept my heart rate at 170 for weight loss purposes. After that I was just kinda dead. I am I could have done more on the machine but I just felt like leaving. Headed to the shower. My first time ever taken a shower on a school premise. No one was in the shower though.... Kinda disappointing lol.

Then I treated myself with a super sized jumba juice. I recommend Protein Berry Pizzazz. For a Original size, the nutrition content is probably the best in jumba juice selections. 400 calories, 87 Carb, 19 protein!! 5 fiber, and only around 70 sugar. I got a fiber boost along with it. It is a treat definitely!

Now I am home, it still feels soooo cold...

Some random notes

First random note, the Four game from Jules

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Office Clerk
2. Tutor
3. Bank Teller
4. Financial Analyst

Four movies I have watched over and over:er and over:

1. Minority Report
2. Terminator 2
3. Pretty Woman
4. Cruel Intention I & II

Four places I have lived:
1. Hometown - Harbin
2. Temporary home - Shenzhen
3. Los Angeles
3. That is it.

Four TV shows I love[ed] to watch:
1. Will & Grace
2. Friends
3. Queer as Folk
4. Boston Legal

Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Las Vegas
2. Hawaii
3. New York
4. China (combinations of cities, bay area, island, and inland)

Four of your favorite foods:
1. Almost all Chinese food
2. In & Out Burger
3. Steak
4. Korean BBQ

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Hawaii
2. Wallstreet
3. Any old European city
4. Beaches in LA


Second random note

Lots people are already boiling over the VT shooting. I think I will just quickly mention it. Even though I watched live news feed ever since it happened yesterday's early morning, I didn't want to talk about it. It is tragic indeed, however all I can give is my prayer. I can only acknowledge and support but cannot relative to the story. I just hope for the best for the victim families. However, let the critics do the critique. I am sure this topic will be talked thoroughly in the next month period.

Third random note

Last night I had a group meeting with my strategy paper group. This guy that I mentioned before who just happened to be so cute and smart was there with me all the time. We together handled the solution part. We will call him Drivenkid. We chilled at the Coffee Bean next to our campus before we dived in the issue. However, we didn't even touch the paper topic till much later. We started to talk about culture, religion, politics and history for almost 3 hours. Before we knew it, it was already 10:30pm. So we quickly ramped up some recommendations for our case, which happens to be Netflix. For those of you who own Netflix stocks, I say sell now. Coffee Bean closed at 11:00pm so we had to go. He dropped me off at my parking complex and before I left I mentioned the GLAAD media award. He then cautiously asked if I was going with a friend or something. I told him that I was gay. He was totally cool with it. It was such a relief. I know that for a fact that this guy will make it big some day and for me making friends with people who are driven and successful is such a self gratifying thing to do. It helps me to propel myself harder and make it just as big as my driven friends. I think this is very important. But anyway, I told him that I was gay then we entered into another long conversation about gay culture, rights, and equality. Then we jumped to business strategy (I know how unrelated), food, and more culture and politics. When I looked at the clock again, it was 1:00am. Jeebus... Anyway I am so glad I talked to him. He is such a cool guy. I hope this friendship can last. And damn why is he straight -_-....

Fourth random note

I finally cut my nails. I kept forgetting it for 4 days and four days ago it was already a bit unbearable. So you can only imagine how long my nails are today....


Last random note

I have a bad hair day! It's getting too long and I missed my last hair cut appointment now I don't know when I can get it cut. I guess I will have to rock the caveman do for a while. beh...

The GLAAD media award

As I mentioned in the previous post, I ended up going to the retreat. It wasn't bad at all.

Our group was about 40 people large and most of them are pretty gay. There was one guy who can pass as metrosexual/eurotrash and he was really really hot. But we never talked beh. The whole event was organized by the LGBT and most of the attendees already knew each other either from the LGBT organization or the rainbow floor on campus. The rainbow floor is... i guess a residential building that is predominately occupied by gays. I felt a bit like an outsider. They always canoodling with each other with the scandalous details from their past parties/events. But overall I didn't mind and it was a pretty good trip.

Early Saturday morning, we met on campus. Freaking USC Trojan Marching Band was practicing. It was so annoying. The entire area was shaking with random beats. It was loud. The sun was bright and the sound was deafening. I just felt a bit nauseated by all these physical stimulation's. The contrast was clear. Hundreds of band members were playing instruments in their uniform and in front of them, 40 colorful gays and lesbians and a couple transgender. yum..... It felt.. interesting. A bit exposed but I guess that was the whole idea. We divided into groups and drove separately to Renaissance Hotel in Hollywood.

