Arggg I talked to him

Well good conversation and crazy flirts kept exchanging the whole day today again. Everything went pretty well. 

Remember how I went batshit insecure again yesterday by just thinking about meeting him? Now I have same doubts to him. What if he finds me fine but I find him too different from that one picture that he sent me. What if he is beyond ugly, what if he has a bad personality in real life.

Then I remembered that I am crazy so I calmed down and asked him for more pictures.

Fast forward, I went to the gym did cardio and had a quick dinner with a friend. Got home checked email, empty. No pictures. So I picked up my phone selected his number and was about to text I received this text message from him,

"argggg, I don't like these pictures of mine. =/"

Ok.

"don't worry about it, we already talked for two days and I really like you so just send any picture, as normal as it can be."

"ok I just sent a nice picture of my butt."

WTF... I don't want to see your ass I want to see your face. 

"omg... man it up just me a face picture!"

So before he messaged me back I checked email again and it turned out that he sent a series of pictures with different poses, ass in his jeans, and picture of his eyes. He has two big green eyes. so cute. He is very butch and young and I really like that. It is true, usually you really can't describe your type... words just don't come close. I am sure a lot of people don't find him cute but he is exactly my type, the type i can see myself being with for a long time, the type I would like to compromise things that I won't do for my dad. I don't know, it is just the intangible chemistry factor. OH god I hope he feels the same way about me.

So I told him to log on AIM so we could talk. No reply. I messaged him again, no reply. 

So I was like wth... I picked up the phone and called him. He answered. It turned out that he went to Bristo Farm and got a salad.

He sounded a bit shy but his voice was really cute and calm so he didnt sound nervous at all. He was just as chill as he sounded on aim. We flirted a little bit and talked about normal things. I complimented him a couple times and I could tell that he got shy again and said he doesn't deal with compliment all that well. 

Anyways, I sent him some of my pics and he said mine looked cute. w/e he is probably lying...

So we talked about the detail regarding Thursday again and I said I was pretty excited. He said the same thing but he could be lying, not sure.

We said good night to each other and hung up.

I liked our little 10 mins chat. It felt pretty natural and comfortable. But now both saw each other more and even talked, I wasn't sure if the chemistry was still the same. I was going batshit crazy again...

Then he sent a text said, 

"nice ass, btw." (I sent a pic of my ass in return).

"oh not gonna lie I think I do have a nice ass. haha that sounded cocky."

"not cocky if it is true."

":-)."

He then said something flirty and kinda dirty LOL...

Le sigh..

I don't know. I like his personality. I have yet talked to many guys who give me this comfortable vibe. I don't even remember a guy has given me this sense of ease. He is not sarcastic and able to hold a conversation without being dramatic, self centered, or emotional. Ok I do appreciate people who are full of feelings but when the slightest mood swing engraves your face with an ugly contour then that is just not pleasant. And I have seen plenty people like that. ok My point is I really like how he is and I really really hope this turns out to be something more, something better than just a couple quick fuck. I am pretty tired of that... sigh... I am desperate for love. FOR LOVe not sex, this is so hard.

Once I am determined to get more from this guy, I told him I am not going to fuck on the first date, hope he is cool with that. Well see this is me. I know exactly what I want, and if my conditions aren't met and I am not going to get it then I might just as well not going to start the journey. No compromise here. He just texted back saying of course he is ok with that. 

Good start hehe.

Now this is my ass, I guess I will use this as my long overdue HNT #02.

I think it could be more bubbly. If I flex I am sure I can pump it up another inch, but definitely more squads... 

I cried just a tiny little bit

Ok I am such a sucker for things like this. arggg, but isn't he amazing. Angelic voice le sigh.



--- 

Today I got UCLA hunk's aim, and we basically chatted up the whole day. From no expectation to extremely high expectation. We had so much fun talking and flirting and he sounded like the exact kind of guy I want in my life as a boyfriend. Also, he was part of the air force reserve back in college, so he did the training and the whole shebang, so freaking HOT!!! You see how stupid I am? I haven't seen him, just saw a couple pictures then talked to him on aim and now i am already thinking about being his boyfriend. Sigh... never learn!.... But we both enjoyed the conversation throughout the entire day and we planned to meet up on Thursday for dinner. See if I don't know him then I can be completely confident. But now after talking, I have expectations and I want him have his expectation from me fulfilled and suddenly I am not as confident. The doubts flooded in. What if he doesn't find me attractive, what if our conversation becomes dull, what if ... I know it is so stupid. We should find out the answers for all that soon. Well in three days.

I also got a chance to talk to my Black guy friend. He messaged me last night and then logged off because according to him I wasn't very talkative at the moment. So this morning, we started talking and he suddenly lashed out at Asians. Actually, he soon started to lash out against dudes in general, saying how he got hurt by games all the time and people are just generally fake. I somehow wasn't phased by his tantrum by the slightest. I was calm and I proceeded to show him why his accusations of Asians were unfound. Well his accusations definitely hold true to a lot of Asian people but I believe most of them are still generally good people and I really felt the responsibility to build the racial connection and defend my own people in this microscopic way. Finally good reasoning won out and he admitted that he was just frustrated. But after this incident, I can guarantee that I will not fool around with him ever again. That is for sure.

