Is it too late to make a resolution? lol

Well my first one will be "blogging more". haha..... i know right.

I don't know what is with the laziness lately. I think I can safely blame this on work. I get off work around 6 and get to the gym around 7 then head home around 830. Once home I eat and play some video games etc it'd be around 10:30 to 11;00 and it is about time to sleep. On the weekends I usually go out or snowboard.

Talking about snowboarding! I have gone twice this season and the second time I made a great improvement. Now I can switch from heel to toe position... well 5 times in total in 3.5 hours last time I went lol... It is STILL progress! As long as I make improvements I am happy. I have my whole life ahead of me to constantly make improvements in everything that I do right? Now I wish SoCal could be colder and rain more in the winter so that we could have much more snow to play with. Slushy and icy slopes are just kinda painful to look at and to fall on. Also I wish that I had a place up there so we don't have to rush to the mountain early in the day and come back around 11pm at night. Though the view is so beautiful at night. Looking down from the mountain slopes, you can see millions of lights clustered together in the Los Angeles general area. It looks awfully peaceful. It is quite soothing for a long day of snowboarding. Well but we all know it is probably anything but peaceful, I am sure shit loads of people are fucking their brains out while I am mesmerized by their household lights.

My friendship with my director has gone on really well. Actually I heard he is the VP now. That I will have to confirm with him. We went out to dinner last Friday again. I had veal piccata and it was really good plus it was free lol~~~. I kinda treat him like my gay dad and we talk about everything from dating, sex, and cleansing.. lol~~~~~~~~~ yeah it was a very hilarious conversation and I liked how he kept drinking more Scotch every time i ask another question. He bought a really nice place in West Hollywood and his guest parking has been very useful. Now I can always park for free when I am in the gay central! It is such a relief considering I already got 3 tickets in this stupid city -o-.....

As you can tell my post has been random and tame. It is really how I feel about my life right now. Days just kinda go on and it never feels more like life. Kinda routine, kinda comforting and yet kinda scary. I really don't want to turn into a cow..

---

I have officially established a fuck buddy relationship with this Hispanic guy. I guess as we fuck more I really have to express more about what I WANT during sex. He is always kinda in a hurry kinda guy which is never too good for the bottom boy =/.

Oh I also hooked up with a friend's friend to whom I am not attracted to all that much in terms of establishing a relationship. But fucking wise? I think he is pretty good, he actually knows what he is doing and usually can finish the job with some good twists...

Yet again and again, as I mentioned many times before, they don't seem to bring on the thrill. I think I am still very fond of the idea of a hot boyfriend who can cook. Don't ask me about the cooking part I just think getting taken care of is very important lol. But I can't complain too much. It never hurts to have more gay friends I guess. This friend of a friend is very friendly and knows a lot of people in the gay clubs. Of course he also knows where the parties are so I guess it is beneficial.

Talking about going out...

I went to Abbey's on Saturday night. Well I tried to go to Abbey. The line was more than a block long and people were still pouring in. It didn't look like there was a special event or anything. I felt kinda bad because the friend of a friend was there with his friend around 930 and I got to the line at 11pm. So I called them and they actually came out and decided to go somewhere else. I think I have mentioned his friend before. He was this half Asian half black guy who looked pretty hot. He came in town for some LA party tonight. Last time we were flirting back and forth like crazy and this time I just wanted to fuck. According to others he was interested. Stupid me that I actually thought it'd be a done deal. So we went to this club called Factory and started dancing over there. We were touching and dancing. Talking dirty a bit. But then as the night went out, I realized that he was just being very friendly instead of sexual. So when I asked him when he wanted to leave he said he wanted to stay and there were lots guys, I kinda got the hint. Dang dang dang, rejections. sigh.... so sad. So I immediately left him alone. He then went around as usual... without his tank top... dancing with his gigantic chest... Well fuck it, you know what he DOES wear sunglasses in a night club so maybe it is really not that big of a loss...

