Sunday, January 28, 2007

Sunday drives me crazy

I remember that when I was a little kid, like 6-8, I used to get extremely nervous on Sunday nights. The thought of going to school and the long week ahead always freaked me out. It got better and better for me over the years. For a while I really thought that feeling was gone. However, lately I just discovered that that feeling was never gone. It mutated into something else. Instead of hitting me on the Sunday nights, it became this constant pressure over my life.

Every Sunday, or whenever before my big tests, that feeling comes back. It reminds me of my procrastination and what I am doing with my life. Is the stuff that I am doing really for me? Till today, after spending tons of money at USC and two majors later, I still have this doubt. I always want to own a business on my own but then the goal is so risky and far fetched at this moment, I have to force my mind back to the mind-numbling shit that I am doing now.

I am working on a corporate tax project. It is a bit interesting in a way but overall it is so boring, and this is what I am gonna do after graduation. The very thought of that is just kinda depressing. I caught JP online today and chatted a little bit. A TV person I would like to call. Doesn't matter if it is for news or entertainment at least it is freaking TV. I don't really know what is going on in that job so I guess I can't whine too much about my profession.

I really wish that I could be so sure about something that is as important as my career. But really, after all these efforts, I still dont know and the uncertainty scares me. The social life comes along with the professions that I chose, involves nothing but drinking after work. I do not mind doing it a bit, but somehow just drinking for the sake of relaxing doesn't appeal to me. And really, how hard can you party when you have to work 40-60 hours a week? It is not I am lazy and do not want to work. It is just that I want to do something that has real means to it and has the potential to change people's lives. I really do not think changing people's life is such a big goal as a lot of my friends may consider. Everyone's action can ignite a chain of events which will change people's lives in ways you can never imagine. I think if one finds something he/she loves and does it well, it is bound to change people's lives and in turn to form the society we live in. That has some real meaning to it.

Anyways, the reason that I am ranting is because it is Sunday again and the freaking numbers won't match. God I hate numbers. I often wonder why I chose finance and accounting as my majors.

Last night, I went out with Hester and her sister Carla for a cup of coffee. Carla just lost her Dior bag in her gym. Actually it was stolen. The thief returned her cellphone and told her that she "found" the cellphone. Her credit card was used for purchasing bunch of random stuff. The bag is like 1,000 dollars and she was crying her eyes out. But at least when I got there she was already over it and appeared to be totally fine. It is nice to see her again, she is very energetic girl. Carla is a bit more flirtatious than her sister Hester, who is my close friend. So we had coffee talked about some random shit. It was a very nice coffee break. Very laid back and very random, just the way I like it. Then we talked about how we missed Pink's hotdog in Hollywood. We used to grab hotdogs from that place everytime we went clubbing in Hollywood. So as spontaneous as we are, we just drove to Hollywood to eat hotdogs.

Carla is a nice girl but we are not very close because we really do not have the chance to hang out. I have been toying with the idea of telling her that I am gay. I already know it is not gonna be a big deal because Hester already showed me that her family is very friendly to gay people. Even though I already knew the outcome, I was still nervous to say that three words. So I started to hint her to see if she could catch my drift.

I said "oh Hollywood, we haven't gone clubbing for a while."
Carla, "I know."

" You know, West Hollywood is pretty cool too. Hester and I have been there for a couple times."
Hester is not saying a word. She was listening tentatively and waiting to see Carla's reaction.

"oh really, I have never been there before." Suddenly, she corrected herself, still speaking with her energetic voice, "you know actually Angel brought me to a club in West Hollywood with his uncle. His uncle is gay and we went to this place called...R..r..Rave? It was so fun; so many hot guys there, and Angel's two teammates went with us too and they kept grabbing on me so other guys won't hit on them. It was so funny and we had a great time. It was pretty cool."

"It is Rage." I said.

"Oh yeah! Rage"

At this point, I would have asked how do you know if I were Carla. I was surprised that she didn't. So I said, "have you guys gone to Abbey or Mickey's?"


Hester couldn't hold it any longer, just said that I was gay. Carla was like, "what?" and then she yelled "really" and became all excited. Then she fell quiet and started to 'assess" all the information. It was pretty funny.

Let me talk about Carla's boyfriend Angel a bit. First of all, Angel is the real name... And he is a 6'3" football player. So he is huge and he has a VERY SWEET smile and he is just a very fucking hot piece of meat. Carla told me that Angel's uncle is 26 (I was like wth...) and looks just like him. That is just too hot. I told Carla that she should introduce me to Angel's uncle. That would be so sweeeet. According to Carla, he is a dancer and also in law school. Beh he probably won't be interested in a finance guy who doesn't really know how to dance then :<. But I think it'd be really nice to meet someone new.

After Pink's, I really wanted to go to Westwood for some Hookah, but these sisters got really tired. So we went home. Ah... I wish the weekend could be much longer though! So not ready for school next week. I've got two big assignments and Meet the Firm event on Thursday. It is time to kiss ass again. WEeee. I CANNOT WAIT.

oh well, life goes on...


Tim in Italy said...

Well, you're not alone. Something like 68% of American professionals have anxiety attacks on Sunday night in anticipation of the week ahead. I'm an American, but I've lived in Italy for a year now. The difference is radical and I wonder how I put up with the nonsense in the US for so long. My friends here laugh at me and tell me I'm becoming an Italian, and maybe I am, but we all do look across the pond and marvel at the pressure you put yourselves under.

Now I gotta go look for those damned cows... but I'll go for a coffee first.

Hamilton said...

haha. Thanks for telling me the coffee and brunch thing. See, I am from LA lol... I actually translated the whole context.

I am thinking about moving to another country for a year or two. Just for the experience. I love california and all, but I Really want to know what is out there to offer.

Do you have aim? love to talk to u sometimes.

Yeah I know, how cheesy i am leaving myself a comment lol.

Tim in Italy said...

Hmmmmmm. Nope. No AIM. (OMG! Even my grandparents have AIM!!) Something I should have, I guess, since I'm HERE and so many of my friends are THERE. I'll check it out, but in the meantime you can always find me on SKYPE (dodge523909).

I'm also from LA, but I'm lucky enough to have lived all over the place. Top picks: Italy, Germany, Australia.

I think it's something you should seriously consider. It's about as growth oriented as you can get.

So yeah, hit me up if you'd like to discuss... remember we're 9 hours ahead of you glitzy beach boys.

Tim in Italy said...

Okay, since everyone's been buggin' me (not you...THEM!) I bit the bullet and signed up on AIM: ddgnlbn

See ya!