Much to talk about

I have been really lazy about blogging even though I constantly think that a lot of stuff is blog worthy.

First I just want to say, Iphone update SUCKS big time. I understand it is a delicate piece of equipment so the software is probably complicated when it comes down to firmware upgrades. But over 1 hour backup? I think I can probably back up a stupid PC with that much time and yet I am only backing up a stupid phone. Is it an oversight or apple was just completely oblivious about it since they know that we are all their bitches now.

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I went to XIV restaurant in West Hollywood 2 weeks ago treating a friend for her bday. It was such a nice experience. The restaurant was incredibly unique and I love the tasting portion of every dish. I got extremely stuffed before I even finished my 14 dishes meal. The crowd was MUCH better than some other supposedly high end restaurants. There was a lot of professionals and it definitely felt more upscale. Overall the food was still the most impressive part of it all. I highly recommend!

But the highlight of the night was our waiter. (rishi, I know he is a waiter... I mean not everyone like you who only dates lawyers and above)...His name was J and he was sooo very cute and friendly. My friend and I kept talking about him throughout our conversation. Of course, we started to talk to him more and more as well. Conversation went from what was in my dish to how much he works and how well he knows the surrounding area etc... I kinda had a crush.

So my friend said I should get his number. I was like, are you kidding, just getting a number from a waiter because I think he is cute, that is so cliche and outdated. He will definitely think that it is extremely lame. Then my friend said, omg if you keep being this chicken and passive, then prepare to jerk off till you die. Ok she wasn't that mean, she said something along the "die alone" line which wasn't nice either. Then she said, you know what, I will just get it for you, you are so annoying when you are this shy. I was like omg don't do it, what if he was just being nice and not interested at all, that would be so embarrassing. Then she said so what? Then fuck him. Well i have to give her props. She is always going after things that she desires and has never been apologetic about it either. Sometimes, I think it is just a bit too much because she would do it at anyone's expense. But sometimes I wish I could live like her.

So I have decided that I would just do it as a subplot of our already great evening.

When he came around again, I asked him something that I do not recall anymore; apparently it was just a filler before my request. Then I said oh can I have your business card so next time when we come we can sit at your table again.

He said, oh... actually I am leaving XIV soon, because he has decided going to Katsuya which is owned by the same group. I was a bit disappointed at that moment thinking oh well whatever. So I kept the conversation going a little bit about his departure. Toward the end, he said, you know what, let me give you my card, so you can find me next time. Then he handed his personal card to me, which included his name, personal phone number and address.

I was very surprised by it and was definitely happy about this turn of event.

After I went home I texted him saying "Oh I forgot to introduce myself, my name is ... and thank you for the great experiences."

He texted me back about 3 hours later saying "My pleasure, it was nice meeting you, and hopefully I will see you soon again :p"

At this point, I think he might be interested or just being really nice. I wasn't sure.

Second day, I found him on facebook. I know it is a bit stalkerish, but it was my friend's idea and I was just too weak for the temptation. I found him and his profile was public as well. I saw some more pictures of his and he was really charming in all of them. Then I found out that he is also the same age as I am, a little bit older which is perfect as well.

As I was adding him, I noticed that he already celebrated his last day @ XIV and was ready to move on. So I sent him a message on facebook saying that I was surprised he left so soon. He then messaged back saying that it was sad it was sooner than later but he is enjoying his free time right now. And I know where I can find him and he hopes it'd be soon ;P.

At this point, I am fairly sure that he is interested, and I was totally excited about it.

But given the lack of experience of dating first then fucking, I sent him a message saying that I too would like to see him soon. This particular message got slaughtered by all my coworkers. They thought I made myself way too available and what I should have done was to keep the mystery.

I guess I do have an IQ of a snail when it comes to dating. But why play the dating game if you like each other? Why not just a date and see what kind of chemistry happens then. My coworkers told me to wait at least 3 days (yeap the stupid 3 days rule) and do not talk to him at all. I had to defer my opinion on this since they are all freaking married. So I waited for two days and thought this was stupid. So on the second night, feeling good about the whole day and everything, had the courage to just text him. Trying to appear to be kinda care free but interested, I stupidly said "hey, are you still up?" ... omg I am such snail. Why didn't I just say how is your day, what are you doing etc etc like a normal human being...