So I went around the club and determined to have a good time. On the other hand, friend of a friend was very horny and begged to fuck the whole night. I think I was clearly not interested ESPECIALLY after I got rejected. So whenever he leaned in for a kiss or something I kinda just stood there. Walking around I saw this guy who had nice chest and wearing a baseball cap. I thought he was pretty hot and went for a conversation. Of course I am half legally blind and I refuse to wear a pair of glasses in a club! So when I got up to him I realized he had gray beard.... But I was there already, so I think I will just be friendly and leave. I asked him if he wanted to dance and he said no thank you. I was like omfg screw you grandpa. You know it is the worst when you are just being nice and then they have that Hotter than Thou attitude. You can't have tha attitude when you have salt and pepper beard. God I felt so cheap. So I just decided to dance the night away with friends. It was a better choice actually... Since I had so much sexual tension AND frustration built up I was very energetic. The gays kept offering me drugs. I dont know... Can't people rock out sober? Well apparently not, I think 70% of the crowd was on something.... OH yeah , there was this suppppeeerrrr hot guy who danced like a pop star, absolutely stunning. He had a bunch gay friends dancing along with him. I was around and talking to the hot guy's friend and saying how good he danced. Then his friend handed me a card, which reads "explicit strippers"... Well that explains his professional skills... He was also on a cocktail. Apparently the Gatorade that he was drinking was a mixture of Gatorade, alcohol, Ecstasy, and some other flavorful candy.

I danced and danced, shirt off without knowing how and when. When I checked time again, it was 5:00am... So I bid farewell to my friends and drove home. Tired as fuck and couldn't sleep. So I hooked up with my hands and play some video game and eventually passed out around 7 AM...

Story of my life sigh -_-....

I shall blog

A lot of things are happening actually... too lazy to update but that should change, since i am putting blogging on my resolution list!

---

let me talk about things that are pretty important first.

I have this 52 year old director at work who is gay. Yeah, shocking, gay and entertainment industry. I sensed his homosexuality from day one but thought that it would stupid to ask him "are you gay". If he is, then, it could still be awkward, and if he is not, it will just be disastrous. So I kept talking to him and waited. One day, he gave me a hint. He said something about his partner. I was like bingo~~~~.... So I went to his office and told him I was gay as well. I kept the coming out very short so we wouldn't stay in his office and staring at each other. Then we had lunch together a week after. I don't know, I guess I am better with gays. I felt very comfortable talking to him even for the first time. We talked about random things and I told him about my fear to ask him about his sexuality prior to his hint. He said it was actually very touching for him that I came out to him right away. It made him feel that much better about being out and representing gays for the younger generation. We both agreed that at least in L.A., if you are just comfortable with it, most likely others would not think about it twice. It was indeed comforting to see the change nowadays. I still remembered back in my middle school, there was this kid made a comment that was just a little bit gay and the whole school made a big deal out of it - even the teacher!, jeebus... the horror.

After this lunch, he would stop by regularly and chat with me. I would do the same. However, things didn't get quite intimate till last week. I am not talking about having sex! pervs, no. You see, at our company, we have a LGBT group and they do a monthly mixer event at this gay lounge in west Hollywood. I thought it'd be nice if we all just go there to hang out. So I forwarded this email to my director and he happily agreed to go. I was abit late , well 30 nins late according to our initial estimated arrival time. I wasn't worried since it was going to be a mixer event which means there would be a lot of people to mingle with. I was so wrong. When I arrived, apparently the only two faithful mixer attendees were my director and I. He of course stayed there alone for 30 mins. I felt so bad... But he was talking to some strangers to kill time, so that was a bit of a comfort for me. Just a side note, I think my director is pretty cute. He must have been super popular back in his 20s. So we started to drink a little and talked. It was actually very nice. I was kinda surprised that it wasn't hard at all to have a conversation with someone who is twice my age.

The conversation became much more informal and the subjects jump from work relations, private relationship, to even sex. I like how he took everything so casually. It was especially funny when I asked that if there were lots orgies back in the 70s. He smiled and said, why not. lol... he was so fun to talk to.

However, the most impressive conversation also happened during that night and it wasn't about sex and boys. You see, I have been in this hiv panic attack mode again lately, so I tested myself prior to the night out with the director. It was negative. The first person I texted was actually him. His reply was "good and stay that way". Also, I have to add a little back story here. When we were having lunch that week after I came out to him, he said that his first love got really sick and passed away. I already knew it must have been from HIV, and if it was in the late 70s and early 80s there wouldn't be any HIV protection awareness. So mostly likely he probably got it too. But he looked very healthy and very upbeat. So it was possible that he used protection. Anyways, as our conversation became more private and the tones became more casual, we all eased up even more. I asked,

"Do you mind if you ask what happened to your first serious boyfriend. You said he got really sick and passed away."

