To Tim from Italy

What is up buddy. I know you are still around but haven't logged on AIM much. Busy? Drop a line miss talking to you! Hope all is well :p

Ahhh I am so mad

Ok I just came back from Hawaii, tired and burned. So I cancelled my trainer early on Thursday and rescheduled it on Friday at 9:00am. I am pretty dedicated and I really don't want to miss regular sessions. But I am exhausted and 9:00am is a bit early. It turns out that it is too early indeed and I can't wake up this morning. So I called in and left a message saying that I am really sorry but I would like to reschedule again. First he didn't pick up my call twice and after I left my voicemail for about 5 mins, he texted me back saying that he was sorry but he had to pull my voucher (which means he charged 75 bucks even though we had no training), because they have store policy of cancelling 24 prior to the appointment, and he already cut me some slack yesterday and he wasn't going to do it again.

WTF, what happened to the "personal training". I am pretty dedicated and grateful too all the stuff we are doing and I am not the sketchy type. I never cancel my appointment. The one time I cancel, he goes all authoratative on me. He has to be that fucking money hungry. If he wanted, he really didn't have to pull that voucher since he does all his scheduling himself. He didn't even tell me I had to cancel 24 hour prior since when I canceled on Thursday it was about 8 hour notice. If he was cutting me slack on Thursday, then he should have said something. It is a fucking customer service world. What does he expect? I fucking read the 4 pages long contract and capture every single detail? I hate people think they are irreplaceable. People in the service industry also need to know that customer service that really doing exactly what the customers want goes a long way.

So, I fucking canceled his ass. I am getting a new trainer. He can go suck my big fat cock with his attitude and his training. I am sure I will fucking live tomorrow without his training.

Dear god this is the first thing that happens after I come back this is great.

Going to Hawaii in a couple of hours

Today is the day and I am leaving pretty soon. The flight is in 3 hours!! I am pretty excited.

I woke up pretty early in the morning and went to school for my HIV test. I thought I could get the rapid testing and get the result right away. But they told me that the school doesn't do rapid testing and the result takes 1 week to be delivered. Also they do not do anoymous testing in Spring break. So I schedule to the test for the week after the break and my result will come back the week after. Oh man... I guess I will have to wait for the whole two weeks then. One more week delay, that is one more week of accuracy I guess... Is this a good sign?? I am getting all superstitious.

Weekend and trip

It was Hester's bday today. But we decided to celebrate it on Saturday. I wanted to surprise her a little so I told her that we were gonna have dinner alone on Saturday and I was not going to the club afterward. She was excited for the dinner but disappointed by my absence to the clubs. So eventually she didn't feel like going to club anymore either despite the face that her promoter friend has printed her face on the flier for that night. So I called up some friends and told them to meet us at 7:00pm in Grand Lux Cafe at Beverly Center. Her sister couldn't come back due to school stuff and her non-USC friends couldn't make it either. It was weird. Since they are her friends I imaged that they would show up for sure. It turned out that they weren't even enthusiastic enough to call me back... oh well.

Saturday morning, I had to wake up early to buy Hester gifts. So I called up Dodona for a short shopping trip. Her two friends came along too. So four of us spent the whole day at Beverly Hills. It was kinda insane, we saw 5 Bentley GTC, 4 Ferrari, 2 Lambo, 1 Aston Martin, and 1 Rolls Royce. I never remembered seeing this many good cars in one day. Most of the drivers were very young too. ah... the great American capitalists at its finest display lol...

We had lunch at an Italian restaurant. Even though all of them didn't like the lunch, I absolutely loved it. With good food in my belly, we started shopping. It wasn't really exciting. My pocket ain't deep and no one was there for a shopping spree. Finally I picked up a gold bracelet of bones at Kiston. It was very tiny. It could barely fit on my wrist and I really thought it wasn't for human when I just saw it. Then I saw the poster on the display tank. It was Nicole Riche, and these items are kinda endorsed by her. WELL THAT MAKES SENSE then. Just look at her wrist, anything can fit!! I didn't see any celebrity there. I have never seen big time celebrity in my life... well except once at Grove, I saw Ben Stiller that is it! Ah, I am off my train of thoughts again. Ok the bracelet, I eventually found out that it was by Disney Couture. GOD DAMN DISNEY, WHY ARE THEY EVERYWHERE. I am so not a big fan of the Disney's....