Two days passed and I haven't got a reply and I was completely devastated. I know, I am a very fragile being. I got quite depressed. I felt stupid that I read so much into it when he was just being nice. He probably wanted to keep a potential long term dinner client and possibly makes a friend and all of suddenly I am all up in arms about to eat him. There is a lot of other things happening during that 3 days and I was just in this very bad mood everyday. For example, checking out some other gay people's facebook who I used to talk, and realized that they are all doing much better in this land of gays in terms of social lives than I do despite the fact that they all came out later. What does it take? Do I HAVE to live in West Hollywood like them to really get into it? I really don't think it is the case but I don't know. I was so frustrated. It was pretty miserable. By the 3rd day there was no reply to my stupid text message. I was ready to give up.

I mean I already was getting over it somewhat. I mean we met for 2 hours that was it... I would be stupid to make myself inside out just by this brief encounter. However, being so dissatisfied with this outcome, I wasn't just ready to let it end like this. He is very cute after all. Making a friend wouldn't be bad. I need some gays to party with too.

So I retreated to facebook. I send him another message. This time just being a normal human being asked him, hi how are you doing lately, have you started working yet? Hope all is well.

2 days passed no reply and I was pretty over it.

Went out clubbing on Saturday with straight friends and chain smoked the whole night. Got home @ 4 am and played video game till 730am. Waking up feeling refreshed and I wasn't that depressed anymore.

Checking facebook, there was the message from him, "Hey how are you? yeah I have just started @ ____ and I really like it. Ready for your holidays?"

I haven't replied him yet. I dont know what to say. I am already over it kinda. But I guess being in this phase, I would sound much more normal, you know, instead of being a 14 year old little girl who just saw prince charming or something. But at least one thing I know, he just wants to be a friend, which is ok, but in that case, the whole thing is kinda dispensable at this point now.

Gays got screwed again.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Let's hear what Rachael says about the fuck up about Obama's Rick Warren pick.

I just love her.

hi~

The sweetest thing

Please watch this, and if a 6 year old can have such a big heart, it makes me wonder what has happened to these self righteous adults.

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I think I am bipolar, just a little bit.  That is why I am always trying not to be too happy because I feel as if at the peak of happiness, I would simply crash and burn into an emotional abyss.  Today is one of those days.  

Lately I have been extremely unsatisfied with my job.  It is not where I want my career to be.  I am yet swarmed by the mundane things everyday.  I have been doing what the senior analyst does most of the time with the junior analyst pay.  In the beginning I was excited because I could see things from a different perspective and I could sense that I might learn much more and have a better idea of what this business is all about.  I thought I would finally get something really valuable out of it.  It was a new start.  However, after one quarter of doing it, I realized that nothing has really changed.  I am more of a mess cleaner.  Instead of doing the work from scratch, I am just cleaning up the mess that bunch new hires are making.  I can tell some of them just don't give a shit as well, they probably hate the job, so the their work is always like diarrhea in a toilet bowl.  No matter how hard I try, I am bound to miss a shit spot.  I asked my manager to help with another group that involves a totally different aspect of the business and yet he continues to give those work to the newer hires since we are short on the review process.  So now they just shit all over in that group too.  People in that group always complains to me how badly the work quality is.  But what can we do, the entire environment doesn't promote competition and doesn't reward competition fairly anyway. 

I don't know I am just very confused about what is about to happen.  

In addition, stock market has taken another nose dive.  I never thought the big 3 auto maker would have made such a dent on my investment.  But stupid me right?  Who knew these CEOs would take their extremely luxurious private jet to Washington D.C. and then beg for money.  Now whose fault is this.  It is a mess that has become a vicious circle which will not be defeated unless you implement policy that would be equivalent to a bone marrow transplant procedure to the entire auto industry in the U.S.  

Then we had a 2 hours training in the afternoon.  I actually liked the training because it was meaningful and interesting.  I felt my brain was breaking the rust during the training process.  I felt a bit more alive.   But the AC was extremely cold and my ice coffee just made me feel like I was getting sick.  I did feel awful toward the end of the day.  