It was a very swanky hotel. I didn't know how they got the budget but whatever, that was no reason for complains haha. We got there around 9:30am and started the activities right away. It was basically a whole day of interaction with education agendas. We talked about power issues, gender issues, transgender/transsexual, leadership, and supports. Lots fun activities but some lame ones too. Overall I think it was good enough to call it a success and I sincerely support this kind of events. It was really eye opening and I no longer felt so alone. I never knew that there were that many categories of ... people out there. Gays, Lesbians, Transgender, these are all the common ones. But they always talked about definitions of queers, gender queer and generation queer. It was unheard of for me and I was glad to receive these knowledge. Honestly I did have more tolerance now. With more understanding I am less freaked about drag queens and people who look gender ambiguous.

We then changed into our business attire around 5:30pm and headed to the GLAAD media award around 7:00pm. Lots hot guys around and so many people it was a bit overwhelming. We sat on the balcony which was a pretty decent distance from stage. But my overall impression of the venue -- Kodak theater-- was small. There were two big flat screen monitors hanging around so that we could see the presenters on the stage. A lot of inspiration and a lot of exciting segments. It was my first ever award show in my life and it was a gay one. I would say it was pretty meaningful for me. Some surprise guests that made the crowd go nuts. The first presenter was TR. Knight from Grey's Anatomy. I didn't understand why he was so frightened by the crowd. Nervous, that would be an understatement. He was so close to choke the whole thing. You could literally hear the cracks in his voices. Man, the crowd loved him but I guess he was overwhelmed. But he is an actor for god's sake, shouldn't public speaking be a piece of cake for him? That didn't make sense for me. The second big guess that really surprised people was Ben Aflect. Then Lance Bass's dedication to the Martina Navratilova brought down the house. Lance Bass couldn't speak for literally two minutes. The boy looked good, way better than any of his tabloid photo snaps. He looked lean, tanned, and happy. I could only imagine what kind of physical treatment he received in Palm Springs at the White Party just a week ago. Then there was Jake Gyllenhal. Ok yeah that beat Lance Bass. Guys, girls and everything in between was creaming their pants. It was insane. But you can't blame them, have you seen Jake Gyllenhal? Jakey dedicated Vanguard award to Jennifer Aniston. She was a bit controversial. The queens in our group loved her. They imagined to be her best friend so they could talk about guys during brunch. Yes, typical queer's crazy imagination, fancy but unrealistic, just like their expectation of people's body fat %. The more rational ones didn't like her receiving this award because apparently she wasn't fighting for the cause. But I think it was just great that all these high profile celebrities come out and support the group and effort. They seriously do not need to do anything in particular. All they have to do is to attend these shows and look pretty and donate a couple thousand dollars it'd be enough. By contrast, the real fighter, who was also awarded in this show was the Tennis player presented by Lance Bass, Martina Navratilova. She was really inspirational and I really felt supported and touched. It is really good to know that there are people out there not only care but fight for you and for generations to come. We gays do not ask anything more but equality. I like how she said that we do not need tolerance. We tolerate bad weather, and we tolerate diseases, but we do not tolerate people. People need equality and we deserve it. How true.

After the media award. We went back for a bit more activities and ate Panda Express. The food was kinda bad. Not the quality but the quantity. Everyone was starving the whole day and the Panda Express came in a bit too little and too late. Two people from our group snuck in the VIP dinner and one of them got shitfaced. He was already really annoying with his over the top flamboyant attitude, now with alcohol he started to complain about how he didn't give shit about the event he just wanted the party. Yeah... way to screw yourself and shove a bit stinky foot down your throat. With idiots like this, how can I feel completely accepted by my "peers". I am really not like that. It was a bit disappointing. Maybe that is why I still don't feel completely comfortable sometimes because all these stereotypes on TV showing that gays are all superficial and heartless. Some of them are kinda like that. In addition, I still do not know the physical boundaries yet... You know it is different when I am with a girl. The girl wouldn't mind a bit more physical contacts with me because I am gay. But with guys since we could potentially hook up, what would be considered legal to casually do? These gays already knew each other, so you see them on top of each other all the time. But I just didn't feel comfortable enough to do it... Man the constant struggle of isolation. This is getting old.

Bah. good weekend nevertheless. Met some cool people and adding them to facebook. I still can't add too many gay friends because seriously I don't want to come out on the lame facebook.

Jesus....

Isn't he just hot. Abs like that... I wonder if I can ever get that with my life time worth of workout.

