Ah I wish I could just talk

and the computer will write for me. I miss blogging sometimes, it is cathartic and I would like to document how I feel at certain stage. But I dont know I guess I am just so lazy that if I were a species 100 million years ago on earth I would have been the first one to get wiped out by others. I guess I will try slowly but surely get back to this I think I need to.

Part of the reason I stopped a while back is because I was kinda down for a while. I had another 2 HIV scare due to stupid sexual encounters that were just beyond my own comprehension. It was stressful and depressing to go through it once in life and I found it rather disturbing and depressing to rewrite that here once again. In that case the sharing does not relieve anything, instead it only increases the pain. I guess I am in a better place now.

I just read a post from Debriefing the Boys and found he had an HIV scare too which is a bit more scarier than mine since his encounter tested positive. Oi... the humanity. At least during that scare, he was still able to have awesome weekends by his measure. But for me, it was just gray all day everyday. The fact that I did it back to back after testing negative the first time was just so self destructive.

Anyways...

I pulled 4 wisdom teeth out 2 weeks ago. I was on Vicodin most of the time in the beginning so I thought I was a good healer. God only I knew... Once I was off the painkillers, I had trouble sleeping, and the teeth were so painful that I have been having bad headaches all day everyday for an entire week.

In that state I still helped a friend to move on the weekend in Hollywood. To rewind, we smoked a bit weed after we were all done, and I guess all the antibiotic and painkillers combined with weed were just bad idea. It was as if I had an acid trip. I am so so tired of the pain! Had a check up today and the doctor could not be less brief. He shoved some painkiller medicine in my wound and told me to come back in 5 days and he will take those out. As soon as he finished the instruction he was ready to go on to the next patient. I know his business is super good and all but he made it so obvious that he had bigger tooth to fry in other rooms! So I started to ramble,

"it hurts a lot, i have a headache everyday, is it infected? I think my nerve is exposed because everytime i drink something cold, a jolt of pain just shoots down my spine. do i need more meds? which med should I get, i heard vicodin damages your liver."

I guess my machine gun style of questioning dind't help the case at all since he just said, yes yes, no, probably, it is normal, if you want meds i can give you some, what do u need, do you need both, ok here, go get some more vicodin...

I guess that is great if I were addicted to Rx drugs, but I just wanted some professional attention...

Tomorrow is my mom's bday, got her a coach watch and she liked it a lot. It'd be perfect if she didn't just ask me to try girls again 2 weeks ago. sigh back to ground 0 in this battle...