On the other hand, work related thing, I am forced to work TWO hours overtime everyday for the next three weeks. Also, I might be forced to come in ON SATURDAYS. Ok Fuck this shit really. For the amount of money I make I really shouldn't be required to come in on SATURDAY. The work is stressful in the first couple weeks but we are all adults here and if the work is not done I think we will do overtime as needed so that we can finish. Enforcing overtime is one of the most irresponsible thing a manage team can do. If the worker is incompetent the overtime will just still be wasted anyway. Let the employee work overtime based on their schedule as long as the work is done and done well right?

I really believe this is one big problem with corporate America. If the top management is anal, micro management and recruiting all the mindless peons instead of seeking out talents, then yes, the corporate culture would suffer. Because that management style would trigger down from top all the way to the bottom. Also, the corporate America is still ruled by the baby boomers who learned management styles from their past experiences. A lot of them use micro management and iron fist rule to feel secure and maintain dignity. But that does not bode well with our generation, period. 

In my business major back in USC, we took at least 2 semester classes mainly focused on business communications and learn the difference of professional communication and personal communication. But alas, who gives a shit about the difference. Some of the psycho managers often throw their tantrum at their employees and employ their personal humor or style at will with no regard how the other party would feel about that whatsoever. What they don't know is that their personal humor/style comes off either arrogant, thoughtless or simply buttplug style bitchy.  We should always remember that being in a supervision position simply means that you have a better knowledge and have the ability to lead. We didn't elect you as a manager/supervisor with a popularity contest. So I don't know what made them feel like their personality is the shining star that comes out every fucking 10 mins to blind others.

Micro management is the past and I think human resource should be more strategic. Asking your employee to log in activities on Outlook EVERY FUCKING HOUR is not how you guarantee that they have something to do. IF your employee started slacking, then it is either you as a manager didn't plan the workload for them well so that they are overwhelmed in the beginning and now they just don't have stuff to do, OR they are not qualified employees. I mean if they can't work under supervision, then you should get a new person on your team. Doing stupid micro managing shenanigans is only a waste of time for everyone and has nothing to boost morale which is so vital for the turn over. Let me tell you our turn over is ugly. Work content is one thing but management is a huge factor as well. Just because the company is huge doesn't mean that they can literally afford to lose anyone. Especially considering the entertainment industry is on the verge of being revolutionized with new media, I don't know how the old method seems to be a good idea to continue. Talent is everything on all levels. God I can go on and on with this.

Luckily I have had a good manager for three quarters who didn't micro manage. However I have witnessed enough to worry. My manager is changing position in this up coming quarter. I hope my new manager isn't going to be a talentless drone. 

The Heat

These past two days have been hot. Yes, my wish has been granted. I hated the chilly weather for the first 3 days in this week and I was grumpy. I was mad at god or whatever that is controlling the weather. I whined and whined about the weather as if I was promised to have a good weather for my birth. But alas, I didn't ask for heat waves like this. It is just mid-April folks and it has reached a freaking 100 degrees here in LA already...

Anyways let me talk about my little weekend. It was eventful yet uneventful and overall a bit depressing at the end because of my weird logic.

Friday

Kee invited me to go to this Yacht party last week and I was pretty excited about it. I even planned to shop for some shirts to attend. Turns out I didn't get time to shop, also there was no Yacht and party was hosted at a steakhouse near the beach area. Too far of a drive and didn't sound all that fun. So I passed on the opportunity. I hung out with Kee quite a bit for the past 2 weeks and it got QUITE boring again. Kee is all around fun gal to hang out with, just not more than two weeks. There is nothing in her head except for sex, guys, shopping, and her boyfriend. She doesn't read news, doesn't care about current event, has no hobby, and just overall not an interesting person once you peel off her pretty facade. I on the other hand has been a little bitch too. I refused to drive to anywhere that she invited me to go so when she wasn't driving I just kinda ditch. So we did our own thing this week and it was feeling kinda good to not to see her and listen to her broken record stories about his bf B. 

So I thought about going to hookah and no one wanted to go. I felt exhausted toward the end of my work day and I thought, what the hell, I am going home first and take a nap and maybe later I would get a call to do something with someone.

Sleep-drove home, hit the sack, and passed out till 10pm. Woke up with a headache and deer in the head light demeanor I wandered downstairs and whined like a little boy for food. By the time I regained my consciousness, and fully fed as well, it was 11pm. No CALLS either. Just freaking fantastic. A bit depressed and annoyed, I logged online and started to talk to these two guys that I have been emailing back and forth. One was this Mexican waiter working in a very small restaurant in downtown area, low profile, career wise is anything but an aphrodisiac. But he talked in this cute fashion and I liked his responsiveness. The other was my prize money! He was this 23 year old guy from UCLA and total frat boy type. Tall (6'3"), built and lean (with picture and current weight 180lb). Did I mention I like big muscular and masculine guys? Yes I really do. So hot and our conversation went extremely well. I exchanged number with both and planned Saturday to meet the waiter and Sunday to meet the hunk.

