A grave mistake

I like gmail. The user's interface is simple and clean. Most importantly I only have stuff that I actually need in my mailbox. That changed forever.

One day I was reading some game reviews on gamespot.com and I saw a small ad that reads "win a free ps3 today!" I don't know what came over me I somehow clicked it. It didn't make sense to me now because I already own a ps3 I didn't know why would I want another one. Plus, you instinct would just scream noooo scam!!! But nope I clicked it and started to fill out the "win a ps3" information form. Every step prompts me to accept some sort of other kinds of services such as free cruise, good life insurance, cheap magazine, low mortgage loan etc. I denied on after another. The free ps3 campaign kept reminding me that I was almost there. I mean a sane person would stop by now but somehow I just got so hang up on the process. I wasn't even into the ps3 then. All I thought about was I am going to complete you shithead form. I never completed it. The spam of ads and "you are almost there" message became a loop. So eventually I gave up.

Now I have 1050 spam emails in my junk folder. At least it didn't destroy my inbox but much to my dismay my gmail never looks the same anymore. Plus I can't even go to junk mail folder to check if there is any useful emails that are accidentally blocked. Argg... I hate aggressive marketing. Death to the spams and those telemarketers as well!

A phone call

It was from MSTP Bound. He just got off lab at 4:ooam in Baltimore. We talked about some random shit and this was after we talked for a while on msn. From this conversation I got to know this outstanding individual a little bit better and also I learned what Pink Collar is. Haha let's all be pink collar and be on top of the world then.

We talked bunch stuff, you know, health care since he is going to be a doctor and professional's social responsibility and all this started how we should choose our mate as a gay man haha. It is always interesting to see how a conversation starts and where it ends. I have to say that I am a bit inspired because this dude is so outstanding. I, too, have a dream and I think I am not doing too bad either. But it is still a long way to go and I guess my best strategy is to move forward with my best effort. I will be a businessman and in the business world the possibility is endless. I don't want my life to be measured by a pathetic # that I earned throughout my life. That is just so sad. But I guess I will have to start somewhere. hehe.

Well I can really elaborate more on our conversation and write a 10 pages essays on it. But I choose not to. I am trying to keep this blog less snobby and less patronizing. I mean seriously when you go around and read blogs who the fuck read someone's musings about illegal immigrants when this author is white and rich. Yeah I don't want my blog to be something like that. So keep the politics the least here I guess. But I do want to mention it is because you go through your life and get inspired constantly (I hope you do), and I think that is how we become better. Inspiration is a healthy way to be competitive I think. When you are inspired you tend to accomplish a lot to fulfill your intrinsic value. MSTP is definitely an inspiration and I only hope that one day we could all become as successful as we are and lead the world as the pink collars.

Awkward...

Today, I went to the beach! Alone! First time ever. I don't know I guess I need to start doing stuff on my own a lot more often. Everyone in my life now works during the day and I have a few precious days left till I too become a corporate rat. So I can't just sit around and wait till I find someone to go out with me during the day.

I slept very late last night, god damn these Ninetendo DS. I was playing the new Super Mario on it. lol~~~ I know I am stupid. Anyways, I slept at 4:30am and woke up around 12. Still feeling groggy and tired I somehow got ready to go to the beach fairly fast. Once I got there it was 2:00pm which was on my schedule. Rented a boogie board as usual and headed down the beach. It was such a nice day today. Strong waves, decent wind and no clouds. This allowed me to enjoy the beach to the fullest. Since I left in a hurry I didn't eat so I bought McDonald on the way. However, I just didn't feel really hungry so I went down played for 30 mins and came back for my burger. It was delicious. I don't know. I usually hate McDonald. But I guess the relaxing afternoon, a nice beach day, and how I enjoy the beach alone made everything taste better. haha. There were four girls sunbathing next to me. Two Asian chicks and two white chicks, and they apparently weren't from here. They had accent and seemed to all struggle with English a bit. So it was kinda funny watching one of the Asian chicks tried to communicate with the white chicks. It worked of course but it was almost like with the assistance of sign language and their intuition. A lot of times you can see they use smiles as placeholder. It was good, at least they smile when they got stuck instead of piss or curse or some unpleasant shit like that.

