Updated the update

Update:

I now actually kinda forgot what I wanted to say. Well let's see.

I had brunch with a good friend from USC. He works for Goldman Sachs now. He is such a nice and smart guy that I can't stop having a bit crush on him. He sure doesn't look like an Abercrombie model but I would choose him over 80% of the guys that hops around in West Hollywood. We ate at Urth Cafe in West Hollywood. I ordered a salmon plate which was very delicious. We talked about career mostly for 3 and half hours. It was great to talk to him again. He told me that he just broke 3 digit hours in one week and he is absolutely high on adrenalent. He also told me about his 3 way making out at a party with 2 sororitee girls etc. I dont know it is just a good time talking to a nice friend. Half way through I noticed this girl who was in my class back then. She didn't remember me apparently because when I called out her name and said "you must not remember me", she replied with a big smile and said "of course I remember you". However she never called out my name so yeah.... of course she remembered me. But doesn't matter she is a very energetic girl and has a smile as bright as the sun. I like her. We talked more about career. Yeah I know we are very boring lol....

Anyways I think what I am doing right now at my current company is ok. But it is not something I want to do. The knowledge is highly untransferrable and the longer I stick here the more I am limiting myself in terms of bankability. Every person is a piece of asset and you definitely want to be the one that fits in many different environment. So I will have to really start doing some hardcore studying and making a move in my life and change it before it sets its little mold on me. I am also on a time table. I mean if I am even in the path of where my dream is then I might just as well accept fate like the rest of 80% of Americans and be happy about 5k dollar raise that comes once in a while. That is just fucking pathetic. Yeah gays have unrealistic egos, what is new right. I told my ideas to a coworker who is probably the nicest girl you will ever see and her comment was omg you are so USC. I am not sure if that is a compliment...

Talking about careers, I have to say thank you to the super duper cute and VERY SMART Troystopher (he is on my blogroll) who gives me some valuable suggestions and also makes my day go by faster. Thanks "IM buddy" lol.

Anyways, the down side of this wonderful Saturday was that I got pulled over by a police and he gave me a ticket for not yield enough. I guess he is right otherwise I would have yield the fuck out of the street or at least pretend to be if I fucking yield him. douchebag. I mean it s West Hollywood in construction on Saturday brunch hour. Does he really expect people to be as careful and obedient as the Amish people. ok I don't know what I am talking about anymore but for me Amish is the closest thing to sheeps, you know the universal symbol of weakness and perpetual followers. I mean haven't they seen the temptation... ok I am ranting now....

So yeah that is about 150 bucks and he told me that Beverly Hills supreme court gives people second chance for traffic school so I can still get my point off even though I had a point from speeding (5miles over limit) 5 months ago. Yeah second chance you say? Bitch I will take that point but I will make you go to court with me. Yes I will plead not guilty and show up in court. My suit has been lonely.

And when I finished my lovely brunch, I got a parking ticket.

Yeah. .. ....


But then, I had a good time at night. I went out with two friends and went to Yardhouse in Pasadena. I guess a lot of people were having Halloween parties so the place wasn't as crowded as usual. I bravely took the halfyard size, which is a 32 ounce, about 20 inch tall glass (see, I am bad with measurements so I have to think in dick size). I ordered a Sierra Nevada. It is bitter but somehow I think it tastes much better than bud light and crap. I am the person who infamously gets high on ONE beer so you can imagine how much of a toll that took on me. But we had a great time laughing. Recounting the pasts and planning the near future, you know like snowboard etc, no more career talk at night hehe. So yeah we got all drunk and we decided to blaze at nne friend's house. So that is what we did. I started to sober up and I think the herb and the achohol was a good mix. One passed out and the other one was playing computer game and I was watching Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. Such a good movie I really wanted to fly like them too. So I got home around like 5am without sleeping played another 2 hours of video game and woke up at 2:46pm >_<....

GOOD TIMES....

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more updates: yeah you think i finished?

Today my HR department had a Halloween themed show. I thought it'd suck but went to see anyway. It was on the second floor and we had to wait in line waiting for it. I was like this is ridiculous. But when I saw these people doing a theme from Hairspray I was so entertained. I have never seen Hairspray before but these people kinda made me want to see it. The highlight was there was a big big guy who was about 6'3'' with heels. Full in makeup and drag and danced to the music and sang. Toward the end stripped down to a very tight under garment and continued to shake it. It was off the hook. And when he exited it he extended his hand and give my chest a very nice squeeze. I was folding my arms so my muscle was already bulging and he totally grabbed a handful. I am just like how did I have a major gay moment in this occasion it was so unexpected. I don't get grabbed by drag queens in gay clubs. what is going on here? you've got to love Halloween I guess. haha.

Oh yeah last thing, I read that Dick Cheney greeted Bush as DARTH VADER today, how grossly arrogant and funny. That old fart he should have brought a rifle too so he would just one stone kill two birds style mock his legacies.

OH PPSSSS... I bought Britney Spear's Blackout. It is probably her best album and I REALLY love some of her songs. I really didn't like her like 3 months ago and all of sudden I think she is the bitch because she got so much attitude and toward the end she gives you results. This album is probably the biggest finger she shove down at nay sayer's throat. I feel a special kind of resonance toward her. I will write about it in the future... That is for another time.