However, I was determined to workout today.  So it went, a grueling leg workout that put me in a complete physical shock.  During my leg workout, I felt pain on my ring finger.  This finger is a bad finger.  When I was 9, a friend of mom's accidentally discovered that I had a lump on that finger.  So we checked it and it was said to be a bone cluster, nothing big, but we should keep an eye on it in case it becomes a tumor and turn into cancer.  Thinking back, I probably should have taken their conclusion with grain of salt since those doctors in my hometown, especially back in the days, were mostly idiots.  They would do anything to get patients to have a surgery so they could get a lot of profit out of it.  However, as cynical as I am, this finger has been perpetually haunting me since then.  I always felt that it would turn into cancer (I have bad luck with disease, I actually have a pretty bad one right now, I meant to write about it but always pushed it off).  So today after the pain on that finger, I touched it.  The lump was clearly bigger and the position of it was in the middle section of the finger.   It felt so big.  Of course I immediately had a cancer scare.  But I kept going with my routine and felt dead afterward. 

I was supposed to have dinner with a friend after the gym but she bailed on me.  So I went home feeling really sad, worried and alone.  Considering I was laughing my ass off during lunch, what a huge difference it has been in 5 hours!  

Then I saw the video.  It made me cry.  I couldn't control my tears.  I wasn't hysterical or sad.  I just felt touched.  It was like a warm hearty soup in a cold winter night.  It made me feel like today was Christmas.  I felt that people still do care.  I cried for a bit, then felt much better. 

I think I will call the USC cancer center tomorrow.  I already have a patient card from there - two years ago I went in to check my balls for cancer because I felt a couple of lumps on it.  I think the ball checking was legit but no matter how ridiculous it sounds right now, I will check my finger.  Oh yeah I will have to schedule a HIV test as well.  I let a guy slide his giant cock in my ass for like 5 seconds in my gym, stupid indeed.  Wouldn't this be the saddest way to get infected?  It wasn't even full on sex. 

God wtf is going on. 

Shop till I drop lol

Well due to the current economic crisis, I felt the need to support our economy at this grassroot level, so I went shopping.  Well... it was more like impulse shopping that in turn supported our economy.  It is my biggest one day purchase so far and I am not regretting it!

I bought a pair of Rock and Republic jeans, perfect fit!

A John Varvato fit polo, it was also a perfect fit, unfortunately, I cannot find a picture to post =/.  But the polo is very thin, and it uses fine material.  It is a combination of wool and cotton and I had to be really careful when I tried it on because the make of the shirt was so thin that I felt I could break it anytime. 

A Mango v-neck Tee.  This one was the cheapest item.  It is a simple purple v-neck tee with a "HE HE" in a thought bubble near my chest area.  The "HE HE" print is pretty unique.  One of the HE stacks on top of another, so it could be read as "hehe" like a light laugh, or in my own dirty mind refers to that I AM FUCKING GAY WITH A PURPLE TEE on.  I think that is pretty hot. Especially they do not align perfectly vertically, so it is like two HE are having doggie sex.  Ok I think I am just a bit crazy on the sexual imagination part...

Shamefully, I don't even remember what my 4th item is.  I mean it is really not my fault because I don't even have the shirt with me yet.  I think it was a Juicy Coutour deep vneck T.  It is not just a plain V neck.  The V shaped opening is very narrow with visible buttons on the side so it is pretty stylish. It is thin, comfortable and fit.  And the best part is that I could pre-purchase this for a Bloomingdale 7 days "friends and family" sale for a 20% discount!  So I am gonna go pick it up this Saturday ha ha.

