You get what you paid for

I flip flopped the training schedule with my lovely trainer N 3 times throughout the day. Every time he picked up, he sounded as energetic as one can be. I felt really bad. But a portion of my muscle on the right side of my torso has been bothering me. It is a condition that started in my late college years. Seems that it was caused by prolonged period of sitting with bad postures. But I couldn't be sure, maybe it is something more dreadful... I will have to write another entry, which would be really dark, to explain what the more dreadful possibility is... So I decided to take today easy and told him to pull the session, which means I get charged, and we will just do the actually training sometimes later this week. 

Besides, Kee called me and asked me to check out her potential trainers. She works out at the 24 hour fitness gym located at Foothill, for those of you live near Pasadena area would know. She's been bugging me for a while about going and I have been pushing it off. But today I guess there was nothing better to do, so I might just as well check it out. Besides I can still do my cardio. 

We arrived... I wish that was the end of the story. But nope. Ok this place sucks balls. It smelled and lighting was like from the SAW's torture chambers, only two shades whiter. I know it was my hallucination but I swear I felt like the florescent light bulb was flickering above my head while I was running on the treadmill.  The ceiling around the cardio area was extremely low. Since my torso has been bugging me the whole day, I really wanted to stretch. One upper cut move almost knocked the light bulb off the ceiling. So I just didn't want to get more distracted with all these high end decor, I started jogging. For a brief moment, well 20 mins, I was lost in my struggle with the time. However, once finished, I was drawn back to this "gym".  There were a few cute guys, however, only fell loosely in 3 categories, 

1. barely legal high school seniors or community college freshman.

The fresh full face of pimples were like his ID cards. If he were anything but the above category, he needs to go find a good dermatologist asap. 

2. Rednecks. Redneck is like a profession. It takes a lot to just be a redneck I think. But redneck is usually kinda hot. They kinda elude the idea of mind blowing fuckings, especially those high powered ones, like how they would pick you up and fuck you against a wall and you will cum without ever touching the floor? yeah..

3. Young professionals. Not Yuppies. I think they look like sales. I usually see that kinda body on those kinda guys at a car dealership. 

Anyways... I did run into a coworker which was kinda weird. Considering how cocky he talks, in a way, I would imagine his ego would suffocate to death in this place. But he looked happy. 

So I ended up training Kee. She is a skinny girl but apparently with extremely high body fat %. Several exercises already made her cry. So we stopped right there. She, under my instruction, was the only girl in the weight room doing good exercises, which was kinda cool. Oh yeah the weight room smelled like old and chilled sweat. But I promise you that you will not smell it anymore after 40 mins. yes it does take that long. Chilled sweat is like chilled liquor, the taste is much more long lasting and pleasant in its own right.

I guess I started bitching a bit. Kee said "you get what you pay for". I was just glad I was there on a visiting pass to check out her potential trainers, which never happened. Indeed. My gym isn't too far away from this place. It is located on the second floor of Paseo Plaza and this branch is actually considered the shittiest branch in entire LA by this chain. Even then, it is clean, usually wealthy professions work out over there, a bit gayer, and hotter trainers. Yes they also provide unlimited towels. 

But sometimes, I think about how much I spend on my gym and what I really get, it doesn't really make sense either. I mean if we really look at this, we are just lifting weights. I would lift milk cartons at home. Those Costco sized plastic ones are pretty heavy you know. But does unlimited towels, cleaner environment, better views, a shit load of plasma TVs and cooler crowds justify the 6 folded price tag. Or is it just a mid life crisis validator. Since it is a gym, it is health related, I can get ripped off to be pretentious and feel great about it. I don't know. I always wanted to quit this gym but after I visited the Foothill branch of 24 Fitness, I suddenly realized how spoiled I was already with the condition at my gym. Working out after a 10 hours day is already as hard as it is; working out in a shit hole after 10 hours working is just self torture. I guess I can't quit my gym anytime soon... that is almost for sure. Now I can only find a good reason to kiss my trainer goodbye for a cheaper one. Maybe that new Joe I mention about before... he is new so he must be cheap. For his price tag I can get almost two times more training!!! darn... but I don't think Joe would let me feel his abs and flirt with him with anal sex "innuendos". Yes believe it or not I could be subtle sometimes. oh well in my own world anyway.  

Conversation at the gym

it is between me and my trainer. trainer = T me=me.

Scene 1, first 5 mins at the gym warming up before my routine with my trainer.

me, "i noticed that you guys started to hire a lot of gay receptionist, what is up with that."

T, "I know."

me, "like the new guy he is pretty cute and gay for sure."
me, "now you got two gay front desk people with the ladies, gay it up."

T, "yeah but one of them doesn't know he is gay."

me, "what do you mean. you mean the new one doesn't know?"

T, "no, the tall one."

me, "you kidding?"

T, "man I dont know, he is either not comfortable or just really is clueless."

me, "but he is sooo gay."

Lady next to us doing cardio, "wow, really. just like on the weekend, there was this super fem guy talking about how much he loved my nails and wanted to dance with me."

me, "aww I hope he realizes it soon, that is horrible."

