The aging effect

I already expected it, but I never thought that it would have been like this. I still remember when I just started at USC, I was pretty desperate to fit in. I didn't live at school, though school's dorm condition wasn't necessarily the best out there, I still wished that I could have lived at school. So I decided to try out a fraternity. First night, I got extremely drunk, and puked all over in my car, and then I proceeded to puke 7 more hours. My mouth was leaking blood toward early morning. That didn't stop me, The frat looked good. It wasn't a big one but enough for my taste and the pledge class wasn't too small either. So I continued to get drunk every night. I didn't really enjoy it though. I really didn't know what I was doing, I just thought that if I kept hanging in there, I would be part of something. But then the pledge class got small for people started to drop out thoroughout the semester. Eventually, I dropped out too. It was a bit devastating for me. After all that, I still didn't become a part of something that has a sense of heritage to it (other than the school itself of course). It's been a long time since I dropped out then, but the memory of people puking everywhere was pretty vivid.

On Friday, my friend Hester and I were doing party hopping. The plan sounded fantastic. We were going to stop by at Sunset in Hollywood for a house party. This guy named Peter, an Irish actor student met us at a club called The Day After. I really didn't remember how he looked like anymore but apparently he liked Hester very much and they had a friendship/pending relationship kinda thing going on lately. All his friends were actor students. When we got there, the party didn't really start because their landlord told them if they party that night, he would call the police. So we just sat there and chatted. One side note, I have to mention that there was this one very cute and easy going guy named Joey. His bicepts were so hot and his composure was just very down to earth. He got some black hair under his armpit. I thought that was very macho and hot lol... I liked that guy. So I was talking to him most of the time. Of course he was totally straight and his girlfriend was his roomate. Anyway, music was playing but no dancing or whatever. We were chilling. I didn't think I could really call that a party per se, but then it felt like one. There was a keg, and other liquors were everywhere. People were definitely drinking and laughing. It was chill.

After that we headed to a frat party around USC. The promoter was the frat's event organizer and he had a class with Hester and just wanted to date her desperately. But Hester had no feeling for him, so another just friend kinda thing going on. It was a decent size party, Probably 150~200 people were present and dancing and drinking. Four years ago, I would have felt a bit uneasy. Actually I still did, but it was different. The similarity was that I didn't feel fit. Four years ago, it might be the urge to impress people in the frat or drink or chasing tails what not that made me feel a bit annoyed. But today, I just suddenly felt that they were so god damn young, too young actually. I saw this one freshmen mentally passed out long ago, but was holding on the arm of a dirty old sofa that was put outdoors next to a tree. The acid and achohol came like streams out of his mouth. "It wouldn't even be good for the plants" I thought. He looked so wasted. I have seen plenty drunk people, but "wasted" was the most appropriate on this guy. Because we were a bit more "special", we went upstairs of a house, and it was suddenly all quiet and clean. The promoter, named Kevin opened a bottle of martini and started to mix drinks. There was also a huge bowl of jello. It felt so funny somehow. I felt like I was 19 again. It was also sad, because I wished it were true. But I am 23 and there, that was just kinda weird. Hester didn't like this kind of crowd either. We are older now, and we do like to go to a bit more mature environment in whcih we can dance but not that many drunks around.

This whole experience is a bit unsettling to me. The first party feels alright, and the second is alright too. But I know for a fact that my style is moving toward the first one. Of course there is nothing wrong with that, but then I still feel very depressed at the fact that I am becoming old at such a fast pace. Two years ago, I would still loved this party for what it could offer, but now I just feel it is a bit too much unnecessary excess of everything to have "fun". I really want to stay young, and the difference between me and a 19 year old, not just the obvious appearance differences, but also the mentality differences are very evident and they are the last things that I want on me. Oh well, at least I am still an intern and have 1 more semester to go... So that still makes young right? haha