Talking about working out. I went to the gym again today, this is my 3rd day in the gym this week. I have been somewhat committed this week. Today was my cardio day and running 20 mins with jogging/sprinting combo was pretty good. Tough, since I haven't done this for a while, but good at the same time because it felt refreshing afterward.

Then the doctor showed up again. I have seen him a couple of times before and then due to my schedule I wasn't able to catch him for a while. Today I saw him again and I decided to talk to him more see if he is indeed gay. Unfortunately my gaydar was way off this time again. Even though he had the vibe but I guess it was just because he was a doctor and he really knew better than average guy at his age. He really has very nice abs and chest. Very nice ones. Despite the fact that I finally figured out his age -- a whooping 44!!! I knew he must has been into his late 30s and 40s despite the fact that he looked like he was still in his early 30s. We kept talking and he told me that he was going through a very costly divorce. You see he wasn't just any doctor' he was a doctor with his own clinic treating couples or singles with infertility issues. Apparently his business took off extremely well, 20 million revenue a year well that is. We talked about how growing up and marriage related to each other, how bad the taxes and social security have gotten, and how sad that when the marriage just wasn't working out for the rich people. Time passed by very fast when talking was involved. I did 25 mins on the elliptical like nothing. Even though I was drenching, I didn't really feel bad at all. This was after 25 mins of jogging/sprinting. Man, even though I can't get in between his legs, I should at least go do cardio with him... But yeah the conversation went on and on and I wad nodding and agreeing. I was like, Yeah hmm huh yes I was sure it was painful that you had to pay your wife 40k a month for alimony but there was no way in the world that I can remotely relate to that. I mean I could barely make 40k a year lol~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ But it was a good talk and my dream has been shattered. Not only he was going through divorce but also fathered TWO children. Insane... Well, still, I have a weak spot for straight guys. lol. omg way to dig a fucking grave for my love life. Should I still ask if I can provide any person assistant to his painful divorce? lol....

Then I talked to this French guy named Franchie, lol... French Franchie. Ok I am a dork. But that is just kinda funny. He is very European. I always see him working out in the gym. Apparently he does work out all the time in the gym. Literally 7 days a week. I guess that is how he got his 0% fat torso. Seriously, 0%. All I see is muscle that looks like it's been carved out of marble on his body. He's got 3 green star tattoos scattered around his 8 packs area. He has this long fuzzy hair and sexy accent. I never talked to him because .. I don't know why I just never have. But today after figuring out that sexy doctor is straight and breeding, I just talked to him. He does VOICE OVER. some strange profession. I guess it must pay really well. He's done work for USC as well and he couldn't stop praising USC staffs. Ok here is the thing, he is totally hot and a bit flamboyant. But that means he is either gay or just being European. He is rocking a pair of Chanel sunglasses. But again when a guy is European all boundaries are blurred. I know that my gaydar has not attuned obviously I don't want to make a fool out of myself by asking. Beh.. we will see what happens.

I finally finished the entire series of Queer as Folk. The whole show is pretty good and truly groundbreaking for its time. It was introduced in late 90s for god's sake. With that much nudity and controversial topic I really have to give it props. Although it inevitably fell into many many pit holes that a gay show would, overall it is a genuine show and realistic. The crap that is showing on Bravo, the Noah's Arch, I have seen one episode and I think it is really bad. Not all gays are queens.

Talking about gays, I attending this thing called Generation Queer event hosted by this dude that I really dislike. But it is a big event hosted by LGBT not by him, so whatever. I am going. It it is a two days retreat at the Renaissance Hotel. Then we will attending GLAAD media award. Business attire required and I think it is annoying considering all we minions will be sitting high up in the balcony that without a special camera the entire show would never see us. We were there probably for the ambiance noises. I am actually bit nervous to go. It is gonna be A LOT of gays. tons of gays, loads of gays. I get a bit nervous because I feel i will be judged constantly. Yeah I am probably insane but I shouldn't be the only one.

I will have to see... maybe after all I couldn't go. Because this host invited me through email, website, AND facebook. I didn't RSVP the facebook invitation because I can't come out like that. So I am not sure if I am on that event list for sure. Oh man imagine I show up with my suit bag and only be told to go home and fuck myself... poor me....

The "Nappy-head hos" Comment

Well, I am sure a lot of you have read the news article regarding Imus calling the entire women basketball team a bunch of "Nappy-head Hos". I mean how can you miss this article. It is literally on the front page of every print news media. Unless you really do not care what is going on at all. I think apathetic is the worst way of living. These people might just as well be made into dog food. Doggies probably don't eevn want to eat it because even dogs have a principle of taste.

