I guess you can't be too mad when you spoil someone and they get used to it

I guess it is not so much of a parade; it is more like an open space party. Tonight, Michelle, Hester and I went to West Hollywood for this huge Halloween parade. Kiisfm was actually there hosting this out door concert. Kevin Faggot was there too. I can't believe people are this delusional nowadays. Does he even do anything except for giving white people bad names?

Anyways, today's been crazy. The company's Halloween event drained me. I screamed for 3 some hours and when I made it back home, I had a big headache. When I was gonna take a nap, Hester kept calling me. I don't even remember what she called me for, I just remembered that when I said I was taking a nap, I was already very phased out, and when I fell asleep, she called me two more times. I was very annoyed by that. But it was not big deal. I had a great nap, which somehow gave me another dizzy headache after I woke up. It was thinking, ok time to go I guess. I got Michelle's message around 6:40pm saying that she talked to Hester and they agreed that 8:00pm would be a great time to meet at Michelle's place. By then I already got so lazy and didn't feel like moving. But a plan is a plan, and I got to stick with it. So I just waited till around 7:10pm to check up on Hester to see if she wanted me to pick her up. She sounded in a frenzy on the phone, I thought she was trying on her outfit. She said that she would be ready soon. So I hanged up and kept waiting. I ended up calling her around 8:30pm since she never called me back. She said that she was ready to go and because her nephew had his first Halloween ever, so she had to go. Hmm, I was like at least you could have said that on the phone, so I wouldn't be in this ready to go mode for 1 hour and made Michelle to be in the same mode for more than 1 hour. But whatever, we were going. In the car, we were just talking about random stuff. She talked about the David guy we met back in the Abbey and she takled about how he had a daughter and how mature he was etc. I think she liked him, except for the child part. The trip to Michele's place didn't really take long. We got there around 9:00pm

Met Michelle, same old thing, talked about what went on in the day, and how lazy we got lol...Then Michelle took 5 shots in a roll, and Hester and I both took one shot each. It was enough to get me in the mood already. So after much lagging, we finally moved out of the house. Hester dressed up like an angel. IMO she looked more like a pink faerie. Long story short, we got to the parade. It was so awesome. The part that impressed me the most was the openess of gay people, and THERE WERE SO MANY GOD DAMN MOTHERFUCKING HOT GUYS. god damn it, when I think about them right now, I just want to do something biological like fucking, sucking, or pee... I dont know why I want to pee but they just make me feel so happy.... Some of the guys had absolutely perfect body.

Three of us started to wander around, and checking out the scene. I am a pretty easy going guy, especially this whole thing is so new, I was just glad for being there. My mind was busy and my eyes were even busier. This was a good time for me already. While we were walking, I suddenly spotted Hoviar whom Michelle'd been trying to get hold of. With HAvior, there was a very cute, and masculine guy named Jeremy. Ah,... he is very much of my type, and if he wanted it we could have boned right there in some restaurant bathroom. He was Wolfirine and he had the muscle to be one too. But Havior told me that he was straight. Ok he was pretty manly, but he just looked gay. I can't explain it, he wasn't feminine or anything but he just had the gay vibe, and pretty strong too. But they both assured me that he was straight. Oh well, what a waste piece of meat. Hester was dancing with Jeremy for a while and we were taking a lot of pictures. It was pretty cool to see all these people in characters. It felt great because people were just happy, and they were just people, there were no boundries like gays, straights, or whatever else. I liked it, it felt very cozy, almost like a home-like feeling to it.

We then walked around, and Javior spotted an Italian twink. He looked so young that I thought he was at this illegal age. But he was a 19 pre-med student. I didn't think he was all that cute, but when Havior hit it off with him really well, I felt the sudden urge to compete. I dont know, I know i am stupid.... anyway, meanwhile Michelle and I kept talking. We talked a lot of stuff. I teased her that Hester was so cute but all she could do was to watch lol, I know that is mean and I will probably burn in hell, but it was so obvious haha. But then we also talked about how people were so cute and how there weren't cute girls for her etc. How she missed JC, and how it was fun to see all these.