T, "yeah I know. like he still tells me which girl is so hot and stuff, i am like you've got to be kidding me."

me, "aww such a clueless sweety..."

---

scene two

on the bench doing bench press.

T, "so peter knows that you gay now too."

me, "wait who?"

T, "your first trainer, the one you fired."

me, "oh, he didn't already know? who told him now then."

T, 'ah... I kinda did. I just mentioned it, and he was like now it makes sense."

me, "wait what? what does he mean by that?"

T, "I don't know..."

(by all means, if I don't want to show, no one would know).

me, "hmmmm..."

T, "what?"

me, "that kinda bugs me, should I confront him about that?"

T shrugs.

---

Scene three,

10 mins later, at another bench doing shoulders.

I saw that asshole trainer Peter training someone.

So I said hi, and then interrupted their routine.

me, "so what do you mean by 'that makes so much sense now.' "

Peter, "huh?" (his client looked on)

me, "T just told you that I was gay, and you said 'that makes so much sense now, what the hell do you mean by that?'"

....

Peter, "nothing, you know, nothing."

I laugh, "uh huh..." (his client looked on)

T blushed, Peter looked awkward, client was confused. Harrassment accomplished.

---

Scene 4

10 mins later doing biceps.

me, "it still bugs me."

T, "what does."

me, "he made that comment, that is kinda insulting and annoying."

T, "oh"

putting the weights down, my expression changed a little, with a smirk on my face

me, "I think I should sue him so that he would be fire for discrimination, I am sure the gym will drop him in a heart beat. Yeah, I think I should, since I have the rights and discretion and all."

T looked a bit concerned and confused if I was joking or not,

"wow, I guess we know not to piss you off."

me, "come on, this town is run by gays, especially this gym, as you know full well. It is LA, pissing off gays would be a bad idea I think."

Then I laughed, so he knew I was joking, sorta

---

Scene 5

T, "what do you mean this is too heavy, we did it before how come you think it si too heavy now."

me, "it is 100 lb bar! I couldn't do deadlift on it, but I think I can do it now. It is a bit too heavy to maintain my form."

T, "let me see how you do it."

demonstrated.

T, "remember to push your ass back out, you know like this, like way extended, like this."

me, "like ready to get fucked?"

T, "precisely."

me, "alright, now i get it."

---

Scene 6

In the meeting room.

T, "take off your shirt let me evaluate your body."

took the shirt off.

T, "omg, wow. just kidding."

Fingers waving.

T, "I think you made great progress, like the arm, shoulders etc, you should be happy about all the good results, just try to do more cardio from now on. Good job, but you are still kinda fat."

me, "thanks T, I like you too."

the end

Yeah Back

Ok I didn't really go anywhere. But Blogging has been lagging it is pretty obvious right lol. I don't know. Last couple weeks just weren't for blogging. There were things happening but somehow whenever I am facing this screen I just didn't feel like typing. Recounting life is such a tiring experience.

Ok the three things that I was gonna talk about last time lol.

First I went to a real concern. Well my first real concert experience anyway. My friend got 4 tickets so it was Me him, his sister and his sister's friend. Her friend gives me a bit gay vibe. But again everyone is gay as long as the price is right, quoted from a gay friend of mine lol... He was kinda dorky cute. He wore a nice thin blazer and loafer. Yeah I noticed those two items because the blazer look like some expensive skin and the loafer made him look a bit British. He had big fingers too... Yeah I dont know why I notice these things but I do. My friend's sister is pretty and they were both very very smart. I mean lawyers come on.

The concert was in Downtown in this old theater. It was so amazing. Everything was so vintage. It gives you a bit flash back feeling; I felt like I was in the early 1800s or something. A SHIT LOAD OF CUTE GUYS. I felt abit overwhelmed because they were everywhere. At the same time I felt kinda restricted because I couldn't tell my friend that "OMG that guy is so cute that I can blow him right now". I know slutty and closet don't really mix.

The band was "Stars". Don't know anyone of you guys have ever heard of them. It is decent stuff, but by no means they were GREAT. But the experience was so good. The company was good, the stage was great, the light was awesome and people were really into the music. I really enjoyed it. And the cute guys hehe.

--

I had another hook up and I really felt like I am over hook ups now. I somehow feel empty afterward. It is like drugs it gets you high but crashes you hard. Somehow you want more of this abuse after that depressing crashing feeling subsides. It is very dangerous and emotionally unhealthy.

On the other hand, I started to talk to this older gentleman who lives in Beverly Hills, a retired lawyer at 45. Yes HE could be my DAD. But we have good conversations and he sounds like .. well fatherly. OMG I GOT ISSUES. I think I should see a shrink. This is like the 105ths time I mentioned that I needed a shrink yet the only one I am about to see is a older guy who could be my dad age wise and wants to fuck me. This is truly unhealthy. Howver, I do enjoy his conversation. So I might date him see what is going on. He is not fat at least. I swear I am not shallow.

--

Saw Jersey Boys with three gay bloggers with LA. I really enjoyed the show. I think I am pretty easily entertained. As long as it is not total ape shit, I can always appreciate some beauty of everything.