In our strategy class today we talked about it. Of course from a strategic point of view. As leaders, or public figures we need to think our way through. Like the head coach of Colorado football team said "she wasn't a good kicker anyway" when a female kicker sued the team for alleged group rape. Also the strategy that parent company of the media is using in this crisis. They announced that he was suspended for two weeks. We call it a "strategic option strategy". Basically it gives the room for the parent company to respond. If the ratings aren't suffering much and sponsors are not massively pulling out from Imus' radio show, then he would do the entire apologize kind of thing and possibly meet with the team etc to seek redemption. If the the situation grows grim every minute then they will fire his ass to prove that the corporation has "no tolerance" on such bigotry. Right... Either way we see that as strategist that our job is to make the ice cold capitalist thrive and make the best plays in the world possible for the sake of profits.

Yada Yada Yada.

I wasn't too concerned about the strategy part. I am just still in disbelieve that only in America, bigotry is celebrated and tolerated when we are the ONLY ONE WHO PROMOTES ZEALOUSLY ABOUT TOLERANCE. I mean if you are in the motherfucking Iraq, then by all means, stfu before your head is chopped off because that is how it's been and it is not wise to challenge for principles when the entire culture condemns whatever the principle that you are seeking. In a sick way, it is honest, brutal, and equal for what it is given there. But in America, the Christian rights cry for tolerance one hand and prays that gays would go to hell and tormented for eternity that anything that is not said to be in the Christ's way is the wrong way of living.

I don't mean to pick on Christians. Any ORGANIZED religion group is just as bogus and evil as one organization can be. I used Christians as a reference to make a point since it seems that that is the God that Bush is talking to when he decided to surge another 20k men overseas. I hope whoever the fuck he is talking to is answering him in some way.

Back to the media crisis. If his ancient, sexist, racist ass that has been offending people over the past DECADES is not even enough to get fired him IMMEDIATELY, what does it take nowadays?

Isaac Washington called T.R. Knight a faggot and brought it up as a party cheer slogan at the Emmy's. ABC didn't fire him. This is a serious slap in the face for the gays because ABC's parent company the great Walt Disney Company prides itself for family values and tolerance for all. Their management team has gays from bottoms up. It is beyond my disbelief that they spun it off for a rehab stint. Spare me the humor. If Americans can get any more self righteous and hypocritical, I really don't think it matters much who the next President is. If the President is good, then he will listen to the people who aren't apathetic, which means gay rights, marriage, stem cell research, peace, and human rights would be everything but the primary concerns of an average American citizen nowadays. If the President is bad, he would just do whatever the fuck he/she wants, and Americans apparently have a very weak spot for bad Presidents. I mean, omg we need to impeach Bill Clinton because he got his dick sucked by an intern. But Bush needs to sit there pretty when the world is literally shaken and nuclear proliferation is just another big leap closer to become reality.

People take bride in the word of Americans, but who are the Americans nowadays? NO ONE. Americans have become a theory, a principle, and an organized religion group that is running the show for the world. Americans consists ALL COLORS , ALL GENDERS, ALL RELIGION BACKGROUND, and ALL SEXUAL ORIENTATION. You do not find this kind of combination elsewhere in the world. It is a mini world that directly reflect how the real world is playing out. It is not a pretty picture. That being said, for people who live in Americans, they should at least try to live up to what they are preaching. Give children universal health care, get rid of the evil unions, let the capitalist sing and with a government that truly tolerate and do things that are good for its people. Prosperity, wealth, and peace are really not that far away.

Jesus, I am sleeping too late...

It's becoming a habit now. A very bad habit in fact.

I have been sleeping around 4-5 in the morning now. I think it all started since the last two weeks that I went out partying along with school stuff my whole biological clock is just kinda messed up.

Today I woke up around 1:30pm skipped my first class. Finance, whatever, I got an A in my last test so I think it is not that bad. The second class was also finance, but since there was no homework due or test coming up I promptly skipped it to prepare my presentation for my last class of the day. My group did a case on Airborne ExpressMail, and I handled the recommendation section which was the longest part of the entire presentation. My speaking length was projected to be 15-20mins whereas the entire presentation was 40 mins. It didn't matter, I actually don't mind do public speaking if the stuff I am talking about also is interesting to me. I learned that when you do public speaking just think that people in the audience are absolutely retards and that would make the entire presentation much easier. It definitely works I suggest all of you give this tactic a try.