Finally, my joy and love and totally unplanned purchase (not like other 4 were planned but this one is way out of the ballpark), was a Burberry double breast pea coat.  I bled 1.5k for it XD. It is 43% wool and 57% cotton.  It is pure black and at size 38 it is like tailored just for me.  I tried it on several times and completely fell in love with it.  My decision of buying the coat made the sales lady having an sale orgasm.  She kept selling it to me while I was paying saying what a fantastic purchase it was etc etc. I mean I already paying for it, so the extra compliment just felt a bit forced.  But she was nice since the very beginning, no attitude, no prejudice so I just thought it was cute of her doing that.  She was definitely more responsive to all my other demands as well loool.  On the contrary, my friend and I had a horrible time in the Gucci store and sadly the only salesperson who gave us the cold shoulder was this fugly Asian lady.  God Asians against Asians, what is new?  As soon as my friend asked when there would be a sale, she turned her plastic smile into an even faker smile that I didn't think was achievable by human beings and then left us unattended almost immediately.  I mean bitch please, if I were a Dlist celebrity you would probably be on your knees right now.  The economy is bad and even the stars are scaling back.  You should be happy that you are still working there.  I should totally have complained to the manager.  I mean we did complain and realized we complained to the wrong audience - another salesperson can't do too much to another salesperson lol... but after complaining we lost our steam so we just left... ANYWAYS... wow talking about off topic...

I couldn't find the model of the coat on burberry.com either.  Not sure it is one of their older designs or just aren't sold online.  So I took a picture of myself wearing it in the bathroom XD... I am loving it, what do you think? 

It is going to be 95 degrees this weekend.  At this rate I can probably utilize it twice this winter yipppy....

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It was such a long shopping day, we walked around for more than 4 hours.  I have to say though, it was really fun, not only because I bought some good stuff but also because my cousin, my friend and I had a good time just talking and relaxing at the South Coast Plaza.  They already have a Christmas tree up!  This picture is taken on the second floor, you see how tall that thing is?  Isn't it pretty!

Then my friend (above) and I later met up with some of her gay friends who came from New York at the Abbeys.  Then met up with one of her gay coworker who is pretty cute at Heat Lounge or something like that.  It got too crowded and hot so we left there and went to Here Bar and danced our ass off.  It was so much fun but we were way too spent.  I mean shopping then straight out and drinking and partying was a bit much for one day. 

Ah... I am tired now... need to go sleep now.  Study shows that sleeping helps with weight loss.  

My cousin has fainted

Wow, what a night.  In my 10 years of American journey, I have yet called 911 for anything.  Well I popped my 911 cherry Friday night.

My cousin and I have been going to this Hookah Cafe in Pasadena every week for the past 2 months.  We always go there for some tea and food, and catch up.  She enjoys it and I enjoy it and the conversation has always been so relaxed while we are smoking.  I have always commented on her ability to smoke for such a long time.  

But I guess good quality charcoal and hookah weren't such a good mix.  Since the charcoal doesn't burn too much and doesn't produce too much ashes, the tobacco doesn't really burn out either.  So we can usually smoke it as much as we want.  We probably shouldn't have because toward the end the flavor and substance are already burned out...  But we kept puffing and the carbon-dioxide has increased in a dangerous level toward the end.  

I mean Hookah always relaxes people and sometimes people do feel light headed, so when she said she was getting dizzy she was just simply refer to that.  She didn't complain, rather she was just laughing and mentioned it.  

The dramatic scene started as soon as we stood up.  She said she was really dizzy and grabbed on to my arms.  We were both laughing and I said she was weak.  But then she wasn't making any attempt to move.  Instead her eyes started to wander around without a focus.  I was getting a bit nervous.  I told her to look at me and try not to lose her focus on me, and at the same time take deep breath to get in the oxygen.  She tried but it didn't seem to improve the situation.  She started to shiver a bit and held on to me even tighter.  I felt that she leaned on me more by the minute, then suddenly she started to slip.  

I dragged her to a bench nearby because apparently her slipping wasn't going to stop.  We missed the bench by half of the step and she went completely limp half way on the bench.  I called for help and started to dial 911 myself as well.  Half of the people from the cafe walked out and one of the lady said we needed to do some mouth to mouth.  So I started to breath into her.  At that point, I didn't know how serious this could be, I truly believed that this wasn't going to be life threatening but at the same time my mind is screaming to me "omfg you got your cousin killed within 2 months!"

