A not meant to be story

This guy, let's call him Rod. It is his real nick name. He preferred me to call him Rod. He is black. The first black guy I have actually talked to and interested in. NOT IN A RACIST WAY for you over sensitive mofos out there. I am a proud member of the minority within the minority. Anyways... I just never got a chance. I don't know, from an Asian's perspective, black guys are pretty thuggy. They can dance really well.. A bit too well and they, a lot of times, look like they can break me in bed. Ok ok enough with the stereotypes right? I would consider it stereotype if I never experience it before. However, it is my own observation through my own experience, I think I do deserve that right.

We talked online and called each other almost immediately. He sounded very cute and our conversation went on and on as if we knew each other for years. He liked my humor and I liked how he played along. We met the next day.

He lives in this nice area in Korean Town. Yeah I know, shocking, you would think there is no nice areas in the downtown area in general. I mean the area surrounding my old apt in downtown (Orsini) was pretty swanky but let's just say that you would not want to walk around there at night. However, that small area he lived in was really impressive. It was very clean, green, and quiet, definitely a huge contrast to the adjacent streets. The city seemed to have a major episode of vomiting with loads of Korean restaurants and laundromats. It felt commercial, dirty, crowded, and very used up. Yet, in the midst of all this, there was this small virgin island hiding within. Tall palm trees somehow rendered that small street a sense of importance. I felt like I had a grand entrance when I approached his apartment. It was a sunny day, and I was in a good mood. I wasn't really nervous at all for some reason.

I went into this vintage apartment. Apparently, the patrons are consisted of gays and old jewish ladies only. He wasn't downstairs to greet me since he was still in the shower. So I called him twice and got a bit impatient. To my surprise he ran down stairs in his towels. And oh my.... giant chests with 8 packs. It was a major fantasy came into life moment with all the sparkles and imaginary doves flying around. I mean I have NEVER touched a 8 packs before and I thought I would never touch one this soon. There he was, a complete model body, big smile and very white teeth. I have to say that his teeth were fresh and tasted great. He had short hair which impressed me. I don't know I never liked guys with long hair. So we went upstairs to his room asap. He was kinda embarrassed how he presented himself. But I wasn't complaining at all. I wish the whole building knew that he was half naked in a towel with me. Yes, I am about to do this fucking hot black thug. Only if I had a bullhorn.

His room was very clean and simple yet stylish decoration magically brought a sense of warmth to this otherwise old and hollow room. His mac book was playing all kinds of music and he was scrambling about. He tried to finish his shower and getting dressed so we could go to lunch. I was laying on his bed and listening to him making all kinds noises in his bathroom. Eventually he came out and applied some sort of butter on his body so it was all smooth and shiny. Not the cheesy Barbara Walter's lens kinda shine. His skin was like living marble... I think that is the best way I can describe it.

We went to this chicken place. Stuff wasn't that impressive and I think calling it a chicken place would sum up my feeling toward it just fine. Then we went to have tea in this very nice tea house. Some cute Korean boys were serving us. The setting was very classic. All tables had classic wrought iron designs. I don't know... but I think I finally realized that I was on an actual date till that point. I mean this would be my first real date and you got all the necessary elements in it! The sexual tension, the sweet talk, and the brief soul glancing. It was all very romantic and sweet, and of course GAY. I mean seriously I think we made kinda obvious that we were dating openly at that point. It was also kinda tragic. I am 24 years old, have blown guys in my gym shower, and yet that day was the first time I had my first real date... sigh..

So we finished all this fancy dating stuff and went back to his apartment. I tried to be civil. I really tried to be calm. But I mean wtf right. I don't remember how and when exactly it happened. I just jumped on top of him and started to make out. He had very strong lips and grips and the tighter he squeezed me, the more pleasure I was getting out of that moment. So of course moaning ensued and I stripped him naked. Now, this 8 packs were all mine and they were onlly inches away from me.

TO MY DISMAY.... somehow I just realized at that moment that model bodies are fantastic to look at but hollow at touch. I mean he had almost no fat on this torso so it was just pure skin and ripped muscles. Yet I for some reason expect them to be more bulky at touch. I was imaging that these muscles would have lives of their own and my hands surely wouldn't be able to contain them. Yet those muscles, all that insane definition kinda just stopped there, under my hands like a painting. They didn't feel as big as I imagined and it was really hard to play with. There was NOTHING to get a grip on. I squeezed, and my hands would just slip off. I couldn't pick up any of those packs. I guess I must have been crazy before. I mean how could you expect to pick up one of the 8 pieces of muscles on his stomach. But seriously, before I touched, they looked so big and so lively, you might have just believed that you could pick them up and exam its definition closely.