I got a bit nervous right before our presentation started but when I started to speak I calmed down and picked up the pace. I spoke really fast and luckily was also coherent and precise. One thing I did horribly when I was practicing was talking in circles. I couldn't get out of some of the points I am trying to make. But I guess the pressure at live presentation forced me to be precise and move on to the next point in a rather efficient fashion. The result was pretty good so far. I threw in a lot of the academic terms that were in the recent chapters we learned such as "integrated cost leadership differentiation and related constrained diversification corporate level strategies". I even made up acronyms for our business objectives and they came out to be pretty nice. One was Operation Ripped and the other one was Operation Sole. None of the other groups have done this. Hopefully this extremely cheesy but unique move would give us some extra points. One good response was that after the presentation, the rebuttal team was almost questionless. That is always a good sign. However, I didn't see too much emotion on the professor's face. So we didn't really know whether or not he was satisfied. We will find out on Wednesday anyway. As for now, I AM DONE~~~

Today was a pretty chill day. After the class, I really wanted to hang out with the super smart and cute kid in my group. Let's call him D. D wasn't the particularly hot boy people would normally drool over. I mentioned this before. But he was just so passionate, smart, and have real concerns that I think he was just so incredibly attractive. You know for a fact that he is going to be a leader that will matter to the world in some way. Like CEO of GM, i mean hell as the largest tech company, they may be responsible for our survival. lol. man I drift off too easily. Anyway, I just really wanted to hang out with him and he and his friends seem to know how to party as well.... Heard that his friend was Christina Aguilera's boy toy... hmm yums lol~~~ But yeah all I thought about was going to chill with him a bit after class. But another friend of mine wouldn't leave me alone. So basically I had to ditch D for my other friend whom I didn't really want to hang out with this afternoon. Then I just felt kinda grumpy. Like a secret date of mine has been blindly robbed. I texted him later asking him where he was and he texted me back saying he was at his apt. I then texted back asking what he was up to and then he texted back telling me that have fun with my meeting etc and he would call me tomorrow regarding our 30 pages long paper. Ok we had a GREAT conversation regarding the case (Netflix), even though it was academically related, we had a great converstaion and hit it off really well. But I always hoped that he would call me regarding going to a bar or a club or house party or something instead of a freaking paper. I know he is straight and all but would love to a have a friend like this. God I am turning into a creepy stalker!!...Oh well.. At least D is going to stay in LA where as L is going to freaking San Francisco!!! I probably should stop drooling over straight guys too...

Then I had the gay meeting. Watched some DVD. We were supposed to talk about the stereotypes in shows such as Queer as Folk and the L World. There is some stereotype for sure. But I didn't want to really discuss since it was just one of those old discussions that would go absolutely nowhere. However I did noticed that how the L World was much more boring. The entire episode was 40 mins long and 30 of which was talking. The sex scene was a measly 30 seconds long. SO LAME......

After all these uneventful events. I stopped by Dodo's house, enjoyed some old fashioned heart warming chilling between two best friends. Plus I got to play God of War II on easy mode. lol... I suck at video games but I like to play. By contrast, her boyfriend was always so serious about a piece of shitty video game. That would never make sense to me. He didn't wash the dishes, instead, he played God of War, so Dodo was pissed. I guess no sex for them tonight lol~~~~

Ah.. it is 5:20am already T_T.....

Another night of clubbing

Really wanted to party, party party party my sorrows away.

Apparently it doesn't work like that. Especially the second morning when your piss smells like Red Bull and Vodka, it is really not all that pleasant.

I went to the club with L and C again to this place called Mood in Hollywood. The line was kinda short which was kinda disappointing. But we got in right away since we bought a table. It was 160 for 6 people. I really thought that was amazingly cheap but that was for the cheapest drink you could get with that kind of money. Once we went in, we ordered a bottle of Grey Goose, that 160 became 500 dollars deal. Way to scam money....So we had 7 people and two of them weren't really drinking. So just 5 of us finished it. It wasn't much for a lot of people such as JP Mac. I am sure he can drinking a bottle all by himself lol.... But it was a lot for me. The night was pretty good but it wasn't as good as last time. Supposedly, another three white guys should have come with us but they were denied at the door. Since the crowd was more Asian than white, they just flaked. It is really a personal choice kinda thing but I think it is still kinda offensive. L said they just didn't want to pay which is ridiculous since they are rich. But then she told me some of their stories and that made me believe that they were indeed cheap... I never get that, it seems like that the richer they are, the more stingy they get.