--

I just talked to a REALLY cute guy yesterday at gym. He is like model looking and his bright bright bright smile just melts my hearts away. BLESS MY LITTLE'O HEART. He is noticeably taller than I am which is rare and he looked very athletic and he was sooo beautiful. I actually asked him first. I really didn't have to. But he was irresistable. So I asked him

"do you know the name of this exercise?"

I actually needed to know. My trainer told me to write a workout diary and he provided me with the offical diary book etc, so I am the gymbunnynerd.

"..."

Yeap silence.

Oh. he had earphone on. That won't stop me from harrassing a cute guy. So I TAPPED HIS SHOULDER. lol.... he turned around I said

"do you know the name of this exercise, my trainer wants me to write down everything."

He smiled, and I died.

He said,

"ah... haha I actually don't but I do it a lot. I am sorry."

"It is alright."

10 mins later.

"USC kicked Arizona's ass, did you see the game."

"oh no I didn't but my coworkers couldn't stop talking about it. Did you go to SC?"

"No I went to LSU."

"oh cool."

"what is your name?"

"David. and you are?"

"Luke" (OMG LUKE SO CUTE, I swear I don't sound like a teenage girl in real life)

"I haven't seen you here often, are you new?"

"oh no, I am here for about a year."

"then what time do you come in usually"

"ah here and there random times"

"I see. Do you work around here or live around here?"

"Oh I live right up here and I work in downtown." (ok most likely a banker or lawyer and right up here that is expensive... ok educated and smart awesome)

"Nice Nice. YEah I live close by as well."

"Ah What is your name again, I am really bad at names. Sorry."

"David, should be easy right."

WE shook hands. Nice hand....

"Maybe I can catch a spot from you next time David."

"Alright." ( you can catch anything from me stud...)

It was so sweet.... I am gonna go on the weekends more now. So I would catch him more. I mean he is like 110% not gay but I am kinda crazy so it won't matter. mu hahaha...

--

Bummer, my mom went to China for 20 days for business. Sigh living with my dad is painful. Maybe I should move in with that older guy and wash his pool... Enough of the crazy talk...

--

My current physical status. I know it is not impressive at all but I made progress and I do feel good and I still working on it. Let's monitor it till summer. I shall whore by that time mu hahaha.

height, 6' and half inch.
weight, 178lb
Fat %, 12.5%
Chest, 38 and half
Bicept 14 3/4
Leg, 19 and half,
Waist...............34" -_-... I swear I wear 32 just fine! The soft fat is bullshit. Oh well....

My trainer's goal for me
Height, no change,
Weight, doesn't matter,
Fat%, 10-12% is fine
Chest, 42
Bicepts 16
Legs are ok
Waist 29.

-o-.... pain guaranteed...

Ciao bitches.

Some quick bits

Life has been pretty peaceful lately. There is really no ups and downs. I am just chilling and taking the new found peace in my life piece by piece. Don't get me wrong, I am not 65 looking for wheelchair lifestyle, but it is just kinda nice to know certain things have been settled for good. The week passed by fairly fast because of work. I feel like that each day is composed of only three stale elements of one's life -- eat, sleep, work.

Anyways,

Job

Job has been ok. Team has been going through a big restructure so that I had nothing much to do the whole week. I think I printed out about 3000 pages of financial documents so far. Yes, isn't it exciting. It is as mind blowing for me as a nice wheel for a hamster. Despite the crunch work so far, I still find the position worthwhile. My boss seems to be nice at this moment and people are definitely professional. They don't do the fake friendly chit-chat. In addition, I can wear casual outfit and shorts and sandals on Fridays. So I guess that is a bit of a compensation for my pathetic pay. I am looking forward to this week because I really want to start doing something that is intellectually challenging and worth my freaking time.


Leisure

I went to a movie on Wednesday with a friend and we saw Rush Hour 3. It was the absolutely the worst movie I have seen in a long time. I have never been a fan of racial jokes and they didn't only fully exploited the beaten to death racial jokes but also invented bunch stupid racial/political jokes that seemed to be way too ignorant and preaching for its own good. The movie took itself way too seriously at times given the overall theme was ridiculous, implausible and unoriginal. In the beginning, I just felt it was such an unwise mistake that I decided to see this movie the first 20 mins. But then I just felt utterly stupid when the stupid people around me who appeared to be genuinely enjoying it. I could actually hear the gasp from the lady next to me "ah... oh... omg ganster". Where the fuck has she been? I don't know but she probably hasn't seen many movies lately. Who gasps "omg gangsters" when they see a movie...

Chris Tucker has the most annoying voice that I have ever heard and his physical comedy isn't funny at all. If I wanted to see stupid people who act like a turkey I would go see Jack Ass 2. Jackie Chan on the other hand is just too old. I mean he is like an old Chinchilla. He could barely kick anymore. One scene in the movie where he was supposed to descend a building to the streets then jump on multiple ledges to a freeway was so pathetically choreographed that Jackie Chan looked clumsy, frightened, and laughable. Clumsy because he did the sequence very slow and the scene clearly showed his stretched to the max physical ability when you can see the veins popping up on his head. Frightened because only god knows how many takes it took, he still looked at the next place to jump without ease. You could almost hear his inner self cussing like crazy for what he would do for money. Laughable because after you see Bourne Ultimatum you just feel so sorry for Jackie Chan and his character. It is like he is doing a Scary Movie style spoof of Bourne or something like that...

