Work

Is work so important or it is simply for one's survival.

I think when work becomes a living entity that swallows you, then it is important because apparently it is destroying you. The trade off? I usually don't see the trade off at all. We on average live about 65 years in America. Given, we don't die from deadly disease, suffer depression and commit suicide, accidentally killed by car accidents, drowning, sharks..., murdered, and for some, die at birth. I mean it is already a lot of precondition to just live normally really. So much work to live as it is. Then why shred your soul further to just live?

I talked to a good friend from college yesterday online. Conversation wasn't too long but sincere nevertheless. Pleasantry quickly exchange and the rest was just important substance. 

"Hey how have you been!"

"omg L (you can tell this is me, I kinda say omg a lot.) I called you! Finally!"

"Yeah I am good."

"Work is getting better?"

"nope. I think I am suffering depression."

"hmm that is not a laughing matter and I don't think you are joking."

"yeah for the past two weeks, I finish work everyday @ 7am. I am so tired all the time."

"You know I really worry about you. Btw by all means, see a therapist immediately if you even suspect you are suffering depression. Nothing is worthwhile if you are going to endanger your health and life."

"I know, I probably will..."

"Have you thought about changing jobs? I mean we kinda often lose sight when we are put in a hyper competitive environment. It would seem that this is the only way and any other option would spell failure. It especially holds true for competitive people like you."

"Yeah i know... I am thinking about changing job in two years. So almost finished the first year, 1 year to go."

"Yeah just hold on to it and change it when you can."

"NY offices already started interview process."

"I am not sure NY is better for you, isn't that even more stressful?"

"oh I mean people working in NY offices are looking for another job already. Oh god no, if I go to NY, I would jump off a building pretty soon... D I am getting so fat... I try to squeeze in a workout here and there but never wake up on time.  I just feel like I am fucking up at work all the time too."

"Just relax on the workout now, what you need is to sleep whenever you can. You are killing yourself you know. I am sure you are doing a fine job. I worked with you and you've got it. We can be our toughest critics especially people like you. Relax won't be the end of the world."

"Yeah I know I try. When are you coming up and visit?"

"I don't want to because then you will have to spend time with me. Just sleep when you have free time. When you have a weekend off, come back here, we will go have korean bbq at that place again. We will have fun and rewind, promise :p"

"haha, I know I miss that. if you want to you can really come up and visit."

"sweety you need rest not guests! but if you really want me to go up there just call me. My schedule is way flexible than yours, so you let me know."

We talked a bit more about relationship and she told me I should go to San Francisco because there is a lot NICE gays up there and she would introduce me. Aww so sweet. 

I just think no matter how great the company is, this job is a scam. They abuse these new graduates like slaves in the name of competition and only a small amount of these people would make to the top and still healthy. 

50 million a year when you are 45 sounds great but then it is not really all that great if you are going to have strokes once every two years accompanied with extremely bad heart condition. Then what are we living for. There is only so much money can buy you know and I am not even talking about happiness. arggg.

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On a lighter note, my sex on Sunday wasn't 100% and all but there was this one hot moment. His closet was covered by two piece of mirror. So when we were doing it, it was as if we were watching a home made porn. I was more into my position than the sex. I was looking at my body where was toned where needed more work. Was I flexible enough.... I have to say I was satisfied with myself. I already find peace that I will never have a model body then let's get the best out of the situation right? hahaha -_-'''....