"He had some serious brain disease that was triggered by hiv complications. Hm... I can tell you without much confidence that I am also positive..."

"Ah it is really ok. I mean when you told me your boyfriend died and it was in the 70s, unless I am really stupid, I should be able to think of that. And it is totally ok with me. It is the reality and it is part of our lives..."

"Right..."

"I can tell that you really loved your first boyfriend, because even till today your tone just changes a little bit , a bit more tender whenever you mention him."

"Yes, I loved him very much and he will always have a special place... Ah... I didn't want to tell you this, but we talked about this hehe, how did we start talking about this" (kind of a Barbara Walter's interview moment).

"It is alright really."

I don't know... it is just something that I saw it coming but somehow still felt very profound when he admitted it. I especially could feel his sincerity when he told me to be really careful. He said he got it from his loved one and there would be no regret. Sure, if there were more information and people were more educated they both probably would have done things differently. But he said it'd be really not worth it for some strange guy that hook up with.

He said that he was lucky that his immune system held up for 10 years till he received medical treatment. Apparently the strain of virus is somewhat mild and he is doing just fine.

Our conversation moved from there to finances, relationships, more sex, and west Hollywood in general. We both pretty much went kind far in terms of the topics we brought forth for discussion. I mean it is kinda unconventional since he is afterall a 4 levels above me professionally, and I do see him everyday. However, it was hard to resist to share the thoughts. I think he felt the same way. I guess we both found it comforting to talk about things without the conventional restrictions and yet both were a little surprised how far we were going with it.

Anyways, I felt great about the whole thing and we both had a good time.

It was very windy that day in LA. The wind was wailing throughout the night. It felt kinda surreal, a bit like the end of the world depicted in Will Smith's "I am Legend". However, I have never felt better that night. It was just a regular night out with someone who was gay and older and it was certainly not a date. But I just felt really good about it. The little lounge we stayed at, was one of the first gay establishment in West Hollywood. It is quite cozy and comfy inside. I felt warm and safe there and I somehow could feel the past. oh, if you want to check it out, it is called East/West Lounge.

More things to talk about, to be continued...

Good things and paranoia

I hooked up with this Mexican guy last Tuesday. He is 28 and 6'1''. He had very nice chest and had a leaner waistline than mine. We met online but he actually was only a mere 4 miles away from my home. We talked to each other on and off for about 1 month and last week we finally met. He lives with 3 other house mates so we had to keep things kinda quiet. He had his own room, pretty decent size but not big in any measure. It was a typical guy's room, messy. But it was smelly or anything, and the whole room wasn't chaotic per se. He actually never turned on the light which was kinda interesting. It wasn't like I would totally not see him just because of the light was off but I didn't mind anyway it was very exciting to be in the dark. I laid down on his bed and told him to come over. We started to make out for about 5 mins. He said I was a good kisser. I would have said the same thing. His lips were luscious and gentle. His kiss was flirtatious and firm. Our tongue danced together. It was definitely a passionate start.

Then then started to suck my cock. It was actually my best blow job I ever had. It was firm and fast with good rhythm. Most important for me was that he was wrapping his whole mouth around my dick the whole time so it wasn't one of those air leaking blow jobs that you only wish you could use a hoover instead of that mouth in front you. He then started to rim my ass. It was absolutely AMAZING. His tongue was so talent. It was flickering around my ass and then would move in and then move out, sucking the hole, licking it more then sucking more. I was loving every single minute of it. I did the same to him. I guess he was really into me because he think started to suck on my foot as well. It was surprising and definitely hot.

The fuck session started off rocky because I was super tight and it took him a while to get it. Then he did a lot of positions but I still like the doggie the best. I just love it when his thrust his pelvis firmed against my bubble ass. It feel so intimate and also I could feel more penetration.