I can keep going on and on about their stupid accent, racial jokes, and anti war unsubtle messages. But I think you already got the idea.



Guys

This is the guy who I messaged first then returned me telling me that his body was mine for the taking and continued to flirt a bit. However, he flaked out later for no apparent reason. All my pictures are public so he saw me before his replied. I don't know what stopped his interest. Oh wellz, another flaky hookup, story of my life eh? I think I am gonna give myself another month before I venture out to WeHo again. I still need money haha and I need to get things done before I can enjoy myself fully. I think it is absolutely necessary for me now to just go out there and find what is mine. I don't want to deal with this flaky online hookup thing anymore and I think it is time to start a functional relationship.

Shopping

After chatting up with my mom last night, she decided to buy me a decent bday gift this time. So we went shopping today. She bought me a pair of New Balance running shoes and new pair of Prada sunglasses. I really love them. The shoes and glasses can be used right away and I really wanted them for a long time so it was so nice of her to buy them for me haha. I am thinking about buying her a LV or Gucci bag when her bday comes around. Ah parents, sometimes they really get on your nerve but you just can't stop loving them.

Friends

I am having this episode once again. I think I have too many female friends. I really think the gay part of me totally took the advantage of it and exploited it. Now I become the victim of my identity. Interestingly enough I made these friends before they knew I was gay so I guess they weren't my friends because they didn't feel threatened or anything. That is a good thing for me. But then as much as I appreciate and cherish any friendship that I managed to maintain - I am very picky in the friends department because I don't easily let people in on a personal level - I still feel that more dudes would be better. Yet I find it kinda hard to find mature guys who can really be comfortable with who I am. I read the post from Urban Insanity and I was so caught up in his fantastic stories that I neglected one of the most distinguishable and intriguing part for me -- his guys friends discuss guys with him. I realized this fact after I went back to his many other stories on different occasions. He could be just one of the guys who just happens to talk about guys. I mean I would never be that brave or comfortable even my friends who claim that they are cool with me being gay. I mean none of the guy friends I know know I am gay but even if they are cool with it I don't think they would be all that interested to talk about my guy problems or be able to understand and really engage in any meaningful conversation regarding this matter. On the contrary, the girls can so I guess subconsciously know that girls would be more accepting so I made more effort with them? On the other hand, I feel a bit out of place when it comes to new guy friends. Usually I can carry on a conversation regarding whatever, but when it comes to hardcore sports statistics I am like a mute. That seems to be what they all talk about anyway. It is unoffensive, bonding, and interesting for the dudes so why wouldn't they talk about it. Because of the neutral nature of sports talk, people prefer it over political social and economical topics which I am pretty interested in. But all those could be very offensive at times or people are just apathetic about them. So I kinda avoided just chilling with the guys unless we are doing something. Sitting there and just talking isn't my thing I guess. It is so complicated...

The reason I am going through this again is because my bday is coming up. I feel obligated to do something because my friends feel that I should do something. I don't know if that makes sense. I mean they are already thinking about it before you think about it and they are more interested than you are, doesn't that make you feel like a douche? I kinda do so I am pumping up my enthusiasm and planning something simple next weekend. Then I realized how out of proportion the genders of my friends are. I mean I can easily call up 8 girls at this moment and I can only think of about 4 guys that I feel really close to. That is kinda gay and I probably come out of the closet by default... Some other people are out of town so I don't know what I should do. Limit the female guests? Then what if they find out... Ah... I wish I were more of a guy's guy. I am really not that feminine on the outside but I guess there is a lot of my emotional traits that are very sensitive and feminine. This somehow kills me to even just think about it. It is even more painful to admit it. But truth is never pretty I guess.

Workout

I am back to my gym routine now. As a matter of fact, I have been pretty fucking dedicated. On Friday night, I was so tired from work that I had to pull over off the freeway to take a nap before I continued to drive. I was 2 miles away from my gym but I was too tired to even drive that little distance at that point. Despite this little unforeseen circumstance, I still managed to go to the gym and raped myself on the weights after I woke up 50 mins later in my car.

My trainer has been promoted to Tier3 now and his regular fee is 115 dollars/hour. My gym is 110 dollars/month. So if I train 2 times a week then that is gonna be almost 600/month on gym. I don't think I got that kinda money. Good news is that my trainer is also leaving the gym. I told him that I really like the client-trainer relationship and I am accustomed to his training routine, so how many more sessions I should order from him. He thought about it and told me to just get 12 sessions more. So 12 session receives 10% discount. I guess I can handle that. So hopefully he leaves the gym soon and I will cancel this god forsaken gym as well. Then I will just pay him about 60-70 for training each time and use the gym at work for 40/month. As we progress I will get less training as we go on. I don't know it sounds like a lot of money but I paid 1.8k for 4 months worth of training and it didn't feel such a financial hassle for me. So I guess I will continue that. I hope he won't jack up the price when he goes solo later and it'd nice if he can give me discount if I order 100 sessions at a time. lol... God I could buy a fucking BMW with that money. Talking about new cars, I am thinking about a BMW... I will see how my cash flow goes lol.