Later gators Hamilton
It is empty now but I will edit this post later. It is getting unhealthily late so I am going to actually sleep. However, once I put this post up, I know I will have to update it soon. Just like my gym tracker. It kinda forces me to do something that I should. I hope this doesn't appear to be as lame as it seems to be lol

Eternity

yeah that is a scary concept.

This post would be short.

"If you die, I would put your ash in an urn and talk to you everyday."

A blogger told me at 2:00am in the morning. Should I be worried.

What would I do?

One of my good blogger friend's real identity has just been revealed on his very own blog. His name was plastered in a comment section. Of course my friend is not amused by this and feels threatened. Now his blog turned into temporary invitation only mode. We talked about it and together we think it is not as critical as he think since 1. he is already openly gay to both his family and friends, 2. he is not talking about bad things about people on his blog. Since he writes because he wants to, there is no reason for his writing style to suddenly change. His currently blog is very innocent as it is. I mean yes there is sex encounter entries but what would other people say regarding that? Nothing. So he is probably going to unlock it soon.

The problem is that even though no damage has been done, it is still irritating that someone who knows you is peeking through a window and see your life unravels whereas you can't even peek back. I guess that could be very upsetting. I suggested my friend to confront him/her on an ethical level in the same comment section and then keep the blog open for a while see what will happen.

Now I am wondering what would I do if this happens to me. I am in the financial field and things like this could be career damaging. I mean it has happened before so I should be extra careful. Should it happen, should I just go privated you know back to the closet? or should I just not care. Or maybe give up on blogging?

Life Moves on

It always does, no matter what happens.

Post coming out to my mom has been amazing. The second day was just as painful though. She still looked devastated and we would cry as soon as the quietness reoccupy the room. It is even harder because we had to hide it from my dad. She said some even more hurtful things such as "I wish I never had you so wouldn't suffer though this abomination" or "how about we die together." Yes she did go there. I kept my cool and focused on the ball. The key was to keep talking to her. I wouldn't leave a single moment and let her mind go wild on its own. I had to drag her out of that self loathing spiral and make her understand that it is MY life and MY issue to deal with. She needed to stop worrying for me (at least for the wrong reasons), and she needed to stop mentally enslaving herself to become a victim. She has been an incredibly strong woman and she has been trying to keep an open mind. As soon as she started talking, I knew it was going to be a good journey from there and on.

I was absolutely right, after 3 days of constant communication she has already made almost an 180 degrees turn. Even though she still wanted me to try girls and allegedly a nerd is coming from Australia and she wants me to see her (my eyes have rolled to the back of my confused brain), she and I are very clear that my attraction to guys is way more compared to girls and she really know that most likely I would end up with a guy.

I think it was three days ago that she told me she read an article about a Chinese guy coming out to his parents. Her mom's reaction was the same. The family was just like our family which has been very traditional and they maintained a healthy environment since the kid was little. In the article, the gay dude made his mom a grandma in 5 years. So after my mom read it, her comments were "I guess things work out, it might not be so bad." Even though I could tell that it wasn't something that she originally planned but after literally days of communication, along with her own tremendous effort, her view and her hopes started to transform. As I told her, since we are living in this world, we are already the lucky ones. Look at the brighter side of all things and life will move along much better. People really don't appreciate or understand this until they encounter some grief adversity I guess. I think once something traumatic happens, the recovery definitely makes a person better if the person is willing to direct him/herself to the right path.

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For those of you who left me messages, emails, and phone calls, I have to say a very sincere thank you. Without this blog, I think my accidental coming out wouldn't come so soon and I think life has become much better and easier. For that I have to appreciate the mere chance of starting a blog so randomly. Also, more importantly, I have to say thank you again to those of you who kept talking to me online. Topics might be random but the communication, gay related or not build up confidence in me and I really really appreciate that. Amit, I am fine. Hehe don't worry, I didn't jump off a tall building and check out. lol~~

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ok back to my regular gay rant. I know from here and on I think the blog will not likely have anything huge and dramatic for a while. It is going to be boring and rant filled, so turn away if you wish hehe.

I went to the outlet, wasn't so much for the shopping but to just hanging out more with my friends.

I somehow have a gut feeling that in a year or two, my life will have another transformation and so will my friends. For example, my best friend is comtemplating wether or not to take Dior's offer. If she does, she has to sign a five year contract and travel to a different place every month. I always wanted to keep everyone close by so I feel a sense of community. However, we are all growing up and we have to burst the bubble and start to live our lives. LA is just one fucked up city and there is a whole world outside of California and even America. Anyways, back to my story...

Rishi shut up, outlet is for people too! It was great. At YSL an obvious gay couple were shopping. They weren't fem or anything. But the way they interacted with each other and how they dressed and how the older one checked me out once I entered were all clear signs. I think the older one was the younger one's sugar daddy because he seemed to be paying the bill. Hehe. I know I am so cynical. On the way out, a pair of white boys dressed up like Euro trash meets California surfer wanna bes walked pass us laughing and chatting. The long haired one stopped and definitely checked me out with failed subtlety. I mean he did that seemed to be looking down but actually looking at you kinda thing. haha I loved it, I mean it is always great when someone nice checking you out! lol~~ Then when I went to True Religion, a David Beckham kinda guy was shopping there and I couldn't take my eyes off him. We exchanged looks but I was sure he wasn't into me. I mean if he stepped in a gay club he would demand attention whereas I just sit at the corner... However, my friend said he was gross due to his dark pink sandals. Yeah I think it is kinda gross too haha.