Long story short, we made to the dinner. It must have been funny if it were a movie. The restaurant didn't take reservation. Since Michelle works there I thought we could get a table for sure. Man was I wrong. The place was PACKED, even the take out table had a huge line piled up. The surprise party was hiding away from Hester and I. Since Hester had no idea that they were there, and she didn't want to stand at one place, she just wandered around talking to me. I wasn't wearing my glasses so I couldn't see where our party people were. I was thinking omg we are gonna run into each other for sure. But our friends play good rats, they hid behind walls, behind the bar AND EVEN THE KITCHEN. Yes, the actual KITCHEN. They were kicked out soon though. At one point, Hester was on the phone outside so I came in and handed my gift to those friends. When I turned around I saw Hester right there behind me. I was like " HIIIII", and thought, oh man I blew my cover. But luckily due to my height her petite size, she didn't see anyone. HAHA. It was pretty funny. After 1 hour 20 mins of waiting which really seemed to continue forever, we got our table and the surprise was very successful. It was a great feeling. I was dead tired and opted the clubbing idea. They eventually went to Highland and partied away. But later I heard that Kiki lost her cellphone so the whole night was more about finding her cell than dancing. lol~~~~~ glad I didn't go.

The trip... I am going to Hawaii afterall. It is going to be 3 days 2 nights. It is a very short trip but I hope it is going to be fun. However, I have one last hurdle to overcome. I have an blood test for HIV on Monday at 10:00am. My flight is at 2:30pm. I hope I can do both. And of course most importantly I hope the result is NEGATIVE.... sigh.. beh... oh well signing off.

Life goes on and on

Somtimes it feels so passive. I can't define what "it" is. It is not just life per se, it is everything around me. Life is a bit overgeneralizing. Life isn't passive, but pieces can be extremely passive at times. That is how I felt lately. Emotionally laziness probably.

I attended the Urap thing on Monday again, and there was an energetic lesbian student lectured feminism. For a bit I really felt it, the culture revolution and blah blha blha. Ok, it is something important, but I was really tired and at that time I really just didn't give a crap. I didn't care if feminism traps both male and females. It was just so technical philosophically that I really felt that my brain wasn't up for the challenge to actively digest the information and produce useful thoughts.

I have been watching the show Queer as Folks. The title is rather interesting. The original meaning of the phrase "queer as folks" indicates that there is nothing more strange than people, our folks. In this case, it is very appropriate for both its idea and content. The show is pretty addictive. I have to admire the producers. The show is obviously not high budget, at least at season one, and actors are pretty appropriately casted. I especially like the main character Mickey, he is so cute and kind and his smile is something I can look at forever. Interesting enough that at least half of the actors are straight. You would image after all that constant buttnaked running around and on screen making out would at least make them wonder. But I guess if you are straight you are straight! Yes, watching TV makes me feel passive the most among all things. I just sit there and watch the story unfold. I have different emtions throughout each episode but toward the end all I feel is that I am addicted to the show. I think the result is pretty passive too.

My friend Hester's bday is coming up this Saturday and I am calling her friends to have a surprise dinner set up. In this process I suddenly realized that I don't have a very close guy friend from USC whom I feel comfortable enough to invite. I mean they wouldn't know her or know her that well at all. It'd be kinda weird asking people who I want to hang out with to this dinner party. Some of my older buddies are either not in LA or not in USC and people who are in USC are kinda like clubbing buddies, party attendees, and aim chatwhores. This is when I wish I could be people like JP Mac from Overnight in NY. I still have no idea how it feels to have a brother or brother figure in my life feels. Then I was thinking, am I bound to have lots gay guy friends in the future? What it takes to have a straight guy friend? My other straight guy friends are well straight and when we were hanging out it was when I was still in the closet. I remembered we would go snowboard, go to the beach, and talk about chicks etc. Now that everyone is so busy what does it take? Do I have to be passionate about sports in order to start up a conversation? I mean I can talk about chicks but that is really not something I am too interested in. I was reading Detail magazine today and in one of the articles it talks about how guys talk to each other about fertility. I used to think subject like that is pretty gay. I am just kinda confused. When I am really confused I tend to do nothing and think about nothing. Pretty passive again...

Next week is spring break and Hester proposed going to Hawaii. I wanted to go but then decided not to because it is gonna cost me a lot of money. But then at school when u hear everytone is going the South Beach, Cancun, Bahamus, etc, I feel like a loser not going anywhere. SO!! I guess will have to go afterall! But then I haven't work out the details yet. Hester said she would look up the prices so now I am just too lazy to look it up. This thing also bothers me back to the point I made in the previous paragraph. I have never gone on a long road trip with just bunch of guys. The last trip was with bunch Dinsey college interns to Catalina Island. There were guys but none of them made me feel connected. Also, at the bon fire that night, they started to talk about politics which turned out to be kinda weird for that setting... But anyways, yeah, I am just like what the hell is going on. Little by little, before I know it I suddenly find myself having more female friends than male friends in my life. That feels so no not masculine and so GAY!! What is going on... I think I am probably socially challenged. lol.