Saturday

I went to Waiter's den. He was dog sitting for his friend who was in England at the time. Dog was cute, the waiter was ok. He was lean, not too dark, about 2-3 inches shorter than I was. But alas, I drove 20 mins to see this dude, I could compromise. Turned out he wasn't willing. We chatted here and there for like 1 hour and when I wanted to do something he said he was going to leave. Well I couldn't blame him for that because we planned to meet between 430 to 630 since he had a bday party to attend at 630. I got there pass 500, so when I wanted to do something it was already 600. Still I was kinda pissed. Considering in my mind I just compromised for the situation. But if he really wanted to, he would have done something already. He said don't worry we would probably meet again. I was thinking, yeah right, maybe in a mirror universe. Do you know how much the gas is in LA right now, 4 dollars a gallon plus the opportunity cost for 20 mins of driving! Also later I had a car scare... I almost got creamed by this giant bus. All this trouble, I would definitely not see him again. Deleted his number right away, went home, change and attended the ATTACK OF THE GAYS event.

I was invited by this older friend S, whom I met in my gym. He is one of the executive producer (logistic producer, not content) for one of the most popular TV Gossip Magazine Shows on one of the major networks. NOT TMZ, because that would be Harvey Levin, and that would be hot, he has these very cute minions running around in his studios.. ok off topic... Anyways, the event is called the Guerrilla Bars event, or the invasion of the gays. Gay guys would dress in a black shirt/tshirt and all go to one of the popular straight club/bars. The bar and club would not be notified in advance. Sounded pretty fun so I agreed to go. We first met up at his house for drinks. I walked in and I got a big surprise which definitely got me shy right away. There were already about 15-20 guys there. All were old enough to be my dad. I mean my friend S is in his mid 40s so technically he could have had me at 20 and it is totally legit. Naturally, all his friends were around his age. I felt a bit fish out of water not just because the age difference but also because I didn't know anyone! As I walked in, all heads turned and looked at me and I think i just died right there. Like a deer in the headlight again. These gays are all hmmm quality gays I would say? Middle class, well educated, focused, driven, and successful. But unfortunately, very seasoned. They lived through the 70s and 80s and I am just a gay deer newly out in the head light. 

After a brief talking with some of them, I got to know C, working for a giant health care company now. Used to work in the entertainment industry and in my company particularly on the corporate side before he left for health care. Also I talked to this guy R, who is currently working for one of the world largest international media/technology conglomerate. He is the head of the TV marketing. Funny part is that one of his current project's quarterly result would come to my company and fall in my lap and I would further process his work to produce the end-user product for the public. Small world ay?

The bar we went to was called Vive Lounge and it was a really nice place. What was absolutely hilarious was that there was a bridal dinner/party event. So we saw three giant tables of clueless straight people eating and drinking and ready to get their dance on soon at the dance floor. All of sudden, volla, 300 gays showed up dressed in black and start fucking voguing in their face. Finally my deer position was replaced by these poor souls. I didn't feel too bad because the bride... looked like the fucking bride of Chucky, as big as a sumo wrestler, started to poking her giant asses everywhere. It was a sight to behold. 

I was a bit disappointed. There were almost no guys in my age. Not like I would have hooked up with anyone, but I would like to have some fun and checking out hot guys. This time, I had to stay with my group because I am not into daddies. I didn't call them daddies just because I knew they were older, rather, some of them really looked like they were old enough to be my dad and beyond too and not in the hot way either. Ok I think I just sounded like someone who has something against old people. That is absolutely not true. I believe in aging gracefully and naturally. I think a guy who takes care of himself and ages with dignity is extremely sexy, especially the domesticated and family oriented type. In fact I wrote several entries regarding my big big crushes on older guys who already have some grey hair on their head. But when I go to a bar, I can't get blamed when I don't feel too excited to be surrounded by people are all just older. I really felt the disconnected when Like a Virgin was on. The older gays went nuts and voguing again. I found out that Like a Virgin came out one year after I was born sigh...

Ok I am sure there were some 30 year olds but I couldn't tell. 

I was determined to have a good time though. So I danced non-stop for 2 hours and had two drinks and felt dizzy. My friend S was nice enough to take me back to his place early. 

He said I could sleep there if I wanted to. At that moment, I knew what he wanted. He tried once  before... 

The first time I met S was through a french guy at the gym. S just broke up with his 4 year long boyfriend at that time and was ready to drink his sorrow away so we all went out to party. He at that time, also made the same offer to me that night and I politely refused. 

This time I was pretty dizzy from the drinks. Though I could definitely drive home, I felt bad for just leaving like this. 

For the record, I really don't find S attractive at all. He is too short and too chubby for my taste. Plus the age difference - I think he probably 45. He is however known to be genuine and sweet. His last boyfriend was this middle eastern guy who looked like he just walked out from a hardcore gay porn. He was oozing was sexual energy and his body was EXTREMELY sexy. His face was masculine and his gaze was deep and commanding. He had tattoos on his arm and he just looked so freaking hot. I definitely had a crush on this guy. But soon after he broke up with S, he stopped going to the gym in Pasadena and started to go to the one in Weho. 