Yeah I am gonna go to bed now. It's late and I am doing summer alternative hours which means I will go early everyday and leave on my regular time so that I can have Friday half day off. Isn't that great! But too bad that this week is the last week of this program for the summer =/...

Anyways ciao~~

More interviews

Well I did two today. All I can say is that what a big contrast.

The first one was in the morning at 10:00am. I was LATE. I thought I was gonna die. I mean who goes to an interview late? The stupid 710 where it intersects 10 west bound had an accident which was so severe that the entire entrance was blocked by police. So can you even imagine how bad the 10 would be? Yeah, it was I-stuck-in-2-miles-distance-for-35-mins bad. Gross... it was absolutely repulsive. So I immediately called in and told the manager that I would be late due to the unforeseen traffic accident. He was very understanding and told me not to worry a bit. So I was 30 mins late. HAHA. I thought I was screwed.

Then at their little waiting area, there were bunch metal puzzle sets. I played them at my uncle's house when I was traveling in China. They were a set of two pieces metal that were intertwined. You can't just force them apart. However, if you find the right angle you can easily separate them. Very smart design! So I saw these puzzles again and I started playing with them. That was exactly when the manager came out said "Nice to meet you this is Charly". "I AM A RETARD" yes that was the message that ran through my head. WHO THE FUCK PLAYS METAL PUZZLES AT AN INTERVIEW... Great start...dear god just shoot me.

Got into his office. Start chatting. We actually chatted about 10 mins before he even said anything regarding the interview. I guess that was likely to be good. Since he was the one doing the most talking and my short comments usually propelled him to talk even more. It turned out that he used to work for KPMG one of biggest four accounting firms in the world. He came from NY and adjusted to LA just fine. We talked briefly about friends family, night life, commute, and life decisions. The conversation went smooth and remained interesting. Toward the end of this interesting introduction, I paused deliberately and he directed the subject to professional matter right away. Interview was smooth as well but toward the end I wasn't sure if he got the right message. What I was trying to say was that I have a very realistic expectation from small firms like theirs and I am willing to develop and learn skills here for long term plans. But what he got from me seemed to be I might move on if there is a better and bigger thing comes along. He said that he would not only understand but also encourage since that would be exactly the same choice he would make in that situation. Sigh I hope my explanation later really explained what I was trying to say.

The conversation lasted about 30 mins then I moved on to talk to the partner of the firm. The first thing he said "oh USC, I like that". Well I knew he would because from doing my homework I knew he was a fellow Trojan who won 3 NCAA swimming championships back in his days. He has a pair of deep, piercing, aqua blue eyes that seemed to constantly remind others of his glory days. They were so HAWT. I couldn't stop staring at those blue eyes. Well I guess at least I made fantastic eye contacts right? Conversation with him was smooth as well and every time I asked a question he would give comments like "that is a great question", "fantastic question", "I am glad that you asked." I guess it went good. BUT there were plenty mistakes were made. The aforementioned puzzle instance, the 30 mins tardy and I assume the second partner who has the same last name to be his sister and apparently she was his wife. STUPID....

So I talked to this hot boss for like another 45 mins and the interview was over. I really liked the company. The office wasn't big but it was new and well lit. You could see the nice and relaxing views of Santa Monica. The beach isn't too far, perfect for me to pick up surfing. I would get a teacher and all that stuff. Plus the manager is hot the boss is hot and the people who worked there sounded very young. I was intrigued. This was my first interview that sparked an interest for me. Now I really really really hope they can give me some good news next week. Fingers crossed.

Then I came home, got an invitation to a phone interview with a Hedge Fund company for an intern position. This is absolutely exciting as well. But instead of inviting me to a first around, they wanted to phone interview me so that means they probably just want to see if I am a clown or not before spending actual time with me. Sigh.

Well in the afternoon, I had another interview. I wont go into details of it. But in sum, it was horrendous and I don't want to work for them at all. I don't mean the company is crap; they probably make a lot of money. But the overall is just not my scene.

On a brighter note, I actually fulfilled my workout plan that I posted on Jay's Gym Tracker Calender. I gained 4 lbs. Yes absolutely devastating. Also, I couldn't lift or run as much. Plus there were another USC dude at the gym who had a such amazing body that everytime I looked I felt the urge to give him some oral relaxation. I am sure he noticed me staring VERY frequently. He didn't seem to mind or just ignored this homo. Whatever, good eye candy.

Anyways. I have been blahing about my interview for quite a while now. But what can I do, this is my life as I know for this moment. Freaking life. man...