The dance floor was very crowded, so it was hard to move around. That always kinda sucks. What made it not as good was that there was another girl in attendance whose name was K. She got extremely cozy with C really fast and only did minimum stuff with me. Ok I know, I am gay and all, but still that was pretty cold and I was kinda pissed at it. And C and K were just snuggling up the whole night. Worst part was they weren't even going to fuck. She only liked Asian guys. I think the worst offense was when we danced a little and came down to the table I laid down and just naturally put my arm around her since she was all bobbly and spinning. It wasn't even all that intentional and she pulled my arm away while she would go on top of C. I was like oh Bitch you didn't. But as the gentleman I was I didn't say anything. Beh~~~~ that was so cold...

L's boyfriend was also there. He was this dorky looking giant pale Asian guy. Despite his nerdy looks, he parties quite a bit and apparently has quite a bit of connection too. Such as attending Pdiddy's b-day party in Las Vegas etc. It was supposed to be cool and all glamorous and all. But I don't know why I felt kinda tired partying like that.

After we finished at Mood around 2:00am, we went to this Korean BBQ place. That was a highlight of that night. The stuff was so tasty and let me tell you nothing beats those BBQ and soup and fried rice when you are extremely drunk at 3:00am in the morning. It was REALLY satisfying.

Anyway, overall it was very uneventful and that is all I did to kill a nice Thursday night. It wasn't bad. I am living it the LA style. Maybe not completely my type, but it was what a lot of people do and that is a lot of young people do in the entire United States anyway. Until there is a real alternative, I guess I will just have to party it up!

Today I got two meetings. One for a big presentation on Monday and another one for a 30 pages research paper. On was on Airborne ExpressMail and the paper was on Netflix @_@.... oh man.. freaking projects.

Sigh, rejected

The firm that I have been talking to have rejected me. There will be no interviews coming up. Now I am back to the start. It is so hard to find a job for me nowadays! This is so frustrating....

It is a nice start

This week has started well.

I found out that I had no time to complete my traffic school on time before my due date which was Tuesday. I was super stressed and worried. Stressed because I would have to come up with the money for the increased insurance and worried because my parents would never let this incident go and of course lots fights ensued. So I decided to go to the court. It wasn't what I expected it to be. The entire process was similar to a supermarket checkout counter. There were two people serving the customers. One was a guy who looked like a douche bag. I prayed not to talk to him. Luckily I got the lady. After I presented my situation she said she could just re-open the case and I will have till June to complete my traffic school and my insurance would not be adversely affected. I was so happy. The day was so great. The sun became brighter, air became fresher, and life was beautiful.

I was amazed how small things can change a person's view on life so easily. People are good at extract shallow opinions on small things in life and then vastly generalize it. It is so easy to come to the "end of the world as I know it". But I guess that is what make people so strong because their emotions are like unbreakable rubber bands stretching from one extreme to another. Of course, when the rubber band breaks, people end up drowning in rivers, falling from skyscrapers, sinking in bloodbath, and hanging from their ceilings. It is truly horrible.

On top of this, I received an A, well A- really but less than 2 points to a straight A in my finance exam. I was really happy about it. It's been a while that I have received A and it felt great. lol.

At night I went to the Urap meeting again and then went to Hookah with some of the people at the meeting. It's been a while that I did Hookah and all of sudden the stuff felt strong again. I guess I was just sanitized before. Lol gotta stop accusing them watering down my content lol.

Today I went training again and it was pretty intense. The trainer told me that I have strong and well built legs and shoulders but have weak chests and biceps. At least I am good at something haha. Got to work on it more. He is really nice. We joke around and laugh a lot when we do workouts. Hopefully I can continue to train with him for the rest of the year... That will depend on how good my job hunting goes.

So far, the week has been chill. With all the nice stuff happened I am pretty happy. However, it's going to be a busy for sure. I have a quiz for my strategy class tomorrow and it is a four chapter quiz. Each chapter is at least 30 pages long and I am still on the first chapter beh... Also tomorrow I need to get my participation points in the strategy class. My only advantage so far is participation. I am currently in the top 10% bracket but I didn't say anything last time. It is very bad! Plus I have a midterm on Thursday for auditing, ok that class does not make sense =/..... then I have to finish my slides for Airborne case before Thursday. Hmm. I don't know why there is only Harvard Business School cases out there for undergrad or grad students to look at. Where are the Yale Business School cases, what about my school, I would love to see a Marshall Business School case. beh... AHHHH. Oh well at least the cases are interesting. I think nothing beats a good case study if you have the right teacher and the right people to work with you. It is so intellectually stimulating I swear my brain is smiling every time I meet with the smart ones in the group. There is one guy in my research paper group that I have a crush on. Ok he is not super hot or tall (my top preference), but he is not bad looking and I think he is charming. He is SOOOO smart and so energetic. I think he would make a perfect husband lol~~~ Anyways I am just rambling now....