Meanwhile, a hunky blond showed up and sat not too far from the chicks. He had a washboard ab decorated with six bulging muscles and a super defined chest. I was totally stalking him under my sunglasses. He seemed to be looking at my way too. I was thinking omg maybe he is gay. But then soon realized that these four almost naked girls probably caught his attention before it even reached me. God stupid pussies. He was looking at the Asian chicks or me. I bet it was the Asian chicks since a lot of them are pretty loose in LA. Trust me I know. Anyways, I got bored at my own mind games so I looked around. There were... fat birds. I remembered this Ad of a car. It was a car talking to a seagull and the car asked what the bird liked, the bird said he liked the waves, the water and of course the fatty fries. Yeah I don't know how that related to cars but ad people are crazy nowadays anyway. So I was like I HAVE FRIES. So I started feeding the birds a bit. They all came over, cautiously taking a bite. I was like omg you pussies, why can't you be man enough about it and just take my food. I despise you! I silently declared that in my mind. Then I felt bad because it was bad enough that we are feeding humans like there is no tomorrow I should at least treat the birds better. I don't even eat the fries I shouldn't let them die from heart attacks. So I left my food under my shirt and put my cellphone in the bag, you know just to be discrete, and went in for the second round of wave catching!

When I came back, I couldn't find my McDonald bag anywhere. I totally panicked. I was like omfg you got to be kidding me. The one fucking time I showed up at the beach alone, I lost everything I had. Then I thought, it must have been the garbage man. God you stupid garbage man can't you just be slower at your job I don't think people will fire you for a McDonald bag laying around someone's belongings. Then feeling stupid, irritated, embarrassed and freaked out, I asked the girls regarding my stuff's whereabouts. The Asian chick was very nice. God I felt bad calling her a whore in my mind just because this dubious dude with six packs. I said sorry in my mind. She told me that oh, yeah, the birds. I was like WTF. The other girls were like yeah the birds ate your food and dragged everything away. I AM LIKE WTF COME AGAIN. First thing was how dare the fat birds! Eating two more fries they would probably get so fat that they lose their ability to fly permanently and they stole the whole freaking bag! Most importantly what did they do to my cellphone!! So as stupid as it sounded I asked the Asian chick, "do you happen to see my cellphone too". She was like oh yeah, it is right here. She pointed at a shiny object in the sand few feet away from my towel. I was really glad. Then I couldn't find my sunglasses!!! So I asked them again, this time none of them said anything except for looking at me weird. I was thinking god stupid bitches, would it hurt if you can just tell me one more thing instead of giving me that weird look. Then about 10 seconds later I realized that when I came back and saw no bags around, I already panicked and grabbed my sunglasses and clutched it in my hand only to forget about it once I talked to the girls. I FELT SO STUPID. Then I just laid quietly down and cried inside. That muscle dude kept looking this way. I was like omg if he was gay he was probably not gonna go fuck a stupid ass now.

So I went around gathered the aftermath of this fries stealing mayhem. I found that my large size drink was also gone. Bloody birds they do not leave anything behind!

I wonder if I am prone to embarrassing events.

Let me just quickly list a bunch, see if you can beat this!

1. First day at USC. Tired as fuck and I was really just walking and half sleeping at the same time. So I went into a bathroom only to see a girl face to face after I finished up. God stupid didn't I notice there was no urinal! She on the other hand just looked confused. Her face said a million things in 1 second... "omg freak." "is he in my school" "god i feel so dirty" "was he about to watch girls pee only to give up coz no one left" "oh maybe he is a manly girl haha" "maybe he has gender issues I should be nice god be nice, smile smile". And yes when I left she squeezed out a smile...

2. Got all ready for a party. Just showered, styled, hair gelled. Then somehow I just felt like to use some hairspray. I grabbed a bottle sprayed and only to find out that it was a bottle of bug killer RAID. I was just gonna go like that but then my scalp started to hurt so I stripped down naked and ran into the shower. I never knew I could strip that fast.