It is very different talking to Michelle. She is older, and she is gay, so the understanding and connection between me and Michelle are very different from my other friends. It is homo-different. It is beyond just a type of friendship. It is a recognition. I seriously think all gay people have this connection. It is really a recognition of a lifestyle. We are minorities and on some level, especialy for closet people, meeting another gay friend who you can connect with is like finding a cult that you feel you belong to whole heartedly. It is really different from being a friend with, Hester, or Greg or whoever. When straight people dominate the world, we gays are so repressed that we are almost not allowed to talk about same sex topics in the public, I mean topics like who they think it is hot etc. because other people would think it is so gross and nasty. Consdiering this, I think we should at least have a night to talk about our things like gays are hot etc in a parade in West Hollywood. I really believe that we at least deserve this much. But Hester doesn't understand this, and maybe other straight people don't understand this, and I do not know why that is so hard to understand. If people say they just can't understand this, then I think they are just extremely arrogant and selfish. But again, I guess I can't really blame Hester for her behavior because I think I for one spoil her.

Hester is a very pretty girl with a good personality, and she doesn't have a lot of attitude and demands. So I really think she is an ideal girl to hang out or date. So most of the time, I wouldn't mind what she does. Being late, cancelling plans on last minutes etc. I really don't think she does these casually without consideration and if it happens, then she must have no choice. All the social activities we had together have been great. There was no drama-my #1 enemy, and there was no attitude-my #2 enemy. But from day one, I just have always been expecting a day that she would pull one of these two things. And tonight was the night. Because Michelle and I were talking about all these gay stuff and sometimes commented on how pretty she was, Hester felt neglected. People would probably feel neglect if they were in Hester's position. But she really shouldn't be. First of all, whenever we hang out, she is always the center anyway, and second even when we have our little gay talks, we always throw in some nice comments about her, so she was never being neglected. In addition, she was busy working the scene - dancing with Jeremy, taking pictures with interesting dresed-up people and just random cute guys. She was having such a good time, we really didn't feel like to interrupt. So we were having our little conversation. Hester would occasionally turn around say "what are you talking about" in her 10 seconds break from all the activities she was engaging, and then she would go back to whatever she was doing again. But toward the very end, she suddenly got all serious and mad about it. She thought, from my understanding, that she was either being left out of the converstaion or the converstaion was about her all the time, and she didn't want us talk behind her back. I think either way, it was just bizarre, and it was even more outrageous she got all pissy about it toward the end. I mean how could she. I am like treating her like a good friend and a little funny sister whereas Michelle is taking care of her like a guardian, like a mom, especially that night when she was drunk. The one night that we were talking about some gay stuff AND she was busy with all those pictures etc, she got mad at me? That is just insane. Besides, whenever she needed attention from any of us, we turned our attention right to her immediately. I am sorry but I just don't believe she had any right to be mad. I was even more angry toward the end when I remembered that since she really wanted to go clubbing in Shag, I even offered to drop her off to her friends in Hollywood and pick her up later when she is done with partying. And now she is all pissy about we didn't devote our 100% conversation to her. She must be fucking kidding me. This reminded me of KIKI immediately. This is so typical of Kiki back then. The only difference is that they would treat the same situation with different approach. Kiki would just get lost with some guys and we won't be able to find her and getting all left out and worried, and she would come back later with the guy's number and possibly semen and ready to go home whether you are ready or not. Hester is just pissy and using a more subtle and cute approach. Nevertheless, it is the same shit. I was pretty disappointed and pissed too. More importantly, I feel ridiculous that I even told her that our converstaion wasn't about her or anything that would interest her so she should just have fun and stop being paranoid. But she wouldn't believe me. We love her and care about her and all, but we do have a life and possibly a different conversation that probably won't evolve around her.

So the night ended in a sour note. I was really having fun though because I saw hope for myself. I am getting more comfortable with this public gay thing by the minute and just really absorbing the information. But the night had to end like this. It is really really disapointing and I can't believe this happened involving Hester. I also can't believe her approach was to not talking to any of us and walked really fast ahead of us without stopping. It bugged the shit out of me and that just made me extremely angry. So we didn't talk at all on the way back, and I am definitely not gonna apologize at all. Not even the kind of sorry you say to people just to break the ice. I've done nothing wrong and she had no right to pull this crap at all. Yes I treated her well, and I never got mad at her, So I can't blame her for pushing the limit. But I am mad nevertheless.

Now I am tired and hungry. I really need to sleep now..