I don't know I think once your parent knows, you feel more comfortable doing whatever you are doing. It isn't so bad anymore.

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On another note, I am cutting a friend of my life again. This is the 3rd time I am doing this to friends who I have met over 3 full years. In fact one was 8 years, then a 3 years, and this one was going for the 4th year. It is truly sad but I think once you see a person's essence, there is no need to waste your time on people who don't deserve it. It is not so much Holier than Thou attitude, rather, it is how compatible you feel. I am always really nice to people and the idealistic side of me always dreamed about everyone lives happily together and people treat each other with respect, care, and sincerity. Apparently, my practical side has been winning the battle since the beginning of time as I know it. The teacher that I blogged about, told us that you would be considered lucky if you could make more than two true friends in your life. It is true. Personally, I think true friends would be friends would give you the truth with all the good intentions, friends would overcome jealousy and embrace your success, friends who would treat your problems like their own and help you succeed, and friends who wouldn't be afraid of correcting your horrible personal traits. It is a one chance world and you just can't fuck it up. For gay men, it is even easier. Just see which friend of yours would stand up for you when you are the minority. I don't mean it like they have to march on the street for gay marriage. But how they react to your transformation, how they treat the topic around, and how they initiate their interaction around you and your gay friends all speak louder than their words. I am sure a lot of people are "cool" with it now, but sadly it isn't so true. They still do not fully understand what exactly it is like to be gay. A lot of them claim they are cool with it means a mere "I am not dumping you out of my life" assurance. Yes, as sad as it sounds, that is their acceptance.

The reason I am writing this is because it has to do with my recent coming out. The process has been very easy except for the mom. I really naively thought my friends were cool with it. However, I think I learned a lesson that "cool" with it isn't right. We do not need tolerance. We tolerate diseases, we tolerate a tyrant, we tolerate bad weathers. We need respect and equality. I want to be treated like I am no different than anyone else around me. We are normal people; we aren't diseases. Cool with it already has some sort of "doing you a favor" "I am very holy and moral" connotation to it. What they do not understand, also, we as closeted gays who fail to notice in this chaotic process, is that somehow their acceptance of our sexual identity has made them morally superior. So OUR issues become something that is entirely about them! I am not making an over generalizing comment here. I am sure a lot of people are really accepting it and supporting it for me. But yesterday I just learned that some may not and I think every self respecting gay man should open their eyes and really see what is going on.

I came out to a friend named J a couple months ago. Her boyfriend is Asian and extremely fob. So I never liked him to begin with. Her brother is about 5'6", skinny to the bones, and kinda fem, so if anything he would be identified as the gay man. The boyfriend and the brother both look like genuine bottoms but due to their delirious minds, they just don't see it. Yet, they are homophobic, and they think I am gay because, 1. I don't like to fix up my car. (yeah you heard it right, fucking fobs get a grip, making a fake turbo on your fucked up Toyota doesn't make you straight), 2. I seem to argue about useless shit with people, you know like, topics like respect. This friend of mine was a bit of shall we say immature. She could be friendly all the time but when you count on her doing something important, she always seems to flake out. The people in our group all tolerated her antics because she looks like 16 even though she is already 23. But who would really argue with her since she looks like 16??

Anyways because of all this, I really just wanted to maintain a healthy normal friend relationship with her. I know that because of all the differences and the lack of reliability and trust wouldn't make us the best of friends but she was good enough for me to tell her who I really was. I told her, she was shocked and she said she was honored that I trusted her enough to share this with her. (I was happy that she suddenly said something so supportive). I told her, DO not tell your bf and brother because they are homophobic even though they look gayer than I am. I don't know them, period, and they like to gossip so please DO NOT SHARE this information. However, if they directly ask you if I was gay due to some unusual circumstances, such as catching me chatting with you about guys etc, I guess it is ok to let them know. But DO NOT voluntarily advertise this. She said "oh, man that is gonna be hard, but ok I promise you I won't since it is something about 'life and death"'. I was assured because she said something so profound, she seemed to understand the magnitude of this issue and the importance of my privacy.

One month later, both her brother and boyfriend knew. And I just figured that out 3 days ago. When I confronted her, she used her signature "omg, so annoying, I don't' know what is going on, it just happened, I don't know I don't know I don't know." response. She then proceeded with some lame and vague excuse. Her explanation was because her bf and brother always talk about it so she felt really annoyed. In her mind, by telling them that I was gay would stop them from talking about me being potentially gay. First of all, if they are as straight as they sound, why would they sit together and talk about which guy would possibly be gay SO MUCH that you couldn't even just ignore it. Secondly, how is telling them that I am gay gonna stop them from talking. So much for the "life and death" comment. Their bitch mouths would be splashed all over the places and spread more about the perpetual Asian gay stereotypes, you know, I don't like to fix up my car. (seriously, what kinda fucking retards fix up cars, if you aren't rich, spend the money on investments educations and read a bit more; if you are rich, get a Bentley or Ferrari already.) The fact that she awkwardly lied about her motive was even more insulting. I mean do I look like that I am that stupid to believe this shit that she smeared all over my face?