3. A closeted guy and I were fooling around. It was his first time ever doing anything with a guy. So I was blowing him enjoying the time. He then said let me try. So as soon as his mouth was near my dick, I pushed his head all the way down. HE almost puked from the gag right there on my belly. I was amused because it was funny but then he was embarrassed so he went soft. I was like oh a day in my life...

Nut job!

Well, stupid ESPN is taking all versions of this video off youtube. Watch it while you still can. It happened at xgame. This kid named Jake Brown fall from the super vertical for about 50 feet. HE slammed on the floor and his shoe exploded from the impact. He remained still for about 2 mins or so, then walked away from the stadium. People went nuts for his amazing physical ability. However, unfortunately that you can't see in this video, he looked dazed and confused while he was walking. He probably knew what has doing and that people were cheering at him but he probably didn't know what exactly was going on. I mean when you fall 50 ft and then walk away, it is hard to collect your thought I would assume. But the more important question is how the fuck did he walk away. eh... nuts

A new beginning or a new beginning?

What kinda new beginning would it be? I wonder. The future is the most uncertain and it is exciting yet scary. After this grueling recruiting for a month, I finally got an offer. It was good yet a bit disappointing. It is an entertainment behemoth so the name is great however they pay fairly low. I mean don't I wish that I got an I-banking job but that wasn't going to happen. So after thinking about it, I decided to take the offer regardless the pay. I mean I need to start somewhere, and hopefully I can build up a nice network and good reference in 3 years or less and jump to a better and even bigger place. I really want to do pure finance related work instead of accounting and I guess it is just not meant to be at this moment. Life never fulfills me perfectly and I guess this is the way going to be. So the first thing I have to do is to stop feeling disappointed when another friend of mine telling me that he is working in ibanking (just happened 5 mins ago and he is working in brazil atm. god damn ibanking everywhere, maybe i should go back to china and ibank!), second is to feel content and really work hard, third is to use my limited financial reward wisely.

Finally this chapter is over and a new one is going to start so you guys don't have to listen to my endless, monotoned, and boring rant over recruiting anymore. So i will replace that with same endless, monotoned, and boring rant over work hahaha. this one will probably last a long time! lol Just kidding! But I wonder if this is a new beginning for me to a billion dollar fortune, or this is a new beginning to a normal life that will eventually dies out in mediocracy. I am sure it is the 1st one! hahaha.

--

I went to a birthday thing yesterday. It was nice but kinda lame at the same time. Food was ok. The friend that I went with pretty stayed with me the whole time since I didn't know anyone except for the person who invited us and we didn't really feel like to meet anyone either... let's just say they weren't our crowd. They had a small pool. Despite its size, it looked mighty tempting under the sun. But instead of jumping in without a swimsuit and make myself a fool, we just played "watch the water balloon" game we invited. A couple exploded over my head and we got wet regardless.

Afterward we went to see Bourne Ultimatum. I loved it! The fighting sequences were well designed shot and definitely thrilling to watch. I think people are too tired of explosions and gun shots and are really into this hand to hand, melee style hard combat. Though you think Jason Bourne should have been dead plenty times through all that explosion, collision and shots and it is a bit cheesy that he seemed to be indestructible. But it is a great movie if you can overlook that little problem! I highly recommend it! Go see it boys!

Weird people - 2

I was talking to VJ and this conversation reminded me of one strange guy that I met back then. It was just too strange.

Before I graduated I started to participate in this group called Urap. The group meets every Monday to discuss something social and gay. It was my only means to meet some gays. So toward the end, we had a celebration dinner and a lot of gays came out. There was this one freshmen gay dude who had curly hair and pitching voice. His skin was smooth and pale, like marble and he was petite and fragile. He were plaid pants paired with colorful sneakers. From afar, I couldn't tell if the person was a dude or a girl. I thought I would make better judgement when he was closer. But no luck there either since I still was confused by his whole package. I only found out that that was a dude till someone introduced his name.

