A quick date

There is a doctor who I have been talking to on and off lately. He looks good in pictures and he is very physically active. He does lots out door sports such as surfing, snowboarding, climbing and tennis etc, which is very attractive to me. He works out a lot and has a nice body. He is a cardiac anesthetist or something... does a lot of surgeries what not. So it is kinda cool. So I called him today and talked to him. I liked how he sounded confident and a bit cocky and I guess he liked my energy and jokes. So anyways, we decided to meet up really quick before I go to dinner tonight.

Our date place was at the Peet's coffee shop in Pasadena. I have to say the Peet's coffee shop was a pretty good place and their coffee is definitely delicious. I don't know why people would go to the starbucks next door when this place is right there. Anyways, I walked in first and was wondering if I stood in the right line. I was looking up at the menu... Hmmm house blend, 12 bucks. holly shit, why the coffee here is so expensive! Then I realized it was /lb... Suddenly a tall Asian guy who was PRETTY cute said oh excuse me are you in line. Then we started talking. He was definitely gay and definitely a bit too friendly with me. I don't I just felt happy today and I guess I looked confident etc so he was definitely giving me extra attention than needed. 

As we were talking, the doctor walked in and saw me talking to the guy so he passed us went to the "for here" line. I finished talking to the Asian dude and headed to him right away, we shook hand and immediately started talking. I guess we had chemistry since we never stopped talking. We moved around and walked around in and out of the coffee shop and kept the conversation going. It was more of a getting to know you kinda process instead of flirting. He said he got out of a relationship a while ago and it was just a really bad lesson to learn and it also happened that his last bf was also Asian.  

Overall, the conversation had a very good flow, both of us were at ease and there weren't any dull moment. When I decided to talk less he would become more engaging and asked more questions or just kept the conversation going on his side, which is a good sign. 

I don't know I think it went really well, but here are several down side:

1. A bit too well, we talked more like two gay friends catching up. It is like as if we already are kinda like friends, and we just haven't hung out for a while so we are catching up the missing pages. A bit too friendly. Although there were several sexual jokes. One was that I said something like "oh I would like to put my head on your giant chest and my hands caressing your crotch." before on text message, so today he asked me if that offer if is still valid. Another one was that he said he really liked my size, the height and body type and he asked me if everything is in proportion. So I mean I guess that is good. He kept it civil yet interesting. However, I wished there were more flirting and more sexual tension. 

2. He looked older in person. He said he was 36 which is 12 years older than I am. I think that is perfectly fine. But definitely at my borderline of dateable measures. He looked pretty fine in this one picture that he took during a climbing trip. Everything was so smooth. However in person, his years of medical school showed up well and clear on his face. His eye corners had plenty wrinkles, so are his mouth areas. He appeared to be shorter as well. He said he was 6' but I felt he was only 5'10" because I am between 6' and 6'1". And he was definitely shorter than I was. Also he wasn't looking for relationships so he was more for the fun.

3. He was going to train a "friend" who was 19 years old in the gym and "helping him out" after our little meeting. Great...

4. Since I am blogging about him I wondered what he is doing, so I sent him a hey message on his email and a text message asking if he is still up. He logged off online and wasn't replying my text. That is a bit flaky.

5. From the conversation, doesn't sound like he could give me mind blowing fucks, that would be a problem I think.

But anyways, despite these little red flags, the conversation was very dynamic and we laughed a lot and agreed with each other a lot. Time passed by fairly fast and before we knew it, it was already 740 which was about 2 hours already. So we kissed on the cheek and hugged each other tightly and we made preliminary plans for dinner tomorrow night. Hmmmm according to the sense of flakiness that I am sensing now, I doubt it would go down as planned. We shall see. This is him.

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I wanted to blog this is because after having a really goofy and fun dinner/tea time with my other friends. I suddenly felt a bit lonely. My two friends were living by themselves since they were kinda young. Like 19 years old and the other one was since her early teens. So they could deal with this alone time very well. I on the other hand needs company all the time. I don't necessarily need attention all the time but I just want to have a person in the room who would care enough to talk to me a bit more when I feel down or sick... I just need that insurance. I have good friends, some are really close, however, as I grow older I just feel that I can depend on them less even though the friendship hasn't changed. I am not sure if you know what I mean. I think the only thing that can replace this emptiness or give me insurance is a husband. I am 24 and still just dating and kinda fucking which is not a good outlook. I want kids and family and I want the insurance of a family and I have nothing like that insight. 

My parents are out of town this weekend. I am not missing them for these two days but the house became so empty and I just have this previews of how my life is after I move out in a year or so. Just so you know I am living home not for the "child" loneliness reason. It just doesn't make financial sense right now and I can swallow a bit pride and allow myself to have some financial backups. But the independent issue is definitely there.

These dates make me wanna have a dependable ideal husband who would take care of me emotionally. I somehow just don't feel safe in a way. I am kinda confused. sigh..