I am kinda frustrated beh.... we will see how it goes. Maybe that Hawaii trip is exactly what I need...

A Gift of Nothing

I was hanging out with my little sister yesterday, and we were talking about random stuff. Then she told me that she has just read a book which was given to her by one of her old friends. The book was called A Gift of Nothing and she said she was touched immensely after she read it. Her boyfriend got annoyed by it because the the person who gave her the book was a guy and has known her for a very long time, way before she started dating her boyfriend. Haha... Her boyfriend is very easy to get jealous. He is jealous of me being with her ALL the FUCKING TIME. oh well...

Anyway, she told me the story of the book and I think it was a great concept too and apparently everyone would have moment like that at least once in their life time. When it does happen, it seems that life can't get any better.

The story is like this...

Girl has a cat and the girl is very wealthy, so the cat has everything. The cat has nice clothes, play toys, and a big house. The girl loves the cat very much. There is also a boy in the story who happens to be the girl's best friend. The girl's birthday is coming up and the boy wants to give the girl a very nice gift. So he starts to search for gifts for her. He thinks that giving the cat something might be nice since the girl loves the cat so much. But then he realizes that both the girl and cat have everything that they need or desire in their life. There is nothing give. "Nothing to give", he toys with this idea and then decides to give her "nothing". So he shops around the town and found a very big box and wraps it with nice paper. On her birthday, he gives the box to her and tells her that it is for her cat. She is very excited and opens the big box. The cat leaps in and finds that there is nothing in there. The girl looks at the box and also finds nothing. But then, it feels so great. The boy, the girl, and the cat just sat there having nothing in hand to celebrate. But then they really have everything; they have each other. Three of them just sat enjoyed each other's company because after all that is everything that really matters. Nothing is everything.

It was actually fun

Midterms were over and I really wanted to go out again, so I called up Alper and Hester and asked them to go out on Friday night. Alper said that we could stop by his friend's birthday "thing" and then go to a club. The plan was to meet at his place around 9:00pm. Well given the fact that I can't be on time to anything, that plan was pretty ambitious. It turned out that it was indeed too early for my nature. I didn't sleep much on Thursday night thanks to video game and Queer as Folks. I believe that I slept around 6:00am. In addition, the new training routine's aftermath kicked in full gear on Friday. I was soring so bad that everytime I stood up or sat down my ass hurt like crazy. Damn those new heavy weights on my squads >_<....

Anyways, I woke up around 12:00pm by a phone call from my friend Michele. We decided to eat. I got ready around 1:00pm and we got to the Korean BBQ place we wanted by 2:30pm. Ate a shitload of beef since it was all you can eat. Man there goes my workout =/... It was good. I didn't know what it was but I felt that it wasn't as smooth and effortless as before when I talked to her. I remembered that before she went back to the Philippines for vacation, I used to be able to talk to her just about whatever and never had a quiet moment. Even though it was almost like that today, and we laughed here and there but I felt that I had to make some effort for the conversations. It was a strange feeling and I never liked it when I feel that with my friends. Once we finished, I had a major food coma and the traffic on I-10 east was as horrible as it could get. After 1 hour of sleepy driving, I got home. I really really wanted to take a nap but then Hester wanted to run. So I was thinking since I ate so much food I shouldn't get lazy and become fat again. Running it is. Even though I jogged slowly for 2 miles (very slow, I was on par with Hester's pace and she is 5'2'' and I am almost 6'1") and ran fast for only 1 mile, I still felt extremely exhausted afterward. The running definitely didn't help with the pain on my ass and thighs. Fast forward, we got to Alper's place at 10:20pm instead of the scheduled 9:00pm and I was sleepy and tired as hell. I was thinking, great tonight is gonna suck and I never liked clubbing that much anyway....