Anyways, weighting in the pros and cons of staying and thinking I could say no anytime I want if he did something, there was really nothing bad if I stayed just a bit. 

But honestly, I really don't know what made me to make that decision. Here are the possibilities, 

1. Sympathy. He is mid-40. Broke up with someone who he probably thought would spend the rest of his life with. Working hard, and not dating. Lots of the gays who went to party tonight were couples and he wasn't with anyone. If I were him, is it really that much to ask for a young guy like me to just take a nap and cuddle? I really have nothing to lose and I am in control in this situation. A bit generosity would probably make the night perfect for him. 

2. Resonance. Similarly to possibility #1, I could imagine how he feels if I were him. I am afraid of being alone and I want a family very badly at age of 24 already. NO ONE wants to die alone. Being gay isn't our choice but how we live out our lives is really up to us. No one said that gays are bound to be childless and lonely. He is probably having or has already had those panic attacks many times throughout his life. Now on this bed, after a night of drinking in his mid-40s, having someone to sleep over and cuddle is probably just the thing he needed to feel positive even just for a little bit. 

3. Bitterness. I was bitter that stupid waiter didn't jump on me. Yes like I wrote before, when you get rejected you suddenly become interested. How pathetic. I was the one who quickly went through thoughts and judgements based on height, appearance, demeanor, education, career, train of thoughts, responsiveness, and personality in the first 5 mins we met AND MADE COMPROMISE thinking ok he was good enough to have some fun with and then got indirectly turned down. Now I am bitter. omg.... I need to get a grip.

4. Curiosity. I wanted to see how he would do it. Approach me, touch me, talk to me etc. How does he even begin to subtly seduce or ask shall we say for something sexual from someone who is not interested or too young or w/e....

So at the end I was in his bed. He cuddled me and we both actually fell asleep for about half hour. He then suddenly without saying much started to touch my crotch. Soon he was between my legs and blowing me. He was pretty good I have to say. He did everything oral, balls licking, rimming, flickering my thighs with his tongue. It was quite fun to be honest. It is true, once in the dark, everything is the same. Remember that scene from Sex and the City? where Samantha was fucking this 60 some guy for money and she said "he touched like a 40 year old, kissed like a 40 year old, felt like a 40 year old, but omg he has a 60 year old ass", she ran out after seeing that ass. Imagine if there weren't any ass sighting triggers she would have stayed with him longer. For me there was no scene on par with the ass-sighting. I could feel his chubby belly and chest. But overall, it was oral sex at its best. It was nothing but oral. Pure form of this sexual activity. I returned the favor for a little bit. I gave him head. His dick was actually pretty amazing. Long but not too long, thickness was just right and he was extremely hard. Also, he had these GIGANTIC balls. 

We didn't really have sex but after we both came we laid next to each other and talked for a while. About life and relationship what have you. I talked about those 4 potential possibility of why I stayed there in my own words and my own perspectives. He responded to them. I could tell he does want a family but given the background, I don't think he believes in gay family and he is in a way coping with this traumatizing realization as well.

Ok, maybe this is another prime example of me over analyzing. He probably fucked another 20 guys who are 18-22 in the past couple weeks or had crazy monkey sex with some middle eastern porn stars as far as I know. He probably is having a BALL and I am the one who thought he was all still kinda depressed by his situation. omfg, stupid me -_-.....

Before I left, he said oh you are a young charming sweet heart. Gay life can change people, don't change, just be the sweetheart you are. I know what he meant but I still dont know what to make of it... oh right before I left, I said I knew what you wanted the moment I walked in haha. He was jokingly said oh you bitch. But I wasn't sure if he was genuinely surprised or acted surprised...

On the way home, I texted UCLA hunk and asked him if he wanted to hang out on Sunday. 

Sunday

Today is shopping day. My friend Dodo, her friend Kevin and I went to Melrose. We were completely petrified by the heat as if it was our first day visiting a place this hot. Kevin bought a French bulldog at that petstore on melrose. Don't remember the name but it was supposed to be a bit celebrity studded place. The dog was 3,000 dollars, cute as a button and expense as hell. 

Meanwhile, I got UCLA hunk's text saying that he forgot that he had his nephew's bday party and apologized twice for not hanging out. I found that cute. We didn't really confirm the sunday fool around schedule yet he took it a bit serious. I liked that and I hope I could see him soon and have uninhibited monkey sex lol~~~ Also, I got a text from S asking me if I got home ok last night. 

Anyways, back to the shopping. AS broke AS I am, I bought a G-star short sleeve button up shirt, white, with two big pockets around the chest area. I would never touch those shirts on my own but dodo told me to try it on. It actually looked quite good. The cut was perfect around my shoulder and the back was fit. It was quite a nice surprise considering the other 4 items I picked out were all flops. It was also quite surprising at the cashier. It was 129 dollars! omg............ Too much ego to say no and too vain to reject a cute shirt, I happily took out my AmEx card... After that I bought another Marc by Marc cheap grey T, this one says "hardcore" in this very very light print cross the chest area. I guess this one would be off limit at work. I already made that mistake once... I wore this grey FCUK tshirt at work and I failed to notice that there was this slogan printed in purple saying "Cool as FCUK". I mean it was already bad enough and then it was interpreted by another coworker as a parody of Queer as Folks. JEEBUS PEOPLE...