Then the bad part. I let him cum on my mouth, at the heat of the moment I licked off his cum. It was hot for sure, he cum like a water hose so did I. But then the following conversation happened,

"omg that was so hot."
"yeap it was pretty good."
"you clean right?" (yeap making sure I am not a STD robot AFTER the sex)
"yeah I am." (actually i am not sure, I have been believing that I must have been exposed to HIV virus based on no good reason except for my mental instability. but again having sex with strangers and let them cum in your mouth is definitely some risky behavior, even if it is just once...)
"I was surprised you let me do that."
"do what?"
"cum on your mouth and this is our first time with me."
"well, it is low risk." (already feeling like I am lying to myself)
"nah, it is pretty risky, if I am infected you would be infected by now."
"well relatively speaking, it is pretty unlikely unless you are raging with HIV level in your system and I have some big cuts in my mouth. both cases are unlike at this moment now"
"well I am just saying don't worry about it, i am clean."
...
"so when was the last time you got tested?"
"hmm about 5-6 months ago. and it was clean."
"I see, same here. I think I should get tested again just to make sure."(i am actually scared, what if the result is positive, that is like all hope is lost)

We walked out talked more about each other here and there. Finally before we parted,
"man it was really hot, let's keep in touch and maybe get together again sometimes."
"sure."
....
"why are you so surprised by that?"
"by what"
"by I let you cum on my mouth, now you are making me feel a bit anxious. you are clean right?"
"I am, I was just saying and usually people don't do that the first time. Do you do it a lot?"
"do what a lot? let others cum on my mouth?"
"yeah.."
"no man, I don't' hook up everywhere. probably 2-3 times, you included"
"oh.. yeah don't worry i am clean."

At this point it sounded as if we were both equally paranoid. Well I already knew what would happen after this -- Endless HIV thoughts and agonizing doubts and paranoia. I was absolutely right. I actually have let this affect my mood. I just felt like I must have caught it if not from him probably from that dude that I blew 2 months ago on the Pasadena camp ground. I must have because it was such a coincidence that I bit myself TWICE really hard the day before I blew that guy off and let him cum in my mouth. Those two bite wounds were fresh and open. Omg how stupid. IF not that guy, then it is probably from the plumper who I allow him to cum on my mouth. He even commented on it too. After sex, he said" wow dude, you would let me cum in your mouth but not fuck you bareback?" WHAT is wrong with people, bareback risk is WAY WAY WAY greater than oral contact.. But I KNOW THEY DO HAVE A POINT. Why am i such a cum slut. I hope my luck is still winning out. I do not know what I would do if I catch HIV. the thought itself is almost too heavy to just think about...

Yeah Back

Ok I didn't really go anywhere. But Blogging has been lagging it is pretty obvious right lol. I don't know. Last couple weeks just weren't for blogging. There were things happening but somehow whenever I am facing this screen I just didn't feel like typing. Recounting life is such a tiring experience.

Ok the three things that I was gonna talk about last time lol.

First I went to a real concern. Well my first real concert experience anyway. My friend got 4 tickets so it was Me him, his sister and his sister's friend. Her friend gives me a bit gay vibe. But again everyone is gay as long as the price is right, quoted from a gay friend of mine lol... He was kinda dorky cute. He wore a nice thin blazer and loafer. Yeah I noticed those two items because the blazer look like some expensive skin and the loafer made him look a bit British. He had big fingers too... Yeah I dont know why I notice these things but I do. My friend's sister is pretty and they were both very very smart. I mean lawyers come on.

The concert was in Downtown in this old theater. It was so amazing. Everything was so vintage. It gives you a bit flash back feeling; I felt like I was in the early 1800s or something. A SHIT LOAD OF CUTE GUYS. I felt abit overwhelmed because they were everywhere. At the same time I felt kinda restricted because I couldn't tell my friend that "OMG that guy is so cute that I can blow him right now". I know slutty and closet don't really mix.

The band was "Stars". Don't know anyone of you guys have ever heard of them. It is decent stuff, but by no means they were GREAT. But the experience was so good. The company was good, the stage was great, the light was awesome and people were really into the music. I really enjoyed it. And the cute guys hehe.

--

I had another hook up and I really felt like I am over hook ups now. I somehow feel empty afterward. It is like drugs it gets you high but crashes you hard. Somehow you want more of this abuse after that depressing crashing feeling subsides. It is very dangerous and emotionally unhealthy.

On the other hand, I started to talk to this older gentleman who lives in Beverly Hills, a retired lawyer at 45. Yes HE could be my DAD. But we have good conversations and he sounds like .. well fatherly. OMG I GOT ISSUES. I think I should see a shrink. This is like the 105ths time I mentioned that I needed a shrink yet the only one I am about to see is a older guy who could be my dad age wise and wants to fuck me. This is truly unhealthy. Howver, I do enjoy his conversation. So I might date him see what is going on. He is not fat at least. I swear I am not shallow.

