My future husband turned out to be straight

As I mentioned two posts ago, I met this super cool guy whom I fell for immediately is now confirmed to be straight.

As we planned before, we worked out today. He waved at me afar and we shook hand and got down to business. Today I got to know him a lot more and we chatted about everything. The more I talked to him the more I liked him. We talked about our love for the new BMW 335i and how we both wished to get one. He, I know for a fact, can afford one, but he said he wanted to save money and get a house first. Omg how sweet is that right?

He was just so cute today. But the truth has to come out and I confirmed the fact that I already knew. He has a blond girlfriend for two years already and his girlfriend is also in the architecture profession. I literally lost my focus when he was talking about his girlfriend. I put up this smile and tried not to sound disappointed. We moved on quickly onto other things. But deep down I was so sad.

I mean he is a completely stranger but he is one of those people just give you the "he is the one" type. I have never felt that for any other guys I have ever met. I don't I just got really depressed.

On the other note, I met up this guy I met online and I drove down to his place in Long Beach. We had sex for 3 and half hours. I mean of course the bulk of it wasn't anal sex but he did fuck a good half hour and toward the end I was literally begging him to cum because it was getting so rough and too long for my tastes. There was plenty kissing and cuddling, as well as blowing and fucking and I came twice. I also got three hickies, I know so juvenile...

It was a great release.

But it was fucking shitty because all I have left now is an empty space, I want a fucking husband, god damn it. Now I wish everyone was gay or I wasn't gay, this is so hard and so much work. My love life is literally like a craps shoot. I have yet seen a guy like this, so easy to talk to, so down to earth and so focused. He is also so well educated and smart and sooo manly.

Sigh, this really sucks. I mean the hours long session was a high point of my weekend but now it is as meaningless as a pile of poop.

Young vs Old

I am sure I am not alone on this one. But I still find it a bit unsettling in a way.

I am extremely attracted to older, muscular, masculine, and intelligent man who has a very nice job. It is not the money but the power that really draws me in. Let it be political power or knowledge power as long as they are superior in one of those old respected professions. For example, doctors, lawyers, businessman, CEOs omg these people are so hot. I like them to be old enough to be successful which mean 30-45. As long as they take a good care of themselves it is fair game for me. I have mentioned before that when I was interning in Disney this old guy who already had a full head of grayish black hair was rocking a fantastic body that you don't see often on a 20 year old. It was so hot. Even though his position wasn't that power inducing but he did work directly with the executives on the board. That is really hot for me!

I just think that at my age, shouldn't I be drooling over hot young guys? I think I should, but let's say if I see a hot guy at a night club or see a hot older guy who has the qualification I mentioned above at a black tie event, I will go home with the older one in a heartbeat. I don't know why is that. Do I need a father figure?? Maybe, but I try to avoid that direction since that would be kinda gross. Did I suppress my gayness by being straight-acting (Chris from about a boy and his briefs hates this statement, but Chris bear with me I am just trying to make a point) for too long that I am desperate to be a submissive guy in a relationship? It beats me I can't understand it.

The reason that I brought this up was that I met this doctor in my gym. He is very well groomed, good looking, and have biceps that make my legs weak. His entire body is very fit and well proportioned. He works in Pasadena as a doctor. He is at least well off because he goes to this gym which charges 110 dollars a month for basic membership. The brief interaction with him today made my minds wander around quite a bit. I suspect that he is gay. Because,

1. He is very well groomed. But then a lot of doctor is well groomed...
2. He is very muscular. But then doctors most likely know it better that they should keep their bodies fit.
3. He has no wedding ring. Well maybe he focused too much on his career or divorced or just took it off when he goes to the gym.
4. We made a short eye contact when I entered the locker. He looked at me, I smiled back, and his warm "Hi" started some conversations. We introduced each other and made small talks. But then maybe because he is very well educated he is just that etiquette or maybe because other people are just too rude all the time that I just received the wrong vibe.

I don't know. I saw him again today. He just finished and was eager to leave. But we still made small talks. He was changing while we were talking and I saw those veins popping out on his sweet biceps. God...

Oh well at least I know that he goes in at lunch to do cardio then goes back to work and he comes here early on Fridays. Hopefully I can catch him more and see what happens.

A rainy Saturday night

Finally it started to rain again. This winter has been pretty weird. Yeah I think they are right, the world is gonna end due to global warming. Anyway, feel stupid for not writing since there is a lot of stuff going on.

Tonight, I am going clubbing at LAX. This time I should be able to get in there. I just can't believe how unfortunate in the past when I tried to get in there. This place reminded me of KiKi. I couldn't get in for 3 times because of her.

Darn. This is funny, I am reediting my post as I am writing it. Change of plan, our promoter friend is not going anymore because he is sick and his cousin who supposed to go with us also bailed. So I guess LAX is never meant to be!! But Hester and I are still going out to Grand Lux Cafe in Beverly Center to surprise Michele.

But yeah... last night I had a weird dream. I dreamed of Kiki, and it was incredibly sad and sweet in the dream. And when I woke up, I didn't want it to end. What is going on? Is it possible that I am missing her? This is messed up. It was such a pain to hang out with her and it was clearly enough for me. But we hanged out for 6 months, and there were a lot of mindless fun. I guess it is still hard to banish a person completely. I guess the reason I had this dream is because I am trying to plan a trip with Hester to Europe and KiKi would probably come too and I am concerned how we are going to work this out. Bah... I dont know. This is just weird.

I just got off the phone with TJ, a fellow intern at Disney. He is not particularly good looking or strikingly cute. But IMO he is very down to earth and cute in his own way. Well, actually my taste is pretty weird. Most of the white guys are pretty cute for me hahaha. Yeah I guess he is good looking and I would definitely fool around with him if he wanted to. He lives in Huntington Beach. Beach cities are fascinating because I always think that I was supposed to be born in a beach city. I would become a surfer for sure. So I guess because of this conjured version of my destiny always make me feel pretty keen around beach people. I would probably go to his place next week or smething to just chill. Too bad he isn't gay. And talking about not being gay, an executive's assistant is smoking hot and is 90% straight too. His name is Wayne and probaly around mid 40. He got this sexy short hair which is half grey on his well structure head. His body is superb. It is buff, defined, and proportionate. It is just at the right proportion that it is not overwhelming or easy to overlook. He has a beautiful smile and has a very good manner and his body language is exuburantly confident. He is much older than I am but he is so attractive to me. I am already a sucker for beautiful older guys and he is just a very nicely built older guy. He already has at least one child and has been to the Navy for 20 years. So I guess the chance of him being gay is very very slim... Oh man.. why the good ones are all freaking straight. But I am not gonna let him slip without at least trying. I have a luncheon with him next Weds. We will see how it goes from there.

Bah change of plan again, I guess we are going to clubbing afterall. Hester called the guy who bailed in the beginning and telling him that we weren't going to clubbing anymore. I guess he thought that his decision affected our plan so he decided to go again. Also, he is bringing his friends too. I dont really know them, so hopefully it is gonna be fun. About this guy... His name is Tommy and I heard that his family owns a prominant supermarket chain in Los Angeles. I know this market and my parents shop there all the time. It is a very big chain and I don't know if it is true that they own it. But he is very wealthly regardless. Thursday we went to Grand Lux Cafe, and he was gonna drive his Bentley...

Anyway, I've ranted aimless enough for one night. Going out soon...