Now I am home feeling like I had a heat stroke.... I want another medium sized Pink Berry like the one I had 3 hours ago.... Arrgggg So freaking hot. I think we would just all melt in August... weeee..

Inappropriate employee, flaked, shallow, politics

Today truly sucked.

I am going to write four events. Event one is work experience, event two is a date that'd gone flake, event three is a rant regarding someone shallow, event four a political issue. Please be advised that if you don't want to get political, please do not read event FOUR.

Event 1,

Ok our company is passing out Berlin Walls. Yes you heard it right. Despite the fact that, Germany decided to stop disintegrate their historic walls, we still keep getting them. I just really didn't care for the wall piece, but one of our temporary worker wanted it, and she is pretty cool so we went there to get her a piece.

The assistant who was responsible for handing out the wall pieces was a major bitch. She sat there giving us this indifferent look. I tried to ease the uncomfortable moment and talked to her. This is what came out of this bitch's mouth,

"hm, can you guys give me a call first next time you come back? You know so I can get prepared, and get organized."

So I said,

"ah.. ok. well what can we do, we all just love historic walls. hehe"

"hm? what do you mean, you like walls?"

My mouth was just hanging open and I got really pissed.

"hehe, (fake laugh), I dont understand, you like walls, like the walls there." Looking at the wall behind me. fucking retard...

My coworker chimed in, "he meant the berlin wall."

"oh." rolling her eyes.

I turned my back on her, and she kept talking to me, and I proceeded talking to my coworker and left her hanging. I left the rooming without picking up the stupid wall.

Awkward? Yes, but Her tone was extremely annoying and her attitude was definitely offensive. It was as if we were those kind of people who would love to get anything for free.

The outrageous thing is that,

1. We will never come back, each employee is qualified for one piece of fucking walls and I didn't even want this piece of fucking wall.

2. WHO THE FUCK do you think you are. You are an assistant and your job description is to assist whatever your boss needs help for, and handing out the wall is one of the CORPORATE initiative. IF you can't lift your precious fingers to just hand out some boxed wall pieces, you should not have applied for your job. If you had any decent education, you would have had a real job now wouldn't you?

3. Organize WHAT? You desk was as clean as new, and all you had to do was to open a Word document, write down our employee ID and then hand out the fucking wall that is in the box NEXT to your desk.

I just hate people who have attitude for nothing. I personally don't deal with attitude well at all. Place yourself in the right position. If you think this job is so below you then get the fuck out. If you think you are better than this, go find a better job. If you take it, then don't be a anal annoyance to other people. What is worse is that we all tried to make her cheer up and all that came back were these retarded responses.

Event 2.

I have been talking to this guy from UCLA, 22-23, looks kinda cute and we had great conversations last week. So on the weekend I asked him out to have dinner and chill in Westwood. Plans were set and I was really looking forward to this. I talked to him in the afternoon around 3 pm and confirmed the event. He said he was going to take a nap but told me to call him before I leave so that he would know when I was leaving etc. Sounded all very genuine and interested.

630pm rolled by and I was ready to leave. Rested a bit in my car since he suggested I should leave a bit later to avoid traffic. Called him @ 645 the first time. Rang 6 times to voicemail. Called the second time once I reached my car around 650pm. Still voicemail. I needed gas, so I went to the gas station next to work. Meanwhile texted him telling him that I was leaving now and if he got my message let me know. Got to the gas station filled up and called one more time telling him that the drive is quite long (20 miles subject to some traffic and returning route for me would be around 30 miles), so I don't want to drive out there in case he had something come up. So I told him in the voicemail that I would wait for his call till 715 then I would be heading home. 720pm rolled by. I drove home.

830pm he texted me saying that his phone was on silence and he just woke up. Are you fucking kidding me or do I look or sound like a retard/doormat? He can't put an alarm on and took a nap that lasted almost 6 hours in the afternoon? It is just ridiculous nowadays. I mean I remembered when I grew up, as kids when I didn't understand much, I would at least inform others or do something to prevent missing an appointment. THIS WAS A DATE. I guess the chemistry wasn't as strong as I thought it was and if I were just whatevers and worth less than a small effort to set an alarm on a cellphone then so be it.

Event 3

There was this cute guy who messaged me online to talk to me. I actually really liked his looks. But after talking for a while I realized that his english could be improved a little but I didn't mind. After talking to each other a couple times, we just stopped talking, w/e, it was mutual. One day I was wondering if he was still interested, so I messaged him. He sounded interested because he started to talk about what happened in his life and what he liked etc. Then I was like so do you still wanna hang out sometimes. He was like sure, can I have more pictures? That was back then before I bought my Mac Book Pro (you see how I typed out the full name, yes I love it that much), and I do not take pictures on my own since my camera has been seized by my parents for business use. All I had was some facebook pictures usually taken from party events. A couple pictures that I had that was close shots were like 1 -2 years old. So I gave him some. He kept complaining that ah it wasn't clear enough and how I didn't want to give him my pictures etc. I told him I could provide some later when I get my computer. From there his attitude was cold and rude, so I ditched him right away.