We went to Abbeys first. It was weird, a lot of good looking people as always but then it wasn't as crowded as before and the no one is dancing on the dancing area. It became a indoor patio where everyone was just chatting.... Hester and Alper downed 2 Tequila based drinks already, 1 hot and 1 drink and I only had a beer. So they were ready to dance. We came out of Abbey in 30 mins and headed to Mickey's. We peeked inside from the door and it doesn't look like there were a lot of people in there dancing. So we finally decided to go back to Rage. This is my second time at Rage and the first time wasn't really that much fun at all. I didn't blog about it because it was frustrating and people had bad attitude etc it was overwhelming. Tonight, it was ASIAN night. Ok, I never liked the idea of having a specific group at club. It just feels so isolated. But the crowded was actually somewhat mixed. A dozen of white, Hispanic and blacks inside. In the beginning I was just dancing with Hester and she kept pushing me around to mingle. I was like, don't push me!! I would mingle just give me sometime. Alper was drinking outside again. There was a white guy dancing behind me a bit but then I was dancing with Hester and he probably thought I wasn't interested and left dancing alone. I was like.. omg man you are stupid why didn't you turn around! He was actually kinda cute. But it was too late, the dance floor was pretty crowded and he disappeared in the artificial fog. So we came out a bit after 20 mins dancing and saw a white feminine guy in red dancing like crazy. Hester saw him and started to dance. Only 3 moves later, he picked up Hester (he wasn't a big guy and the way he picked her up actually surprised me, it is like an ant picked up an Elephant. Ok this is a bad analogy since Hester is really fit and petite, ok... I should stop here now) to dry humping her in the air. Well he looked slutty enough, so I started dancing with him. Only after a little while later I found myself licking his neck and making out. Ok it was kinda weird because he was pretty slutty. His ass was humping me hard and he was grabbing on me really hard too. Then Alper came in started to dance with him and they started to kiss too. So I left them to be. I turned around saw this cute guy dancing alone so I just said hi and danced with him. It turned out that he was Brazilian and just moved to California. I was thinking, great, I could probably ask him out later. But what was weird about it was that we danced together closely but not really at the same time. We were dancing but he kept looking afar and even when we were hugging and grinding his eyes were still just had this empty stare at some mysterious place. That was a big turn off actually. After 30 mins he wasn't moving as crazy anymore and I thought he was tired, so I asked him if he wanted to go outside and get some air. He said he wanted to stay in. I was like, alrighty then, goodbye.

I came out and saw Hester and we both went outside for some air. The patio outside was bumper to bumper tight. People were talking and smoking. A lot of very queer guys with lots greeting, screaming, and kissing. All I could hear was OMG OMG OMG. I wasn't really into it at that moment. Then Hester heard someone talking in her Philippine language next to us and started to talk to them. Then they started to talk about me and kept laughing and screaming. It was weird and kinda embarrassing since I had no idea what they were talking about. Hester told me that they said I was cute and wondering if I had a big tool down there. Hmmm very quality conversation lol... So we started to talk and taking pictures outside for the rest of the night, which is about 40 mins haha. The place closed at 2:00am. It was great to meet those people though, they were really easy to talk to and fun at the same time. I talked to bunch other people and actually went back in briefly to see if the Brazilian guy was still in there. No luck but it didn't matter since I didn't really want to talk to him all that badly.

I came home and played some games then watched Queer as Folks till fucking 7:30 in the morning. Now I just woke up, it is 3:30pm~~~~~~~~~~~~~ sigh, a day wasted....

YUm.... A nap

Finally, my busiest month has ended in a mediocre note haha. Finished my final and midterm on Tues. and Weds and resumed my workout routine today. I am so refreshed. I even took a nap this afternoon!! A NAP. Omg, it is unreal. I felt like I have totally nerded out in the past 3 weeks. Preparing for midterm non-stop is never fun. Anyways, it is all over now till next midterm sessions....

I went to the gym today as I just mentioned. My work out routine has been modified. For the past 5 weeks, I worked on my back, shoulder, legs, and a lot of stabilizer muscles. It was categorized as total body workout. The purpose is to make my fundamental muscles on par with my target muscles. According to my trainer, those fundamental muscles I have is pretty weak lol.... Now he thinks that I am ready for new routines. Switching from total body workout, we are going to do pull-push workouts. Pull in one day and push in the other and the 3rd workout day should be total body again. The pull workout pretty much consists of all exercises that involve pulling motions haha duh, and the push workout.. well I am sure you can figure it out.

Besides the new workout routine, we also did my second body assessment test. It's been 5 weeks since we started. The result could have been better since I started to workout 3-4 times a week and run in the 3rd week. But anyways, the results are: 3% body fat reduction, total body fat is around 15% atm. Total weight lost is 7 lbs. I am pretty happy about it. My trainer also measured my key area circumferences this time as well since we are going to target those key muscles from now on. I can already see some differences in the mirror! I can't wait till summer comes!