--

Saw Jersey Boys with three gay bloggers with LA. I really enjoyed the show. I think I am pretty easily entertained. As long as it is not total ape shit, I can always appreciate some beauty of everything.

--

I just talked to a REALLY cute guy yesterday at gym. He is like model looking and his bright bright bright smile just melts my hearts away. BLESS MY LITTLE'O HEART. He is noticeably taller than I am which is rare and he looked very athletic and he was sooo beautiful. I actually asked him first. I really didn't have to. But he was irresistable. So I asked him

"do you know the name of this exercise?"

I actually needed to know. My trainer told me to write a workout diary and he provided me with the offical diary book etc, so I am the gymbunnynerd.

"..."

Yeap silence.

Oh. he had earphone on. That won't stop me from harrassing a cute guy. So I TAPPED HIS SHOULDER. lol.... he turned around I said

"do you know the name of this exercise, my trainer wants me to write down everything."

He smiled, and I died.

He said,

"ah... haha I actually don't but I do it a lot. I am sorry."

"It is alright."

10 mins later.

"USC kicked Arizona's ass, did you see the game."

"oh no I didn't but my coworkers couldn't stop talking about it. Did you go to SC?"

"No I went to LSU."

"oh cool."

"what is your name?"

"David. and you are?"

"Luke" (OMG LUKE SO CUTE, I swear I don't sound like a teenage girl in real life)

"I haven't seen you here often, are you new?"

"oh no, I am here for about a year."

"then what time do you come in usually"

"ah here and there random times"

"I see. Do you work around here or live around here?"

"Oh I live right up here and I work in downtown." (ok most likely a banker or lawyer and right up here that is expensive... ok educated and smart awesome)

"Nice Nice. YEah I live close by as well."

"Ah What is your name again, I am really bad at names. Sorry."

"David, should be easy right."

WE shook hands. Nice hand....

"Maybe I can catch a spot from you next time David."

"Alright." ( you can catch anything from me stud...)

It was so sweet.... I am gonna go on the weekends more now. So I would catch him more. I mean he is like 110% not gay but I am kinda crazy so it won't matter. mu hahaha...

--

Bummer, my mom went to China for 20 days for business. Sigh living with my dad is painful. Maybe I should move in with that older guy and wash his pool... Enough of the crazy talk...

--

My current physical status. I know it is not impressive at all but I made progress and I do feel good and I still working on it. Let's monitor it till summer. I shall whore by that time mu hahaha.

height, 6' and half inch.
weight, 178lb
Fat %, 12.5%
Chest, 38 and half
Bicept 14 3/4
Leg, 19 and half,
Waist...............34" -_-... I swear I wear 32 just fine! The soft fat is bullshit. Oh well....

My trainer's goal for me
Height, no change,
Weight, doesn't matter,
Fat%, 10-12% is fine
Chest, 42
Bicepts 16
Legs are ok
Waist 29.

-o-.... pain guaranteed...

Ciao bitches.

IT is that time of the month again

I am not talking about period. If I had a period that would be a serious problem. I am talking about blogging. Yeah I blog almost as frequent as period now and that is not good.

There are three things I was going to talk about but it is getting late So I shall update this post in the very near future. I hope yall had a great weekend!

Updated the update

Update:

I now actually kinda forgot what I wanted to say. Well let's see.

I had brunch with a good friend from USC. He works for Goldman Sachs now. He is such a nice and smart guy that I can't stop having a bit crush on him. He sure doesn't look like an Abercrombie model but I would choose him over 80% of the guys that hops around in West Hollywood. We ate at Urth Cafe in West Hollywood. I ordered a salmon plate which was very delicious. We talked about career mostly for 3 and half hours. It was great to talk to him again. He told me that he just broke 3 digit hours in one week and he is absolutely high on adrenalent. He also told me about his 3 way making out at a party with 2 sororitee girls etc. I dont know it is just a good time talking to a nice friend. Half way through I noticed this girl who was in my class back then. She didn't remember me apparently because when I called out her name and said "you must not remember me", she replied with a big smile and said "of course I remember you". However she never called out my name so yeah.... of course she remembered me. But doesn't matter she is a very energetic girl and has a smile as bright as the sun. I like her. We talked more about career. Yeah I know we are very boring lol....

