Thursday, September 21, 2006

Being gay and being a woman are the same since they both tend to disappear after 42?

I just read this quote online. Thinking about it more makes me a bit unease. This sounds kinda true. What if I don't find a partner or get married to a woman by then? Just imagine the life by then. People around you are all married with kids. What would I have? People say coming out helps a gay man. I don't find it true. I just came out to one of my good friend. She is very accepting and we talked about it for a long time on the beach of Santa Monica. There were tears and hugs. I was relieved. But at the same time, I felt that nothing really changed. Coming out to friends and family won't do much imo. I can't come out to my family but that doesn't matter much in my case. I never thought I would tell them anyway. But what if I come out to all my friends? would that suddenly be all ok? I don't think so. What makes a real difference in my life is how I feel about being gay and if I truly become true to myself, then I won't care about how other people think about me. If I dont live a gay life, it is never a true coming out for me. Coming out to friends is not coming out.

It's so late and I am tired. Tired of work, being gay, and I am afraid of disappearing from the world. I think the saddest thing can happen to one is to feel unwanted by Justin Timberlake's CD sounds so sad. Too many songs that are a bit too blue. bah I am ranting again.

No comments: