Some random stuff

Yeap this is gonna be very random.

Random #1:

I took my cousin's family to see the Transformers. The kid wanted to see it so bad that I really felt bad seeing it before he did. However, to contrary to my expectation, which was to find the movie dull the second round, it was still wildly entertaining. The second time was actually more charming. Maybe the jokes didn't work for me anymore, but the action sequences were much more impressive for me. When the first time I saw this movie, I was just so awestruck by all the unbelievably realistic CGIs and I couldn't really watch everything with my full attention. My mind was racing through all the sounds, visual impacts, and the excitement that was summoned up by the big screen. But this time I could absorb more details and really appreciate how realistic all the robots looked. It was truly astonishing and I think everyone should do themselves a favor and watch this movie.

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Random #2:

An old friend of mine called me a couple times. He is a really cool guy and I have known him for quite a few years now. I want to come out to him and hopefully still hang out with him. He'd be the first guy friend that I come out to. Except for Kevin who was my high school friend and happened to find out that I was gay by accident. But he has been very cool with it, so no biggy and it was a long time ago so that I really didn't feel like I came whatsoever. But this time, this friend would be different. He is someone that I met through socializing in a campus where people just come and go for classes only. Besides, he is very macho, an Armenian who thinks male homos are sick (thinks girl homos are ok, okie... wtf). Anyway, it'd be interesting. I guess I haven't come out to him is that it's always harder to come out to dudes in your life. Even though I have known him for a long time we couldn't hang out a lot due to school and work. So even it doesn't work out if I come out to him now, it'd be a loss but not a huge one and I shall recover fairly fast.

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Random #3:

I added a Google Calender button on my Current Obsession box. It is a workout calender initiated by Jay from Jay + Gay = Me. I already wrote my first work out session since my arrival in LA on the calender. I really hope that I have enough will power to fulfill this engagement.

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Random #4:

Shout out to my blogger friends who are fucking far away lol~~~. MSTP, Jay, Justin, I have started to talk to these people for quite a lot recently and I have to say that I really enjoy the conversation. The late night chat while MSTP was high on jet lag was pretty fun. hehe. I have been in my lazy mode lately, so basically I catch these guys all the time. I think I definitely should go out more since the weather outside in LA is just so gorgeous. Also, shoutout to J.R, my first LA blogger chatties who still writes! It is always fun to talk to ya and I hope we can finally one day meet under the wing of a gay god. yes. it shall happen lol~~~~ I really wished that all y'all are in LA so we can party party party. Maybe play Wii drinking game that should be fun lol... Anyways, there is a new blog that I just come across through J.R.'s place, it is called Midwest Ben, only three posts so far and he seems cool and is so fucking young. God why everyone is younger than me now. This must be a bad dream =/. So yeah check it out and I hope he can continue so that his blog can be my actual read! On another note, I really don't think the dude from Training Wheel is ever gonna come back but we shall see.

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Random #5:

I just made a list of interviewed companies. It looks quite professional. It is funny that once you put random things in Excel, everything looks very organized and doesn't seem to be even a bit overwhelming anymore. lol... So after I finished with the file, I realized that I am only interviewing with FOUR candidates atm. I know, it's been only a week since I came back and I think it shouldn't be so bad. But I still feel like four isn't a lot at all. The insecurity still exists. Also, I have only talked to two companies so far and only received one second round invitation, the rest of this list is still unknown to me. I can't count my future on something that is still a big question mark! What if all the question marks turn out to be a big red NO, then I am literally fucked. See, I want to get more interviews but there are only so many posted on Monstertrak and through our school network. Maybe I should network more again. But then it is kinda hard because a couple of my friends are in N.Y. now for their trainings and I don't feel like talking to new friends who I just got to know them last semester. I don't know, it seems to be so materialistic that after disappearing for a month and now my first phone call is about jobs. Anyways, I have two interviews tomorrow, one at 10:00am and one at 4:00pm. Beh... I actually have to wake up early tomorrow for the first time that I have come back. Booo...

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Random #6:

I really want to smoke more hookah. I know it is as bad as cigs but at least I don't blow that shit everyday. I need a hookah buddy. Anyone know someone who likes hookah and lives in LA? lol.

Interesting

I even voted for it of course! haha. I can't believe that time has passed so fast. The result is already out. The new seven wonders of the world are:

Also, I saw Transformer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was SOO GOOD. It was absolutely action packed AND funny. I love it! Compared to the incompetent Pirate of Carribeans 3, which gave us too much foreplay and no cum shot, transformers was mindblowing from the beginning to the end! Did I mention that I freaking love Transformers!!! I hope they make another one... ah, so cool. I think the kid who played Sam, Shia, is going to be so famous this year. Ah.. the girl is actually smoking hot too lol.

Go get your tickets and see Tranformers!

Work Work

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A new family in the house

My cousin's family has finally arrived. It is a family of three, 38 yr dad, 34 yr mother and 8 yr old son. Before their arrival, I have worried about the son. I mean 8 yr dad that is very scary. They could be little creatures from hell. Indestructible and no logic on earth can work on them. This reminded me of another cousin's baby who arrived this world about 2 weeks ago. What an ugly thing. That little bastard has a perma frown and usually stares at me with two eyes that are full of annoyance. He probably thought my face was too big or something. Oh yeah, he cries every 10 mins. So yeah... 8 year old boy could be that creature only that he will be much faster, stronger, and destructive.

Lucky me, he turned out to be a cute little boy who has been behaving rather impressively. He of course fell in love with my super PS3 haha. Also, his mother tongue is French since their family emigrated to QueBec a long time ago. How fucking nice! French, English, and Chinese. This little dude is going to get so many chicks it won't be even funny. Yeah I already advised their parents to let him learn hockey and baseball/football if they are going to stay in American. That is like a free ticket to pussy wonderland. Yes, I am being a bit assuming. I assume he is straight and I have a good almost 90% of being right.

Now I am full of hope because I think the rest of the month (that is how long they are going to stay here!), I think I can actually co-exist with an 8 year old boy! After all not all boys are like monkeys from hell. Phew...

It is great to see families again. They are pretty close related families and we have always been on good terms. Now they just sold their little store in Canada and the parents are really considering moving to the U.S. I highly recommend it! Yeah, I also have to mention, they brought me a BOSE Triport Headphone!! SEXY!! I freaking love it. I love it so much that I have to post a picture of hehehehe.

On another unrelated topic, I saw a guy that I really like on manhunt, and we started talking. He is flying back to LA soon. I really really hope this is going to go somewhere. I know, expecting something nice from a place like manhunt.com seems to be a bit naive and too stupid. but... but... and but...

I don't know. I had a lot to blog about but suddenly I felt really tired and my thoughts dried out. Oh well, I will be here tomorrow, blog, about something hehe no rush here.

Finally, Happy 4th!! Wish everyone has a happy and safe holiday. Cheers~~~

What do people actually see in this video

Call me a cynic, a bastard, or normal, opportunistic, I don't care. But I think people may actually see different things in this touching clip.

For me, it is touching and has received much care and attention from the editors is because supposedly he is a person who is a bit of deformed, looking kinda retarded, having a not so glamorous life and yet can sing kinda well. "Gasp" yeah, how shitty do I sound, how LA am I? But really isn't this why the video got so much editing? I mean if you look at American Idol, the Monkey boy only got a mocking monkey comment that was it. Not much editing. Things that are valuable will sell for good ratings and this is an classic Hunch Back of the Notre Dame story for pop TV.

It is beautiful, it is tragic, and it is good TV. If it were Jason Lewis who sang like that, Simon would probably have just said pretty good and move on. The whole story telling, the stereo button starting, and the audiences' detailed expression capturing, all seem to be just too much for what it is. The only reason it is gaining so much attention from the editors and the audiences for is because this is an actual tragedy. It makes us emotional. We wonder how wonderful it COULD have been if he were good looking, how much better his life would have become, and at the same time it makes us feel good too. We invoke our own sympathy that has been deeply buried by our fast paced life style and progressive selfishness. We can only feel humanity while we watch something tragic happens despite how we mocked or ignore the issue. Quick example, Princess Diana or 9/11. We are happy that we still have a heart; we aren't as barbaric as we suspected to be. At the peak of this glorious moment of self righteousness, we also feel the beauty of this happy moment, this double sugar coated pill can't be any better.

I am genuinely happy for this man, for his voice and his exposure. Yet I feel bad because the money that the producer, editors, and directors are making off his personal tragedy is so little compared to the loss of integrity. In another word, he's been sold cheap in a freak show by some cold hearted bastards and the audience bought it. And GUESS WHAT, this is probably the best he can ever get professionally speaking.

The reason that I am ranting about this now at this god forsaken hour is because I just read this post at Nothing Golden Stays. JR's friend said that JR is not emotional. But I think it might be because that he tends to let logic go first and leave emotions a step behind so that he actually sees what is behind this?

The first time I have seen this video I truly felt like crying too. But today when I watched it again totally out of randomness, I suddenly found it so repugnant since my logic was alert and my emotion has been already paralyzed by all the expected twists and turns in the video.

I wonder what other people see in this video? Just a good singing? or a guy who has a boring job, tough life is singing great? or like what I see, a socially handicapped person has been used like a fish lure?

Now, I wonder what other people have seen in this video.

I present Jason Lewis

Death brings closure?

It certainly does! At least for one party!! As sad as it sounds it is so true. True, cold, and cruel, just like death itself. But at least it is certain, it brings closure.

I just read this post by Urban Insanity. The post can be found here. It was just a normal another grandma dead story for a reader. Yes it may sound a bit insensitive. But for reals, if it weren't related to you in some way, it is just stories when you read. I am sure it is gut wrenching, heart breaking for Urban. Well that is how it started. Then it resonated me when he said about how he is his grandma's golden boy, how his grandma asks him who he is dating how he is doing and how he can never really answer those questions.

That really hit me. That is exactly what happened on my trip back to my hometown. I am the Chinese only child in the family. That literally means I am the family extension in this world. I BEAR the responsibility to shag a impregnate a girl so that my family name will carry on. Other than that everyone just assumed I am straight. My grandma is half paralyzed from stroke so she couldn't speak, but I am certain that she wants to ask. Three aunts of mine, other close and distant family members, my mom's friends, and strangers all have asked me, "dating yet? what kind of girl, ready to get married." JUST WTF. All I could do is smile like a retard.

My grandma, though her love to her family wasn't communicated to her kids as well as Urban's grandma, the sincerity was real. She would never understand the whole gay thing and how bad she wanted to be a great grandmother. Yet I find myself completely speechless and cowardly when it comes to my sexually. I want my true self to be with my family like how it is supposed to be. I really can't. Same to my parents. I thought possible solutions for our situation. One is to live a double life: married with gays, suck cocks on the sides. That is just fucked up and it would ruin so many people's lives once exposed. Two is to live a gay life and lie to my parents, which would be painful and it would definitely disappoint my parents but at least I am not causing as much damage. Three is to come clean which doesn't seem to be possible. The best solution seems to be the second one but the closure would only come when one of us is dead, either my family or me. It is so horribly sad and yet it seems to be so logical.

Urban found closure eventually when he thinks that his grandma is knowing and at peace. However, that is because he finally decided to move on and to find his own peace. What if the sense of responsibility is so strong that I can't move on. Then I would feel like I betrayed my grandma EVEN in her death. Now she is dead AND furious about my situation. What would i do then? I won't be able to talk to a dead person and the sense of guilt would be much more enduring...

I am not sure death would bring me closure but it seems to be the only solution. Don't worry I am about to kill myself or my family for that matter. I am just saying this as a matter of fact.

This totally blows.

The Iphone!!

I seriously wasn't into it before just because everyone else seems to be crazy about it. But now it is out and after watching some Ads and video clips of how iphone works, I have to say that I am very intrigue. god damn those apple product makers. But 500 dollars hmmm where can I cough that much money up? Maybe I should follow the fine steps of some other fellow bloggers, sell my underwear and semen online. Oh sell a kidney. Yes, I got two you know... gah...

On a more serious note, I got an interview on July 3rd. It is a job that I need but don't really want. It pays ok but a bit underwhelming to my standard. We will see what happens.

Last night I went to a see a friend of mine and I told her that I was gay. She was shocked but totally supportive. I actually feel good that my friends, are all very supportive and mature. I mean you would think that in 2007 the "coming out" process should have already been eliminated but oh no, people like to hate each other based on simple and stupid reasons. W/E!!

A shout out to SSR, hope it is not as painful now and you get well fast!

Another shout out for Jay, thanks for all the help!! Really appreciate it.

Also, just quickly mention some of the blog site discoveries. Thanks for Justin, I now read Nothing Golden Stays, you can find it in my blogroll. I feel that his blog is so representative of how people are when they are in the closet for a long time and finally feel this ain't right no more. As I said in my first post, blogging is a great to just rant and vent till you have enough real courage to rant and vent to your own friends. Nice write, cool attitude, I like it a lot.

Also, I linked Urban Insanity. I have read that blog once before, liked it, but didn't link it. Then I couldn't find it anymore. Now that I come across it again, I have to say I still like it very much! The guy is a macho lawyer and from that tiny pix he posted I feel that he looks pretty hot too haha. Most intriguing part of his blog is how he writes his encounters like a documentary in which events are recorded by a timeline and he comes back to update the same post when there is some development. The writing flows very well and it is a good read that is hard to stop. I just wish that he would write more. He updates very slowly.

Finally, I am going to post this Iphone Boy, very very cute imo. Plus this little thumbnail a friend of mine sent from NY. He asked me if I think this guy is cute so he can decided whether or not to bone him. Well he is cute alright but what I really want to know is who is gonna bone me! darn it. Also the same friend told me he used to hang out with Chad White, !~@#~!@~~~~... I was gonna post a pic of me at Seoul airport since it is one of the only few pictures I took in this trip. I actually had a lot of good places where I could take pictures but my mom hogged the camera and we kept forgetting to charge it! But upon opening this picture, which was taken after 14 hours of flight and probably 6 hours of dozing off, I don't look so well and I decided not to post it! Ah....

Omg free porn

Man I am such a little kid haha. But this site is pretty tight. It has bunch 15-25 mins long clips showing for free and I think they are pretty good. Yeah I know xtube etc has free stuff already but there are also shit loads of trash on those sites too. Unlike those, this site's clips are professionally done. Anyways, enjoy!!

Drab Boiz