Anyways I think what I am doing right now at my current company is ok. But it is not something I want to do. The knowledge is highly untransferrable and the longer I stick here the more I am limiting myself in terms of bankability. Every person is a piece of asset and you definitely want to be the one that fits in many different environment. So I will have to really start doing some hardcore studying and making a move in my life and change it before it sets its little mold on me. I am also on a time table. I mean if I am even in the path of where my dream is then I might just as well accept fate like the rest of 80% of Americans and be happy about 5k dollar raise that comes once in a while. That is just fucking pathetic. Yeah gays have unrealistic egos, what is new right. I told my ideas to a coworker who is probably the nicest girl you will ever see and her comment was omg you are so USC. I am not sure if that is a compliment...

Talking about careers, I have to say thank you to the super duper cute and VERY SMART Troystopher (he is on my blogroll) who gives me some valuable suggestions and also makes my day go by faster. Thanks "IM buddy" lol.

Anyways, the down side of this wonderful Saturday was that I got pulled over by a police and he gave me a ticket for not yield enough. I guess he is right otherwise I would have yield the fuck out of the street or at least pretend to be if I fucking yield him. douchebag. I mean it s West Hollywood in construction on Saturday brunch hour. Does he really expect people to be as careful and obedient as the Amish people. ok I don't know what I am talking about anymore but for me Amish is the closest thing to sheeps, you know the universal symbol of weakness and perpetual followers. I mean haven't they seen the temptation... ok I am ranting now....

So yeah that is about 150 bucks and he told me that Beverly Hills supreme court gives people second chance for traffic school so I can still get my point off even though I had a point from speeding (5miles over limit) 5 months ago. Yeah second chance you say? Bitch I will take that point but I will make you go to court with me. Yes I will plead not guilty and show up in court. My suit has been lonely.

And when I finished my lovely brunch, I got a parking ticket.

Yeah. .. ....


But then, I had a good time at night. I went out with two friends and went to Yardhouse in Pasadena. I guess a lot of people were having Halloween parties so the place wasn't as crowded as usual. I bravely took the halfyard size, which is a 32 ounce, about 20 inch tall glass (see, I am bad with measurements so I have to think in dick size). I ordered a Sierra Nevada. It is bitter but somehow I think it tastes much better than bud light and crap. I am the person who infamously gets high on ONE beer so you can imagine how much of a toll that took on me. But we had a great time laughing. Recounting the pasts and planning the near future, you know like snowboard etc, no more career talk at night hehe. So yeah we got all drunk and we decided to blaze at nne friend's house. So that is what we did. I started to sober up and I think the herb and the achohol was a good mix. One passed out and the other one was playing computer game and I was watching Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. Such a good movie I really wanted to fly like them too. So I got home around like 5am without sleeping played another 2 hours of video game and woke up at 2:46pm >_<....

GOOD TIMES....

--

more updates: yeah you think i finished?

Today my HR department had a Halloween themed show. I thought it'd suck but went to see anyway. It was on the second floor and we had to wait in line waiting for it. I was like this is ridiculous. But when I saw these people doing a theme from Hairspray I was so entertained. I have never seen Hairspray before but these people kinda made me want to see it. The highlight was there was a big big guy who was about 6'3'' with heels. Full in makeup and drag and danced to the music and sang. Toward the end stripped down to a very tight under garment and continued to shake it. It was off the hook. And when he exited it he extended his hand and give my chest a very nice squeeze. I was folding my arms so my muscle was already bulging and he totally grabbed a handful. I am just like how did I have a major gay moment in this occasion it was so unexpected. I don't get grabbed by drag queens in gay clubs. what is going on here? you've got to love Halloween I guess. haha.

Oh yeah last thing, I read that Dick Cheney greeted Bush as DARTH VADER today, how grossly arrogant and funny. That old fart he should have brought a rifle too so he would just one stone kill two birds style mock his legacies.

OH PPSSSS... I bought Britney Spear's Blackout. It is probably her best album and I REALLY love some of her songs. I really didn't like her like 3 months ago and all of sudden I think she is the bitch because she got so much attitude and toward the end she gives you results. This album is probably the biggest finger she shove down at nay sayer's throat. I feel a special kind of resonance toward her. I will write about it in the future... That is for another time.

Later gators Hamilton
It is empty now but I will edit this post later. It is getting unhealthily late so I am going to actually sleep. However, once I put this post up, I know I will have to update it soon. Just like my gym tracker. It kinda forces me to do something that I should. I hope this doesn't appear to be as lame as it seems to be lol

One of those bullshit days

First thing first.