I do not know what part of DO NOT tell them she didn't understand. I guess coming out does show who are your real friends. For them it is not a big deal to just talk about it like if they farted or not in the morning. What is even worse that they would probably just turn around and call me over sensitive. See how she made this shit completely about her and made it in a way that I coudln't even blame her for what she did. I mean what kind of douchebag would I be if I blame her for her attempt to stop them from talking about me being right?

I mean can you imagine when you rely them on something even less significant? The utter lack of respect, trust, and outright ignorance are the final draw for me. The world is large and people do come in and go in your life. I am not going to waste my time on useless fuck ups like this anymore. Man I shouldn't have bought her that fucking Juicy Couture make up bag a week ago. God I am so fucking blind.

Anyways rant off.

Thanks Rishi for the phone call I had a good laugh!

A phone call

It was from MSTP Bound. He just got off lab at 4:ooam in Baltimore. We talked about some random shit and this was after we talked for a while on msn. From this conversation I got to know this outstanding individual a little bit better and also I learned what Pink Collar is. Haha let's all be pink collar and be on top of the world then.

We talked bunch stuff, you know, health care since he is going to be a doctor and professional's social responsibility and all this started how we should choose our mate as a gay man haha. It is always interesting to see how a conversation starts and where it ends. I have to say that I am a bit inspired because this dude is so outstanding. I, too, have a dream and I think I am not doing too bad either. But it is still a long way to go and I guess my best strategy is to move forward with my best effort. I will be a businessman and in the business world the possibility is endless. I don't want my life to be measured by a pathetic # that I earned throughout my life. That is just so sad. But I guess I will have to start somewhere. hehe.

Well I can really elaborate more on our conversation and write a 10 pages essays on it. But I choose not to. I am trying to keep this blog less snobby and less patronizing. I mean seriously when you go around and read blogs who the fuck read someone's musings about illegal immigrants when this author is white and rich. Yeah I don't want my blog to be something like that. So keep the politics the least here I guess. But I do want to mention it is because you go through your life and get inspired constantly (I hope you do), and I think that is how we become better. Inspiration is a healthy way to be competitive I think. When you are inspired you tend to accomplish a lot to fulfill your intrinsic value. MSTP is definitely an inspiration and I only hope that one day we could all become as successful as we are and lead the world as the pink collars.

Update

Yeah it is gonna be a not so special update kinda post. I am not dead.

Nothing much is going on really... As I said in my last post, I am not going to post anything new unless there is something interesting (non-recruiting) going on. It's been quiet actually.

I got a new PS3 game, Ninja Gaiden Sigma. This game is visually stunning and yet excruciatingly painful to play due to its difficulty. I am not stuck at Chapter 3 Storage Room Challenge. It is pretty cool that I can fairly quickly chop off enemies' head in the beginning but as soon as the black ninja appears, I am swarmed and killed. My fingers kinda hurt from all the button smashings. But at least I know I will be playing this game for a while and not too much at a time since I kinda gave up after the 15th death at the same place.

My cousin's family is going to Las Vegas tomorrow. Sigh... so jealous. I wanted to go but I got two interviews the last minute so I will be doing those for the next two days instead of getting my games on in Las Vegas. GOOODDDDDDd...... But at least there is something that I am looking forward to this weekend. I will be at the beach with some friends, then drive up to Simi Valley and drink some beer and play some pool at Yankee Doodles at night, then head back to her home and watch a movie or something. Should be fun.

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Today bunch bloggers had a chatroom session on AIM. It is pretty interesting. A lot of usual suspects. It was interesting also because that most of us were kinda in the closets lol~~~. A lot of us have girls as interest on our facebook. As K commented "how does it feel to be in the closet, isn't it fun"? Indeed. lol... It was fun, thanks for everyone who shamelessly flirted their night away. J.R. Justin namely....

Also shoutout to MSTP Bound, thanks for discussing deep throat in detail with me on the phone. It was a good learning experience and I def had resonance with you and it was absolutely enlightening.

That is all for me tonight.

Laters.

Ah... relax

Well I try to. I am gonna refrain myself from constantly talking about stupid shit like recruiting because enough is enough. I mean this blog is for ranting but ranting the same shit would be really boring. So until I get a great job I am just not gonna talk about it anymore.

I was talking to MSTP Bound today and I felt bad afterward because I basically made him my temporary emotional trash can and dumped my recruiting mishaps all over him over the phone. Great that he redirected the subject to traveling and my mind actually wandered off to the heavenly places that are deep in the high mountain ranges in China. Anyways, he was a good sport and pretty much said whatever that he could to make me feel better. It is relaxing to sometimes imagine yourself elsewhere or talk to someone so that at least your mind would be off the stressful things. I talked to several other people later on aim. I guess my bad mood reflected quite well. Wasn't chatty at all. But I was just not in the mood to talk.