Fast forward 1 month, I got my Mac and I posted some newly taken picture online. He then couldn't leave me alone. He emailed me three times on three occasions and tried to be cute and nice. I lost all my interests so all I told him was that we have talked before and there was no chemistry, thanks for messaging and bye bye. He just kept emailing. Today he did it again. Bitch chose the wrong time to be fake cute. So I said,

"I already told you many times, we talked and I am not interested at all, so could just freaking go away. Thank you."

Surprisingly, he emailed back saying, "oh sorry if I did something wrong, just wanted to say hi."

This could have been really sweet if I didn't already know how he was, now he just sounded desperate, shallow, and pathetic. So I said, "you didn't do anything wrong, you just pulled a typical gay stereotype, you were shallow and superficial." Then I blocked him.

I am just so surprised nowadays. Whenever I see someone who talks to me, I would at least try to look beyond the physical stuff and talk a bit. When you are nice and polite, they usually pull the I am more fabulous card on me. When you gain some attitude, they suddenly become so apologetic. How dysfunctional.

This is just in. Got Rejected in the Club by a potential one night stand This guy messaged me and said hi. I just replied something nice and he said oh hey baby it is me, sex btm, sorry I didn't get to fuck you last time, maybe we can hookup soon. Want to see my cock? Realizing who he is. I said oh hi, sorry about last time, I had a misunderstanding (which is true one of the gays told me he wanted to hook up), thanks for the advanced warning, but no thanks I will pass. God so arrogantly conceited. Freaking... But I felt good saying that because now he knows how I felt!! This is his picture. 

Event 4

CNN kept reporting how the Olympic rally has been disrupted and this definitely pisses me off. I am raised in China and got my teen --> adult education in America. I have exposure to both culture and both ideologies. With my own education and understanding, I think Tibet is no one else's business. It is a sovereignty issue that is between China and Tibet.

Tibet empire has been controlled and conquered by China hundreds of years ago and based on the Chinese empirical ruling policy, we do not interfere the nomads that roam on the remote Tibetan area. Instead they would act as a state just like any state in U.S.A. and contribute tax and donations each year to the Chinese empire that rule the inland. We did respect their spiritual leader and this agreement has always been in place. They were not allowed to invade any territory with in the Chinese border and the Chinese empire would in turn protect them from other tribes who didn't enter this treaty with Chinese empire, or foreign invaders.

This continued to modern China where the current Chinese government allowed the spiritual leader's spiritual guidance as long as they do not disrupt peace and Chinese sovereignty. Other than that, they are free people. But too bad they weren't up for the peace and as a nation, we will not tolerate treason and riot.

I am sorry if that sounded so Communism. But that has nothing to do with Communist. Just remember how we Americans, got California, Hawaii, Alaska, what happened to the Indians, Blacks and other minority who struggled for decades for equality. Should Mexico government ask for California back, people would just laugh at this idea.

Just most recently, the Absolute Vodka campaign which suggested that in an Absolute world of Mexico's heritage, half of America would be still owned by Mexico. OH dear lord no, this ad generated so much protest that the vodka's parent company had to pull the ad immediately.

Just imagine a Hawaiian royal requires Hawaii's independence and supersession from U.S.A., demanding their own constitution and sovereignty, and during this process, disrupt all local peace, start rioting, protesting with violence, you think American Federal Government would just watch? Arrest will be made and people would be killed. Is that human rights issue? Fuck no.

For people who do not understand Chinese history can simply blindly accuse China for human rights violation and think Tibet should be independent as it wishes. It is simply not like that. I am sorry that 1.x billion Chinese in China right now do not only believe that Tibet is, has always been, and will always be part of China, just like Taiwan, but also STRONGLY support the government's action. Myself included. I am sorry that they don't like that but that is how it is going to be. China will become the next super power and share the power struggle with America and Russia in the world. It is a fact. Its leaders are now all foreign educated who are firm believers of CAPITALISM and yet wielded with the convenience of Communism political tools. The nation is maturing and with improvement on all aspects of the society, its people are only enjoying their better lives. With these, some petty protests are not going to change the mind of the vast majority of the nation. The government and its people as one have similar believes and opinions and with that Tibet will never win. It is just a fact.

It is incredible that with all these western influences and these protests and criticism, my generation of Chinese, the early twentysomes have never been more pro China in history. Maybe that is a message.

I remembered that in the 40s, Mao said that he will lead China to save the world because the world is suffering from the evil capitalists. Ironically, the Chinese couldn't even meet the basic survival needs. No food, no healthcare, and no social stability. The only thing that were plenty were political movements, which were chaotic, violent, and cruel. Yet Mao wanted to save the world.