I have been very busy lately. Work entered busy season I somehow kept up my workout schedule. So basically I get up around 730am and would end up home around 9-930pm. So when I finish eating it'd already 10. I neglected pretty much all blogs and wasn't chatting with any bloggers anymore. I guess it is one of those hiatus that you just have take. I am trying to slowly catch up. I mean not just catching up on the blogs and stuff but also my dream and my life. I mean isn't that we do constantly. I hope I can feel just a little content in the near future but that requires me to make the right move in every aspect of life.

Anyways, this is what kind of shit went down today.


It was something that happened over lunch and it totally ruined a great lunch plus the rest of my day.

My co-worker and I went for a walk to the commisary for lunch and she happened to run into this friend of hers who used to work with her at her last company. He is this tall Korean guy. I thought he was nice but it totally rub me the wrong way when he started to do the whole pray shit before lunch. I had the similar experience with a Korean girl before and yes according to her she was a faithful Christian. I mean you thank the jeebus even for the food I would assume she would follow his other teachings kinda nice. But she was the rudest and sadest slut I have ever met. She had to kiss some frog in a club in order to compete with another girl in my group. In vain of course because the other girl fucked a model in 30 mins once we got in the club back in New York. Anyways, so I wanted to keep my judgement since everyone is different and it is wrong to steorotype people. Well that was a waste of thoughtful mind of mine.

We had a great conversation in the beginning joking and everything. Time passed by fairly fast but we had a great conversation and we didn't want to leave.

Then he mentioned that he was engaged. I was like wow nice. So the following conversation took place,,

"where is your ring."
"oh guys don't wear a ring."
"lol shit see i am so clueless."
"well so only the girls wear rings huh."
"yeah."
My coworker chimed in,
"yeah girls wear a ring first."
So I said,
"is it a band or the ring. I thought the girls get a band first then the diamond when the marriage takes place."
The douchebag said,
"oh no you buy the whole thing altogether. The rock included. Yeap guys don't get to save that money haha."
"Wow, that is nice, the girls get the rock right away. I really thought you know you give a band like a promise ring kinda thing and the rock when everything is official."

We all just laughing and everything then I said,
"Yeah I would probably give a band first so if it doens't workout you know it'd be just band not the rock and everything."
My coworker said
"omg, no you either give it or you don't, it has to be the whole thing."

We laughed more. Apparently this is how it went down the whole lunch, joking mostly. I mean he even joked about how he acted differently at church just for the image of it and everything, I thought he wasn't uptight.

Then he changed face and said,
"I don't appreciate how you talk shit about my engagement, so you can keep your fucking opinion to yourself, I don't need to hear it ok?"

I was just like WTF???

"Excuse me, but what the fuck are you talking about now?"
"You don't need to talk about my engagement i don't appreciate it."
"ok, but you do realize that I wasn't even talking about your shit right?"
My coworker said, "omg you guys, come on don't be serious, we are just talking about stuff in general."

I said, "So why would I comment on your engagement or marriage in a bad way when you just told me that you are engagement. Do I look like I am stupid? I mean what kind of asshole would do that?"

"Then what do you talk to then. You looked at me and talked about it right after I mentioned my engagement, then who are you talking? Why would you not talk about it if you are looking at me?"

"First of all, I am not talking about engagement, it is not my business and clearly the subject wasn't about your particular shit. I am using "I" in the sentence so I thought it'd be clear. I mean my god what kind of person would say stuff like that like talk shit about one's engagement. Are you fucking out of your mind? I look at you because we are all having lunch together talking together, and you just happen to be here."

"Oh so I should feel really honored to have lunch with you now?"

"WTF are you even talking about now. I can't talk to people like you. You are fuking crazy. I mean wow, how can someone, I mean you are just flat out offensive."

"Go fuck yourself, at least I am with a girl."

"Wow, you go fuck yourself, apparently you need a life."

So I walked up and my coworker ran after me. She was just so terrified. She worried if this would affect my relationship with her. I am like get a grip woman.

All that fucking religious teaching and shit. Seriously, I somehow find religious hypocrite the most offensive. Somehow I haven't seen any self proclaimed righteous and faithful Christians or Catholic for that matter do what the bible teaches. What happened to treating people with respect and do not judge and be kind. I mean he seriously just fucking twisted my word and used that and turned into an apeshit and went on full frenzy mode. That is got to be the great example for his youth group. I am sure he also teaches his acolyte how to lynch gays and jews.