So after stressing over it for a long time, I felt stupid. I really did whatever I could so it is time for me to move on. I think it should be the same to everything that I do, not just my recruiting. In many cases, 100% effort is really the best one can do. I have to let go sometimes so that my fate can take care of itself. The extra attention that I gave to this stupid subject was all futile. It didn't do anything except making myself even more stressed. So I am gonna take some deep breath now and just relax. Keep looking for jobs and I am sure I can find a decent one. Also, I need to let go of my ego. I have just realized that my biggest obstacle in my recruiting process is my own ego since it is my ego that fueled my ambition to aim for the impossible positions. Thus, by comparison I am never satisfied with all my current positions. I guess there is a lot of lessons embedded in this experience.

Tomorrow I am going to take my nephew, this 8 year old monster to Disneyland. I guess I need it too. But we are only going to the Disneyland Park not California Adventure, so I won't be taking my favorite ride -- Tower of Terror =/.

Have a good night boys.

Some random stuff

Yeap this is gonna be very random.

Random #1:

I took my cousin's family to see the Transformers. The kid wanted to see it so bad that I really felt bad seeing it before he did. However, to contrary to my expectation, which was to find the movie dull the second round, it was still wildly entertaining. The second time was actually more charming. Maybe the jokes didn't work for me anymore, but the action sequences were much more impressive for me. When the first time I saw this movie, I was just so awestruck by all the unbelievably realistic CGIs and I couldn't really watch everything with my full attention. My mind was racing through all the sounds, visual impacts, and the excitement that was summoned up by the big screen. But this time I could absorb more details and really appreciate how realistic all the robots looked. It was truly astonishing and I think everyone should do themselves a favor and watch this movie.

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Random #2:

An old friend of mine called me a couple times. He is a really cool guy and I have known him for quite a few years now. I want to come out to him and hopefully still hang out with him. He'd be the first guy friend that I come out to. Except for Kevin who was my high school friend and happened to find out that I was gay by accident. But he has been very cool with it, so no biggy and it was a long time ago so that I really didn't feel like I came whatsoever. But this time, this friend would be different. He is someone that I met through socializing in a campus where people just come and go for classes only. Besides, he is very macho, an Armenian who thinks male homos are sick (thinks girl homos are ok, okie... wtf). Anyway, it'd be interesting. I guess I haven't come out to him is that it's always harder to come out to dudes in your life. Even though I have known him for a long time we couldn't hang out a lot due to school and work. So even it doesn't work out if I come out to him now, it'd be a loss but not a huge one and I shall recover fairly fast.

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Random #3:

I added a Google Calender button on my Current Obsession box. It is a workout calender initiated by Jay from Jay + Gay = Me. I already wrote my first work out session since my arrival in LA on the calender. I really hope that I have enough will power to fulfill this engagement.

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Random #4:

Shout out to my blogger friends who are fucking far away lol~~~. MSTP, Jay, Justin, I have started to talk to these people for quite a lot recently and I have to say that I really enjoy the conversation. The late night chat while MSTP was high on jet lag was pretty fun. hehe. I have been in my lazy mode lately, so basically I catch these guys all the time. I think I definitely should go out more since the weather outside in LA is just so gorgeous. Also, shoutout to J.R, my first LA blogger chatties who still writes! It is always fun to talk to ya and I hope we can finally one day meet under the wing of a gay god. yes. it shall happen lol~~~~ I really wished that all y'all are in LA so we can party party party. Maybe play Wii drinking game that should be fun lol... Anyways, there is a new blog that I just come across through J.R.'s place, it is called Midwest Ben, only three posts so far and he seems cool and is so fucking young. God why everyone is younger than me now. This must be a bad dream =/. So yeah check it out and I hope he can continue so that his blog can be my actual read! On another note, I really don't think the dude from Training Wheel is ever gonna come back but we shall see.

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Random #5:

I just made a list of interviewed companies. It looks quite professional. It is funny that once you put random things in Excel, everything looks very organized and doesn't seem to be even a bit overwhelming anymore. lol... So after I finished with the file, I realized that I am only interviewing with FOUR candidates atm. I know, it's been only a week since I came back and I think it shouldn't be so bad. But I still feel like four isn't a lot at all. The insecurity still exists. Also, I have only talked to two companies so far and only received one second round invitation, the rest of this list is still unknown to me. I can't count my future on something that is still a big question mark! What if all the question marks turn out to be a big red NO, then I am literally fucked. See, I want to get more interviews but there are only so many posted on Monstertrak and through our school network. Maybe I should network more again. But then it is kinda hard because a couple of my friends are in N.Y. now for their trainings and I don't feel like talking to new friends who I just got to know them last semester. I don't know, it seems to be so materialistic that after disappearing for a month and now my first phone call is about jobs. Anyways, I have two interviews tomorrow, one at 10:00am and one at 4:00pm. Beh... I actually have to wake up early tomorrow for the first time that I have come back. Booo...

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Random #6:

I really want to smoke more hookah. I know it is as bad as cigs but at least I don't blow that shit everyday. I need a hookah buddy. Anyone know someone who likes hookah and lives in LA? lol.

The Iphone!!