A good weekend and another hectic week ahead

I felt kind of misaligned in life lately. All the tests and all.

Saturday night I went clubbing. Clubbing in a straight club that is. There is a new club called Tatoo which was the old SOHO club in downtown LA. They reinvented it - which basically means changed the the decoration and the name in hopes of bringing people back to the same place. The clubbing plan was actually very spontaneous. I met this girl, let's call her L, in my strategy class group and for half of the semester we never talked till recently. 80% of the grade in this class is condensed into one month period so we started to have lots meetings together. From there we hit it off really well. We shared the same background and experiences. So she and her friends planned this clubbing thing and I tagged along.

The line in front of the club was phenomenal. There were literally 300-400 hundred people waiting outside at 10:30pm. There were about another 200-300 inside and it was only 10:30pm. I didn't get this... I mean this was not celebrity hoarding places like Hyde, Privilege or the currently hottest Winston's. Why the crowd? We missed our guest list time so we had to kiss up to the planner who apparently wasn't interested helping us at all. We were going to buy a table which would cost us 200 bucks for 4 people. We didn't feel like it because we didn't think that we would drink that much and it would be an utter waste of money for something like clubbing (that turned out to be a mistake). But another friend of ours worked her charm. Let's call her D. Even though D was in business school with us for the undergraduate program, her real goal was to do PR in the future. She must have been practicing her networking skill for a long time then, because apparently she knew every walking soul in that club. Very soon she worked us in. We became a part of some other people's table party and we got in just like that, in front the 300 other people who waited since 9:00pm. In our group there was a guy named C. C wasn't particular cute or super handsome but he was hot. His muscles were huge and proportional. I was feeling him up real good later that night since we were very wasted lol~~~~.....

Anyways, the club was good actually. I was surprised. It was dark but lit here and there with green and blue glows. In the center of the ceiling there was a gigantic disco ball. The floor plan was interesting as well. The overall feeling was very centered and the attention was directed toward the dance floor. There were four ceiling height palms trees at four corners which divided the club into two layers. If you passed the palm trees, you would have been in the chilling zone with bars at your reach. Inside the tree circle, there was the dance floor. At this level, there were two bars and upstairs there was the outside patio and another bar. Tables sections were nice. There were small tables scattered around the edge of the dance area, but the good ones
were in the outer layer. Those outer tables were the better ones and they all had this silk curtain kinda thing hanging over to somewhat hide what was going on inside. It was unique. But I didn't see too many people using those tables. My friend L had a bottle of wine by herself before we even came out and she didn't even look drunk. So now it was her second round. L, C, and I started with a round of Redbull and Vodka. I hated it. It was bitter. I didn't know why people like this shit. I wasn't a fan of Vodka already and the taste of Redbull was just horrible. But we finished it. Danced a little, like 10 mins and then chatted a little bit. Not quite feeling it so we went in for the second round. L had another Redbull Vodka and I and C got a shot of Patron. They were pretty generous. Tt was definitely a bit more than 1 shot which I wouldn't complain about haha. The heat was generating from there. We danced more and chatted more. Went upstairs and downstairs. It was pretty fun.

Then I found out something that was a bit disturbing. Well it was a nice thing for L and C but it shook me. You see L and C were both going to do investment banking which was my goal too. But then there was a year at USC I fucked up real bad due to a lot of issues including health problem and the gay thing. My grades were so low now that I wasn't even sure if I could secure a decent job compared to my peers. So I was chatting with C, and he told me that Bank of America was going to pay him 150k a year. I wasn't sure if that was for every year or what since 80k of the 150k was signing bonus. I wouldn't think that a firm would give you signing bonus every year. But that doesn't matter. That is 150k first year and 70k after. Plus, they would get raises. If I secure a decent position in one the well known accounting firms, that would only be 50k a year plus maybe 5k signing bonuses. The inequality was so staggering that I felt like a second-class citizen. Later L told me that she was getting paid the same in Morgan Stanley. I could only imagine how much another friend of mine would make in Goldman Sachs... We paid the same tuition and received the same experiences and how come I didn't end up there. Well I knew that if my grades were higher it would have been possible. But then I still felt that there was this huge discrepancy on pays that almost make some people's job or career look embarrassing.

But it was the party night I didn't give it too much thought then, it was just a quick flash calculation and I let it go at that moment to enjoy the night.