Well, school is done

I don't know. Compared to others, I am not happy at all. I don't know what is there to celebrate. I mean literally you have to be retarded to not be able to graduate once you get in an university and I don't care which university. So finishing a degree or two is really not much of an accomplishment in my opinion. It is not like I served in the military and went to war and came back in one piece. That would be some accomplishment worth celebrating.

Instead, I am just socially reborn. The birth is so sudden just like my biological birth. But worse since now I am fully conscious and have the capacity to gasp on what is ahead of me. Talking about what is ahead of me. I have no fucking clue, maybe that is why it is so bloody painful. The unknowns like death. It is like I am born to see death. How great is that. I mean is that worth celebrating. It is probably worth getting plastered. Maybe that is what everyone else is doing but they call it celebrating? A celebration of new rebirth of death, that is just fucking pleasant. People say they are over school. Like, "omg I am soo fucking over this shit". I am just confused. WTF are you fucking over with?? School is like a perfect place to do challenge stuff and yet allow you to complete fuck up. Maybe minus the "not getting paid part", everything else is so awesomely great. Well getting paid is pretty important, so I guess they do have a point lol... But then it is almost like, at least for most of the people, it is a paid life sentence. You get paid this measly tiny portion of the money to pay your bills and your only joy comes from early days, vacations, bonuses, and retirement. Please tell me that life is not about this. However, from what I see, most of the people in the world do live for that. It is truly sad.

Anyways, this week is going to be the party week. I already missed a big party last night. I really wanted to go but at the same time I just felt kinda down because of the reasons I mentioned above. But also I was somehow feeling exhausted. Maybe my body is taking a big relief despite the fact that mentally I refuse to move on. Anyways, I got a headache around 7:00pm and then I got just really tired around 8:30pm. So after calling people confirming the party, I took a nap and woke up around 10:00pm. The nap did not make me feel any better and I woke up because I had a creepy nightmare. To think of it now, I finally realized maybe it is how I felt about the future because in the dream, there was this dark shadowy creature trying to open my door and enter my house and no matter how hard I tried, it eventually made its way in. Creepy.... Anyways, I am sure there are going to be at least two more parties over this weekend. I will try to go as many as possible.

Today I finally made to my gym again. Trainer wasn't happy that I worked out once a week in the past two weeks and I wasn't eating right. But then I am going to do much better from now on since I have nothing else to do. He TOTALLY kicked my ass. It was probably the hardest work out I had so far. We did one group of exercises. It was five different kinds of exercises compressed together and each set involved doing all of the 5 types together then I would get a pathetic 45 seconds break before I do them all over again. The five types of exercise were:

1. Inclined bench press with 30 lbs dumbbells (this is after another 3 exercises chest workout routine!!!)
2. deadlock pull ups with a barbell, I think it was 100lbs
3. medicine ball push ups - one hand on a medicine ball the other one on the floor, 5 on each hand
4. leg push ups on a machine
5. 5. biceps curls on a machine.

These were second half of our workout routine. Before this I already had 30 mins of squad and chest workouts. Two different sets of chest workouts and each one involved more than 1 type exercise. Then we finished our entire workout with abs stuff. I was so tired I could barely move. After workout, he helped me stretch. My hamstrings were extremely tight so I started to moan. He then said jesus you sound like you are having sex. That was when he was pushing his body weigh on my foot. It was just like he was fucking me with one of my legs up in the air on his chest. I started to laugh but then my dirty mind started its engine. Then he went even further saying oh yeah you like that huh you feeling good? I was laughing so hard and at the same time felt so hot. Imagine he knew I was gay I am 100% sure that he wouldn't mess around like this with me anymore lol~~~. Once I got in the shower, I was in a very bad place. I wanted to throw up really bad but held in. I think I drank way too much water and way too fast. But after the shower I felt better immediately and it was also comforting once I looked in the mirror. I am definitely making progress!

Anyways, I think I need to find a job soon. Also I need to get a lot of shits done before I leave to China for my 1 month vacation. Ah..... So much shit!!

To finish this post, I added this great song/music video by Peter Bjorn and John, I am sure most of you have already heard this, it is called Young Folks. I love it!

A horrible Friday morning

It is bad enough that my least favorite group decided to meet and do an ACL project. The people in that group are just utterly unpleasant. Well, what can I expect, these are hardcore accountants. Especially there is a guy named Jason, he must think he is very cool, rocking with two gigantic diamond stud earring. But I think those are fugly and does not work well on his stick thin frame.

On top of this, the weather is fucked up. It is almost fucking May, and this is LA, and IT IS RAINING right now. It is hard enough to wake up at this god forsaken hour on a Friday, but when it is raining I just really want to curl up in a ball in my bed. >_<~~~~~

Oh yeah, did I mention I am starving....

Update
Got school, the rain became hysteric. Of course, given California's almost non-existing sewer system, campus was flooded. My feet, which were in a pair of sandals, soon became numb to the cold air and my jeans became wet up to my calves.

Went in the library saw my group, said hi, the fucking Jason guy made some smart ass comment for me being late and I returned something that was lame with equally unpleasant attitude. Then we started the dread project. It wasn't too hard, finished kinda fast. Then I was just glad to leave those people.