I seriously wasn't into it before just because everyone else seems to be crazy about it. But now it is out and after watching some Ads and video clips of how iphone works, I have to say that I am very intrigue. god damn those apple product makers. But 500 dollars hmmm where can I cough that much money up? Maybe I should follow the fine steps of some other fellow bloggers, sell my underwear and semen online. Oh sell a kidney. Yes, I got two you know... gah...

On a more serious note, I got an interview on July 3rd. It is a job that I need but don't really want. It pays ok but a bit underwhelming to my standard. We will see what happens.

Last night I went to a see a friend of mine and I told her that I was gay. She was shocked but totally supportive. I actually feel good that my friends, are all very supportive and mature. I mean you would think that in 2007 the "coming out" process should have already been eliminated but oh no, people like to hate each other based on simple and stupid reasons. W/E!!

A shout out to SSR, hope it is not as painful now and you get well fast!

Another shout out for Jay, thanks for all the help!! Really appreciate it.

Also, just quickly mention some of the blog site discoveries. Thanks for Justin, I now read Nothing Golden Stays, you can find it in my blogroll. I feel that his blog is so representative of how people are when they are in the closet for a long time and finally feel this ain't right no more. As I said in my first post, blogging is a great to just rant and vent till you have enough real courage to rant and vent to your own friends. Nice write, cool attitude, I like it a lot.

Also, I linked Urban Insanity. I have read that blog once before, liked it, but didn't link it. Then I couldn't find it anymore. Now that I come across it again, I have to say I still like it very much! The guy is a macho lawyer and from that tiny pix he posted I feel that he looks pretty hot too haha. Most intriguing part of his blog is how he writes his encounters like a documentary in which events are recorded by a timeline and he comes back to update the same post when there is some development. The writing flows very well and it is a good read that is hard to stop. I just wish that he would write more. He updates very slowly.

Finally, I am going to post this Iphone Boy, very very cute imo. Plus this little thumbnail a friend of mine sent from NY. He asked me if I think this guy is cute so he can decided whether or not to bone him. Well he is cute alright but what I really want to know is who is gonna bone me! darn it. Also the same friend told me he used to hang out with Chad White, !~@#~!@~~~~... I was gonna post a pic of me at Seoul airport since it is one of the only few pictures I took in this trip. I actually had a lot of good places where I could take pictures but my mom hogged the camera and we kept forgetting to charge it! But upon opening this picture, which was taken after 14 hours of flight and probably 6 hours of dozing off, I don't look so well and I decided not to post it! Ah....

What is the risk?

Hmm... I was reading "Choke" by Chuck Palaniuk. I don't know exactly what time I went to bed. See, I watched Shrek the Third, then came back home, read some blogs, and then I just decided to read like 200 pages. I was sleepy. I could feel it both physically and mentally. So after 200 pages, I really lost track of time. It had to be late I think. This morning... I woke up with a dream about tailgating with some USC friends and some random freshmen frat boys... It wasn't a nightmare or anything but I guess when the dream carried on for a while, your brain became more active and the sleep wasn't as deep. So even my phone was a silence, the vibration was enough to wake me regardless.

It was L. She just came back from San Francisco. She said she wanted to hang out. Well I would love to but it was 10am and I didn't know exactly why I woke up. So I told her I couldn't and I needed to climb back into my bed. But then, despite the fact that I really want to have a fulfilling sleep, I couldn't fall back to my dream lala land.

Logging on the wonderful world of internet and this time my randomness directed me to facebook.

L just posted 5 pictures of the night that we went to BLVD 3 club for graduation. Nice pictures because everyone looked so drunk...


Now my first instinct was to share. But then I felt reluctant because... well not that many bloggers out there are sharing their pictures for some reason. I guess anonymity of the blogsphere is still one of the main characteristics that bloggers commonly want to preserve. I mean I started this blog thinking that I could write everything without worrying about that my friends finding out that I am gay. Now most of my friends kinda know already so it wouldn't be a big deal. So what is left here for me to be reluctant? I don't know but my instinct is telling me not to. I mean we all have heard the horror stories that some blogger rant about his/her boss then later was discovered by the boss who subsequently fired his/her ass. I mean who knows...

But really though, what is the risk, and why don't most of the blogs that I read do not post pictures? The ones that do are only a handful. Let me see... Jules, Jeff Bruised, Cooper, Chris Boy Brief, SSD, Dash (but personally I wouldn't be able to recognize you from those pictures), West Village Kid, hmmm who else, well you get the idea.

Just wondering.

A response to a nice post

I went to MSTP Bound's blog and read his post about his favorite professor and how his professor made a profound impact on him. I was gonna casually leave a comment and it turned out to be quite long. Long enough to be my own update haha. So here you have it. I think it is important that teachers know exactly what they are doing and why they are doing it. And I thank the teachers who made important impact on me. For that I am better and stronger. For that I should be a person who does good things the right way, my way, the uncompromising way. For people who read my blogs before, I have written about this teacher of mine several times around, and MSTP Bound's post just touched that special area in my heart and it really resonated. So here is my response.



This is really one of the best posts i have read in bunch blogs around for a while. It is sincere and I think it is very very important to let people know that the world's future is really on our generation's shoulder. Yes it sounds cheesy and stupid and so self obsessed. But if you really think about it, the world has never faced so many chaos before. The epidemic of AIDS, new forms of cancer, the possibility of human engineering, nuclear proliferation, global terrorists, and the most deadly one, the Global Warming issue that could peace all us out.

