Awkward...

Today, I went to the beach! Alone! First time ever. I don't know I guess I need to start doing stuff on my own a lot more often. Everyone in my life now works during the day and I have a few precious days left till I too become a corporate rat. So I can't just sit around and wait till I find someone to go out with me during the day.

I slept very late last night, god damn these Ninetendo DS. I was playing the new Super Mario on it. lol~~~ I know I am stupid. Anyways, I slept at 4:30am and woke up around 12. Still feeling groggy and tired I somehow got ready to go to the beach fairly fast. Once I got there it was 2:00pm which was on my schedule. Rented a boogie board as usual and headed down the beach. It was such a nice day today. Strong waves, decent wind and no clouds. This allowed me to enjoy the beach to the fullest. Since I left in a hurry I didn't eat so I bought McDonald on the way. However, I just didn't feel really hungry so I went down played for 30 mins and came back for my burger. It was delicious. I don't know. I usually hate McDonald. But I guess the relaxing afternoon, a nice beach day, and how I enjoy the beach alone made everything taste better. haha. There were four girls sunbathing next to me. Two Asian chicks and two white chicks, and they apparently weren't from here. They had accent and seemed to all struggle with English a bit. So it was kinda funny watching one of the Asian chicks tried to communicate with the white chicks. It worked of course but it was almost like with the assistance of sign language and their intuition. A lot of times you can see they use smiles as placeholder. It was good, at least they smile when they got stuck instead of piss or curse or some unpleasant shit like that.

Meanwhile, a hunky blond showed up and sat not too far from the chicks. He had a washboard ab decorated with six bulging muscles and a super defined chest. I was totally stalking him under my sunglasses. He seemed to be looking at my way too. I was thinking omg maybe he is gay. But then soon realized that these four almost naked girls probably caught his attention before it even reached me. God stupid pussies. He was looking at the Asian chicks or me. I bet it was the Asian chicks since a lot of them are pretty loose in LA. Trust me I know. Anyways, I got bored at my own mind games so I looked around. There were... fat birds. I remembered this Ad of a car. It was a car talking to a seagull and the car asked what the bird liked, the bird said he liked the waves, the water and of course the fatty fries. Yeah I don't know how that related to cars but ad people are crazy nowadays anyway. So I was like I HAVE FRIES. So I started feeding the birds a bit. They all came over, cautiously taking a bite. I was like omg you pussies, why can't you be man enough about it and just take my food. I despise you! I silently declared that in my mind. Then I felt bad because it was bad enough that we are feeding humans like there is no tomorrow I should at least treat the birds better. I don't even eat the fries I shouldn't let them die from heart attacks. So I left my food under my shirt and put my cellphone in the bag, you know just to be discrete, and went in for the second round of wave catching!

When I came back, I couldn't find my McDonald bag anywhere. I totally panicked. I was like omfg you got to be kidding me. The one fucking time I showed up at the beach alone, I lost everything I had. Then I thought, it must have been the garbage man. God you stupid garbage man can't you just be slower at your job I don't think people will fire you for a McDonald bag laying around someone's belongings. Then feeling stupid, irritated, embarrassed and freaked out, I asked the girls regarding my stuff's whereabouts. The Asian chick was very nice. God I felt bad calling her a whore in my mind just because this dubious dude with six packs. I said sorry in my mind. She told me that oh, yeah, the birds. I was like WTF. The other girls were like yeah the birds ate your food and dragged everything away. I AM LIKE WTF COME AGAIN. First thing was how dare the fat birds! Eating two more fries they would probably get so fat that they lose their ability to fly permanently and they stole the whole freaking bag! Most importantly what did they do to my cellphone!! So as stupid as it sounded I asked the Asian chick, "do you happen to see my cellphone too". She was like oh yeah, it is right here. She pointed at a shiny object in the sand few feet away from my towel. I was really glad. Then I couldn't find my sunglasses!!! So I asked them again, this time none of them said anything except for looking at me weird. I was thinking god stupid bitches, would it hurt if you can just tell me one more thing instead of giving me that weird look. Then about 10 seconds later I realized that when I came back and saw no bags around, I already panicked and grabbed my sunglasses and clutched it in my hand only to forget about it once I talked to the girls. I FELT SO STUPID. Then I just laid quietly down and cried inside. That muscle dude kept looking this way. I was like omg if he was gay he was probably not gonna go fuck a stupid ass now.

So I went around gathered the aftermath of this fries stealing mayhem. I found that my large size drink was also gone. Bloody birds they do not leave anything behind!

I wonder if I am prone to embarrassing events.

Let me just quickly list a bunch, see if you can beat this!

1. First day at USC. Tired as fuck and I was really just walking and half sleeping at the same time. So I went into a bathroom only to see a girl face to face after I finished up. God stupid didn't I notice there was no urinal! She on the other hand just looked confused. Her face said a million things in 1 second... "omg freak." "is he in my school" "god i feel so dirty" "was he about to watch girls pee only to give up coz no one left" "oh maybe he is a manly girl haha" "maybe he has gender issues I should be nice god be nice, smile smile". And yes when I left she squeezed out a smile...

2. Got all ready for a party. Just showered, styled, hair gelled. Then somehow I just felt like to use some hairspray. I grabbed a bottle sprayed and only to find out that it was a bottle of bug killer RAID. I was just gonna go like that but then my scalp started to hurt so I stripped down naked and ran into the shower. I never knew I could strip that fast.

3. A closeted guy and I were fooling around. It was his first time ever doing anything with a guy. So I was blowing him enjoying the time. He then said let me try. So as soon as his mouth was near my dick, I pushed his head all the way down. HE almost puked from the gag right there on my belly. I was amused because it was funny but then he was embarrassed so he went soft. I was like oh a day in my life...