My friend and I walked to the car and I got my workout shit and headed to the gym on campus. This is my first time using the school gym, so I was kinda excited to check it out. It went a bit sunny and I was happy. Then all of sudden, it started to drizzle out of no where. Within 2 mins, it started to pour. I was like you've got to be kidding me. So there I was walking from one side of the campus to the other corner of the campus in the pouring rain. My little sweater soon started to soak. Anyway I made to the gym alive and started to work out. Lots cute guys with nice muscles lol. But I was already kinda in a bad mood and tired and I planned to work out a lot, so I didn't pay too much attention to the people.

The treadmills are facing the window at the side of the gym so when I was running, all I could see was the passenger passing by. Kinda interesting because I felt like a fish, you know, in a bowl. Well maybe a hamster, running on a treadmill and looking at people who were passing by unnoticed. I warmed up with 6.5 mph speed for 3 mins, then started to run from 7.0 ~ 8.5 mph speed for 26 minutes. Cooled down from 6.5mph to 5.5 mph in 4 mins and walked for 5 more mins. Did about 450 calories in 35 mins. It felt pretty good. I was drenching. Then I headed to the stretching area to calm down a bit, got some water, and then headed to the elliptical machines. I did 20 mins on that with resistance of 8. I kept my heart rate at 170 for weight loss purposes. After that I was just kinda dead. I am I could have done more on the machine but I just felt like leaving. Headed to the shower. My first time ever taken a shower on a school premise. No one was in the shower though.... Kinda disappointing lol.

Then I treated myself with a super sized jumba juice. I recommend Protein Berry Pizzazz. For a Original size, the nutrition content is probably the best in jumba juice selections. 400 calories, 87 Carb, 19 protein!! 5 fiber, and only around 70 sugar. I got a fiber boost along with it. It is a treat definitely!

Now I am home, it still feels soooo cold...

YUm.... A nap

Finally, my busiest month has ended in a mediocre note haha. Finished my final and midterm on Tues. and Weds and resumed my workout routine today. I am so refreshed. I even took a nap this afternoon!! A NAP. Omg, it is unreal. I felt like I have totally nerded out in the past 3 weeks. Preparing for midterm non-stop is never fun. Anyways, it is all over now till next midterm sessions....

I went to the gym today as I just mentioned. My work out routine has been modified. For the past 5 weeks, I worked on my back, shoulder, legs, and a lot of stabilizer muscles. It was categorized as total body workout. The purpose is to make my fundamental muscles on par with my target muscles. According to my trainer, those fundamental muscles I have is pretty weak lol.... Now he thinks that I am ready for new routines. Switching from total body workout, we are going to do pull-push workouts. Pull in one day and push in the other and the 3rd workout day should be total body again. The pull workout pretty much consists of all exercises that involve pulling motions haha duh, and the push workout.. well I am sure you can figure it out.

Besides the new workout routine, we also did my second body assessment test. It's been 5 weeks since we started. The result could have been better since I started to workout 3-4 times a week and run in the 3rd week. But anyways, the results are: 3% body fat reduction, total body fat is around 15% atm. Total weight lost is 7 lbs. I am pretty happy about it. My trainer also measured my key area circumferences this time as well since we are going to target those key muscles from now on. I can already see some differences in the mirror! I can't wait till summer comes!

What He Eats

This is what Ryan Reynald eats and it helped him gain 20 lbs of pure muscle for Blade Trinity. It looks simple and easy to follow. I am gonna eat like this religiously! Plus extra fattening stuff here and there lol.

• Breakfast 2 eggs, some "good" fat like a spoon of almond butter or slice of avocado, and 1 cup of oatmeal with applesauce
  
• Midmorning snack protein bar
  
• Lunch albacore tuna wrap or chicken and salad
  
• Midafternoon snack protein shake (whey and water), protein bar, or apple and almonds
  
• Dinner broiled fish or chicken, brown rice, vegetables, and salad
  
• Evening Snack protein shake
  

Workout process

I have been with my trainer for two weeks now. This week is my third week. We had a session on Tuesday and next session is going to be on Tuesday next week. So far I have lost 6lbs of fat. I dropped down to 176lbs from 182lbs. I am doing lots cardio on my own and repeating the whole body workout sequences designed by my trainer throughout the week. It feels great.

However, the down side is that I am kinda addicted to it now. I feel fat if I don't work out a day and I crave for sweets but then when I look at them I think they are gross. It is such a weird feeling. But nothing can stop me now, I am determined to get a rock hard body this summer. The body I wanted for years and never got it. Wish people were less vain so people like me could suffer less lol~~~~.....

So tired today

I had a trainer session at my gym at 11:00am. The problem, I woke up at 11:00am. I just had a Corporate Tax midterm on Thursday, which was depressing because only 5 out of 26 questions pertained to the chapter I studied the most AND I still managed to get one easy question wrong. I am not looking forward to the score. But anyways... due to the test, I had minimum sleeps on Tuesday and Wednsday and Thursday night I somehow didn't sleep early. The trainer even called me on Thursday night. But, around 3:00am in the morning, in my bed, I said " Beh.. I am gonna sleep my ass off tomorrow". So I did... I woke up exactly at 11:00am and remembered the appointment immediately. Trainer Peter was nice enough and said no problem come right in. I took a shower quickly and drove to Pasadena immediately.