I am listing all this not because that I think we can fix them all in our generation. But I think our generation is the first generation to receive this kind of challenge. We cannot keep doing what our generation has been doing -- being apathetic about everything and anything. In order to make the change, I think it is the responsibility of the educators of our generation. I wrote about this professor that I had this semester. He was a Harvard graduate and also Phd. [In] The last class, the [professor] didn't teach. He told us three things that he wanted us to do when we walk out the classroom.

1. Life isn't fair; it could get really hard, but just HANG ON there, opportunity will manifest itself. remember to just HANG ON. He didn't want his students to be quitters. FYI, he was a high school dropout and black if that says anything about HANGING ON.

2. Do everything with excellency. For our own sake, do not waste resources and time. Do the best you can do at everything, even you do not succeed, at least you will not have regrets.

3. Remember to GIVE BACK. He said that he definitely could make much more than he could at USC. (I will give it a wild guess, I am thinking about quarter million a year salary wise, since it was our 1 million/professor campaign). He said that he really didn't think money was the solution. He was given an opportunity to change his entire life that he should do the same. He just wanted us to be good people, and when we conquer the world, remember the less fortunate and privileged and GIVE BACK. The society really needs that and it can only get better when the rich and [the] power[ful] have ethics and are willing to take the social responsibilities.

I can say that people who had ambition and had a good heart were all sincerely touched and ready to take actions. At graduation, we all toasted to the professor and we genuinely thank[ed] him for awaking the better part of us within.

Also, thanks for the comment, it was my first time reading your blog last night, and I spent lots time here. Rare to see Asian bloggers. I am also Asian, 6'1'', 170 lbs. Now I feel like i am on Craigslist hehe. Wrote this just very fast, and I don't want to go back and prove read it, so please excuse all the grammar and typos. :p

UPDATE: I just found this blog, Copyranter, it is absolutely hilarious! I love it, check it out.

People come in your life for a reason. Agreed!

Just read this from Maximus Leo. I say blog posts come in your life for a reason too. I have reflected on this for a very long time. Even today, my friends and I are still surprised how some of the most random and interesting people come into your lives, mark their territory in your heart, and then change your life in ways you cannot predict. Some last and some don't. They change your life permenantly regardless. It is kinda scary because in a sense, there is no free will. People become other people's friends really for a reason. There is no coincidence here. It is carefully calculated event by some supreme power. I am not religious but then I have to put some of my faith in fate. Fate is tricky and fate is pre-determined. People cannot change fate in essence. You may be able to alter certain event but the grand theme will not change. It is like death and tax. Yes, it is that certain. This is my belief anyway.

I am going to write about a series of people who come into my life in mysterious ways. Some of them are still in my life, some of them are no longer my friends, and some of them passed away. I think this is definitely worth recording. Regardless how I feel about these characters now, their impact on my life is permenant and I need a place to remind me these people when I am getting too old. hehe.

A nice day... with bad events

It is really just a series of unfortunate events.

Last night I finished my biggest recruiting event on campus. All the resume and application deadline was due by midnight. I got two hours after the event so I rushed to library and started to write cover letters, resumes, and emails. By 12, I finished all that and really thought I was done. But then I realized that I still had to fill out online profiles which are always very long for each firm. So I decided to do them in the early morning. I went to Hookah again with Hester, and she was doing that thing quite like a pro considering it was her first time doing it. Then I got home around 2:00am and read bunch blogs and started my online application around 3:30am. By the time I finished, it was already 5:30 in the morning!! And I was scheduled for training at 10 in the morning which means that I have to get up at 9 and sleep for 4 hours.

I did it! I woke up on time and had a grueling training for 1 hour. Came out of the gym feeling refreshed and nice. The sun actually came out today in LA. A bit warm, very soothing. I drove down from the small streets in Pasadena.

They are really nice roads to have a good drive sometimes. They are winding roads that have decent turns and nice width. In some cases, they can be a tiny bit downhill. This can make your drive very smooth and kinda easy to go over the speed limit.

I did, and along with other two unfortunate drivers, we were pulled over by three motorcycle polices. This is my very first speeding ticket EVER! beh.... I was in a good mood, and I was still in a good mood in the car when the police was writing the ticket. But I could feel that something was pooping in my heart. Dam has opened and my spirit was definitely flooding out by the seconds.

After I got home with that poop event, I opened my email and the first thing I saw was Ernst & Youngs rejection email.

This has been a horrible day and I was tired!! So I just watched some porn took care a bit business and now heading to bed for a nap. beh....

Btw I recommend this little post from Completely Naked. The post is about his first time S&M experience. I have never done it but I think I would probably try it sometimes. Sounds pretty hot.