But as soon as I breathed into her, I could feel that she exhaled deeply.  It wasn't the limp expulsion from someone who is already in a state of shock.  Rather, it had a bit of her own effort.  She apparently had trouble to have a more normal breathing pattern but it was easier for her to exhale.  Every time I breathed into her, she made that deep exhale, as if to signal me that it was ok.  Operative was on the line with me but I was pretty sure she was ok now and I told the officer that it was ok now. 

People brought sugar water and they were all surrounding us and encouraging me.  All of sudden, like a scene from the Pushing Daisy promotional TV ad, she just had a gigantic inhale and stood up straight.  She could talk and respond as if nothing happened.  Phased by the experience, but fully aware of the situation, she calmed and everyone down by telling them that she was completely ok.  The waitress asked us if we smoked anything before this and we told them no.  Anther waiter told us that he already called 911 as they were required to do so.  So we had to sit there for the paramedics to get here.  About 1 minute later we could hear the blaring siren.  One paramedic truck and one fire truck stopped near the cafe and 7 guys jumped out.  They asked us some simple questions and tested her blood pressure.  Once they were confident that everything was ok, they just left.  

Everything happened so fast and ended even faster that once we both sat in the car, we were both feeling like we just came back from the twilight zone.  Did that really just happen to us?  How dramatic!

Well... we came to the conclusion that next time we should just stay there for 1 hour instead of the 2.5 hours as usual. 

A Yes Voter @ Work

There is this coworker, R, with whom I have been hanging out for lunch for quite some times now.  I knew him back at school.  We weren't friends; we didn't even talk much.  Small world, he landed a job in my department.  We both graduated from the same school, both single child, both from conservative and traditional families - one Armenian, one Chinese. 

From conversation to conversation, I can sense a little bit of that juvenile verbal gay bash, such as oh that is so gay, etc.  It is to my dismay, but I am not going to make a big fuzz about it.  However, if he uses faggot, I would probably sulk him.  Ok maybe not that violent but something close. 

We had our discussion regarding Prop 8. on Thursday last week.  The topic came up rather randomly.  We were just talking about random things at lunch.  I mean I actually subconsciously avoided this subject because I really liked this guy as a friend at work.  He is down to earth, very goofy, and have similar sense of humor.  He is also traditional and not crazy on the party scenes.  (I know it is weird, despite what I do on my own, I always find people who don't party much very attractive).  I enjoyed the company.  So I know if I asked, the answer would be disappointing.  However, it is definitely beyond my power to control his actions.  

As our conversation went on, out of no where, he said, 

"I am gonna vote yes on prop 8."

My heart sank a bit.  I mean I already expect this, but to see a person exercise discrimination in front of me, against me unknowingly, is quite unexpectedly disturbing.  I felt so wronged.  What have I done to you?  But I held my cool and asked him why.

He listed about 2 things that were prominent Yes on Prop 8 talking point.  One it is against tradition - why did tradition become synonymous with bigotry anyway,  two he doesn't want the schools to be forced to teach about homosexuality. 

From there I didn't really let him talk too much.  Instead I started to ask him a series of questions regarding where these feelings and opinions came from, and what were his reasonings to believe such false advertisement.  He couldn't give me any solid answers.  He often muddled I don't know in his goofy ways.  However, his goofy ways were just that, very goofy and stupid, not cute at all.  

I told him that marriage, in English, the word has a strong sense religion is because how the western countries adopted Christianity and associated this union closely with their religion despite the fact that the religion itself is a very young belief in regard to human history.  However, marriage itself is an institution between two people, and it has nothing to do with religion.  There are billions of people in the world and they all get married in one way or another.  They choose to form that institution as they wish and it is no one else's business to tell them what they can or cannot do.  Even more so, to define one's marriage as valid or invalid based on one young religious belief. 

As the education scam, I told him that schools were independent regarding education on marriages, straight or gay.  It is the teachers' limited discretion and parents have plenty influence, so that talking point from Yes on 8 is just a political gimmick to distract voters.  They school weren't required to educate the students in this matter, and why would you want to prevent this if it is not going to happen in the future.  