I really thought it was gonna be easy like last time, which was my first free session. I was soooo wrong. We worked out together for 40 minutes in total and I was dying around 30 minutes mark. The exercises only involved light weight trainings like squad, bench press, and abs. I never felt so weak. Toward the end, my legs were shaking, my arms gave out, my forms were out of shape, and I literally ran out of breath. I was choking and I could feel that my muscle really sucked in all the oxygen in my body. I don't know. I talk to the trainers (who happen to be really young here in my gym) all the time and a lot of them are very nice and they help me often here and there. Peter is just different. His exercises are easy and yet hard to maintain. Most importantly I can feel it so much. So... I signed up a 24 session plan which swiped out 1.8k off my credit card instantly. I hope it is worth it!!!! We will see after 3 months. Either I will show off a killer body or kill the trainer.

Right after training, I went to dodo's place and played Bomber Man Generation on Gamecube while she did her 2 hour pre-going out preparation. Then we headed to Gitanna for Hoohak and afternoon meal. It was so chill and the cafe just opened when we got there. It felt good being served as the only customer, hehe, like VIPs. Then we headed off shopping in Pasadena. It's always good to hang out with dodo. She is like my little sister. We can just talk about whatever and always manage to crack each other up. Like we were making chocolate poo pile in Melting Pot (a fondue restaurant) using the left over chocolates today. The gay couple, I only assumed because they were very well dressed and looked so happy together, kept looking at us. Hehe, I think a lot of times I still refuse to grow up and it feels good. That is another reason I love California, I really believe that people can stay young in this sun bathed chosen place. Then we did a bit more shopping.

I don't know. I think the mainstream really gives the gays too little credits. While the "machos and straight as an arrow guys" ridicule gays, they are embracing the homo-erotic A&F products and loving D&G logos proudly on their T-shirts. I don't get it really. Aside from the fashion industry, the cities really should thank gays. It is the gay community that makes West Hollywood a sensation in the nation for its over the top gay nightlife. Though, I hate the "I am so hot" shitfaced people allover the place. But that is just LA in general.. Now Pasadena, the new Beverly Hills in my opinion. It is a place where hip, chill, city, urban, down to earth, and fancy all presented simutaenously. I really love this place because it always gives me this melting pot feeling that is original and very American. A main reason this place has become this way is not only because the city decided to change its image but also because a lot of wealthy Guppies (gay yuppies) are around this area now. They have to make it a bit hip and homo-erotic here and there to attract the true gays and the straight gays. The end result is very successful.

Anyways, we went to urban outfitter after the fondue desert run, and I saw some hot guys in the store, some dressed nice and some dressed hippie. The hippie ones were very scruffy and a bit dirty which somehow made them way hotter than the the clean dressed ones. I think I am just a bit horny. Only wish that my gym had younger guys. I am reading JP Mac from Overnight in Newyork a lot since it's gone live. While he is having all those hot encounters since high school, I am only hooking up in the sauna room at my gym ~:<. I really need to go to more gay places and really get into the scene. Still terrified, still trying. hehe that is my slogan for now. After I left dodo's place around 10pm. I went to a Brazilian club called Cafe Banzza. I used to work for Disney Consumer Product, a division of Disney Company but handles the business side, such as accounting, finance, packaging etc. An intern who used to work with me on the same floor invited me to that party. It was his last day today and hence the party. I worked there for 6 months and left 1 month earlier than he and now he is leaving for Deloitte Consulting department. beh I am so jealous...... and I am really happy for him. He is so smart and working very hard. Anyways, I was already exhausted from all the running around during the day but then I felt bad for not going. So I drove out the westwood area and got in the club. It is actually very refreshing though the room smelled like an active hot yoga room. People were geniunely having fun. Girls were dancing, guys were dancing, and bouncers were not checking ID. It was great. Unlike Hollywood, the "live it up", "over the top", "I am Linsay Lohan wanna be" kinda mentalities were no where to be found. The music was great and incredibly loud. I really loved it. But the people from Disney wanted to go to a bar. They got bored of the dancing I guess. Btw, this black guy named Chris, he is so good looking top and such a good dancer. Too bad he is not gay. They decided to go to a bar in Santa Monica. I just drove 30 miles to this thing and I only stayed there for 1 hour. I really didn't feel like driving again. Although I was having fun, I felt kinda left out because a lot of people who went didn't know me and vice versa. People were a bit buzzed and they were just talking and leaving and I was just standing there listening. I dont know I just didn't think it was all that friendly. Actually I shouldn't be this surprised because I have actually met some of the most ill personalities there in my life. Now it is 4:00am in the morning, I am abotu to peace out. Shout out to JP Mac from Overnight in NY http://overnightny.blogspot.com/ His blog is very cool and I really like his personality. Thank you JP for the mention. It made my day!