So tired today

I had a trainer session at my gym at 11:00am. The problem, I woke up at 11:00am. I just had a Corporate Tax midterm on Thursday, which was depressing because only 5 out of 26 questions pertained to the chapter I studied the most AND I still managed to get one easy question wrong. I am not looking forward to the score. But anyways... due to the test, I had minimum sleeps on Tuesday and Wednsday and Thursday night I somehow didn't sleep early. The trainer even called me on Thursday night. But, around 3:00am in the morning, in my bed, I said " Beh.. I am gonna sleep my ass off tomorrow". So I did... I woke up exactly at 11:00am and remembered the appointment immediately. Trainer Peter was nice enough and said no problem come right in. I took a shower quickly and drove to Pasadena immediately.

I really thought it was gonna be easy like last time, which was my first free session. I was soooo wrong. We worked out together for 40 minutes in total and I was dying around 30 minutes mark. The exercises only involved light weight trainings like squad, bench press, and abs. I never felt so weak. Toward the end, my legs were shaking, my arms gave out, my forms were out of shape, and I literally ran out of breath. I was choking and I could feel that my muscle really sucked in all the oxygen in my body. I don't know. I talk to the trainers (who happen to be really young here in my gym) all the time and a lot of them are very nice and they help me often here and there. Peter is just different. His exercises are easy and yet hard to maintain. Most importantly I can feel it so much. So... I signed up a 24 session plan which swiped out 1.8k off my credit card instantly. I hope it is worth it!!!! We will see after 3 months. Either I will show off a killer body or kill the trainer.

Right after training, I went to dodo's place and played Bomber Man Generation on Gamecube while she did her 2 hour pre-going out preparation. Then we headed to Gitanna for Hoohak and afternoon meal. It was so chill and the cafe just opened when we got there. It felt good being served as the only customer, hehe, like VIPs. Then we headed off shopping in Pasadena. It's always good to hang out with dodo. She is like my little sister. We can just talk about whatever and always manage to crack each other up. Like we were making chocolate poo pile in Melting Pot (a fondue restaurant) using the left over chocolates today. The gay couple, I only assumed because they were very well dressed and looked so happy together, kept looking at us. Hehe, I think a lot of times I still refuse to grow up and it feels good. That is another reason I love California, I really believe that people can stay young in this sun bathed chosen place. Then we did a bit more shopping.

I don't know. I think the mainstream really gives the gays too little credits. While the "machos and straight as an arrow guys" ridicule gays, they are embracing the homo-erotic A&F products and loving D&G logos proudly on their T-shirts. I don't get it really. Aside from the fashion industry, the cities really should thank gays. It is the gay community that makes West Hollywood a sensation in the nation for its over the top gay nightlife. Though, I hate the "I am so hot" shitfaced people allover the place. But that is just LA in general.. Now Pasadena, the new Beverly Hills in my opinion. It is a place where hip, chill, city, urban, down to earth, and fancy all presented simutaenously. I really love this place because it always gives me this melting pot feeling that is original and very American. A main reason this place has become this way is not only because the city decided to change its image but also because a lot of wealthy Guppies (gay yuppies) are around this area now. They have to make it a bit hip and homo-erotic here and there to attract the true gays and the straight gays. The end result is very successful.

Anyways, we went to urban outfitter after the fondue desert run, and I saw some hot guys in the store, some dressed nice and some dressed hippie. The hippie ones were very scruffy and a bit dirty which somehow made them way hotter than the the clean dressed ones. I think I am just a bit horny. Only wish that my gym had younger guys. I am reading JP Mac from Overnight in Newyork a lot since it's gone live. While he is having all those hot encounters since high school, I am only hooking up in the sauna room at my gym ~:<. I really need to go to more gay places and really get into the scene. Still terrified, still trying. hehe that is my slogan for now. After I left dodo's place around 10pm. I went to a Brazilian club called Cafe Banzza. I used to work for Disney Consumer Product, a division of Disney Company but handles the business side, such as accounting, finance, packaging etc. An intern who used to work with me on the same floor invited me to that party. It was his last day today and hence the party. I worked there for 6 months and left 1 month earlier than he and now he is leaving for Deloitte Consulting department. beh I am so jealous...... and I am really happy for him. He is so smart and working very hard. Anyways, I was already exhausted from all the running around during the day but then I felt bad for not going. So I drove out the westwood area and got in the club. It is actually very refreshing though the room smelled like an active hot yoga room. People were geniunely having fun. Girls were dancing, guys were dancing, and bouncers were not checking ID. It was great. Unlike Hollywood, the "live it up", "over the top", "I am Linsay Lohan wanna be" kinda mentalities were no where to be found. The music was great and incredibly loud. I really loved it. But the people from Disney wanted to go to a bar. They got bored of the dancing I guess. Btw, this black guy named Chris, he is so good looking top and such a good dancer. Too bad he is not gay. They decided to go to a bar in Santa Monica. I just drove 30 miles to this thing and I only stayed there for 1 hour. I really didn't feel like driving again. Although I was having fun, I felt kinda left out because a lot of people who went didn't know me and vice versa. People were a bit buzzed and they were just talking and leaving and I was just standing there listening. I dont know I just didn't think it was all that friendly. Actually I shouldn't be this surprised because I have actually met some of the most ill personalities there in my life. Now it is 4:00am in the morning, I am abotu to peace out. Shout out to JP Mac from Overnight in NY http://overnightny.blogspot.com/ His blog is very cool and I really like his personality. Thank you JP for the mention. It made my day!