He later then said something that made me very mad, which was gays want to get married for tax benefit.  I lost it a bit and started to almost scream a little.  But I was trying to make a sound argument so the screaming was definitely gonna belittle my effort, so I tried once again to keep my cool.  I told him that in America alone, there would be roughly 30+ million gays, lesbian, and transgender.  In China alone, there would be enough gays to trump entire American population.  Yet these people would just want to get married for some petty tax benefit.  In case you didn't know, the second class marriage license, the civil union already promised almost all the rights.  Why do these people still try so hard to just get that benefit?  Has it ever occurred to you that maybe, just maybe that people probably want to get married because they love each other? 

I also told him that the professor he worshipped back at USC, the philosophy teacher Dr. Willard taught us a lot about critical thinking.  The key to every issue is to think from different angles and to think for yourself.  I asked him why does he still keep such an unfound fear and discriminative approach to this issue.  There was no answer.

I said that how he often tells me that his dad came here 40 years ago with a few bucks on him and now he is a rocket scientist working for NASA.  I said that this is why he came to America because there is dream opportunity and most importantly equality, or at least the hope to be treated equally.  He had his chance and because of what this country is founded on, and how this country was founded, he was a success.  He probably could never have done the same in another country on earth during his years.  Now he is wealthy and have you in the country and I am pretty sure that was the sole reason for him to move here with just a few bucks on him, because he wanted his next generation to have a better start.  Now you have every opportunity that he didn't have, with such expensive education, all you could think of in this election full of change and hope, is to discriminate against another group of minority when yourself is a member of a group of minority?  He didn't say anything

I felt that he was at least thinking and I wish he would do the right thing on Nov. 4th.

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Today I asked him how he voted and he said he voted yes.  The following text message took place, and the such horrid and yet deep discrimination from this young 22 year old man was shocking to me.  He was once educated side by side with me, he is living in California, the bluest state, and he has access to information, yet he refuses to see it all and held on to the talking points from the bigots and established his argument on fear. 

Me, (thanks to iphone for the essay length capability of texting)

"I seriously do't know WTF is wrong with you, the self righteous people. I don't know when it has become ok that you can tell others what they could do with their lives.  You often mention how your race was massacred by the Turks, then you should know about oppression, your dad is an immigrant, ask him, he knows discrimination, and now you think you have the position to discriminate against others it is beyond me.  Thanks for taking my rights away, I hope you are really happy now that we are second class citizen like how the blacks were decades ago.  Oh yeah I am sooo disappointed by my tax disadvantage now, after all that is why we try to get married for. You douchebag."

He later came by my desk.  It was awkward, and he was nervous.  He said,

"oh man, someone is bitter huh hehe hehe..."

I was texting to JD, (you know who you are when u read this!), and I slowly looked up, said,

"You know what, I really have nothing to say to you at this point, I really don't want to talk to you anymore.  Thanks for taking the rights away."

"Oh com'on! it is no big deal."

That just also knocked me out,

"What did you say? no big deal? after you become part of this shit, you have the nerve to come here and tell me I am over sensitive and it is no big deal?

"come on, it is ok."

He just stood there not leaving and I tried to finish the text and I couldn't.

"I cannot believe how you worship that philosophy teacher and talk about him all the time, yet you learned nothing from him."

"What teacher?"

Silence, texting,

"What teacher?"

Silence, texting.

"tell me what teacher~~"

He was doing that thing when a 10 year old did something bad, you know rocking side by side, and I looked up his face is blaring red. 

"That Willard guy, you know what, forget, I really have nothing to say to you, can you just go I probably talk to you later, I want to finish my text."

"Just like that."

"Just like that."

He walked away.

-----

I cooled down and thought about it, maybe he didn't realize that I was gay? Is that why he said it is no big deal?  I honestly could have just stopped there, but I feel it is everyone's obligation to make this issue seen.  Silence = Death. 

I texted the following,

"I hope you read what I wrote carefully, then you would notice that I am passionate and serous about this is because I am gay. It is not my choice, I won't apologize about who I am and I demand every god damn right that this country has promised.  It is my right as simple as that, that is all."

He later texted me something that is TRULY a PIECE OF WORK.  It was disturbing and I was SO disappointed in this guy.  He had that innocent juvenile charm, and I thought he was clueless.  I mean you can be only so angry at someone who is stupid right?  But instead, he apparently qualifies to work on Yes on 8 campaign. 