This kind of people grosses me out.

Fuck these fucking retards. I mean the day was great and everything and I would like to talk about many other more exciting stuff. But he just pooped all over me. Now I am all sad and depressed. Not because of him though. I am easily affected emotionally I guess.

Sigh, one of those days. It sucks. I do'nt know how some good times just can suddenly turn into shit. I wish I had a boyfriend i mean someone love me like a partner. I think that is what I need in my life right now. I sometimes feel so weak. I mean i really should have just brushed this off but somehow it lingers. After workout and stay upbeat at work now I am exhausted emotionally. I feel like I am running a race with depression with my positive attitude and my attitude gets beaten down a lot. I don't know. One of those days.

Well This has been forever

Well maybe not as long as my vacation but the difference is that I am here and able to post anytime I just somehow chose not to.

Life's been pretty chill lately. Made some new friends, hit on a straight guy, and went to party with bunch gays that was fun.

I was pretty down a while back because I had a major fall out with one of my closest friends and we weren't talking. We are still not talking and I am kinda over it. However, I think that somehow made me open my eyes and look at other individuals. So I guess that is a good thing overall.

There is this one guy at my gym whom everyone seems to know. He is French and somewhat flamboyant. I thought to myself, "hmmm he is either gay or just European". It turns out that he is both!

I talked to him about two weeks ago and I told him where I worked etc. He said
"oooo you should meet my friend, who happens to be in the same company with you, such a sweet person."
I said, "oh cool, a guy or a girl?"
"oh a guy, haha I am not trying to setup a date for you haha", "I mean I don't know if you like guys or girls, so I am just saying, "so what do you like".

That was when I was still in the gym so I just laughed. About five seconds later we were out of the gym and he asked me again why am I laughing. I said,

"What about you, are you gay?"
"He said yes, I have always been, haha. I have a partner who was engaged to a woman though, but me, yes always gay", "so are you gay?"
"I just came out not long ago."

As I was speaking, there are more people coming out of the gym and I could see this one woman took a bit extra attention to our conversation when I said I just came out. It felt kinda liberating lol.

So after this exchange, we got each other's numbers and proceeded to text each other for the next week or so. Grabbed drink on Monday with him and his TV producing friend. They were pretty nice and so easy to talk to. But I guess that is because they are more mature both mentally and physically and they have less that I am the center of the universe flare. That flare really kinda scares me hehe.

---

About hitting on the straight guy it was pretty funny. I saw this swimmer build guy at the gym working out. He is very fit but apparently his upper body isn't strong. He looked VERY young and I just couldn't stop looking. I think he saw me looking too since I wasn't subtle at all. LOL sigh, I don't do subtle often not because I don't want to. It is just that I am so clumsy when it comes to subtle I can never pretend lol. So we finished working out together and he was in the locker changing and I just stared. When we both walked out the gym, I followed him to his car. He seemed to look in my way too but he didn't initiate a conversation so eventually I just went up to him and introduced myself. He was really nice and talkative. When I felt the conversation was a bit too superficial, I just cut straight to the chase. I asked him if he liked guys and hopefully he was since I couldn't stop looking that swimmer body. He started laughing saying that he was flattered but he wasn't. He said his brother is bi and his aunt is gay and his 3 uncles are all gay but after experimenting with his brothers' friends, he didn't find it as appealing as woman. It was nice exchange.

Afterward, JR said that is his way of rejecting me. I guess it is also a possibility. But it is a nice experience nevertheless. At least I am doing something and actively trying to get what I want right?

---

This Friday, the gay went out. French guy lives in Silver Lake with his partner and I went to his house. Another 3 gays showed up. They are all in the TV/Movie industry. They seem to be doing quite well for themselves. Lovely people, very easy to talk to. So we chatted and drank for about 2 hours and headed to this place called MJ's. My first time tipping the strippers and it was pretty fun haha, we drank more and danced the night off. The club wasn't as crazy as West Hollywood's and probably less eye candy as well but it was good enough. Great company really counts. Then it started to rain. Felt pretty refreshing even though I normally hate the rain. I came home around 3 am and played some video games and spent Saturday resting.

There you have it!

Have fun.

Hamilton