60 years later. Chinese are busting into Forbe 500 and has one of the HIGHEST living standard in the world, yet the western world is still willing to save China despite the fact that our OWN  economy here is in a DEEP hole. We are in a war we will never win; race is still the elephant in the room, and gays are treated like 3rd class citizens behind the racial minorities, etc... i am not sure who we should save first. Other people or ourselves? GET A GRIP , reality check people.

I am gonna say it!

MAJOR Ranting alert!!

Ketchup sucks. Yes, I am grumpy tonight.

Sure it is one of the newer creations by Dolce group. It has a nice ambience and design. Waiters and waitresses are sweet and hot. The managers are as tanned and built as a pretty late 20 something gay guy can be. He is probably straight so it makes him just that much hotter... Their steak is good, but other than that, everything else just sucks. Well, ok that might be an exaggeration since everything else as I mentioned above sounded pretty swell. Ok, the FOOD SUCKS AND AS A RESTAURANT I THINK IT IS A HUGE FACTOR don't you think. Everything is salted to death. Oh yeah their chicken dishes are dry. Maybe I should go back again and try their fish and if that still sucks then yes there is really nothing good to eat.

I ordered a pork chop today and I don't know how they did it but the salty taste has evenly penetrated the entire piece. It is a piece of work, but just in a very unhealthy way. If I wanted overly sauced/salted food, I would go to Cheesecake Factory or somewhere. But when one can easily spend 50 and above for a meal without desert, it is a bit ridiculous that the food is on par with PF Chang's. I think I would rather lick my waitress than eating that pork chop. Amazingly, everything else on my dish was great, the lettuce or w/e that green leaf was, was fresh, the sauce was thick and yet refreshing. The drinks were delicious and the appetizer was unique. I guess it is at least consistent -- everything else is done with excellent standard but the food.

Of course one may say that we go to restaurants for the experience, hence the price and the sucky food. I do agree, if there were some sort of experience. It was overall just a new highly decorated yet another Hollywood restaurant stacked with some fit waiter/waitress. You can hardly call that an experience. I think you can get a better experience in a gay dive bar or a boutique gym's steamroom. What is worse is that on our left hand side, there was this korean chick who apparently enjoyed just a little bit extra champaign cocktail and laughing hysterically and talking in korean throughout our dinner. On our right hand side, ANOTHER korean chick, who looked like a miniature Michele Kwan (Don't know why, i just kept saying in my head, shut up michele kwan, shut up) lead a group of overweight mexican chicks who were oooing and wowing about sparkling water. Their leader, the korean chick just kept quaking about how this restaurant was supposed to be this celebrity infested hot spot, explaining how the painting of a ketchup bottle was consistent with the restaurant's name (OMFG you think?), and blah blah blah blah blah. Hot spot, maybe, celebrity? not really. Besides people, get a grip, celebrities are just people. I see George Clooney many many times in person and yes he is charming but he, I EMPHASIZE, doesn't have a 3rd leg or 2nd head. I don't know why suddenly people feel literally superior than others just because some celebrity eat or shit next to them.

But I had a very positive attitude toward my waitress because she was a such sweetheart, and she looked like someone from USC so I just felt keen toward her. I politely told her that the food was over salted and we for sure didn't want desert and tipped her 25%. So I think I was doing everything right in terms of etiquette.

After dinner, we went to Primo Cafe next door (I think it is called primo w/e). The waiter was really hot and dumb. He delivered and then took away our crepe after we cum all over it with ice cream, and then didn't know what coffee he was delivering. Again I laughed with him and made him talk to us a bit more. Did I mention he was hot. My friend who was also disappointed by Ketchup's salt-fest, cut off two chicks in front of the coffee shop so I had to apologize and then I proceeded stepping on them by accident.

In the middle of eating our desert and drinking our coffee, a really cute guy came in and setup his computer right across my table. So I was staring at him of course but then my eyes would wonder off 5 degrees to the left and look over his shoulder at those chicks that I stepped on. The girls got really confused after a while, they didn't know who I was checking out...

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9pm soon arrived and my friend headed to club LAX to party and with my iron determination that was forged since Tuesday I didn't go clubbing. I just wanted to have a hearty meal and watch a movie this weekend. I REALlY had that craving. I guess you can call this bf/relationship craving? But either I am out of fashion or it is just a hint from life, that NO ONE had time or desire to do either. When I say hearty, I mean some small places that can fulfill my guilty pleasure for my stomach, not a place like Ketchup and then it totally disappointed. So by the end of the night I got neither...

Oh yeah I didn't win lottery yet again. grrrr...


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Felt bad about being so bitchy, so in their defense, I wasn't all that sharp tonight either.
When I walked in the reception desk, instead of just saying my name and reservation, I first handed the valet parking ticket to the girls at the desk. Of course feeling dumb, I pulled the ticket back and laughed it off, "ha ha ha, silly me, you don't need that, ha ha... ha......ha.." Then I asked her what she said to me when she wasn't talking to me. more "ha ha ha"s... Also I guess I was checking out a waiter too much he actually came over and asked me if I wanted sparkling or bottled water. omg... sigh

I donated!

It is not my first donation, I remembered one time I blindly donated 20 dollars at the airport. He probably spent it on alcohol instead of the starving children as he claimed.