"I have no say in gay marriage, I believe everyone is free to marry anyone. this measure went beyond that into educational institutions. I oppose that.  Children should not be naively swayed away from an opportunity marry and reproduce as the human race is intended to.  This measure is not about discrimination.  I oppose any discriminatory idea. Gays have every right as non gays. When this gay marriage enters school teaching, it practically discriminate non gays and the purpose of the human race as a whole."

So I was flaming, and texted something fast and later when I read it was a bit incoherent toward the end. 

"And that is exactly what didn't happen in the schools. The only way they can make it pass is to lie about it.  Public school board and school superintended had denounced prop 8 because school is never required to teach anything about gay or straight marriage. Catholic and Christians have historically been against abortion and sex education, and ye they are proven to be healthy and beneficial to the society as a whole.  More importantly you apparently didn't read the prop and still use their talking point.  Before prop8 there was no measure to force any education regarding homosexuality, now they made the measure to prevent this; but their true intent as evident as the yes on prop 8 leaders have reiterated over and over is that they have to protect traditional marriage.  It is a REVISION of our constitution to specifically say marriage is between one man and one woman, thus no gays can get married, EVER. I like how they throw in some fake political cloud and all of sudden people will just fall for it.  And further, homosexuality is not fucking taught, I grew up in a hetero environment, teaching about something natural, i don't see how that is so threatening.  It is so sad to see people are so ignorant.  Ironic that decades ago black veterans would be refused by white cab drivers when they come back from war and deemed acceptable, decades later, bigots just replaced one minority with another to bully with.  Are we really changing or just recycling hate?"

No more texts after that.  I saw him two more times and gave him the dirtiest look I think I could achieve.  

I really liked him, but who knew, humans can be so divided over something that was supposed to be a non issue. 

Please go to www.petitiononline.com/seg5130/petition.html to ask our governed to reopen prop 8

Gay rights movement backtracked

This is beyond upsetting. I am actually stunned and confused as the bluest state California, with such a gay friendly environment and a large gay population, has passed this heinous bill. To add to the injury, gay rights related bills all suffered defeats throughout this country this Nov. 4th when we have broken all barriers to elect a minority President. This is an incredible defeat and has forged great obstacles that may take generations to overcome.

I could understand why the bigots are fanatic about this issue since their morality has been tainted by organized religion. But what I cannot understand is those who are not as religious voted for it or simply didn't vote. I am always amazed by how damaging early religious education can be. I have talked to so many people who are not religious yet they just think gay marriage is not right. When confronted, not only they cannot provide an answer that would satisfy their own conscious, but they also feebly try to avoid saying that because they were taught so by the very religion that they now despite. It is this kind of hypocricy and selective memories that I believe the gay rights movement should target as well. Is American as a people much more religiously rooted than we thought or is it a manifestation that religion activity has penetrated this country politics like never before. The Yes on Prop 8 people loved the turn out for Barack Obama because older black households are even more conservative which helped with their cause. It is incredibly sad to see this considering the history.

I am empathetic to those who have worked long and hard for this measure and other gay issues in general. But it is beyond my comprehension how frustrating and despairing it is for them. It is like after 8 years of Bush, we elect Rudy Guilliani for Presidency.

I like how Towleroad.com has cunningly pointed out that our beloved state, California has denied human rights to marry but passed the bills for farm animals to move around. See humans are always cruel toward each other. It sounds cynical but I think it is a genetic makeup in human to make sure that humans check its own population.

On the other hand, if anything, this election cycle has shown us that as long as there is hope, there will be change. I cannot help but to think about Harvey Milk and Barack Obama and just to remind myself we cannot give up because those who permeate prejudice and bigotry in our society have not given up.

It is frustrating nevertheless... I guess we have to keep fight and just wait. The battle would be somewhat easier once all these bigots from the baby boomer ages just DIE from their natural causes or accidents. It is a bit more comforting to know that when they do die, and with their last sliver of consciousness, they will suddenly realize that there is nothing beyond death. I guess nature would have the last laugh.

Quote from the notorious Margrette Cho,

"I wish Jesus can come back and just tell them, 'that is not what I meant!' "