Anyways, making out turned into blow jobs. It was a sure hit on my self confidence. He was a thick 7 inch and I could barely even just eat the whole thing... not mentioning a quality blow job. Yes, I think I was over powered by a dick and I was in a wtf moment for a while... You know, I thought I was kinda good at it, and only to realize that I was no where near being good at it in front of him. He said he wouldn't fuck unless we are in a relationship. I was like sweety that is perfectly fine with me, I mean I really wasn't sure if I wanted that thing in me. It only spelled pain for me at that time. So we messed around. He was biting my nipples (I think I just realized I have big nipples. Some gays love them apparently. The blogger from London Preppy even used a clamp to make his bigger... But I HATE THEM, they kinda poke too much at my T-shirts) squeezing my body, and when he finished with that phase, he applied a shit load of lubes on my stomach and started to rub his rod against my body. That was how he got off eventually. He shaved his body which supposed to be a good news. But unfortunately for me, some of the hair just started to grow back. They weren't visible, but I sure could feel them when they moved like razors on my pelvis. It was hot though, somewhat painful because he constantly squeezed me, but overall was very hot. Eventually he shot all over my body and I started to jack off. He kinda backed out a bit to avoid cum on his face I guess. But the sexual tension was so strong and the moment was so hot, my cum went up at least a foot and shot straight to his face between his eyes and nose. We both froze and started to laugh hysterically for probably 5 mins.

After that, I suddenly felt that my interest in him started to escape like water pushing through failed levee. He kept saying that he really liked me. I liked him too, really. He was a cool guy with good sense of style. He laughs a lot and he sings and dances. He is involved in many broadway shows and is still trying to record an album etc... He is a load of fun and I know he would be a great fucker. I mean, his dick didn't go down even a bit after he came. IT WAS AS HARD AS HE STARTED. I didn't know it was biologically possible.... I actually asked him if that thing ever takes a break and goes down. He said if he wanted to, he could keep it up quite a long time...

When we cleaned up, we started to talk more about career, relationships and family etc... He showed me a lot of pictures of his friends. Man may I just say they were all pretty gorgeous. One of his black friends looks like a soap star and another Asian friend of his is already a model. I don't know... I never see myself actually having a relationship with someone like this. I always thought my future husband would be an i-banker...

I was ready to go.

He said,

"let's have dinner."
"ah I think I really should go."
"I see... Well You got what you wanted now you are ready to leave."
"it is not like that, I actually really like you."
"haha no you don't. You play it well."

I felt kinda stupid at that moment. I guess it was kinda obvious that I wasn't going to have a relationship with him and that was what he was looking for.

"ok let's go have dinner since I really do enjoy spending time with you even though you really don't believe me at this moment."

So we went to Fat Fish for dinner. At this point, conversation became more of a MOOOO point. Nothing significant or substantial going on and we were just killing time. Still chill and good conversation though....On the way back, he said,

"Sleep over tonight. Just tonight."

"I really can't I really have to go, got family stuff going tonight.... I will call you tomorrow."

"Ahhaha, no David, you will never call me."

"why are you saying that, I will call you."

"stay over no?"

"I really can't"

"alright, I really had a good time and I really like you. Anyways, good bye david."

It sounded so sad... I really wished there was more. I don't know. I just didn't see a future. We would be great together for a couple months. What happens after that? My theory is that if it is not gonna last why bother. I don't want anyone to get hurt. I know... the way I think about relationship is probably messed up. But I just feel i can't really trust anyone or anything when it comes to this...

I went home and texted him right away. We said our good nights.

He went back to Florida for Christmas and I texted him again on the eve.

That was it. No more contact from Rod.

I kinda miss him. I do wonder sometimes, what if I wasn't such a douche, maybe I have a boyfriend right now. Did I mention he is also a yoga instructor!

I still wonder today. I still have his number... maybe I should call him.

oh yeah... he deleted his account the 3rd day after we dated. I texted him and asked why. He said he hated that website. It is not real and he wants something real.

I am real and I just really wish I could see something between us. I just can't see it no matter how hard I tried. I guess chemistry and sex aren't everything even when I am young. But what really gives? Talking about having a baby and a family already sound insane to me. So what is the intermediate step there? I dont really know...

I think I should call Rod sometimes. He said he would go to Atlanta for a show for 2 months. Is he back to LA yet? He probably has a cute boyfriend by now already.