But today, it is a legitimate, personal, worthwhile donation. I just donated 35 dollars to Human Rights Campaign for the same-sex marriage bill in California.

I know it is not much. I wish I had the ability to donate more, you know like $1,000 or something, but it is a start right!

For those of you who read THIS. Enjoy his talent.

Yes I did call Rod and he was in Hawaii heading back to LA. We reconnected over AIM and seems that we are both in a good term. However, I am sure if I want to we can still become a couple but I am still not sure about it yet. Sigh, I wish I really liked him that way then I would be a hella happy man. He's got everything I would want in a BF. ok maybe not career wise.... but w/e I am stupid.

*seems like the embed video isn't loading, click on the window to load it on youtube website then you can see the video. for another visual treat, this is his new picture from Hawaii, god he is huge now. But he said he just lost weight wth....

You get what you paid for

I flip flopped the training schedule with my lovely trainer N 3 times throughout the day. Every time he picked up, he sounded as energetic as one can be. I felt really bad. But a portion of my muscle on the right side of my torso has been bothering me. It is a condition that started in my late college years. Seems that it was caused by prolonged period of sitting with bad postures. But I couldn't be sure, maybe it is something more dreadful... I will have to write another entry, which would be really dark, to explain what the more dreadful possibility is... So I decided to take today easy and told him to pull the session, which means I get charged, and we will just do the actually training sometimes later this week. 

Besides, Kee called me and asked me to check out her potential trainers. She works out at the 24 hour fitness gym located at Foothill, for those of you live near Pasadena area would know. She's been bugging me for a while about going and I have been pushing it off. But today I guess there was nothing better to do, so I might just as well check it out. Besides I can still do my cardio. 

We arrived... I wish that was the end of the story. But nope. Ok this place sucks balls. It smelled and lighting was like from the SAW's torture chambers, only two shades whiter. I know it was my hallucination but I swear I felt like the florescent light bulb was flickering above my head while I was running on the treadmill.  The ceiling around the cardio area was extremely low. Since my torso has been bugging me the whole day, I really wanted to stretch. One upper cut move almost knocked the light bulb off the ceiling. So I just didn't want to get more distracted with all these high end decor, I started jogging. For a brief moment, well 20 mins, I was lost in my struggle with the time. However, once finished, I was drawn back to this "gym".  There were a few cute guys, however, only fell loosely in 3 categories, 

1. barely legal high school seniors or community college freshman.

The fresh full face of pimples were like his ID cards. If he were anything but the above category, he needs to go find a good dermatologist asap. 

2. Rednecks. Redneck is like a profession. It takes a lot to just be a redneck I think. But redneck is usually kinda hot. They kinda elude the idea of mind blowing fuckings, especially those high powered ones, like how they would pick you up and fuck you against a wall and you will cum without ever touching the floor? yeah..

3. Young professionals. Not Yuppies. I think they look like sales. I usually see that kinda body on those kinda guys at a car dealership. 

Anyways... I did run into a coworker which was kinda weird. Considering how cocky he talks, in a way, I would imagine his ego would suffocate to death in this place. But he looked happy. 

So I ended up training Kee. She is a skinny girl but apparently with extremely high body fat %. Several exercises already made her cry. So we stopped right there. She, under my instruction, was the only girl in the weight room doing good exercises, which was kinda cool. Oh yeah the weight room smelled like old and chilled sweat. But I promise you that you will not smell it anymore after 40 mins. yes it does take that long. Chilled sweat is like chilled liquor, the taste is much more long lasting and pleasant in its own right.

I guess I started bitching a bit. Kee said "you get what you pay for". I was just glad I was there on a visiting pass to check out her potential trainers, which never happened. Indeed. My gym isn't too far away from this place. It is located on the second floor of Paseo Plaza and this branch is actually considered the shittiest branch in entire LA by this chain. Even then, it is clean, usually wealthy professions work out over there, a bit gayer, and hotter trainers. Yes they also provide unlimited towels. 

But sometimes, I think about how much I spend on my gym and what I really get, it doesn't really make sense either. I mean if we really look at this, we are just lifting weights. I would lift milk cartons at home. Those Costco sized plastic ones are pretty heavy you know. But does unlimited towels, cleaner environment, better views, a shit load of plasma TVs and cooler crowds justify the 6 folded price tag. Or is it just a mid life crisis validator. Since it is a gym, it is health related, I can get ripped off to be pretentious and feel great about it. I don't know. I always wanted to quit this gym but after I visited the Foothill branch of 24 Fitness, I suddenly realized how spoiled I was already with the condition at my gym. Working out after a 10 hours day is already as hard as it is; working out in a shit hole after 10 hours working is just self torture. I guess I can't quit my gym anytime soon... that is almost for sure. Now I can only find a good reason to kiss my trainer goodbye for a cheaper one. Maybe that new Joe I mention about before... he is new so he must be cheap. For his price tag I can get almost two times more training!!! darn... but I don't think Joe would let me feel his abs and flirt with him with anal sex "innuendos". Yes believe it or not I could be subtle sometimes. oh well in my own world anyway.