The night went on very well, L's other friend came in later. His name was J. J currently attended the same auditing class and he recognized me right away. The reason was--not so glamorous--that I was always late. beh..... ok that class was some bullshit though... But at least I was still going every single session -_-.... We danced more. We never stopped dancing actually. Our third round was Redbull and Vodka. You know by the 3rd round, Redbull and Vodka didn't taste so hideous. Then I had half of a Cranberry Juice and Vodka. It was GOOD. Cranberry blends with Vodka way better than Rebull. So I got two more Cranberry Juice and Vodka. Meanwhile, L would feed me Redbull and Vodka sips here and there. After the whole night I probably had about 6 drinks in 2 hours. I really am not a drinker, so I was at a good place. By the sixth drink, everything tasted so good I swore that I felt like I could drink another 3. But I didn't which was a good choice. Yeah, so I had 6 and L had 7, and C had 7. So that is 200 dollars ANYWAY. Should've just got a table -_-..... With a table we could have got another 10 drinks at discount! oh well.... We danced like crazy toward the last hour. Then we went to the patio to chill. The bartender looked at me and said no more for you and gave me water. No more for me my ass. I WAS THE ONE WHO DROVE. So I drank must have been a gallon of water. Then the club was closing so three of us wandered out of the club. L apparently was extremely drunk by now which was funny. She fell flat on her face and started to cry. So I sat down next to her and started to tickle her and then we all just laid on the ground and laughed. Oh yeah, of course I would lean on C whenever I got a chance and I would hit his chest whenever I could. OMG THOSE muscles. So I dropped C off at Orsini, and L lived in Piero. For those of you who might know LA downtown area, you would know that Orisni, Piero, and Club Soho were literally 3 blocks apart. They were like 1 mile distance within each other. LOL, so yeah that was why I drove! I am safe! hehehe.

Dropping off C made me feel a bit more disturbed. You see I used to live in Orsini. The year in Orsini was my toughest year in university. My health was bad and I fucked up. Wasted tons of money and didn't achieve a thing but fed my vanity. It was a hefty lesson to learn. I watched C walking in. I almost felt as if it was me. It could have been me you know. I almost saw myself walking as I watched C. I remembered me being that guy who lived in a lavish place full of pride and vanity. The only difference now was that I no longer live there and my future doesn't look as bright as his. Now mine was so uncertain that if there were an option on me, I would have short that option immediately. LA had a lot of wonderful moments for me but I do wonder, is it time for me to leave. Maybe I should go to another city to refresh my mind and start over in a sense. Regain my youth and passion.

After dropping C off I went to L's place and crashed on her sofa. Comfy... Obviously I passed out without knowing it. Hm.. that sounds weird because if I know I passed out that would be sleeping, passing out means without knowing right... anyways got to stop thinking aloud. J showed up later. L was talking to me then would talk to a 3rd person. In the beginning, I thought she was just so drunk that she wanted to play this imaginary friend game, but yeah.. it was J she was talking to. I guess I was drunker than I thought. So we started all moaning from the drunkenness and L started to cry about her legs again. She hurt herself pretty hard, the knee cap was swollen lol... L already knew that I was gay. I told her and she didn't get it in the beginning lol... I hate that because whenever I tell someone that I am gay they don't seem to get it the first round. She told J that was gay too which was cool. J used to date L and they were friends now. L's current BF was in San Francisco and that is where L heading after graduation for her 150k job lol. So we started to talk about jobs, cities, and being gay, straight, and sex with the drunkenness. It was good fun. Then we would pass out for 40 mins and all simultaneously woke up and make more noises. L cooked some great veggie soup before we went clubbing and now she heated it up again. It smelled soooo good. The potato cabbage carrot and onions were so tender soft and juicy and the soup was good too. Although the carrot wasn't the best thing since the smell of it made wanna puke but overall it was good stuff. I subsequently drank 6 more bowls of soup... yum....

Then we passed out again, by the time my consciousness woke me up at 8:30am and refused to put my mind back to sleep again, J was already gone. I walked out with messy hair, fucked up face and a cracking headache and headed back home. The freeway was bright and empty and the sound of my car on the freeway speeding was deafening loud. It was freaky. It felt like highway to heaven...

Next week, I will have to take care of my ticket thing. Man the official website is so misleading that I only paid my speeding ticket fine and failed to pay traffic school fine. Now I don't know what to do. The traffice school will cost me 200/month on my insurance if I fail to take care of it. The due date is next Tuesday I feel like I am fucked..... I really hope not. Fingers crossed. Also a big quiz tomorrow for my strategy class plus homework due for my derivative class. Why life has to be so life!