Anyway it is not that strange. I mean there are transgenders, transexuals and all that in between. People can be the way they feel comfortable. It is not my business.

However, he later made the trip very uncomfortable in the car.

He was sitting next to me and we started to talk about music. He mentioned several 80s and 70s bands plus how the fashion style from those ages cycled back to today society. Whatever he was talking about I had absolutely no idea. Then he asked me what I listened to. I told him my preference then he asked "have you heard of xxxx band"? I am like no.... He said oh they were famous and they had some famous songs on the radio. I said oh really, maybe, I probably just don't know their names but have heard of their songs then. He said, yeah probably. Ok how about this, have you heard of this song? So he started to sing. His voice was as fragile as he looked and he was desperately controlling his pitch as it went higher and higher. After 5-6 versus, to which point i felt my hands started to sweat, I said, er... that was nice but no I haven't heard of it. He said oh... what about this one. He sang another song! His cracky voice sounded the same as the last only this one kinda reflected some sort of punky aggression which was lost in his translation. I got a bit nervous because apparently it was my initiative to talk to him started this freak show in the car and there were 3 other people who just remained silent. You could hear a pin drop if it were for the singing from this strange guy. He continued to sing another song. Luckily he was dropped off soon after that. I thought I was sure he was a dude, but once he started to sing it just confused me even more!

It was one of the most awkward trip in a car in my life and I felt quite like this owl!

Gay cute

Cute used to be positive. It describes a person as adorable, good looking, nice personality etc. It is just a pleasant adjective all around.

But I think the gay cute is definitely something different nowadays. I have talked to several gay bloggers (not like I talk to any straight bloggers but being gay I think makes a difference here), they all revealed that they have called people cute as a way of being nice. What they really meant was you aren't good looking but not fucking ugly either. Cute became a intermediate standard between pretty and fucking ugly. In worse cases, some people call others cute to actually say that they are ugly but still have a good personality. So you know, if you are being called cute, you aren't hot, you aren't good looking, you are just kinda ugly with a big heart.

I have yet to see straight people making this transition in calling people cute. It is pretty exclusive to gay men atm. How vicious! Dear lord, please, people! don't call me cute. That is the worst "compliment" a gay man can get nowadays. I think little by little, cute will just become a very vague term used as a placeholder. Basically when you say cute you are saying that you withhold your opinion, which consequently mean that you think that person is ugly.

So sad....

A lonely morning!

Sigh, a month never seems to pass by so fast.

My cousin's family finally left yesterday and it really felt like they have only been here for two weeks. I wish that they could have stayed longer, but alas don't we all wish for a lot of things that just don't go our way in our lives. At least, I can still hope that they come back soon. They should decide where they want to live rather soon. Within three months I would say.

This morning, I just didn't feel like waking up. When I finally did, it felt so quiet, hollow, and lonely. There was no 8 year old running around laughing, climbing, and calling me uncle anymore. The house went back to what it used to be. I guess change sometimes is really good.

--

This morning, the recruiter called me again to touch base. He didn't anything except to tell me to call him back. When I did, he told me that he would give me a final answer latest this Friday for sure now. I just don't feel too good about this constant push back. But it doesn't matter now, two more days I will have an answer. The person who referred IMed me today right after I talked to the recruiter by coincidence. She thought that this was a good thing since they did my reference check and background check. Let's hope she is right because I really just want to start working now.

--

I haven't worked out forever, and I know my muscle mass is declining. Even though I still can't see the big difference in the mirror yet, I can definitely feel it.

Life seems to be on hold before my job is settled. I need money for everything and I almost need that job to have motivation. This kind of uncertainty is just too daunting.

--

There are many things that I think would make great blog entries. A lot of my thoughts and opinions were from my conversations with friends, bloggers and random people. However, I just felt a bit unnecessary and lazy to do the entries. My mind is still on my job and my family atm. I guess till things start to really change in essence, my blog will probably remain kinda boring and dry.